this is the last chapter btw

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"that was weird," jungkook uttered as he approached me one morning.

"what?" i faced him while eating a small sized bread.

"my classmate told me he doesn't know anyone named clara. i mean how would that happen? clara's the most famous girl here at school."

"who's clara?" i curiously asked, intrigued by the new name.

he seemed shocked, judging the way he parted his lips and widened his eyes.

"y-you don't know her? she's the girl who bullied you! she made your life miserable, remember?"

i furrowed my eyebrows, confused by his words.

before i could answer, i suddenly trembled at the sight of cheonhee, who was walking with her friends at the hallway as she secretly sent me a glare.

i think she's mad again because i talked to jungkook today.

cheonhee was originally my bestfriend back then, i don't know what went wrong because after the news of my family's death spread around the school, she changed drastically.

she suddenly called me names, she also spread false rumors, like how i was working as a prostitute just to feed myself and survive.

she wasn't a friend anymore.

seeing that jungkook was eagerly waiting for my answer, i muttered softly, "sorry, jungkook. never heard of the name."

---

for the third time this week, i entered the convenience store again. this is just one of the many places where i come and go to for the past two months-- a naive part of me hoped that maybe i'd see him here by chance, as if he didn't leave, eating some ramen just for chill.

of course, i knew enough that it was silly of me to believe such impossible thing to happen because as usual, there's still no sign of him anywhere. no wonder i've come to the conclusion that maybe he made sure to banish without leaving a single trace.

i scolded myself, what would you even expect, he left two months ago, he's gone already so can't you just move on?

to be honest, i don't know.

yes, i tried to, i wanted to, and i'd always tell myself to let go already because i'm hoping for such an impossible thing, but despite that, i don't know why i'd always end up in places-- places that were too familiar to me because of my memories with him.

for example, the bus.

some days in the past weeks i'd either ride the bus making sure that i wouldn't drift off to sleep, always expectant that someone orange-headed would appear and get on the bus whenever we stop at the station next to mine, or, i'd purposely shut my eyes close hoping that i'd find myself in my room again when i wake up, hoping that he's here to carry me home again.

not that i was making him a human carrier, i just...

i just want him back.

suddenly, a loud roaring of thunder was heard from outside the store and as everyone predicted it, tiny raindrops started to fall.

fortunately, i have an umbrella with me so instead of going home immediately because of the rain, i decided to buy a hot cup of ramen before leaving.

i stared at the view of the busy streets outside the window as i slurped my noodles. the trickling raindrops running down the window was making the view blurry.

as i stared blankly, flashbacks of events started coming onto my mind.

***

after jungkook took me home from the airport, i immediately sat at the couch and rested my head on its leathered arm. i felt exhausted from all the running and crying i did earlier, so i thought that maybe it was best for me to sleep. maybe when i wake up, all of this would be a part of a stupid dream.

but before i could drift off to sleep, i saw the brownish bear laying on the floor, its head bent down as if it was lonely.

i suddenly recalled what jimin said about him putting something inside the plushie.

out of curiosity, i walked towards it and picked it up before returning to the couch again.

"what could've he put here?" i whispered to myself as i pulled the zipper down on its back, using my fingers to find something inside it other than stuffed cotton. i paused when my finger caught something, and as i grabbed it out my brows furrowed when i saw a little memory chip.

putting it on my phone, i eagerly looked for something that may be inside the storage. soon enough, i caught sight of the one file that was the only thing listed in my phone folder.

tomyramengirl.mp4

i pressed it, only to see a smiling jimin looking at me through my phone screen afterwards.

my tongue was tied by the end of the video, and never have i felt so regretful in my whole life, for not expressing my real feelings enough to him before when he was still here. i regretted not knowing and realizing everything he did for me earlier, i regretted not being able to pay him back before he could leave.

i regretted not making an effort to make him feel happy when that was all he did all those times i was with him. i regret everything, because i lacked in so many ways and i don't even think i deserve to be loved by him. he deserves someone much better than me.

jimin deserves happiness too.

maybe it was better that he left, so that he could find that.

***

hm? there's no noodles left. i didn't notice until my chopsticks were already scooping nothing but the cup base.

"excuse me miss?" i was startled when a boy tapped my shoulder from behind.

i turned to him curiously, "huh?"

"are you okay? why are you crying?"

huh? crying?

i touched my cheeks, only to find it surprisingly wet.

"oh," i quickly wiped it dry with my palms, "i-it's nothing. the ramen was just too spicy that it made me cry. hehehe."

he just laughed and bowed before he walked away.

that was very embarrassing, why did i even cry?

somehow, i remembered some of the words jimin told me through the video.

he was on the verge of crying, but he still smiled and said, "don't cry when i leave, okay? i know you're not the crybaby type of girl, heck you didn't even cry when you had a big wound on your knee, hahaha. don't cryyyyy, or else i won't come back anymore," he pouted as if he was mad, as if i could see what he was doing right at that moment.

what should i do, jimin?

i already cried many times.

you're not coming back anymore, aren't you?

end.

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a/n: NAH JUST KIDDING THERE'S STILL 1 CHAPTER LEFT ILY PLS DON'T KILL ME