"Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you,

There's just no one who gets me like you do.

You're my only one."

Chapter Thirty-Eight

"I want to grow up" Did you say it when you were a kid? I know I did. Have you regretted growing up at some point in your life? Have you wished you could be a careless child once again? I know you have. Everyone has.

The more you grow the bigger the challenges, the obstacles, the pain. Life gets serious. You get serious. You forget to smile at the morning sun shining down your face. You are too absorbed by your problems to notice the beautiful world surrounding you.

And when life gets hard, you wish more than anything to turn back in time and be that small child who did not know anything when he said "I want to grow up"

Not all is bad though. Everything becomes more intense as you move forward in life. You experience new things, you're always learning something. That is the way is supposed to be. Growing up can be hard and painful but never forget. ..Growing up is necessary.

I finished the page and let out a long breath. That was just the beginning. I had so much to write after all I'd been through for the past year.

"Jules! Dinner's ready!"

"I'm coming!" I yelled back, getting on my feet.

Mom waited for me on the table, I sat across her. I stared at her watching her serve the food. She looked really good today, she looked rested. I dreaded having this conversation with her. I didn't want to ruin her appetite so we ate in peace. We talked about random things until we were done, before she could stand up to get the dishes, I spoke.

"Mom, we need to talk." I played with my fingers on my lap.

She stood up, picking up the plates, "Yes, sweetie? Tell me while I wash these."

"No, mom, sit down. It's..." I didn't know how to say, "It's important."

She noticed my serious expression, "Ok, you're scaring me."

I let out a long breath, "Do you remember the Sullivan twins?"

"Yeah, they came for dinner some weeks ago. What about them?"

"They are my half-siblings."

Mom's eyes widened, "What?"

"They and I have the same dad." Mom looked petrified, "My father appeared and he wants to see me."

Color drained from my mother's face, "Is he... did he... Wow... I... Have you seen him?"

"No, not yet, apparently he's sick and he wants to see me."

"Sick? How sick?"

I shook my head, "I don't know."

"How old are the twins?"

I knew that question would come, I'd asked them myself, "They're my age, three or four months older."

"Oh." Tears formed in her eyes, "He cheated on me." I simply nodded. There was a pause, "Does he live with the twins' mother?" I nodded again. Mom broke into sobs, breaking my heart.

I got up and walked around the table, I hugged her from behind, "I'm sorry."

"Wow... another woman, that's..."

"I'm sorry, mom." I kissed her head, holding her against me, "It'll be alright. At least, you finally got closure."

Listening to her sobs made my heart ache. I cried with her, big thick tears leaving my eyes while I hugged her in silence. I could understand where she was coming from, the feeling of being abandoned was something she and I would always share.

I couldn't deny how my father's sudden appearance after so long made me feel. In the back of my mind, I tried to think he had a fair reason for leaving us or that maybe he was dead. But no, he just had another family. Were they better than us? I had no idea. However, my resentment started with my father and it ended with him. I felt nothing bad towards the twins, it wasn't their fault.

I cried with her and consoled her until she had cried enough, until she had enough. After all, I was all she had and she was all I've got. It was only me and her, always.

--

It was past 6 in the afternoon and I had nothing to do. I lied on my bed, in my mermaid pajamas, facing the ceiling. I glanced next to me and spotted the minions Shane had given me for my birthday.

Shane...

I smiled like a fool, picking one up. It was the one that was supposed to represent him. It had a college jersey and a huge smirk, it really looked like him. That crazy ex-player. I wondered how he was doing in college. He said he was doing great but that's something kind of hard to believe after his questionable grades in high school. His college was two hours away from our town, he came home every weekend and every holiday.

His classic smirk came to mind, stealing a silly smile from me. Shane had grown even more attractive for the past year. Not to mention, he was more mature. I bet he was a success among the ladies in his college. A bittersweet sensation filled me, jealousy? A part of me wanted him to move on, to be happy but the selfish part of me wanted him to like me forever. Why? What for?

