Mila turned on her side and watched the sleeping face of her boyfriend. At midnight he'd shown up at her door. He hadn't said much, only muttering that he wanted to sleep and save the talk for tomorrow. Mila hadn't objected and helped him to bed. He had been exhausted and emotional, and she wondered what had happened. Two hours before his arrival Alex had came to her, telling her she was pregnant. But how that was connect to Kozik's mood? She had no idea. 

Her glance moved across the wrinkles on his face. It felt like he'd grown years older, the past months. His disability had hit him hard, his uncertain future extinguishing the cheerful twinkle in his eyes. Already at their first encounter she'd felt attracted to him. A feeling she had fought, because she knew how Sons treated women – and because she knew they were criminals. People she should stay away from. After his accident they'd spent a lot of time, and he had shown her his vulnerable side; she'd seen his fears, his uncertainties. Something which took a lot of courage for someone who lived in a world of macho guys – and which had made her feelings for him grow rapidly. 

Even though she had expected it, she hadn't regretted their relationship for a single moment. Sure – he was involved in criminal activities. Things she didn't want to know about, things she was trying to ignore. Still, she had gotten used to it to some degree. She didn't agree with the things Alex did, with the risks she took and the laws she violated, but somehow she'd managed to accept it. Although she didn't support her decisions, she had some peace with it and was no longer fighting it. Something that had helped her to keep this relationship with Kozik going too. 

A pressure on her bladder pulled her out of her thoughts and quietly she left the room. Not quiet enough, for when she returned Kozik was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring out of the window. Hesitating, she sat down next to him. 

"You okay?" she asked. 

Usually he would lay a hand on her thigh, this time however he kept his distance, causing a gnawing feeling in her stomach. Had his mood something to do with her?

"Did I do something wrong?" she asked softly. 

Kozik huffed. She didn't like it – usually it was his pain which made him cynical. "You lied to me."

Mila frowned. "Why would you say such a thing?"

He turned his head aside, giving her such a fierce look it scared her a bit. "Your ex boyfriend is pregnant. Don't you think that's a little weird?"

Mila swallowed. What... did he know? Did he know Alex was a girl? Damn it – did Alex know it too? She would have mentioned something like that, right?!

"So you know," she muttered. "About Alex."

He didn't answer.

She suppressed a sigh.Strange enough she'd never wondered how Kozik would feel when finding out about Alex. It had been naive to think it wouldn't affect their relationship. 

"She's my best friend. For years. It wasn't always easy to keep you in the dark, especially because I'm worried about her. But I gave her my trust and I didn't want to violate it. I want to be a reliable person for whoever trusts me with a secret."

Kozik was still clothing himself in silence. He stared forward, but his eyes told her he was thinking about her words.

"If you would have entrusted me with something, I would neither have told Alex. Keeping my promises is something I find really important." After a brief moment of hesitation she took his hand in hers, holding him lightly, giving him the chance to pull back. He didn't, and the relief was overwhelming. "How did you find out?"

At first she thought he would keep silent, then he looked aside and studied her face. "It sounded like someone was breaking down the bathroom. I thought there was an intruder, so I forced the door... and then I saw her. She had slammed the mirror with her fists and it was just one big mess. There was a positive pregnancy test on the floor."

"Damn..." she muttered. "That's quite a way to discover her secret." She bit the inside of her cheek. "Alex came to me, yesterday. She was really upset, which she isn't often. She indeed told me she was pregnant. Apparently she was so worked up about it that she didn't even worry about you knowing the truth about her."

"She wants to abort it," Kozik muttered, disapproval in his voice. 

"She's afraid."

Kozik snorted. "Thought she was so fearless."

"She isn't afraid to die, or to get hurt. But having a little miracle like a baby... something you love more than anything in the world, but which is so very vulnerable? Yeah – it terrifies her. She doesn't believe she has it in her to be a good mom." For a moment she paused, then she added: "More than anyone I know how indifferent Alex can pretend to be. How fearless she might look – sometimes to a point of madness. But deep inside she isn't as confident as she appears to be. Living like a Son – it made her harder. At some moments I really believed Alex was gone; that her new identity had completely displaced the old one. But I saw her break. Juice saw her break. The real Alex is still there, hiding behind high walls. Nevertheless, you got a glimpse of her yesterday."

Kozik heaved a deep sigh. 

"You're gonna tell the others?" she asked quietly. 

"It feels like I don't have a choice."

Mila was silent for a while. "What do you think they will do?"

"Not much. They will kick her out, but maybe they'll still allow her to work in the garage."

"Won't there be a chance that... you know? That someone will take her down? That's what she feared the most..."

"A Mayhem vote has to be unanimous. I don't need to explain to you that Juice will never agree with it, nor will I."

Mila nodded slowly. Maybe it was for the best. Then Alex wouldn't have to put her life in danger anymore. Especially now she was expecting a child, it would only cause stress. That is, if she decided to keep it. 

"You're not gonna try to talk it out of my head?" He sounded surprised. 

"I want her to leave the club for months," she admitted. "It's way too dangerous. But this is so important for her... It's more important to her than her own life."

"Yeah." Kozik leaned back on the bed, his hands supporting him. "Juice told me why he didn't tell the others. He doesn't want to be the one destroying her dreams. And I get it... Especially because I wouldn't be able to have dreams at all if it wasn't for her. I would have died if Alex hadn't prospected. But it just feels like I have to betray someone. Alex by telling the others, or my brothers by keeping the truth from them."

"You want her to get that top rocker?" Mila wondered. "If you rule out the opinion of the others... do you believe she deserves that top rocker?"

"More than any prospect I've ever seen," he muttered. "If she had been a man. And yes, I know how discriminating that sounds. But that's how our rules are. No women. No black. That's not going to change, Mila."

"She neither wants it to change. She doesn't expect it to change. Being worthy enough to become a full patched member is her end game. She never had the illusion that they will allow a girl into the club, and she respects the club rules too much to keep pretending that she's a man."

With another deep sigh Kozik fell back on the bed. Staring at the ceiling he muttered: "I'm afraid I will never forgive myself once I tell the others. It's what they'll expect from me, but that girl wormed her way into my heart." For a moment he was silent, searching for her glance. "She has done so much for me... Offering me a place to live, putting me in touch with someone who can get me a prothesis... What kind of friend would I be if I turn my back on her, the first time she needs my help?"

Mila laid down next to him, cupping his jaw with her hand. "You would be a friend listening to his head instead of his heart. And there's nothing wrong with that." She leaned into him, kissing his lips. "But sometimes it's the easiest way, instead of the courageous way."

A little smile tugged at his lips. "And Sons never choose the easy way."

Her hand stroked his side. "Does that mean Shane will exist a little longer?"

"I guess." He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I like Shane, he's a cool kid. Much nicer than the Alex I met yesterday. Would be a shame to see him leave before his time has come, and I doubt I want to be the reason for it."

Mila snuggled up to him. "You're a sweetheart, Koz. As much as I want her to be safe; I know she needs this. For as long as it takes."