IT WAS IN THE LONELIEST HOURS OF THE DAY,

as the sun began to descend and wash the sky with royal pink they made their promise; to not question or interrupt each other whilst they shouted. whilst they bled their veins dry of whatever doubts and worries had been festering inside them this whole time.

iwaizumi started off, running his tongue along his top lip and staring fixedly at the approaching dusk as he let loose;

"i fucking hate school! i hate the bullies. i hate the- the teacher who don't give a shit. i hate the contstant abuse from my classmates. i fucking hate it. and i hate my family, or whatever the hell they're supposed to be. i hate the fact that i no longer have a home - that my house stinks of piss and alcohol and the disgusting men my mum brings home every fucking night. i hate it!"

oikawa could hardly breathe as iwaizumi ranted. his lips formed a perfect oval as his gaze brushed the ravenet's, reflecting an indigo sky that was dusted with flecks of grey and black.

his heart swelled and he wanted to say something. but he didn't.

no questions.

and then it was his turn.

he felt sick. sick with nerves. he'd never spoken to anyone before about how he felt, what made his world so black and white. yet here he was, about to scream it to the entire world.

or whoever the fuck was listening.

iwaizumi gave him a weak smile, but that's all he needed.

that's all he needed to break down.

"i... i'm sick of feeling like a- a stupid, worthless piece of shit. i'm sick of not feeling good enough for anything, for anyone. i'm fucking tired of being weak and inadequate and for hating myself every time i look in the fucking mirror. i'm sick of being mocked and judged, of not being worth the air i breathe."

iwaizumi could hardly fit a breath between his lips. oikawa's words were a crushing pressure on his lungs, incapacitating.

"i'm tired of feeling so fucking pathetic. like i don't deserve this life. fuck it. i hate being judged for being gay, for being weak and stupid. i hate it." oikawa fumbled over himself, doe eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights for what he'd said.

he was scared. he was scared to look at iwaizumi. and rightfully so, because the boy was seething.

"i-iwa-"

"what the fuck are you talking about?"

oikawa was stunned. he'd never heard him so angry. "w-what?"

"that's your problem? are you kidding me?"

oikawa could only blink. his throat had dried and closed up, left him mute.

"well fuck."

he started to leave, started to walk away. oikawa was left choking on all of the words left unspoken from his lips. and as iwaizumi got to the ladder, oikawa started crying.

hot tears tumbled down his cheek, one after the other, each one carving a different word into his skin. pathetic. weirdo. gay. coward.

"iwa-chan," he said hoarsely, and the boy stopped at the edge. on the edge. he had a decision to make. a split-second decision. which way was he going to fall?

backwards.

he sighed and looked down at his feet, standing in a puddle he hadn't realised was there. his reflection peered back at him, muted grey, ghostly, sad. "i'm sorry," he said.

oikawa sniffed loudly. "don't. i'm the one who's sorry. i-i'm just being pathetic."

iwaizumi was back by his side in a matter of seconds. he nudged his thigh with the tip of his shoe, rolling his eyes. "oh just shut it will ya? you're not pathetic. not in the slightest. i shouldn't have had a go like that. i was being pathetic."

oikawa hiccuped. "no, you were right. i was just feeling sorry for myself-"

"hey, shittykawa, listen to me, okay? not them bastards that say you're weak or whatever. just listen to me. because you are worth the air you breathe - hell, you're worth more. and don't you dare tell me otherwise. i just... i got angry because, well, because what you were saying was utter crap. you're not weak, or insufficient, or pathetic. you're just you. and if someone can't accept that, then they can fuck off, alright?"

oikawa gave him a watery smile as a few stray tears dribbled down his cheeks. there wasn't much else he could do. "alright, iwa-chan."

iwaizumi huffed. but the red had drained from his face and he looked normal again. looked like normal old iwa-chan.

"can you stop that please?" iwaizumi muttered as oikawa started to drum his fingers against the chimneybreast, letting his gaze soar over the sprawling horizon. he stopped immediately.

"sorry."

there was a tension now, between the two of them. oikawa could feel it. there was a rift. a rift of unspoken questions, of unspoken answers.

he wanted to confront iwaizumi about what he'd said. but he was too scared. scared of the consequences. scared of the fact that there was nothing he could do.

it took him until the streetlamps had flickered on and the traffic purred to a standstill to muster up enough courage to say something.

"i'm sorry..." he began, his voice coming out as a trembling whisper, "about your family."

iwaizumi's brows rode up his forehead, only half of his face illuminated by the moon. "i thought we weren't gonna talk about that."

"we said no questions. i'm not asking a question. i'm just... apologising."

iwaizumi rolled his eyes. "well don't. it's got nothing to do with you, okay? there's no need to apologise."

but oikawa wasn't finished. his voice wavered as the words stuck in his throat. "you're living in an unhealthy household, iwaizumi. and i'm not sure i can sit idly by knowing you're going through all that shit."

iwaizumi lifted his shoulders. he had nothing to say. the boy could worry all he wanted, but he wasn't going to resort to relying on some stranger he'd met on the roof of an old building.

"i suppose i've started to consider this place more of a home," he mused with a humourless smile.

"does that make me part of your family?"

iwaizumi squinted.

stranger. he still thought of oikawa as a stranger. but that was a lie. a misconception. the pair had been meeting up almost every night for months, confided in each other some of the things they'd never dared say aloud before. oikawa, as much as he hated to admit it, was the closest thing to a friend he'd ever had.

iwaizumi sighed. he bit his top lip, shuffled his feet, and then peered up at oikawa with a crumpled smile.

"i guess it does."

✦

"i thought you didn't like cigarettes?"

iwaizumi cocked his head to the side, exhaling a thread of smoke as the nub glowed red in his hand. "i don't. but i saw them on the side and thought hey, why not."

oikawa pressed his lips together firmly, taking a step closer. "you don't look well today, iwa-chan. have you not been sleeping again lately?"

"eh, i never sleep. who needs sleep anyway," he muttered, taking another drag before tossing the lit cigarette to the ground and trodding on it. a thin wisp of smoke curled from beneath his shoe.

oikawa frowned but didn't say anything. he knew iwaizumi got peevish when he pestered him too much about his personal life. still, he wished there was something he could do.

"hey, you seem better lately."

"what do you mean, iwa-chan?"

hajime shrugged, picking a pebble off the roof and rolling it between his thumb and forefinger. one side was smooth, eroded by the natural elements, the other rougher and hewn by the ground. "you seem happier, more open. all that shouting and stuff helped, right?"

oikawa bit his cheek. "actually, i think you helped the most. what you said afterwards - about not listening to what other people say. it made me a little more confident in myself."

iwaizumi nodded approvingly, as if oikawa was a student who'd exemplified good progress. "good. that's good. because there's no reason to feel insecure about yourself. there's nothing even remotely wrong with you."

oikawa laughed softly, peering sheepishly at his feet. "i'm just me, right?"

"exactly. you're just you."