Sunwoo: sunnyD
Eric: sleepatron_3000 / rizzatron_3000
Hak: token_straight
Juyeon: manstandingemoji
Chanhee: hellokittyenjoyer
Jacob: Mom™
Kevin: moon_cheese
Sangyeon: Dilf
Hyunjae: Himbo™
Changmin: certified_creep
Younghoon: bread.

✨yassified burn-outs ✨

[sleepatron_3000 changed their name to 'rizzatron_3000']

rizzatron_3000: get ready to be rizzed up by the rizzler
rizzatron_3000: i have a degree in quantum rizzics

hellokittyenjoyer: someone needs to sew your mouth shut so you can never speak again

rizzatron_3000: but i worked hard for this degree :(((

moon_cheese: who do you plan on rizzing up eric

token_straight: who do you think kevin

moon_cheese: fair enough
moon_cheese: i just wanted to see if he would say it

sunnyD: if he doesnt i will
sunnyD: youngjae im taking you out of the closet

rizzatron_3000: oh no!
rizzatron_3000: my trauma!

hellokittyenjoyer: hand me the fucking needle and thread im doing it myself

sunnyD: ill help

certified_creep: please the two of you
certified_creep: i cant odrghoeirhg

rizzatron_3000: stop being mean to me
rizzatron_3000: my silliness meter is rising!!!
rizzatron_3000: I NEED TO BE SILLY >:(((

sunnyD: your silliness is a biohazard

moon_cheese: FOUL SUNWOO JUST FOUL

token_straight: but hes right ?

rizzatron_3000: chanhee theyre being mean to me D:

hellokittyenjoyer: and? What do you want me to do about it?

rizzatron_3000: (;Д;)

manstandingemoji: chanhee is the only one who isn't good for comfort i think

rizzatron_3000: JUYEONIE HYUNG THEYRE BEING MEAN TO ME

manstandingemoji: ...

━━━━━

Chat between manstandingemoji and sunnyD

manstandingemoji: what the fuck do i do

sunnyD: BWAHAHA
sunnyD: there there youngjae idfk

manstandingemoji: okay
manstandingemoji: good to know

sunnyD: im screenshotting this as blackmail btw

manstandingemoji: yeah fair enough

sunnyD: >:))))

━━━━━

✨yassified burn-outs ✨

manstandingemoji: there there eric

rizzatron_3000: ty juyeonie hyung ​​ʚ(*'꒳'*)ɞ

Himbo™: im so glad im here to witness this juric development

moon_cheese: me too bro

certified_creep: whens the wedding

token_straight: please dont encourage this changmin

bread.: no god encourage it more

hellokittyenjoyer: still trying to live vicariously through them?

bread.: yes
bread.: i hate being single

sunnyD: ...
sunnyD: @certified_creep

certified_creep: BBANGY BOO

bread.: i
bread.: it wont stop until i respond, wont it

hellokittyenjoyer: yeah

bread.: fuck my life
bread.: yes my changminnie?

Himbo™: BRO WHAT IS IN THE AIR TODAY

rizzatron_3000: LOVE IG IDK

certified_creep: i can finally die happy oh my sweet lord jesus above

manstandingemoji: what the fuck

rizzatron_3000: isnt it obvious juyeonie hyung? Changmin and younghoonie hyung are getting married

bread.: not if i kill myself first

sunnyD: (⏕)

hellokittyenjoyer: do it. No balls

token_straight:

Himbo™: BALLS!?!?!?!!?

sunnyD: i hate that you all have the humor of 12 year olds

certified_creep: says you ???

