Not long after the vows were exchanged the ceremony came to an end. Alex was still breathing shakily. She hadn't been able to regain control over her emotions, the tears were just waiting for the right moment to stream down again. Luckily she knew she would able to go straight to the toilets within a minute of the ceremony's conclusion, giving her the opportunity to get herself together. So just like the others, she stood up when the party began their exit from the row and headed towards Lyla and Opie who would be waiting to accept their congratulations. She waited until her brothers on her left had left the row and stared tenaciously to the ground, hoping that by using the moment to collect herself, she would save a bit of her reputation.
When Tig walked away and she turned to leave as well, she felt a hand on her shoulder, that squeezed briefly. Startled she looked over her shoulder, only to find Juice giving her a questioning look. He seemed to have noticed that her tears hadn't been out of joy.
"You okay?" he asked softly.
Seeing his friendly and worried eyes, only made the situation worse. The tears came again. She nodded quickly, muttered "yeah thanks" and walked away in a hurry. Detouring from the line headed towards the newlyweds she headed straight to the toilets. At the last minute, she kept herself from entering the lady's room, remembering she was currently pretending to be a man. She locked herself up in one of the stalls and sat down on the toilet seat. With closed eyes, she took a few deep breaths as she rubbed the tears from her cheeks and eyes.
I miss you so much, Kip. She bowed forward and started to sob again. She had put on a front for such a long time, but now once she had started crying she couldn't stop. She longed for his comforting arms, for that typical smirk. She squeezed her lips and ignored the tightness in her chest. She knew she needed to pull herself together, but how? She felt lost, the secret she was bearing suddenly felt heavy as hell. Oh, how she wished she could confide in one of the guys. But no, that was impossible. Maybe one day some of them would understand why she'd done it, but if she said anything now she would no longer be able to be a prospect and then she would never find out why this life had made her brother so happy. She wasn't going to give that up. If she could endure Miles' bullying, she could handle this wedding as well.
Alex needed another ten more minutes before she'd calmed down and no longer looked like she had been crying. The other Sons were standing together, laughing and talking loudly. Her stomach seemed to cringe when she walked to them. Hopefully, they weren't making fun of her. It was clear they'd been waiting for her.
"Well, that must have been one massive shit," they chuckled.
Alex smirked a bit sheepishly and muttered about the pizza not going down well. Luckily nobody mentioned her tears; maybe Juice had been the only one who had seen them. She peeked at him, but he was having a conversation with Chibs and Clay.
They congratulated the bride and groom and searched for an empty table with chairs around it. Alex ended up sitting next to Chucky, who immediately began to tell her how badly he wanted to marry one day and what his wedding would look like. She smiled, touched. She really enjoyed the man's company, perhaps because she always looked so normal next to him.
"Where's your girl?" Gemma asked when Chucky stood up to get a round of beer for everyone. A few of the guys would leave soon and they wanted to cash in on the free drinks as long as possible.
"She didn't feel well," Alex answered.
Gemma held her glance for a while, her head tilted a little and her lips puckered. "Nothing serious, I hope?"
Alex felt a little uncomfortable around her. It felt like she saw right through every lie, but she was friendly nevertheless. Alex envied Jax a little, she wished she'd had a mother like Gemma; someone who would do anything for her family, sometimes acting in an almost possessive manner. Alex could only appreciate that since her own mother had abandoned her kids.
"No, it's probably just the stomach flu," she answered. "But she was afraid, she was going to throw up at a wedding."
Gemma smiled sadly. "She already gettin' used to the idea of you being a prospect?"
Alex had never talked about Mila with the woman, but she wasn't surprised she'd noticed that Mila didn't really fit in the club life. "A little. We'll work it out," she answered, as confident as possible.
"Good."
. . .
Gemma was sipping her wine while observing the new prospect from the corners of her eye. Shane twisted the ring around his thumb, looking nervous. Although she was used to that, the prospects never seemed to know how to act around her, she had the feeling she wasn't the cause of his nervousness. For some reason, her presence always seemed to comfort him. She liked the boy. There was something fragile about him, and perhaps that was the reason why he reminded her of her other son. Sometimes she wondered if Thomas would have been like Shane if he'd survived his heart condition.
Shane's insecurities hadn't stopped Kozik from nominating the prospect. He was different than the other guys, and Gemma believed that would make him a good asset to the club. They needed someone calm, who used his brains but also dared to stand up when things were about to go wrong. Sometimes she wished they would give guys like Shane a chance more often. There was more than enough testosterone, and some of the newer guys often seemed to forget they were just prospects who shouldn't be the center of attention all the time. Her eyes wandered to Miles. He sat a few meters away from them, and even though he couldn't stop talking most times, he was now staring at Shane with a heated glare. The fact that his lip was swollen, hadn't escaped her attention. A little smirk played her lips while she turned to Shane.
"That little accident with Miles' face... that your doin'?"
Shane looked at the ground first, but then he moved his glance to her. "He insulted my girl."
Gemma smirked and gave him a wink. "Then he deserved it." She patted his knee. "I think you're a good asset to the club, Shane. Don't let that asshole tell you otherwise." She stood up and offered him her hand. "Since my husband is busy talking, I find it suiting that you, as the newest member of our family, give me my first dance."
"With pleasure," he answered with a crooked smile. The boy however still avoided looking her in the eye. Nonetheless, he took her hand and walked with her towards some other guests who were dancing.
Shane placed an arm around her waist and held her at an appropriate distance; not forced, but not in a manner that would give rise to new gossip. She smiled. Yes, he certainly knew how to behave.
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