"It's so weird to see you with long hair."

"I can imagine," she answered, smirking as she pictured what he would have looked like with long hair. She flopped down on the couch next to him, leaning with her head against his shoulder while glancing at the photo album. In preparation for Kozik's arrival Alex had turned her house upside down once more, gathering all the things that could point to her real identity. She planned to leave that stuff at Juice's house, so it wouldn't be laying around at an unguarded moment. As soon as Juice had caught a glimpse of the book, he had opened it. 

"You want me to grow it back once I'm done prospecting?"

He turned towards her, raking his fingers through the little bit of hair she still had. "Mm. Think it's bad ass." He nodded to the photo album. "You're so ordinary there. But this haircut... I think you're fucking hot." His hand glided to the back of her neck, where after his lips sucked the skin of her neck. "And if your hair is hanging over your shoulders, I don't have this direct access to nibble your neck." 

Chuckling, she poked her elbow between his ribs, only causing him to bite her neck – hard, this time. 

"Ow," she grunted. 

Smirking, he pulled back his head. "You really thought I'd let you bruise my ribs without gettin' back at you?"

She stroked her neck, feeling the bite mark in her flesh. "My very observant roommate is gonna notice bite marks like this, ya know? Not so long ago he already mentioned a hickey in my neck."

Juice shrugged his shoulders. "Not my problem. I'm fine with you blamin' me." He directed his attention back to the photo album and flipped through it. "You really wear those baggy skate shit in every pic?"

"Why? You hope to find me in a dress?"

"Uh-uh. Have seen you wear a dress only once and well, it's surely worth repeatin'." He wiggled his eyebrows. "Without that lapdance we might never have been here now at all."

"There's a reason I only wear dresses when it's Halloween. By the way, it was Mila's. I don't even have one."

"Hmm. Then I should give you presents more often. Sexy dresses and hot lingerie instead of those man boxers."

She snorted. "Then you're gonna cum even faster."

When he glared at her, she kissed his cheek chuckling. Absentminded her hand glided to his crotch, stroking the bulge that was rapidly growing. "Fine, go get me some spicy stuff. If I respond to your fantasies, you might forgive me for keeping our relationship secret a little longer."

"Hmm, maybe...' His hand glided across hers, pushing it against his manhood. Her eyes found his as she kneaded him right through the fabric of his pants, and she smirked as his eyes widened a bit. 

"Maybe this will be helpful too." Sliding off the couch, she sat down on her knees in front of him, unbuttoning his pants. After some lashing she had created enough space to take out his pride. 

She looked up to him. His breathing fell heavier, his lower jaw had dropped a bit. She winked at him, knowing that seeing her on her knees was turning him on. Usually she was the dominant one, and she knew his confidence would benefit from it if she was the submissive one now and then. She laid her hand tighter around him and moved it back and forth until the first fluid slipped outside. Then she exposed the tip, pressing kisses against his skin. She pushed it a little upwards so her neck wouldn't hurt and took him inside her mouth, now and then scraping her teeth along his skin;  alternating sucking hard and soft. 

She looked up to him, inwardly smiling as she saw his face. He was totally immersed in the act, his fingers moving across her head as he moaned quietly. His eyes focused on her as he realized she was looking at him, and he showed her a shaky smile telling her how much he liked it. She closed her eyes again, enjoying the feeling and taste of him inside her mouth, noticing that it was turning her on too. 

"Fuck, you're good at it." The grasp of his fingers became more compelling, his moans louder. "I knew your whore mouth was trained well."

Alex shot backwards in such a hurry that her back hit the edge of the table, making her curse loud. "What did you say??" she yelled. 

Dumbfounded, Juice looked at her. "I said... nothing. Nothing audible, at least." He blushed a little. "You didn't like me moaning that loud?"

"You said that I had a well trained whore mouth!"

He frowned. "Don't be ridiculous, I... oh..." The look in his eyes softened. He hid his stuff in his pants and sat down on his knees in front of her. Alex didn't know why, but by reflex she backed away. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she felt like she couldn't breathe.

Cautiously, Juice touched for her hands, but she pulled them back immediately.

"Did he say that to you? When he forced you to... you know?"

His voice sounded soft, understanding. She closed her eyes for a moment, and immediately the images crossed her mind; how he hit her head against the wall of the warehouse, how deep he slammed himself inside her throat. 'You are an ugly whore, you'll never look better than with my dick in your mouth.' 

