Alex had no idea how long they were sitting like this. Exhausted, she leaned against Juice. Her throat felt sore, her eyes were stinging because of the many tears. But she had done it – she had pushed away all reserve, had broken completely and now she felt weak and nauseous. After a long time she turned towards Juice. In silence he studied her face, as if he wanted to judge if she had cried enough. 

"You brought up Kip's funeral on purpose, huh?"

Guilt-ridden, he looked at her, nodding. "I had the feeling you needed a little push in the right direction."

She sighed. If it had really been the right direction, remained to be seen. Even though her throat still felt painful and the skin on her cheeks was heated, she laid a hand against his jaw and kissed him softly – more tender than she had ever done before. Usually their kisses were passionate, making her forget about everything; this one however was fragile and she was very aware of her pain. It felt like a way to make him feel what she was feeling; some new form of intimacy. 

That it was more than her imagination alone, became clear when a tear fell on her thumb. Hesitating, she looked up. Across his cheekbone was a glistening trail that the tear had left behind. There was only one, and she didn't know what the reason was. Maybe he found it hard to see her so fragile, or he might be emotional because she finally dared to connect with him on this level – or maybe it was because of Piney's dead and all the other shit that was going on.

With her thumb she wiped away the trail, then she closed her eyes and found his lips again. They were vibrating – both of their lips were, like they were in between two emotions, between their pain and their happiness. In the end Juice raised himself and lifted her up. In his eyes she read a silent question, and hers gave him a silent answer. He carried her inside, easily, despite the fact that she was taller than he. In the bedroom he laid her down on the bed, and slowly their pieces of clothes glided down. He kissed her from top to toe; not hungrily, but with a precision as if he didn't want to skip a single inch. Although she was usually very impatient, she closed her eyes this time, fully concentrating on his fingertips and lips climbing up her legs, continuing across her stomach, her breasts, until they finally moistened a part that made her wring her hands in the blankets. 

She did nothing herself – she let it all just come over her, knowing that was what he wanted right now. A shaky sigh slipped her lips as he lowered himself on top of her. His fingers entwined with the little bit of hair she had, his brown eyes looking into hers. They expressed so much emotion that she was inclined to look away, but she didn't.

Slowly he entered her. Just a little bit, then he pulled back and did it again. Her muscles were tensing. She felt a bit uncomfortable with the slow pace; it gave her an unknown tension. Although they were usually joking around, this all felt very serious. 

When he glided deeper inside her, she noticed that she was holding her breath – as was he. A little confused she looked at him, not knowing what they were doing right now, why it was so different from all the other times they had sex. 

"I love you Alex." His voice sounded deeper than usual, she felt how he was trying really hard to keep his pace low. 

His thumb stroked her cheek, his eyes still holding hers. Usually they would be kissing each other's necks or he would aim his attention to her breasts, but the only body part that was moving now were his hips, with which he pushed himself deeper inside her and took distance again. 

It surely had its impact. In her lower regions something was building up, something that was impatiently awaiting every movement. Her mouth felt dry. She restrained the urge to bury her nails in his flesh, although she did bent her knees a little more so he could slide deeper.

"I love you too," she whispered, softly moaning when she was closing around him. 

With both hands he cupped her face, his elbows leaning on the mattress. His breathing fell heavier, his pace becoming a little faster. Alex curved her back, pressed her body against his. His grasp around her face tightened, his breathing crashing hers. Instead of increasing the speed, he stilled for a moment, staring into her eyes. Desire burnt inside her; she wanted more, more of him. 

"Please don't stop," she said in a husky voice. 

Instead of giving in, their lips melted, and he kissed her in such an intense way that it was almost enough to make her come. Her hands glided across his back and followed the muscles. A shared moan sounded when he pushed himself deeper inside her, and slowly, still painfully slow he pushed her over the edge. For a moment there were stars everywhere, and her ears were ringing. For the first time today his lips moved to her neck, sucking her skin while her head rolled from left to right because of the intense explosion of feelings bursting inside her.

When her sight returned and Juice looked her in the eye again, there was a hesitating smile on his lips. Softly she kissed him while rolling him on his back, riding him just as slow as he had done before. It didn't take long; only a few seconds later he moaned her name, pulling her against his jolting chest. For a while they kept lying like that, until her eyes drooped, making her realize that the club needed him. 

She looked up and noticed that she was blushing when their eyes met. Butterflies swirled inside her stomach. Suddenly she felt very vulnerable, and for the first time she didn't mind, for the first time she didn't want to fight it. 

"I'm so in love with you," she whispered. "It feels – it feels like I couldn't really feel it before."

