Juice sat down on the edge of the seat. His eyes fluttered through the room. He had been here before — but never on this side of the table. The one without cuffs. Although he felt like he was bound as well; he wasn't here by choice. Jax believed it was his job to inform the others about Alex's identity. 

Juice had indulged immediately. What else could he do? In Jax's eyes he wouldn't be able to do something good anytime soon anyway. Only the thought that Juice might put up a fight had been enough to make him narrow his eyes. 

And so, he was waiting for Chibs now. 

While he rather wanted to be a few miles ahead to look into the eyes of the mother of his child. Not that he felt obliged to reassure here; he knew she would be fine. Better than he, her mind had always been more stable than his. Nevertheless it would comfort him to be around her for just a moment. 

It however was forbidden. Not a single Son was allowed to visit her — maybe even for over a year. A thought he tried to shove away as far as possible, but it kept coming back nonetheless. 

Within a year his child would have been born. Would he really  find no way to see his girlfriend? What were her thoughts about that measure? He knew Mila would visit her later today, but everything he heard about his girlfriend was second hand. He hated it — it felt like he was abandoning Alex. Even if he was only doing so to protect her. She wouldn't be afraid that something would happen to her; his concerns would probably only annoy her. Even when all of this wasn't his decision. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts when the door opened. Chibs sat down across from him. There was a sympathetic look in his eyes — clearly, he still believed that Shane was the rat. 

"Juicy..." Chibs heaved a deep sigh. "We all fell for it, huh?"

Juice intertwined his fingers, looking for the right words. In his head he'd had this conversation a million times, but in none of them their had been a happy ending. "It wasn't Shane," he said, his glance aimed at the table. "Shane doesn't exist. Her name is Alex and she's sent to a woman's prison. She's Sack's older sister."

Juice skittishly glanced at his friend's face, that became more and more sour. 

He decided to continue to talk, without giving Chibs room to interrupt him before the whole story was finished. He said more than Alex would like; about the rape, about losing her job in the army and how it made her desperate to get that top rocker. More than anything he wanted Chibs to understand why he had kept Alex's identity to himself. Wanting to fuck her wasn't the reason; he had kept her secret because he believed Alex needed this and because he believed that the club wasn't suffering from her presence. 

Once he had finished his story, Chibs stayed quiet for a long time. Nervously, Juice fidgeted with his fingers. 

"Ye shoulda told me," Chibs said eventually, his jaw tense. "Our friendship shoulda been more important than a lil adventure with tha' lass."

Juice sighed deeply. He didn't know what more to say. It had never been a choice between his girlfriend and a good friend, but between someone who needed her prospecting period and the club rules. 

"It's always been more than an adventure," he said. He loved Alex. Even before his discovery, Shane had been his best friend. Their friendship had always been different than that with the other guys; more equal, he thought. 

"Whatever you think of her; she didn't betray us," Juice said. "She's just as loyal as anyone else. That's what I wanted to tell you. She has to stay inside as well — all alone, while she's pregnant. She sacrifices just as much as everyone else, while she knows she'll lose the club."

The look in Chibs' eyes softened. "Yer goin' to be a dad?"

Juice bent his head. "Yeah. Although she will give birth in prison, so it remains to be seen when I can hold my child. That is, if everything goes well." He tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "Who knows what they will do to a very pregnant woman. You know she has a short temper."

"There will be other mothers who want to protect an unborn child," Chibs tried to cheer him up. "If she can handle herself in a motorgang, she's gonna be fine in prison."

Juice tried to believe Chibs. 

He failed — and when he left the visitor area a little later, his shoulders slumped down. His fatherhood might have dampened Chibs' anger a bit, but he couldn't forget about the disappointment he read in his eyes. 

Jax wasn't the only one to whom he needed to prove himself. 

. . .

Days went by really slow. Mila went to prison to visit Alex, returning with news about Jaeden. He had been the rat. A scenario they had already taken into account since the man hadn't shown his face since the arrests. They weren't sure how he'd done it, but Juice had suggested that the prospect might have hidden a tracker in Alex's kutte or boot, leading the cops to them. 

It barely alleviated Jax's anger. On the contrary; Jax still seemed to blame Alex since she had been the one introducing Jaeden to the club. 

After a week, Juice finally got the chance to call his girl. Mila had invited him over at home — officially, she was the one having a call with Alex. Over fifteen minutes in advance he was sitting on the couch, being a nervous mess, his hand clutched around the device. 

