The sound of shattering glass caused the two boys in their room to wince in fear. Downstairs, the six year olds could hear their father and mother shouting at each other, their voices rising and falling in volume as the sound of more glass shattering grew. Tonight, it might just be broken glasses, but other times it was bruises on mummy's face and the smell of beer on daddy's breath.
Matthew Kirkland watched his brother slip over to the door and click the lock shut. They weren't supposed to lock themselves inside, but whenever dad and mom got like this, they did. Alfred returned to his bed, and looked at his brother. "Should we ask for them to come?"
Matthew nodded and took his brother's hand. They whispered the prayer as familiar to them as their own names. "I am afraid. I need someone to help me. Hear this prayer, God. Send someone to be with me. Amen."
As they sat, eyes closed, they suddenly felt hands on their shoulders. Both boys turned and smiled at the sight of their angels.
They had discovered their guardian angels a few years ago, when they appeared and told the boys how to call them when they needed to be safe. Ever since, they called upon them when they were in danger, or felt scared. They had wings, but they kept them hidden most of the time, just looking like normal men.
Alfred's angel was named Allen. He had dark hair and piercings, and he wore a jacket lined with fur. He also carried a baseball bat. Alfred crawled into Allen's lap immediately, and the angel wrapped the edges of the jacket around him. "Hiya, Alfie. Did you miss me?"
Alfred nodded and began to talk as Matthew crawled into his angel's arms as well. His angel was named James. James had stubble and long blond curls, and wore a red plaid shirt. He laughed as Matthew reached for the curls "What hairstyle do I get today?"
"Ponytail." Matthew responded, undoing the braids from the last time he had seen the angel. Matthew didn't like talking that much, and the angel never seemed to mind. Matthew liked his shirt. James sometimes carried a hockey stick, but today he had left it behind in favor of a thick woolen blanket. When Matthew was done with his hair, he tossed it over the both of them.
When the angels were around, they created a soft hum. It blocked out all the sounds of their parents fighting downstairs and left the boys feeling warm and content. As Matthew leaned against James, he could see a soft glow radiating off his skin, and felt the slight tingle as he pressed his face to the angel's bare skin. James smiled and ran his hands through Matthew's hair, which he had discovered helped keep the young man calm.
Matthew would never know quite when the angels would leave, but he would wake up to find himself tucked into bed, and the faint smell of woodsmoke surrounding him. That was the smell that always surround James, and it allowed Matthew to relax as the morning arrived.

At the age of nine, after a really nasty fight where the boys called on their angels once more, their father left the house for good.
A few days later, their mother filed for a divorce. Alfred was happy, but Matthew crawled into the closet and turned off the lights.
"James?"
Within a few minutes, he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Hey."
Matthew threw his arms around the larger man. "Mom is divorcing dad... Al is happy, but I'm scared. What if dad gets custody of us?"
The angel held him close. "Are you really afraid of that?"
As Matthew began to nod, he knew the angel could see the other reason he was afraid.
"Dad always liked Al better than me... I don't want to have to say goodbye to Alfred if he somehow takes Alfred away."
"Don't worry. Your mom won't let that happen. Your dad will never get to see either of you unless he stops drinking."
James held him while he cried, and he whispered kind words to him as Matthew confessed all the things he was afraid of. The angel stayed with him all those nights as the proceedings dragged on, and his warm presence allowed Matthew to stay calm.
Sometimes Allen came as well, but only after Alfred had fallen asleep. He would smile and talk, but Alfred never woke up to listen. It made Matthew sad. He vowed to stay close to James.