He traced her bottom lip with his thumb. "I think it was not only the pain that you were keeping at distance, but every emotion that made you feel vulnerable." He wrapped his arms around her. With his index finger he glided across the tattoo along her spine. "But I'm deeply in love with you too."

. . .

Half an hour later Alex limped into the hospital. For the rest of the day they had to hide their feelings. Juice had driven her car to the hospital; she hadn't wanted to stay at home the whole day. She wanted to see Kozik and Clay, and her crutches wouldn't be in the way. 

She greeted the other Sons, who were occupying half of the waiting room. She gave Chibs a nod to show him that she was okay, but he swung an arm around her anyway. 

"What is it 'bout the words 'take a few days off' that ye don't understand?" 

"I'm taking days off. I just can't think of a better place to spend my time than here." She showed him a crooked smile, before she became serious again. "Just let me do something simple. I can keep an eye on Kozik and Clay – there's nothing wrong with my gun hand. You all have enough to do, I assume."

Chibs studied her face for a moment. "Aye. If ye rather get bored here than at home, fine with me. As long as ye don't walk too much."

"I won't, boss." She lifted the corner of her mouth. "Can I visit Koz?"

He nodded. "Yeah, he was awake a few minutes ago."

She limped towards the room in front of which she had waited hours two days ago and opened the door. A little relieved she noted that Juice wasn't going with her, but had decided to wait until she was done before he would greet his friend. 

Slowly the man opened his eyes as she stood next to him. "Hey kid."

Suddenly there was a lump in her throat. Taking a deep breath, she cursed the choice she had made earlier today. This was exactly what she had been afraid of; that she would cry at every emotional moment now. "Hey." Her voice shivered. 

Her hands slipped into her pockets. If she had been Alex, she would have plopped down on the side of his bed, but Shane should prefer a little more distance. "You're in a lot of pain?"

"Nah, I'm doped up at painkillers."

The look in his eyes was weary, broken. Yes – he was clearly suffering. Mentally. He would never be able to walk again, he could never ride again. "Would you rather have been dead?"

The question slipped her lips, but she needed to know the answer. 

Kozik heaved a sigh. "Don't feel guilty for saving my life, Shane. I love life. Also with one leg. There will be a lot of chances and there will be days that I'm not that positive, but one leg is still better than no legs." He gave her a wink. 

Alex felt a little lighter and admired his positivity. "Have they said anything about a prosthetic?"

He shook his head. "They first have to see how it will all heal. The first months I'll be in a wheelchair."

She nodded slowly. "Can you stay in your own house?"

He shook his head. "I have a stairs and my living room is in some sort of pit. We'll see how it all plays out..."

"I have a spare room," she mused. "And my apartment is all ground floor." She shrugged her shoulders. "I wouldn't mind if you'd move in. Then you don't need such an annoying nurse all the time either."

"And... you think your girl would agree?" With a smirk he pointed at her neck. "That's a hell of a hickey over there."

Reflexively, her fingers glided across her neck, a blush spreading across her cheeks. "She won't mind," she muttered. "She's a nurse herself."

"But it's a big deal; a roommate. Especially when things are going better between the two of you now..."

"It's not Mila's," she admitted. "It was just... a croweater."

Kozik held his glance. Somehow she had the feeling he didn't buy it, but she tried to convince herself it was all in her head. 

"Listen, I'm okay with you livin' in my apartment. I mean it. You're my brother right? Isn't this what we're supposed to do?"

Sure, it would limit her freedom, but that guy had just lost his leg – how could she nitpick about no longer being able to walk around naked at home? She wanted to do this for him, and especially since she had taken Jax at gunpoint, she wanted to make a good impression this time. 

"As a prospect I'm your slave anyway. You know they'll send one of us to you, and you gotta admit that I'm the coolest prospect around."

"At least you're the most determined one," he answered with a smirk. "I'll look at my options. Thanks for the offer, kid. And uh.... for saving my life. Heard that you had to stick out your neck quite a bit."

She shrugged her shoulders, although his words didn't leave her cold. "I just did what every friend would have done."

Before Kozik could answer, the door was opened and a nurse entered the room. Alex decided it was better to leave, so that the others could talk to him as well. 

"I'm gonna pay our president a visit," she said. Something she wasn't exactly looking forward to, now Clay knew her secret. But all she could do, was act like it wasn't making any difference. "Take care, Koz."

In a whim she laid her hand on his and squeezed. Heat traveled along her cheeks as she realized that was a very girly move, and quickly she pulled back her hand, muttering a goodbye and leaving the room in a hurry – and a little panicking.