Alex was so deep in thoughts she didn't notice the backdoor was opened until Juice wrapped an arm around her shoulders and sank down on her lap. 

"What's going on?" he asked. 

They both had developed the habit to watch the stars when they needed the voices in their heads to shut up. Alex wrapped her arms around him and leaned with her head against his shoulder. It wasn't hard to untangle his thoughts. He was probably scared that she'd changed her mind about the baby or that Kozik had decided to expose her secret. None of these things was true. Although it made her wake up in sweat sometimes, she was sure she wanted the child. Kozik neither was a threat; a few days ago he had told her to keep her identity secret when she promised him to tell the others once she had earned her top rocker. She however sensed something had changed between them; although he had agreed with secrecy, he felt betrayed and it would take time for their friendship to heal. 

All in all she felt much better than when Kozik found her in the bathroom – and yet, there was this gnawing feeling in her stomach that worsened every day. 

"Those raids keep bothering me," she sighed eventually. "Clay played me and blackmailed me and I just can't let go of it. I don't want him to expose me, but I neither want to be a coward dancing to Clay's tune until the next months are over." She took half a minute to search for words. Contrary to Juice, Alex was one of the few who knew what horrible things Clay had done and it only made her more furious.  "I consider to tell Jax the truth," she said. "Even though I know Clay will betray me. Unless he finds it more funny to wait until I fuck up myself. Can see him do that too."

Juice's face turned pale. Her secret coming to light... They both knew it was going to happen sooner or later. And once it happened, everyone would know Juice had been aware of the truth. 

"I want that top rocker," she stressed. "But not by being a coward. Not when I'm some puppet of someone who..." Betrayed the club, she almost said. Just in time, she swallowed the words. 

"I think you should tell Jax," Juice said quietly. He looked up to her. She read the fear in his eyes, but he also knew there was no room for cowardliness within the club. 

"Yeah." Deep inside she knew it was the right thing to do. "But I don't want to go behind Clay's back."

Juice frowned. "What do you mean?"

"It would feel like I'm stabbing him in the back. I want to tell him that what I've done is bothering me; that I have the feeling that I'm betraying my brothers by keeping the truth from them and that I'm about to confess everything to Jax. He has a right to prepare himself for a confrontation."

Juice dropped his eyes, chewing his cheek. "I don't like it."

"That I don't want to stab someone in the back? I just want to come clean."

"But how do you think he will react? He might hurt you..."

That was certainly possible. After all, he had also silenced Piney and tried to do the same to Tara. 

"I will tell him that you're in the clubhouse and that you know everything. Then he has no reason to hurt me." And somehow, she wanted to believe they had a little bit of respect for each other. 

"I don't like it, not for a bit. At least let me come with you."

She shook her head. "Then he will feel betrayed. I will just be honest. He won't gain anything by killing me."

"But –"

"This is what I want, Juice."

His jaw clenched. He wanted to protect her, she knew that. But this was her mistake and it was up to her to decide how she wanted to make things right. 

"Go to the clubhouse," she told him. "If something does happen to me... Then you will confess everything to Jax."

"But Alex... If something happens to you, you're not the only victim."

The pleading look in his eyes made her sigh. She hadn't expected anything different since the moment she told him about her pregnancy. He didn't want to risk the baby. She however also believed it was risky to let things this way. She rather confessed herself how Clay had played her instead of waiting until someone would expose her as a traitor.

"Trust me, okay? I got this." She kissed his lips. "I'm sorry for dragging you into all this." She gave him a sad smile. "Being with me asks for a lot of sacrifices." She stroked the side of his face. "I love you, Juice. But let me trust my own judgement for a few more months. Thereafter, I will be a good and obedient Old Lady."

He rolled his eyes. "I doubt it."

Her hand shoved across the inside of his thigh towards his crotch, teasingly stroking him. "Then you better start looking for a way to punish me."

With a grunt, he pressed her lips against hers. "You can count on that."

. . .

Clay had taken up residence in a house on the border of Charming. Juice and she had helped to move his stuff, so it was easy to find. It was a little past nine – not too late for a visit. 

The surprise radiated from Clay's face when he opened the door. 

"Hey. I need to talk to you."

He took a step forward, looking through the street as if he expected other Sons to be around. He seemed to relax a bit when he didn't see anyone, then he invited her inside with a nod. 

Alex closed the door behind her and followed the man to the living room. He leaned with his behind against the table, watching her from top to toe. 

"Should I be worried?" he asked in a mocking voice. 

"Could be wise." With her teeth, she tugged at the ring in her lip, wondering how to put her thoughts into words. She shoved her hands in her pockets. "Jax told me some things. About the reason he wanted you gone. As it seems, there was a lot more going on than you told me. My share in the raids – it bothers me. I want to confess to Jax what I did."

Clay frowned, tilting his head while staring at her. "You really that stupid?"

"There is no trust within the club, no unity. Everyone does whatever he thinks is right, is telling lies to each other... I might be just a prospect, but I still care about the club, even though I know I will never be really part of it. I don't want to contribute to that ambiance. As an outsider, I appear to see more blemishes than you."

"And you're telling me this because...?"

"I believe you have a right to know that I will go to Jax. I don't like to stab others in the back, but you held back information and played me."

"You're a girl," he snapped. "You really think you'll ever be more than a man's plaything?"

His response made her chuckle, she shook her head. Was this supposed to upset her? 

"Juice knows everything," she told him. "He will tell Jax the truth if you make sure I won't be able to talk. The club will find out the truth anyway. You can come with me so we can together confess what we did, or you can wait here until they will come and get you. I believe you will earn more respect by avoiding the latter."

He stared her in the eye, a mixture of disbelief and anger in his eyes. "Is your guilt really big enough to lose that top rocker? I clearly misjudged you..."

"I don't want to earn that thing by lying and deceiving."

The man started to laugh. "You even hear yourself? Lying and deceiving are the only things you've done the past months."

She gritted her teeth. That was different. "The fact that I'm hiding my gender never did the club any harm. Trusting you did."

"And you think that continuing this won't hurt the club? Miles, Gogo, Frankie... Three traitors within the club. You think anyone is ever going to do business with us again once we are added to that list too?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "The damage is already done. It's a sign of loyalty to confess your mistakes and face the consequences."

Clay snorted. "It's a sign of stupidity."

"Call it whatever you want. Fact is that you have to choose now. You come with me and we both confess to Jax what we did, doing the honorable thing, or you hide like a rat and wait until they come for you."

Clay stared at her, so intensely it felt like he was observing every breath. 

"Fine. I'm not a coward, I won't crawl into a corner."

Alex nodded and turned around. She had only taken two steps when she heard a click. Immediately she spun around, staring at the barrel of a gun. 

"What a pity it has to end like this, Alex. I liked you."

Before Alex could reached for her own gun, there was a loud blast.