When Matthew competed in hockey, he saw the angel in the crowd, watching him with a grin on his face. And when dad came to the house sober after two years of never seeing the boys, mom let him in for a few hours.
Soon, even though they were no longer married, mom and dad came to all the games and events the boys had. Matthew smiled as he saw his four biggest supporters in the crowd. Three shouting and yelling, the other just waving from the edge of the rink, where he sat invisible among the the families.
Matthew loved the feeling of gliding over the ice, the sound of the puck flying across the ice. He loved it as much as Alfred loved the sound of the baseball hitting the bat with the sharp crack.
He was headed right towards the goal when suddenly he was knocked down. In horror, he saw another kid trying to stop before he ran into Matthew with his blades.
Before the twelve year old could scream, he saw a man in a red plaid shirt lift the kid up over Matthew at the last second, wings briefly flashing as he set the child down on the other side. The referee whistle blasted, and the other skaters were instantly helping Matthew up, guiding him over to the coach and his mother and father, who had rushed to the gates. The other child gasped in relief that he had somehow leapt over the fallen skater.
"Matthew!" Dad and Alfred shouted.
"Are you alright, mon fils?!"
He nodded. "Yes. I think there was an angel watching over me."
He felt the hand on his shoulder and smiled as his mother hugged him tightly for several moments before his father did the same.
Later that night, he sat in his own room and called James. When James appeared, he threw his arms around the angel.
"Thank you, James."
The angel smiled. "Always, Matthew."

Matthew eventually dropped hockey when he decided to focus on his class work, but it didn't keep him out of trouble. He and Carlos, friends from grade school, quickly ended up mixing with Lars van Rossem.
Sitting at Lars house on his sixteenth birthday, the three of them were having a great time playing video games when Lars suddenly pulled out a joint.
"Jesus Christ, Lars, where'd you get that?" Carlos said as Matthew stared.
"Bought it. Come on, let's relax."
Matthew felt something telling him not too, and suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see James, who he realized with shock that he was almost as tall as him now. He took a deep breath and shook his head. "I'd rather not."
Lars shrugged, but Carlos turned. "There's no harm, Mattie! Besides, I bet the high will help take away some of the stress over your summer assignment."
A squeeze on his shoulder helped Matthew make himself clear. He'd sworn to not curse his lungs with smoke after he'd seen how sick some of his friends had gotten. It wasn't the pot that made him upset, rather the thought of inhaling it. "I said no!"
He rushed out of the place fast, feeling the hand on his shoulder the whole way home.
That night, at dad's house, everyone could see he was upset. Mom was there to celebrate his birthday, but even she noticed his anger.
Alfred, who's birthday was in three days, turned towards him. "Who put a stick up your ass on your birthday?"
"Myself." Matthew responded. "And I'd like you to know that I intend to not fill my lungs with smoke ever."
Mom suddenly giggled. "Someone offered you a cigarette? And that's why you're so upset?"
Dad laughed, and Alfred rolled his eyes. "Well, Matt, if you're wound up so tight about it, don't worry. We aren't going to make you do anything with smoke other than create it when you blow out your candles."
After they had eaten, Matthew went into Alfred's room and sat on the bed with his brother. "Hey, do you remember Allen?"
Alfred, in the middle of his slice of cake, looked up. "Who?"
"Your guardian angel."
Alfred paused, and set down his slice of cake. "Matt, that was just a coping mechanism for mom and dad. We imagined those angels to protect ourselves. But things are good now."
Matthew blinked. "But we actually were able to touch them, Alfred. And I can still see James. He helped me keep my promise to myself to not smoke today."
Al turned at him. "Matthew, if you can still see him, that's bad. Maybe you should seek help..."
Matthew realized that Alfred wasn't being a jackass and joking around with him. He really had forgotten it.
And maybe that explained why Allen wasn't there when Alfred got in a nasty accident during football a year later.
But even as Matthew grew, he saw glimpses of James less and less, and by his twentieth birthday, not at all.