I had no idea. Shane liking me validated me somehow. It's hard to explain. I'd never had great self-esteem, having the most handsome and popular guy in high school crazy about me, empower me. I know it sounded crazy but that was how I felt.

Placing his minion next to me, I decided to read a story on Wattpad.

It'd been a while since the last time I got on Wattpad, my life had been so crazy lately. I finished the story and my finger danced across my phone to go to his profile. I just couldn't help it. It was a habit even though it'd been so long. I looked at the same blank profile picture and smiled, reminiscing in those days I was dying to know what hid behind that blank picture.

I know that it hides now.

A beautiful man with a terrible past,

A man with wounds and scars.

A man who claims I saved him.

His profile had no new messages, only a post from a week ago:

"And in the darkest hour,

she will come dressed as light,

for she shall not,

the shark will not survive."

The posted message had one hundred and something comments, I scrolled down, finding all these girls that followed him, leaving him comforting and flirty messages:

"I'll be your light any day, poet."

"When are you going to put a picture in your profile?"

"He's so good with poetry, it makes my heart rate."

"I haven't even seen your face and I want you already!"

What the hell is wrong with these girls on Wattpad? Oh well, how can I blame them? You find a boy in a reading community who reads and writes beautiful poems. He's obviously going to get attention.

I checked every single one of the comments to see if he replied to any of them and let out a long sigh when I saw he didn't.

What am I even doing?

Why am I getting jealous when I'm the one pushing him away?

I put my phone away and rubbed my face. School had started again and the first week had been crazy. It was Friday night which meant I had to see him the next day in the park, to have the conversation that would decide our fate.

Time had healed certain wounds, it had almost been two months since the 'Jane incident' and somehow that anger I felt towards him had diminished, I didn't feel so overwhelmed anymore. I was thankful for Christmas break, it had given me enough time to relax and figure things out. After talking to Evan the next day, the only thing left I had to figure out would be my father's situation.

Instead of texting Evan to confirm the next day's meet up, I decided to go old school and messaged him on Wattpad. I had no idea if he checked his Wattpad anymore but I hoped he did. After all, he posted that short poem about a week ago, I assumed he was hoping I would see it.

Hey, Dark_poet001.

Nostalgia filled me after I hit sent.

His reply came as fast as it used to be:

Hey, Mrs. Strawberry.

That warmed my heart but I ignored it.

We're still meeting tomorrow, right?

I stared at the screen, waiting.

Him: Maybe.

Me: Maybe?

Him: There's a snow storm warning.

Oh.

Me: Oh, I didn't know.

Him: I have no problem in going anyway but I don't want you to be in danger.

Aw! Don't be cute! Don't worry about me!

Me: Well, then, depending on how it is tomorrow's morning. We'll decide.

Him: I could come over your house tonight. If you want me to.

I swallowed, considering it. What was the point of prolonging this? We had to have that conversation sooner or later.

A knock on the door stopped me from replying. Who could it be at this time?

"Come in." I stared at the door while it opened.

Shane popped his head in with a sly smile, "Hey."

I returned the smile, "You knocking instead of bursting in the room? That's a new one."

He let himself in completely. He wore jeans and black boots with a wool sweater. His brownish hair was covered in a wool hat as well. It must be really cold outside, "I'm in college now, better have some manners." Shane's eyes dropped to my side, "Did I interrupt something?"

I glanced at the minion next to me and pushed it away, "No, nothing."

Shane grinned at me, "We both know I did."

I rolled my eyes, "As egocentric as ever, what are you doing here?" I crossed my legs getting comfortable on the bed, "Aren't you supposed to be in college?"

"There's supposed to be a snow storm tomorrow so I decided to drive home today." Oh right, it's Friday, "Your new room is really girly." he gestured my colorful decorations.

I shrugged, "I'm a girl, you know."

He looked at me, "Oh I know you are."

I frowned, "What's that supposed to mean?"

He sealed his lips with his fingers and walked across my room to my window, "You can see Lau's window from here. Fun, huh?"

My phone buzzed next to me and I reached out for it.

Oh shoot! Evan!

