Jamie entered his house with a sense of trepidation after spending all afternoon at the arcades. It wasn't that he was expecting anything to be wrong, it was more the feeling that it was only a matter of time before word got back to his mom that her pregnancy was no longer a secret. He couldn't see Lucy or Evie staying silent for long, never mind John.

'How was your afternoon?' Charlotte called. 'Did you have a nice time? I'm so glad you and Junior are friends again.'

Jamie grimaced, he wouldn't say they were friends, more that they were hanging out due to circumstances. 'Yeah Mom, it was good. Evie and Lucy turned up though.' At least they had provided a distraction from John fawning all over Laura, even if John did keep teasing him that Evie had a crush on him. He doubted that very much, John just had to try and wind him up about something.

'Oh John was saying we're all going on holiday this summer,' he said to his mom watching her closely. He did not miss the shadow that fell across her face.

'We've been talking about it,' she said. 'Nothing's set in stone.'

'So it might not happen?' He kinda hoped it wouldn't.

Charlotte smiled tightly. 'We'll see, it all depends on whether Louis and John can get time off work at the same time, and it might not be convenient.'

Jamie frowned slightly, he knew why it might not be convenient and he wished his mom would be straight with him. 'Well I don't mind if we don't go,' he said. 'Junior will probably have reverted back to his normal obnoxious self by then.'

Charlotte smiled. 'You know he could be growing up. It's about time he stopped trying to be a pale imitation of his father.'

Jamie looked at her in surprise, she never criticised her friend's kids. Picking up on his look Charlotte waved her hand.

'Ignore me, that didn't come out the way I meant it.'

Jamie nodded letting his mom off the hook. 'Okay, my lips are sealed. I'm gonna go upstairs and do some homework.' Charlotte looked impressed and he felt a little ashamed. He would do his homework, eventually, but first, he wanted to finish reading her diary.

                                                                    ~~~

April 1964

It's been two years since I first met Nick at that party. I was saying to him we should do something to celebrate, and he scoffed and told me not to be so immature. And did he really want to celebrate his 'career suicide'? I asked him what he meant and he got really impatient with me, telling me to go away and work it out for myself...I guess he thinks us getting together has had some kind of negative impact on his career...I don't know, he never really talks to me about this stuff but surely if it has, he should have thought about that beforehand? He chased after me!

May 1964

It's my birthday this month, I know better than to ask Nick if we can do something to celebrate. I'll be lucky if he gets me a card. Sometimes I feel like he hates me, and then just when I think I can't stand it any more, he's really sweet and attentive, and I feel so loved.

My mom called and said she was sending my birthday cards and a present. I asked what she meant by cards, all my friends have my address. She said she'd bumped into Louis, he's home on leave, and he'd given her a card to pass onto me. I don't know how I feel about that! I thought he'd have forgotten all about me, to be honest, I've felt sad all day...

The cards my mom sent arrived. I couldn't wait to open the card from Louis. I don't know what I was expecting but oh my god, what a disappointment! Literally, all it said was "Happy birthday Charlotte, from Louis". No message, no endearments, nothing. I felt like crying. I don't know why, I'm married with a child which he must about, but still, I was hoping someone cared about me...

Tonight must be the worst night of my life, ever. I can't stop crying, I wish I was dead...

I don't know where to begin with this...Nick found the card that Louis had sent me...thank god there was no message in it. He went crazy. He accused me of cheating on him, said I must have cheated when we went to my mom's for Christmas. I told him Louis had been in Vietnam, I couldn't have cheated even if I'd wanted to, but Nick wouldn't listen. I even said to call my mom, not that I wanted to involve her but he was being insane. He said my mom would cover for me, that he couldn't trust anyone in my family.

I was a gold digging slut and now he had proof.

I asked him to read the card but he tore it up. And then he hit me. At first, I was too shocked to react. It was only a slap across the face but he grabbed my hair, twisting it around his fingers so I couldn't move while he screamed at me. I was terrified. Eventually he ran out of things to say and he shoved me away from him. I stumbled and banged my head on the wall, and he told me I was a clumsy bitch. He stormed out of the house slamming the door. I could hear Jamie screaming, god knows what the neighbours must think...

I've been walking on eggshells around Nick after his outburst the other night. He's barely said a word to me. I feel like I've been battered but actually, there isn't a mark on me. I can feel a bruise where I banged my head but that's all. Maybe I'm being over dramatic about this, every married couple has fights...

Judy stopped by today with my birthday present. I tried to pretend like everything was alright, and said I was too busy keeping up with school work to go out for my birthday. I could tell she was disappointed, she said something like I was always letting the girls down. I ended up getting defensive, telling her that one day she'd have a baby and then she might understand. She left not long afterwards, it kinda spoilt her visit. Maybe I should apologise?

On the morning of my birthday, I woke up hearing Nick in the kitchen. It's not like him to be up so early. I was about to get up to sort Jamie out when he came into the bedroom with a tray. "Happy birthday sweetheart," he said, just like that. He'd actually made breakfast for me, and then he insisted he'd get Jamie ready and we'd all spend the day together. I couldn't believe it. When I'd finished eating he came into the bedroom with Jamie. He'd helped Jamie make a card for me, I was amazed! I had to stop myself from crying cos Jamie wouldn't have understood it was tears of happiness. Nick then gave me a present. I was almost scared to open it. It was the most beautiful pair of diamond earrings. I've never had such a grown-up gift! I was overwhelmed. "I wanted to get you something really special for your twenty-first," Nick said. I guess he does love me, in his own way.

Jamie hurled the diary across his bedroom, wincing as it banged against the wall, luckily no one else was around to hear. 

'Manipulative bastard!' he hissed into his pillow. John was right all along, the evidence was there in black and white. His dad had hit his mom, and that was probably only the first time. He picked the diary back up, and he was so tempted to tear the pages to pieces. He could feel his fingers twitching, the urge to hit something himself was almost irresistible.

He threw himself back on his bed. Was this how his dad felt about his mom? Was he just like him, unable to control his temper? He turned and punched his pillow a few times but he felt no better, even when he imagined it was his dad's face. Why hadn't his mom told him any of this? Hell, Junior knew more than he did! And if his dad was such a monster - and he had no reason to think otherwise - why had Charlotte encouraged him to have contact with him for all these years? 

                                                                            ~~~