Mila put her book aside when the doorbell buzzed. She was a little surprised, she wasn't visited often. Or maybe it wasn't even a visitor, but somebody for charity or a salesman. Even on Sunday. 

Or maybe it was Brandon. 

A shiver crept down her spine as she thought back to the date she had two days ago. It had been a complete slimeball. She thought that she had been clear when she told him she wasn't interested in a second date, but maybe he didn't get the message. After all, he was a man. 

She slipped the bolt off the door, hating the fact that there was no peek hole. There however was a window, but for lack of space there was a cabinet in front of it. She swung open the door and looked baffled at Alex. 

"What are you doing here?" she asked with raised eyebrows. 

"Making things right." Her face seemed less harsh than the past weeks, she thought to recognize her former friend in it. "That is, if you let me in."

Sighing, Mila stepped aside. Alex walked past her. There was not a real greeting, not the usual hug. She followed her into the living room and noticed that Alex had came to stood still in front of some picture frames on the wall. Her hands had slipped into her pockets. The photo she was looking at was taken on Christmas Eve, seven years ago. When they had laughed about the cheesy presents Oliver had given her. Back then they had still been inseparable and neither of them had imagined something would ever come between them. 

And certainly not a biker club. 

She missed the old times. Although Alex had often been abroad, she felt farther away now than when she had been in the military. Mila walked further and leaned against the dinner table while she waited. She had no idea what to say. Alex hadn't taken her crutches with her, so Mila assumed her leg was healing well. 

After a while, Alex tore away her glance from the pictures, walked to the table and shoved back a chair. She leaned forward, her forearms resting on her knees while looking up to Mila. "I treated you like shit. To be honest I'm just a mess and I'm treating everyone like shit."

That was nothing new. Mila had heard her cursing at Juice in the hospital. Crossing her arms, she gave Alex a pensive look. "I've tried to do job interviews at other hospitals," she admitted. "Without success, so far. You were the reason I came to Charming, but you're not a reason to stay."

"I get that."

For a while she studied Alex's face. She knew her, knew that she was stewing over something. Right, she wanted to restore their relationship – but mainly because she wanted to use her again. "Oh fuck you Alex," she hissed, shaking her head as the truth dawned on her. "Kozik told me he's moving in with you. Is that the reason you're here now? You want me to play nurse?"

Alex didn't blink and shrugged her shoulders. "You wanted to be part of my life again, right? Well, this is the way."

Frustrated, Mila turned away from her, taking a few steps to create some distance. "So you want to use me again."

"No I want –"

"Yes you do!" she snapped. "You regret inviting that guy over and you want me to keep him busy so you don't feel locked up in your own house! Just be honest with them and tell them you changed your mind about wanting another man around you all the time."

"I can't back down now. And I want this. Is it so horrible to spend a few hours with Koz a week? It isn't like you got any other friends. He's better company than those books of yours."

"This isn't about Kozik. This is about you. About you and me. About you wanting to use me again; first I needed to play your girlfriend and now you want me to pass for Kozik's therapist?"

"I'm not using you, I'm asking for your help. You can say no. I assumed you would anyway."

"And what if I say no? You're gonna rush out of my apartment again until the next time you need help? "

Alex heaved a deep sigh and pulled a box of cigarettes out of her pocket. 

Mila snatched it out of her hands before she could light one. "Not in my home."

"I want to restore our friendship, okay? I just don't know how. There are just things I can't tell you and I'm afraid that you will get hurt or end up dead if we stay friends. But Kozik believes that it should be your decision to risk the danger or not and I guess he's right."

Mila was silent for a while. She thought about what had happened to Tara, Clay and Kozik. Back in the day she would have done anything for Alex, but if she would do the same for the prospect that was standing in her room now? She didn't know. 

"We can't just go back to the way things were. You hurt me, Alex. You pushed me away, you've thrown me over for a bunch of hotheads. I feel bad for Kozik and of course I wouldn't mind to help him get through this, but helping him won't restore our relationship."

Alex tapped with her fingers at the table, her eyes shooting to the pack of cigarettes in Mila's hand. She actually looked nervous. Sighing, she tossed the pack towards her. "Only at the balcony."

Mila followed her outside and sat down on a chair. Alex leaned back, lighting the cigarette. For a moment she closed her eyes. "I'm messed up for a while now," she started. "Sure, I already was since the moment I heard about Kip's death, but..." She sighed deeply, massaging her temples. Smoke curled upwards. "Miles raped me, okay? He discovered that I was a girl, placed a camera in my bathroom and threatened to send a video where I was showering to everyone if I wouldn't blow him. And when that wasn't satisfying enough, he raped me."

Mila's eyes widened. "W-what? Oh Alex..." She wanted to hug her friend, but Alex turned away. 

"Please don't," she muttered. "If just gotten myself back together after having a flashback a few hours ago."

Mila felt a pang in her stomach. She wished she could do something to help her friend, but it seemed like Alex wouldn't allow any help. 

"What happened to Miles?"

"He's dead," she answered with a grim face. 

"You killed him?" she asked quietly. 

"It doesn't matter who did it. That fucker is worm food now."

Mila was silent for a moment. "Shit Lex... I feel so sorry for you. But you could have t-"

"I didn't want anyone to know. I tried to bury it, like I'm always burying everything, but it only made things worse."

"Does Juice now?"

"Yeah."

Mila bent her head. She found it hard that she had told that man about the rape, but had kept her in the dark. They had been friends for such a long time... "Are you still together?"

"Yeah." She lifted the corner of her mouth. "I tried to push him away really hard. But he's stubborn as hell." Her face became more serious. She twisted the broad ring around her thumb. "I behaved like monster towards him. And still he didn't give up. And it isn't like he's just swallowing all my shit... he's been fucking mad. But somehow he always knows how to get through to me."

Mila thought back to the things Alex had yelled at him. That he should have hanged himself. Had the man wanted to commit suicide? Was that the reason Alex had revealed her identity to him and had told him about Miles? "You're gonna tell Kozik? That you're together?"

Alex shook her head. "Juice slips up way too easy. In the beginning it might be hard for him, but as soon as Kozik is making progress during rehab, I'll have more freedom."

"Why do you want this so badly, Alex? Having him around?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "It easily could have been my leg that was blown off. I would have liked someone who'd take care of me too. Someone who wouldn't treat me like I'm the most miserable person in the world. And apart from that, I've really pissed off some people the past days, so I have to make things right."

Mila nodded slowly. "You saw it happen?"

Alex turned her face away and stared at the white bars of the balcony. "I was walking next to him. I saw the mine and pulled Koz to the side. If I hadn't done that he would have died, but if I'd been quicker... he would never have lost his leg."

Mila reached for her hand and squeezed. "You did everything you could. You tied off the bleeding and took him to the hospital."

"Yeah..." She sighed softly. 

"If you look at what happened to Kozik and Clay... do you really wanna go through with this?" she asked quietly. "And Piney... I heard he died too..."

Alex blew out a cloud of smoke. "Yeah. I'm gonna get that top rocker Mila," she said stubbornly. "Don't try to change my mind again."

Mila pursed her lips. As if it was even possible to change Alex's mind. 

Although... she knew someone who might talk her out of it. Someone who knew her no less than she did. If another Son died, she would call him. Even if that would destroy her friendship with Alex for good. 

She chose an angry friend over a dead friend, especially when she could have prevented her death.