"WHERE DO YOU LIVE?" oikawa asked one evening, lounging on his back and staring up at the clouds with his hands resting behind his head.

"stalker," iwaizumi muttered.

oikawa sniffed. "am not," he argued weakly. "i'm just curious. we might live in the same area and not realise it."

iwaizumi shot a pointed glance over his shoulder, brows creased. "i doubt it."

oikawa grumbled something under his breath, but iwaizumi ignored him. he was tired. he couldn't remember the last time he slept. and when did he last eat?

"let's play a game."

iwaizumi sighed heavily through his nose. "i come here for peace, not you pestering me constantly," he snapped, kicking his heel against the guttering with a dull clank.

oikawa fell silent after that, as if his voice box had suddenly stalled. he stared up at the sky without saying a word, chewing his bottom lip.

a few minutes later, iwaizumi sighed. "sorry, that was harsh."

oikawa shrugged offhandedly, his eyes heavy-lidded as he watched a light flicker out in one of the opposite windows, plunging the room into a circus of darkened silhouettes. "no, no, i was being annoying."

iwaizumi stalled into silence, scraping his knuckles over the tiles as he finally noted the boy's tousled appearance. "you look tired today."

he chuckled dryly. "probably all these late nights."

"hm. then why do you still come up here?"

oikawa sniffed, running a hand through his hair in a feeble attempt to straighten it out as he thought about what kept drawing him back to the same rooftop, night after night. "because i like the lights."

iwaizumi snorted a laugh, the sound foreign on his tongue.

"what!? i do," oikawa defended, shooting him a half-hearted glare. "i... like the city lights. i like watching them - dance on the skyline, leap off the windows. it reminds me there's still beauty left in this world; beauty's hard to find these days. the world's beautiful up here."

that's why he came up here, drawn to the same rooftop, night after night.

to see beautiful things.

iwaizumi's laughter died on his tongue. he looked away, clearing his throat. oikawa was right, in a sense. it was beautiful up here. it was peaceful.

peace was hard to come by for iwaizumi, it was hard to find. as long as his mind was awake, peace was impossible.

✦

"would you be sad if i jumped?"

oikawa choked on the skyline, the clouds in his eyes eclipsing. "what kind of question is that?!"

iwaizumi lifted his shoulders into a partial shrug, his dark hair matted in the wind. he retreated from the edge with slow, shuffling steps, the heel of his trainers scuffing against the tiles. "what kind of answer is that?" he echoed in a mutter, a mutter that sounded sad and tired.

oikawa peered at him under his long lashes, lips hanging ajar. "o-of course i would. i'd be sad if anyone ended their life so young... you're not saying y-you're-"

"suicidal?" iwaizumi finished, answering his own question with a slant of his head. "who knows."

oikawa bit his lip. "iwa-"

"not yet," he decided, skidding over a loose slate as he picked his way to oikawa. "but one day these thoughts are gonna catch up with us. they'll trip us up when we least expect it. haunt us in the dead of the night," he continued, his breaths toppling over one another in a rugged pant. his voice was blunt and hoarse, not quite matching the weight of the words tumbling off his tongue.

oikawa interrupted him before he could continue. his heart was beating too hard. "you spout a load of crap, you know that?"

iwaizumi smiled thinly, unfazed by the impact of his own words. was he suicidal? no. no, he wasn't. but that wasn't to say he didn't hate life. no. he hated it with every fibre in his body. "you're not one to talk."

"at least i'm rational."

iwaizumi fixed him with a sceptical frown. "says the guy who comes up here because he 'likes the lights'"

"there's nothing wrong with that! stop being mean to me iwa-chan."

the tanned boy wrinkled his nose, tearing his eyes away. "i told you to stop calling me that."

"iwa-chan, iwa-chan," oikawa chanted with a boyish smile.

"i'm going to leave if you keep saying that."

oikawa ceased his muttering, pressing his lips tightly shut. this didn't last long. "but i don't like silence."

iwaizumi sighed. "why?"

oikawa dragged his eyes away from his. "it bothers me."

it bothered him a lot. he liked it when iwaizumi's voice filled the silence, devouring it with his blunt, sarcastic remarks.

"i noticed. you never shut up."

oikawa smiled at this, a thin, watery smile. "please talk to me, iwa-chan."

"how many times have i told you to stop calling me that... shittykawa," he growled, clenching his jaw.

the brunette appeared mildly offended, holding a hand to his chest. "excuse me?"

iwaizumi snorted at his reaction. "a fitting name, don't you think? or do you prefer trashykawa?"

oikawa spluttered, his lower lip jutting into a pout. "why are you so mean, iwa-chan!?" he cried, but lord knows how thankful he was for iwaizumi's voice, insulting or not.

he clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "if you don't like it, stop calling me iwa-chan," he challenged, mimicking oikawa's drawl.

he gave up, slumping his shoulders and peering up at the sky.

nights were longer now; the sun dipped below the horizon nigh on five o'clock, meaning the two boys often sat in the dark, until the streetlamps below hummed into life and lit the street with fuzzy orange light.

"say, iwaizumi, do you have a girlfriend?"

the brunet looked up sharply, fixing a dour look at the back of the boy's head. "no."

"ooh, have you never had one? maybe you're looking for one now~"

iwaizumi tsked, sticking his chin in the air as shadows began to bruise the sharp angles of his face. "shup up, trashykawa."

the boy snickered, unfazed by the nickname. "awh, someone's getting embarrassed! though i can't say i'm not surprised. i would've thought girls would be falling at your feet."

iwaizumi stiffened, his lungs drawing oxygen so sharply he ended up choking on the clouds. "w-what are you talking about?" he demanded, surprised to see a faint blush evident on the boy's cheeks. had he meant to say that so openly?

"nevermind," he dismissed with a flippant wave. "oh, my mum asked why i keep coming home so late yesterday."

iwaizumi grunted, still sceptical of his previous comment. "did she now." he wished he had someone who cared enough to ask that; nobody probably even noticed his absence from home. home. hah.

oikawa shrugged, resting his chin on his knees. "i told her i've been helping out at a homeless shelter."

the tanned boy snorted. "and she believed you?"

"i have my charms!" he defended with a goofy grin.

"sure you do," iwaizumi deadpanned. "so do you have a girlfriend? surely nobody could resist such charms."

the smile slipped from his face as oikawa averted his gaze to his feet. "no."

his sudden silence hit hard, attuning iwaizumi's ears to the wind howling through the gutters. he hadn't noticed before, but it sounded sad today.

"sorry, maybe i should go now. it's getting dark and i don't want to make my mum more suspicious." he climbed hastily to his feet, barely lifting his eyes to meet iwaizumi's before he left.

iwaizumi sighed.

now the silence was bothering him.