"Oh, let's go drinking, Mattie!" Gilbert grinned as he kissed his boyfriend. "It's gonna be fine!"
Matthew rolled his eyes. "We're twenty three now, Gilbert. Running around town to visit bars just doesn't have the same appeal anymore."
"Please?"
Matthew had to laugh as that begging tone whined through the apartment. "Fine. Only because I don't have work tomorrow."
Gilbert cheered as they got into the car and went down to their favorite club.
They danced, ate, and drank. Matthew was in the middle of taking a break when he felt a hand take his. His hand tingled, and he wondered if he'd drank more than he thought he had.
A familiar voice spoke in his ear, almost close enough that the figure's lips could have brushed against his ear.
"Get a cab to take you home tonight. Please."
Matthew felt the hand removed from his, and turned to see a figure in a plaid shirt with a ponytail disappearing into the crowd.
He instantly stopped drinking, trying to decide if he was hallucinating, when Gilbert came up to him, plastered. "Alright, Birdie, let's head home."
Matthew nodded. "I'll call the cab."
"No, I'm fine to drive! Let's go."
Matthew allowed Gilbert to pull him out of the club, but as he reached for the handle of the door, he suddenly pulled back. "Gil, you drive home if you want to, but I'm calling a cab, and I'd like you to come with me."
Gil snorted. "I've got a tolerance, despite what you think. Fine, see you at home then."
Matthew called a cab, which picked him up a few minutes later. He let himself into the shared apartment he had with Gilbert, but the albino wasn't home yet.
The next morning, the police came. Gilbert had been in a crash. Everyone was okay, but another driver had ran into his passenger door. The car was ruined, but the officer stressed the fact that at least no one had been sitting in Gilbert's passenger seat.
"It's likely if anyone had been sitting there, they would have been killed on impact."
Please take a cab.
Matthew went to the hospital, and he called Ludwig to let him know what had happened. But he knew something had prevented him from stepping into the car that night.
For the first time in several years, he looked down at his folded hands, and whispered the words so softly almost nothing could hear him.
"Thank you, James."
And he swore he could almost hear a faint hum before the sound faded away.

Mom and dad were moving out of their houses into apartments. With both the boys out on their own and grown, what was the point of owning houses with extra rooms?
Mom moved first, followed by dad a few months later. Matthew helped his brother clean out what things they had left in the houses.
Alfred had a cute girlfriend with him, a Japanese woman named Sakura. She sorted through books, asking the boys which ones belonged to which and putting them in the according boxes. Mom and dad both really liked her, and as Matthew hauled a box out into dad's car, Alfred spoke to him at a whisper.
"I'm thinking about purposing to Sakura."
Matthew smiled. They were twenty five now. Matthew and Gilbert hadn't worked out in the end, but he didn't worry. Love would come his way soon enough. "That's wonderful, Al! Have you talked to her family?"
"Well, her dad has mixed opinions on me, but I think he'd give us his blessing. Do you think I should do it?"
Matthew looked at Alfred and sighed, but it was a happy sigh. "If you feel like you should, then go and get down on one knee and ask her to be yours."
Al smiled and nodded.
Across the street, Matthew saw a shimmer in the air, and watched a dark haired man appear and then disappear.
"Allen?"
He said nothing, but he knew in that moment that the angel was still watching over Alfred, just from a distance now.