sunnyD: im a comedic god tf you mean

manstandingemoji: ('エ｀；)
manstandingemoji: sure jan

sunnyD: stfu slut

moon_cheese: pOWGRHWP PLEASE

manstandingemoji: im not a slut

sunnyD: i will remind you
sunnyD: that i did in fact take screenshots

manstandingemoji: god i never should have asked you

sunnyD: too late

rizzatron_3000: (ó﹏ò｡)

sunnyD: im not stealing your boyfriend youngjae

rizzatron_3000: hes not my boyfriend

token_straight: could have fooled me

rizzatron_3000: i want to kill myself
rizzatron_3000: younghoonie hyung theyre making me suicidal

bread.: there there eric

rizzatron_3000: ˺⁽ˆ⁰ˆ˺ ⁾˺

Himbo™: love really is in the air

hellokittyenjoyer: yeah thats why im putting on a gasmask

certified_creep: chanhee i think you just need to get dicked down so that you realize being in a relationship is awesome

token_straight: eric 👀

rizzatron_3000: hak 👀

sunnyD: both of you be quiet

Dilf: changmin stfu youve been single for like...2 years

certified_creep: yeah but now i have my bbangy boo

bread.: hold on i didnt agree to anything

Dilf: oh congrats you two

Himbo™: OUWEGPIWH

bread.: ( _　_||| )

manstandingemoji: its okay younghoon
manstandingemoji: theyre doing it to me too

moon_cheese: friends who get bullied together stay together

hellokittyenjoyer: no
hellokittyenjoyer: just no

moon_cheese: worth a shot

━━━━━

The Three Musketeers

rizzatron_3000: i dont deserve the name rizzatron
(◕ヘ◕)
rizzatron_3000: its been like 3 weeks since i brought him to hyung status and he still calls me eric ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽
rizzatron_3000: i scammed my way through rizz university guys

token_straight: even when depressed he stays with the bit
token_straight: dedicated fr

sunnyD: ^^
sunnyD: look youngjae
sunnyD: you know juyeon is a rock
sunnyD: he doesnt see the importance of being in hyung status
sunnyD: hes like kevin before he and jacob got together
sunnyD: and remember how fucking oblivious kevin was?

rizzatron_3000: (༎ຶ⌑༎ຶ)
rizzatron_3000: i hate how right you are
rizzatron_3000: does this mean i can keep my rizz, professor Hak?

token_straight: ofc you can
token_straight: you have a degree in quantum rizzics remember?
token_straight: so go make sure juyeon knows how special he is to you

rizzatron_3000: I WILL !!
rizzatron_3000: ty besties <33

sunnyD: <33

token_straight: <33

━━━━━

✨yassified burn-outs ✨

moon_cheese: i think we should change the gc name
moon_cheese: because tbh the only burn out here is hak

token_straight: fuck you

Dilf: no no kevins got a point

[sunnyD changed the chat name to 'SNU Crime Syndicate']

sunnyD: there

Himbo™: sunwoo how long were you waiting to do that

sunnyD: long enough

moon_cheese: i mean its funny
moon_cheese: but idk about the SNU park
moon_cheese: *part

token_straight: what else would it be
token_straight: we all attend the same university

moon_cheese: no i know

Dilf: erics crime syndicate

Himbo™: dont give him that kind of power babe

certified_creep: i love how thats just a regular thing now ^

Dilf: i dont

moon_cheese: stfu dad yes you do

Dilf: i give up

bread.: its okay sangyeon im on your side

Dilf: ty younghoon

sunnyD: yall are hating on these nicknames
sunnyD: i mean hyunjae is expected but bbangy boo? Thats original as fuck

certified_creep: THANK YOU SUNWOO

Himbo™: mean

Mom™: im just gonna say what we're all thinking
Mom™: there is no greater honor that receiving
hyung status from Eric Sohn
Mom™: that is truly the only nickname i want

moon_cheese: SO TRUE
moon_cheese: i still havent gotten it BUT I THINK IM CLOSE

Dilf: where is eric anyways

token_straight: crying

sunnyD: at volleyball

Himbo™: knowing my lil bro
Himbo™: each of those answers is equally possible

certified_creep: maybe hes crying at volleyball practice

hellokittyenjoyer: i wouldnt blame him,, like shit i would cry too

bread.: just say youre unathletic

hellokittyenjoyer: suck my dick younghoon

bread.: no thanks

moon_cheese: oh hi chanhee

hellokittyenjoyer: hi kevin

Mom™: please (TдT)

sunnyD: hes at practice
sunnyD: idk wtf hak is talking about

token_straight: (≖͞_≖̥) right...