As she opened her eyes again, they felt heated. Skittishly she looked at him. How would he feel, knowing that she had mistaken him for her rapist for a moment? Where the hell had those memories come from anyway? They'd had sex so many times since that night and Miles had never bothered her. 

Shaky, she stood up. "I uh – I gotta see Mila today."

"Alex..." Juice's voice sounded a little tense. "Come here." He pointed at the space between his pulled up knees. 

She shook her head. "No. No – I don't wanna be touched right now."

"Then I won't touch you. But please, sit down with me baby. Leaving now won't do you any good."

She huffed. "I'm fine. Those thoughts will leave soon."

He kept her glance, and feeling annoyed she rolled her eyes. "Fine," she grunted. She sat down in front of him, his back towards him and stared at the tv. "Happy now?"

"Just keep sittin' a little longer. Calm down. And if you feel like you need it, you can sit a little closer to me."

"You're a therapist now?" she scoffed. 

"You were afraid of me, Alex." His voice sounded vulnerable. "I have no idea what's going on in that head of yours, but I do think you should take some time to listen to your feelings instead of shoving them all to the side again. Just keep sitting there, accept what just happened. It's okay if you keep your distance, but it's also okay if you wanna do this together."

Alex pursed her lips. The urge to stand up and walk away from this shit was enormous, but she kept sitting and closed her eyes, listening to her breathing – and after a while she realized that its was his breathing she was listening to. 

Her eyes were itching, but there were no tears. She however did notice that she didn't like the distance, so she scooted closer to him until she felt his chest against her back. His hands were resting on his knees. It made her feel restless, and hesitantly she lifted them and pulled his arms tight around her. She felt how he pulled her close and closed her eyes again. The restless feeling slipped away. 

"You're safe with me, Alex. I will never do to you what he did." His lips touched the back of her head and she breathed in shakily. 

For a long time she kept sitting there in his arms, until her heart had returned to its usual speed and the warmth in her body was back. She looked over her shoulder; his eyes expressed so much love that she didn't know how to respond. She wasn't used to this; to someone who cared so much about her and who had no difficulty in expressing it. "How did you know what to do?"

"How did you know what to do, every time I had a panic attack?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I was in the army. I've seen enough people with PTSD."

"I think there's more. I think you acted more intuitively than you think, because you know me." He kissed her temple. "And I know you. I've promised you more than once that we will conquer this trauma together and I still have faith in us." He laid another kiss on her temple. "But I'm glad that you want to do this together too."

She gave him watery smile, her thumb stroking the rings around his fingers. "You didn't leave me much of a choice."

"I did. You could have leaned against the table too. But instead of doing so, you came to me. It was your choice."

Quietly she stared forward. She had to admit that she was impressed by the way he dealt with it; he was so good to her. "I love you Juice," she said softly – but this time she was more convinced than ever.

"I love you too baby." He held her a little tighter. With her hands she glided across his arms, enjoying the way his muscles tensed underneath his ink. 

"I... I don't really know what to say now," she whispered honestly. "But I just... I just want you to know that I don't think you're just a hot guy... but that I just... feel comfortable around you. And I know that I'm not the easiest girl to deal with, but I am really grateful that you somehow know how to handle me." She dropped her eyes. "Not many men coulda done that."

He left a small kiss in her neck, making her shiver. "Then those men don't deserve you." 

She smiled, even though it wasn't completely genuine. If men like these didn't deserve her... why the hell would she deserve Juice? "Do I make you happy, Juice? I have the feeling that I'm only putting you up with my shit."

"Look at me."

Hesitating, she turned around. The expression on his face was serious. "I love you, I just told you that. Every minute you're not with me, feels like wasted time. Whenever I see you, my blood flows faster, every time I touch you my skin tingles, every time I hear your laughter there are butterflies in my stomach, every time you kiss me..." 

Alex pressed her lips against his. Every word leaving his lips filled her with so much warmth that she didn't know what to do with it, and so she let her body speak. He kissed her back, as tender as his words had been. She closed her eyes, tried to break down the blockade around her feelings so she could let him taste that she felt the same about all the things he had just told her, but that she just lacked the ability to put them into words. 

. . . 

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