A wave of nausea hit Jamie the moment John Junior parked up at his house, he could feel the bile rising up in his throat. How was he going to face his mother after what he'd done?

'I guess this is it,' he said to John trying to cover his nerves.

John looked out the window. 'We could hang out for a bit if you want?'

Jamie almost grabbed the chance but he stopped himself. There was no point delaying the inevitable. 'No, I've got to face this.'

John nodded. 'Yeah, you have to. Like I've got to face Laura.' Jamie turned to him in surprise. 'I'm gonna apologise to her. Not for finishing it but for being an ass. I don't wanna be that person.'

'I think she'd appreciate that,' Jamie said too shocked by John's unexpected maturity to say anything else.

'Yeah, I got thinking after all that stuff your dad did.'

Jamie scoffed. 'That was my dad, not yours.'

John shook his head. 'I know but my dad's a total asshole sometimes. I don't have to be, do I? I mean you're not gonna take after your dad so why should I?'

Jamie was amazed John had thought about it so deeply, he'd never thought he was capable of having any sort of insight. But John was right, neither of them had to be their father's son.

                                                                      ~~~

Jamie tapped on the front door before opening it, feeling like he was a visitor in his own home. He was greeted by silence.

'Hey mom,' he called out hesitantly as he stood in the hallway.

Louis stuck his head out of the living room door. 'Hi,' he said his face giving nothing away. 'Your mom's out with the kids.'

'Oh.' Jamie felt deflated, he'd psyched himself up for a confrontation and she wasn't even home.

'Yeah, she's gone to your grandma's for a while.'

Jamie was instantly suspicious that she was avoiding him, and Louis had been left at home to deal with the fallout. Like he always did. 'Right. How is she?'

Louis gave Jamie an impatient look, and he looked back helplessly.

'Your mom is upset,' Louis said sternly as Jamie followed him into the living room. 'What were you thinking of reading her diaries?'

Jamie shrugged. 'I dunno.'

'Yes you do,' Louis snapped. 'You didn't come across them by accident, you went looking through your mom's private stuff, and then you read them. You didn't do that without thinking about it.'

Jamie felt his face heating up and he looked down, he was ashamed but he was angry as well. He shouldn't have been lied to in the first place.

'I wanted to know the truth,' he muttered refusing to look at Louis. 'I knew there was stuff mom was hiding from me, even Junior knew!'

'Junior didn't know shit,' Louis said. 'He was just speculating.'

'Well, his speculation was a damn sight closer to the truth than anything mom's ever told me.' Now he met Louis's eyes, and it was Louis who looked away.

'It was up to your mom if and when she told you. This is her life we're talking about, her past. She doesn't have to broadcast it to all and sundry.'

Jamie opened his mouth to object but then he suspected Louis might be parroting Charlotte's words, it all sounded a bit rehearsed.

'I have a right to know what kind of a person my father is. Especially when everyone else does,' he said his resentment spilling over.

Louis lit a cigarette, and Jamie guessed Charlotte was not going to be home any time soon. 'Lottie's right to privacy trumps your right to know about her past. It was her decision to make.' 

Jamie groaned. He knew whatever he said Louis would have an answer to it, he and Charlotte had probably spent all night planning what he should say. Hell, they might have prepared for this conversation years ago.

'What's the point of this Lou?' he asked wearily. 'Just punish me for reading mom's diary already.'

Louis turned to face him. 'We can't pretend this hasn't happened.'

'But we might as well, none of you can see my side of it,' Jamie said his eyes accusing. 'You'll always take mom's side no matter what.' 

'Yeah I will,' Louis said stubbing his cigarette out. 'And you should be glad about that. I love your mom and I'll always stand by her. It doesn't mean I think she's right though.' Jamie frowned not following, and Louis looked at his cigarette as if regretting putting it out. 'Look I think Lottie should have told you about your dad but I also understand why she didn't. I mean where has it got you? Are you happier knowing what he did? Or wouldn't you rather think he was just some slightly flawed jerk?'

'But Lou, what he did...I don't want anything to do with him. How could mom have let me see him after that?'

'If I'd had my way you wouldn't have,' Louis admitted with a sigh. 'But it wasn't that straightforward, and your mom's done her damnedest to make it work. It was safer to have Nick cooperating with us than to risk him getting court-ordered contact which we'd have had no control over.' Louis repeated what Darlene had already told him, and whilst Jamie understood it intellectually, he couldn't help thinking his mom should have had the guts to face his dad down.

'None of this is your mom's fault,' Louis said picking up on his thoughts. 'She was only young when she married your dad, she was trapped.'

'I don't know why she didn't leave him,' Jamie said, although he had a strong sense of how badly manipulated his mom had been by his dad. 'Surely her friends would have helped, and grandma?'

Louis cleared his throat. 'I think your mom was pretty badly isolated by that point. I mean she's changed loads since I knew her in school.' Jamie looked at him expectantly, her school days were also kind of a blank to him. His mom rarely mentioned them. He'd always assumed it was because she'd dated Louis back then, and marrying his dad was a huge mistake, and she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings by going over it. Especially when people like Lucy would swoon over how romantic it was that Charlotte and Louis had found each other again.

'So how's she changed?' he asked when Louis didn't continue.

'She's not as open to people these days, I guess that's part of getting older but still.' He suddenly smiled. 'When I dated her back then she was a nightmare. I'd think we were going out by ourselves and she'd only go and arrange a double date behind my back, or there'd be some party she'd drag me to.' He shook his head.

'That must have been so hard for you,' Jamie said risking mocking him. Louis raised an eyebrow in warning but Jamie knew he wasn't offended.

'The point is she went from being someone with loads of friends to someone who was probably scared of her own shadow.'

'I still wish she'd told me,' Jamie murmured.

'Maybe your mom didn't want you to see her as that person,' Louis suggested. 'She has the right to put the past behind her.'

'I guess. Have you ever read her diaries?'

A shadow crossed Louis's face. 'No, I couldn't bear to. It's bad enough knowing what Nick did to Lottie, if I read it as well...I dunno, I'm not sure I'd be able to control myself around your father.' 

Jamie felt his heart sink at the reminder that Nick was his dad, stupid though it was. 'How do you stand it, Lou?'

'Stand what?'

'Being around me? Knowing what my dad did to mom?' He couldn't help but wonder if on some level Louis resented him. He'd never been a Brother's Grimm kinda step parent but maybe he was a good actor.

'Jamie I've never seen you as your father's son. You've only ever been Lottie's boy to me.'

Jamie met his eyes and saw only love and acceptance there. He breathed a sigh of relief. 'I just wondered.' Louis waved his hand as if Jamie's words were ridiculous. 

'There is one thing though,' Louis said his face serious again. 'You're gonna have to apologise to your mom.'

Jamie held in a sigh, he could have guessed that was coming. He'd much rather be punished than face his mother's wrath.

                                             ~~~

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