I typed a reply:

Tonight is not a good idea. I'll text you tomorrow.

Him: Oh, okay.

I gazed at Shane's back for a while. There seemed to be something interesting out of that window or maybe he was deep in thought. I untangled my legs to get up and walked to him. I stood next to him in front of the window. Snow covered trees, roofs and sidewalks, it's a nice sight.

"Not that I mind, but why are you here?" I had to ask. That was an unexpected visit. I think the last time Shane came alone to my house was when I lived in the old house.

"Do I need a reason?" he turned to me.

"No, I'm just-"

"I'm joking, I do have a reason to be here." He looked into my eyes, her usual smirk wavers and disappears.

Shane Mason's expression turned deadly serious and that caught me off guard.

"What is it?"

"You're going to forgive him, aren't you?"

I didn't need to be a genious to know he referred to Evan.

I averted my eyes, "I don't know."

"Bullshit."

"Shane..."

"I know you. You're so kind hearted you're almost stupid."

My jaw dropped to the floor, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me." He challenged, "I've been thinking about this for the entire week. As soon as I got here, I didn't go home, I came here because I needed this. I needed to tell you this."

"You needed to tell me that I'm stupid?"

"No, I need to tell you that you don't have forgive everything, Jules. You're not a punch bag that has to take it all." He spoke, raising his voice a little, "And I'm telling you this as a friend not as the guy who's madly in love with you. You deserve better. You deserve breath-taking dates, romantic gestures, respect, comprehension, everything. You deserve the whole package. You don't have to settle for so little, for crumbs of love. Why can't you see that?"

I pursed my lips, "And that better you're talking about is you?"

"No, like I said, I'm here as a friend." He said calmly.

"You don't know a thing about him."

"I know enough." Shane retorted, "Yes, he had a terrible past but for how long is he going to shield behind that to hurt you?"

"You don't understand."

Shane shook his head, smiling, "You're stubborn. God, you deserve so much more than this."

"You really don't understand."

"What's there to understand?" he grew closer, "Tell me something, Jules. After he screwed things up, what has he done to win you back?"

That got me, but I lifted my chin, "I asked him for time and he has respected my choice."

"Has he sent you flowers?" his question threw me off, "Has he done any kind of gesture to win your heart? He doesn't need to see you to have a romantic gesture with you. He could just send it over so, did he?"

"No, he's not like that. He's..."

"A cold jerk?"

"Shane..."

"I'll tell you why he hasn't done anything to win you back." He started, "Because he knows he doesn't need to. He knows you will forgive him, he's taking you for granted."

"No, he's not."

"Then why is not fighting for you?" I bit my lower lip, "Why isn't he finding million ways to win you back? Why is he only waiting?"

"Because I told him to wait for me!"

"We both know that's not what you really wanted in the first place. You wanted him to go against that and fight for you but he didn't."

Tears filled my eyes, "Stop! Stop this nonsense!"

"Truth hurts, doesn't it?"

I raised my hand to slap him but he caught it by the wrist. I slapped his hand away and gave my back to him, "I think you should go."

"For good?"

I wiped my tears away angrily, "What?"

"You want me to get out of your life for good?"

"No, you're my friend."

Shane stepped closer, "I won't be if you go back to him."

"What are you talking about?"

"I can't watch the girl I love being destroyed over and over again under the excuse of a hard past. I'm done with that."

"You're saying... are you making me choose?"

He ran his hands through his hair, "No, I'm just informing you of my decision."

"That's not fair."

"It is fair to me. Like I said, I can't watch you be someone else's punch bag. I'll be gone for good and finally be able to move on from you."

That stung, "I... just... You should go home."

Shane nodded, walking to the door, "Whatever choice you make, I wish you the best, minion, always the best."

And he was gone.

For good?

I had a no idea.

X G U X

Author's note: The end is coming, people. Where is your money at right now? Evan? Shane?

Let's see:

Who do you want Jules to stay with?

Evan, comment here.

Shane, comment here.

Alone, comment here.

Hugs,

Ariana.