manstandingemoji: can someone please explain why Eric is crying at the campus café
manstandingemoji: i just walked on for my shift and there he is in the breakroom sobbing his eyes out

Himbo™: (⊙＿⊙)

moon_cheese: sunwoo,, whats going on

sunnyD: nothing
sunnyD: hes fine
sunnyD: its the 12th so yknow ¯\_( ツ )_/¯

moon_cheese: ooooh okay

manstandingemoji: hi great glad someone understands but i still dont wtf is going on he is now clinging to me what do i do im really bad at comforting people i also need to get to work sunwoo your child is sad come help

Dilf: "your child"

certified_creep: read the room sangyeon（'＿｀）

Dilf: my bad

sunnyD: hes fine juyeon
sunnyD: ill tell you after youre done with work
sunnyD: im already on my way

manstandingemoji: fine
manstandingemoji: please hurry or else boss is gonna yell at me

bread.: and so juyeon's bad social skills are put to the test

hellokittyenjoyer: theyre put to the test everyday tf you mean

Mom™: the two of you i cant– eyjeythfg

Himbo™: I TOTALLY FORGOT IT WAS THE 12TH OH NO MY POOR LIL BRO
Himbo™: ITS OKAY ERIC BIG BROTHER IS COMING

moon_cheese: still cant believe that for once it was Hak who was telling the truth

token_straight: please have more faith me in kevin

moon_cheese: no

token_straight: welp (　'_ﾉ' )
token_straight: i tried

certified_creep: OIEHRTPI PLEASE

━━━━━

SNU Crime Syndicate

Dilf: I still think it should be Eric's Crime Syndicate
Dilf: just saying

Mom™: sangyeon please its been three days
Mom™: let it go
Mom™: eric sunwoo and hak clearly arent going to change it

Dilf: well they should

moon_cheese: sangyeon stop flirting with my boyfriend

Dilf: ヽ(●ﾟ'Д｀ﾟ●)ﾉﾟ

Himbo™: its okay babe i think youre idea is good

Dilf: im only reading the second part of that sentence

Himbo™: im not giving up

certified_creep: hyunjae is, if nothing else, persistent

bread.: god maybe he and eric are related

rizzatron_3000: WE ARE NOT ☀(▀U ▀-͠)

certified_creep: how can you be so sure
certified_creep: did you do a blood test?

Himbo™: yes actually
Himbo™: we did it when eric graduated

rizzatron_3000: we were genuinely concerned that we were brothers split apart
rizzatron_3000: but we arent Σd(˘ꇴ˘๑)

Dilf: i believe it tbh

Mom™: god why are you all like this

moon_cheese: more like why arent YOU like this

Mom™: ੨( ･᷄ ︵･᷅ )ｼ

moon_cheese: NO BABE IM SORRY I DIDNT MEAN IT

Himbo™: whipped

certified_creep: oh like you can talk

Himbo™: i can bc im not even cuffed
Himbo™: i can suck anybody's dick and none of yall can say shit

rizzatron_3000: now now hyunjae
rizzatron_3000: we both know they need to be eric approved

Himbo™: yes okay but BESIDES that
Himbo™: plus your approval means next to nothing after you said I could get with Yangdae
Himbo™: HE WAS SO GREASY AND YOU SAID "oh yeah he has like a huge dick"
Himbo™: AND IT WAS A LIE
Himbo™: HE WAS PUNY
Himbo™: not to say that like, small dicks are bad,, ill suck off any size,, but i dont like being lied to

Mom™: i wish i was never born

moon_cheese: and i want to pour bleach on my eyes

certified_creep: dont worry hyunjae, sangyeons hung as fuck

Dilf: CAN YOU NOT

Himbo™: good to know

rizzatron_3000: mmm idk if i approve of sangyeon

Dilf: what the fuck

sunnyD: youngjae stop patronizing people

rizzatron_3000: (.﹒︣︿﹒︣.)

sunnyD: also come over or else im starting the movie marathon without you

rizzatron_3000: IM ON MY WAY ┗=͟͟͞͞( ˙∀˙)=͟͟͞͞┛

[🐵: yeah thats right,, we just glossed over Erics trauma mwahahahaha]