The look on my face was nothing short of disappointment. I couldn't think of anything to say to him. I think he knew something was up when he called my name at least three times before I finally got feeling back into my once numb brain. Prince waved a hand in front of my stunned face bringing my focus back to him.

"Carlyn? Are you ok? I thought I lost you." He said giving me a nervous half smile.

I still couldn't say anything. I was still trying to recover from the burn in my chest now that my hope of him or anyone adopting me was out the window. All I could do was stare the little light skinned man in his pretty made up face. That's it. No words. No emotions. Just a blank stare. This shit is the worst burn. It's like taking an eternal walk through hell without a drop of water in sight. He tried to get me to talk again.

"Carlyn? What's up with you mama?" Prince asked now sounding concerned.

I still couldn't get a word out. I felt like shit. Probably worse than shit. Can you feel any lower than that? Honestly how must worse can this get? The third time Prince was close to begging me to talk.

"Come on Carlyn what happened? Talk to me!" He said.

His voice was higher pitched than normal now. He was really worried. Finally I was able to form a sentence. I had feeling in my body at last as I still had my eyes on his face.

"I need some air." I said as I backed away slowly and made my way back to the door.

Pushing the door open I stood over by the black car we rode in and felt so many emotions overwhelm me. The one that stuck out in my heart the most was the fear of never getting the family I've been longing for. This is the most fucked up situation I've ever found myself in and now I'm beginning to regret ever going into his office. This what I get for looking for something that I thought I would find. My hands were shaking and I didn't notice until I went to wipe the tears from my cheeks that had fallen the moment I made it to the car. I found own reflection staring back at this coward that thought she was gonna have a family one day. I was a split second from punching the window when I heard Prince calling me just a foot away.

"Carlyn what happened?" He asked as he went to touch my shoulder.

"Don't touch me." I said pulling away.

"Come on kid don't be that way. Talk to me."

"Why? So you can make things worse?" I snapped.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about! Stop talking to me like I'm fucking stupid! Those damn adoption papers!"

"First off watch your mouth and secondly I told you that letter was from a year ago. I was hoping to adopt a little boy hoping to save my marriage but it never happened because my wife ended up asking for a divorce instead of a child." His sincerity was clear as he looked at the reflection of myself that was now looking back at him.

Prince unlocked the doors to the car and before he could ask I just got in but not in the front seat when it said I could sit. I sat on the passenger side in the back seat instead. I was too hurt to sit next to him. Prince got in the car and closed his door with a heavy sigh. He turned to look at me but I didn't acknowledge him. I just kept my face to the window. The car started and we pulled off from the curb and judging by the direction we were going I assume he taking me back to hell where I should have stayed from day one. The ride was longer than usual because I don't think he was ready to take me back just yet. He pulled over to a playground that looked familiar. There was a huge jungle gym and swinging bridge with six different slides. The one slide looked just like the very same slide that my mom told me to go down before she slipped away never to be seen again. I was starting to feel like he was about to dump me right here at this park the same way my mom did. Nice. Prince turned the car off and got out and opened my door.

  "Come on out of there Carlyn." He said holding his hand out.

  "Why? You tryin to ditch me?" I asked him angry.

  "Now why would I do that?"

  "Well let's see! I thought I was getting adopted and now I'm not! That enough info for ya?"

  "Let's talk about this kid. Come out of the car. Please?"

I looked him up and down and made the decision to do what he said and get out of the car. He closed the door behind me and we went to a nearby bench on the playground.

  "Why are we here?" I asked him.

  "Why were you in my office?" Prince shot back.

I didn't look at him. I stared straight ahead at the jungle gym.

  "Because I wanted answers." I said.

  "Answers to what?"

  "To why your in that big as-. Big.....house....all by yourself! More importantly why you don't want kids!"

He let out a deep sigh and took my hand.

  "Carlyn I don't think you wanna know all of that. It's not like I don't want kids. I wanted to adopt last year but I just had a change of mind. I have a busy life and taking care of a child right now can't happen. I'll never be there like I want to be. It's complicated right now."

  "So that's it? You're just.....done?"

Prince didn't answer. He just gave me a look that was like his non verbal I'm sorry. I sucked my teeth and rolled my eyes getting up from the bench.

  "Take me back to the orphanage." I said to him again pissed off and annoyed.

  "Carlyn-"

  "I don't wanna talk to you no more just take me back dude!" I shouted cutting him off before he could have a chance to explain.

Prince stood up from the bench and started walking towards me. He stopped just a few inches away with his left hand ready to fall on my shoulder but he stopped himself. His eyes were sad and he wanted to talk but couldn't. He pulled out his car keys and unlocked the doors. I headed for the car when I turned to him and let him have it.

  "Do you really wanna know why I was so excited today?"

Prince didn't reply he just looked back at me with a hurt stare.

  "When I saw that paper I thought that you were seriously considering adopting me. Come to find out now it's never gonna happen. But I can't be mad at you. Because it was none of my business but I actually hoped if anybody would adopt me it would be you. You made me think that you cared about me!"

  "I do care about you Carlyn. It's just-"

  "No you don't! Just......just take me back. I don't wanna see you again after today!"

  "Carlyn I-"

  "I don't care! Take me back now!"

Prince said nothing more and opened the door to the backseat and I got inside. I closed the door myself because I didn't want him to do it. Prince got inside on the driver side closed his door and stated the engine. We didn't talk to each other from that point. He drove me back to the orphanage like I had asked.