As he went home that night, Matthew felt the pangs of loneliness hit him hard. He finally spoke the words he had refused to call on for years.
"I am afraid. I need someone to help me. Hear this prayer, God. Send someone to be with me. Amen."
Within moments, a figure appeared, holding a hockey stick and glancing around the apartment. Matthew turned to face him.
"What are you afraid of, Matthew?" James asked when he saw no visible danger, setting down the hockey stick.
"I'm afraid of being alone right now."
The angel paused, and then took Matthew in his arms. Matthew smelled the faint traces of woodsmoke clinging to the angel, and heard the soft hum of his aura.
"Will you stay with me tonight and be here when I wake up?"
The angel nodded. "Yes."
They slept in the same bed, and Matthew pressed himself close to the figure in the plaid shirt with messy curls in a ponytail. Something felt right about this. It was different than the way things had been with Gilbert, or the others boys he had dated in high school. In James's arms, he didn't feel afraid. That soft hum and smell of smoke chased away all the nightmares he had at night.
Soon, James was there every night, greeting Matthew when he came home from work, making food for him when he was sick. Of course, no one besides Matthew could see the angel, but Matthew was happy.
One night, as they crawled into bed, Matthew heard himself ask a question.
"How did you become a guardian angel?"
James paused, and sighed. "It's a long and unpleasant story."
"I want to hear it." Matthew said, setting his head on the angel's chest.
"Alright."
***
We guardian angels are the lost souls of those who end their own lives. Not those who chose to do so because they are already dying in pain, but those who were supposed to live full lives that they themselves cut short.
The pain they inflict on those they leave behind mark their soul, making them unable to ascend to heaven. But God gives them the ability to help mankind. In exchange, one day they might earn redemption and be allowed to enter heaven. They protect children from danger and fear. When the children move on, so do they.
But sometimes we are never dismissed by the growing children, so we stay with them for the rest of their lives. We love them and try to give them all they need to keep them from joining us.
***
Matthew listened as James finished his tale. James sighed. "I ate poisoned berries on purpose to end my life. Allen shot himself. So we wander among humanity to help them in hope of redemption."
"Can I still see you because I never dismissed you?"
James nodded. "You still believed in me. So unlike Allen, who has moved on, I've stayed with you."
Matthew kept his arms around the angel. "Will you stay with me, James? I don't want to lose you."
James nodded, wrapping his own arms around Matthew. "Of course."

Matthew watched Sakura and Alfred exchange vows and smiled. The best man watched the couple walk towards the tables set out for the reception, mingling with the crowd and smiling as they stayed close to one another.
In the distance, he saw a figure invisible to all but him, wearing a black vest and tie. Matthew was unsure how James had gotten the change of clothes, but he didn't really mind it. He slipped over to the angel, taking his hand.
"Did Allen stop by?" He asked after a few moments.
"For a few seconds, to see the kiss. He was glad Alfred found someone to love."
Matthew nodded, smiling when he saw his mother holding hands with the handsome Spanish man who lived in the apartment next to her, and his father talking to a cute woman. He chuckled, but then that feeling of loneliness struck again.
James paused for a moment when Matthew tightened his hand around his. "Matthew?"
"I love you, James. I... I want to spend every day of my life with you. Even if no one else can ever see you or know that I have you... I don't care. I can't imagine a single day without you. I love you."
James and Matthew held eye contact, and then Matthew wrapped his arm around James's shoulders and kissed him. After a few moments, James pulled apart, but tears were rolling down his face while the biggest grin was plastered on his face.
"James?" Matthew asked, unsure what he had done.
Before James could respond, Matthew's mother came around the corner. "Matthew, it's time for the toast... Oh, who's this?"
Matthew blinked in confusion, but James stepped forward. "My name is James Williams, ma'am. I'm sorry from keeping your son from the reception."
Matthew almost shrieked when his mother offered her hand to James and he shook it. "Well, no harm young man. Did Matthew invite you?"
James nodded. "Yes, he did."
Marianne smiled at her son. "And why didn't you introduce me to this fine young man before the wedding? No matter, you'd best hurry before your father finds us."
Matthew nodded, walking forward, and James took his hand. He was shocked that instead of feeling the soft tingle he had always felt when he took James's hand, it feel slightly cool to the touch, and solid.
He turned to James, who smiled. "I'll explain in just a few seconds. Go give your brother a toast."

After the toast, Matthew slipped back over to James, and James spoke. "I don't have time right now to explain the exact details, but I'm visible to everyone now, Matthew. You... You made me alive again."
Matthew blinked, and then smiled. "Well, then I guess now is as good a time as any to introduce you to my family."
Arthur shook James's hand with a tight grip, and Marianne laughed when James raised an eyebrow and tightened his own grip. "Nice to meet you, James."
When Matthew pulled James over to Alfred and Sakura, they shook hands, and Alfred paused.
"You look familiar. Are you sure we've never met before?" Alfred asked as he looked at James. James smiled, but he nodded.
"Yes, we've never met before. Of that, I am very sure."
Matthew tried not to laugh and took James's hand, glad to find that the flesh and bones were real.