It had been a horrible day; there had been a school shooting in which more than ten children had died. Nero told them the son of his cousin's girlfriend had found a KG-9 at home, which he had taken to school to kill several of his classmates, and ultimately himself. 

They had been the supplier of that KG-9. 

It was a thought that kept returning to Juice's mind, and it filled him with hatred for the life he was leading. Soon, he would have a kid himself. A kid that would go to school, a place that was supposed to be safe for a child. And now he had, unconsciously, contributed to the fact that something like this had happened. 

He knew Jax wanted to get out of the guns, that he had inherited this from Clay. But up to now, leaving wasn't that easy. Turning away from the drugs was one thing, the next step seemed quite big...

The ringing of Mila's phone chased away his thoughts. Immediately he took the call. "Alex?"

Instead of hearing her voice, there was a tinny voice asking if he wanted to take this prison call. Impatiently he pressed the right number.

"Alex?" he said again. 

"Hey."

Juice squeezed is eyes. It was just one syllable, but it caused a pang in his chest. Not because it had been a week since they'd seen each other, but more importantly because he knew it might take another fifty weeks before he could see her again. 

"Hey. How you doin'? You holdin' up? I want to visit you so badly but..."

"Mila explained it to me. I get it, it's okay. Don't worry about me, I'm fine. I reconnected with some ex-marines."

Mila told him that, yet he still felt relieved to hear it from her. "Okay, good. How's the baby?"

"Still where it's supposed to be."

Juice chuckled quietly. He loved her sobriety. "I miss you."

"How did they respond?"

Of course — she rather talked about things that really mattered instead of becoming sentimental. Maybe it was for the best, his emotions were to close to the surface anyway. "Most didn't freak out, but Jax is mad. And Chibs didn't like to hear it either."

"Is Jax mad at you too?"

"What do you think?" he muttered. "He told me to prove that I'm still worthy of their trust."

She sighed. "Don't stop using your common sense, huh. I know how manipulative Jax can be. If possible, he will use your guilt to make you do his dirty work. Don't do anything you don't support."

Before he could answer, his own cell phone started to ring. He sighed, annoyed. Really — the club was needing him right now? 

"I gotta take another call," he muttered, pressing the other device to his ear. 

"We need you, Juice," Bobby's voice sounded. 

Juice heaved a deep sigh. "Yeah okay. I'm on my way." Ending the call, he aimed his attention back to Alex. "I gotta go. It's chaos around here."

"Bet it is, with so few people," she sighed. "I'll call again next week, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks." He ran a hand across his face. "Hang in there. I love you."

"Love you too."

. . .

Juice stayed in the background when they had entered the cabin in the middle of the woods. This was the place they went into hiding when the situation asked for it. Right now, they had smuggled Nero's cousin and his girlfriend Darvany — the mother of the young shooter — to this place. The club planned to take them to one of the other charters, to make sure Darvany wouldn't get chatty with the cops. 

The junkie however didn't want their help, and before Juice realized what exactly was going on, the woman had stormed outside and tried to reach the car to flee with it, snapping at her boyfriend that the club wanted to silence them. Which was true — just not in the way she feared. 

In the meantime, she was firing away with a shotgun. Once she'd reached the car and was joined by her boyfriend, Nero raised his gun and shot the man in the head. 

Juice shrunk backward while staring at the motionless body. How could this have escalated so quickly? Jax stepped through the doorway, pointing his gun at Darvany while screaming at her to surrender. 

The girl was completely in shock, she couldn't take away her eyes off her fallen boyfriend. She barely reacted when Jax pulled the gun out of her hands and led her back into the house. Jax's face looked grim. He exchanged a short glance with Tig, where after he assured Nero that he would take care of this and that the others should leave to hide the body. 

"You stay here." Jax grabbed Juice's elbow when he wanted to leave the house. 

When he turned around, Jax looked at him with a piercing gaze. 

Juice said nothing. He didn't want to make a fuss. 

Only when the door was closed, Jax turned away from him, returning with a shoot heroin a moment later. 

"She's a junk," he said. "And a rat."

Juice stared blankly at him, not sure of what he was implying. 

"She can't live, Juice," he said, looking annoyed. "Inject her with drugs and kill her. You wanted to prove your loyalty, right? To show us that you're one of us? Well, this is the only chance you're gonna get. Prove that I can count on you."