As they went home that night, James explained in the car.
"Redemption for us guardian angels comes in one form. Because we caused so much pain, we have a marked soul. We caused hurt where only love should have been. So we wander the earth. But sometimes the children we watched over ask us to stay in their lives and they grow to love us. And they know that they can never be together, but despite the fact they still live, they chose to be in pain, and love someone they can never have. They willing consent to be in pain to love us, unlike the ones we left behind. When they consent to take that pain, the mark... The mark on our souls are destroyed. And instead of taking us to heaven in that moment, God gives us back our human bodies so we can finish living our lives with the one who loves us. It's the ability to have a second chance."
Matthew looked at James in shock, but he nodded. "And you chose... To take that second chance with me?"
"No, you gave it to me. You... You freed me, Matthew, and gave me a chance to live the life that I should have lived over a hundred years ago."
That night, Matthew pulled James to him and smelled woodsmoke and pine on his skin, along with the sound of a heartbeat and breath rather than a soft humming noise.
"I love you, James." He whispered.
"And I love you too, Matthew." James replied.

A year passed, and the two married. Matthew smiled as they danced during the reception, and knew that he would never feel safer than he did in James's arms.
After another year of settling into their new home, they went to adopt. As they played with the children, a small girl stood apart from the rest of the group. She tugged on her long blond hair with an anxious look. Matthew saw a figure behind her, shimmering in the afternoon light. He couldn't see their appearance, but he knew what they were in a moment.
Matthew slipped over to the girl and offered her his hand. "Hello. My name is Matthew. What's yours?"
She didn't respond for a moment, but then she offered him a shy smile with her hand. "My name is Anya." She replied.
"My name is Matthew, and my husband is named James."
She paused, and then spoke at a whisper. "He used to be an angel, right? I have one who watches over me."
Matthew nodded as James came over, kneeling down and smiling at her. "Yeah. He's my angel, alright."
Anya smiled, and then James rubbed her head with a hand. "Do you want to come home with us?"
She nodded.

Sixteen years later...
James set the table while Matthew tried to finish the dinner he was preparing.
"Matthew, Anya would be fine if you served her pancakes." James commented as Matthew panicked over yet another detail.
"But we want to make a good impression on her girlfriend, James."
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't her girlfriend supposed to be making an impression on us?"
Matthew ignored him, and James sighed. Trust Matthew to work himself up.
"Look, Anya's twenty and partially out on her own now. You don't need to be so worked up."
Matthew sighed, and then leaned back, capturing James's lips in a kiss. "I know, I know, but I still want to make this perfect meal for them."
The sound of the door opening made both men look up.
A tall young woman came around the corner and smiled. "Hello, dad and papa!" She said, still in her long pink coat. "I'm home."
Matthew smiled as he embraced his daughter, and then she introduced them to her girlfriend, Maria.
Maria smiled wide as she shook their hands. "Hello, James and Matthew. Anya's told me a lot about you."
Matthew smiled, squeezing James's hand. "I'm sure she has."
James squeezed back and as they talked well into the night, James saw a glimmering shape in the distance.
He slipped outside and Allen smiled at him.
"So you found redemption at last?"
James nodded, and Allen smiled. "I'm glad."
The shimmering shape faded away, and James sighed, taking in the cool night air for a moment before slipping back into the house.
Maria and Matthew were joking and smiling, and Anya looked at her father with a smile on her face. James smiled back.
One time, he had believed life was only cruel.
Now, he was able to find love as well.
And when Matthew smiled at him, he knew that there was nothing that could ever make him regret meeting this boy.