It's not deep and beautiful, it's not a constant need to end things. It isn't pain or sadness. It's not a deep sea I am growing in.

It's grey. It's the inability to feel emotions and wanting to so badly feel...Something. It is feeling overwhelmed when you do finally feel something and unfortunately it isn't happiness. It's anger, heartbreak and pain. For a while your revel in it. Hold it close, but then it just won't stop and you want it to. You feel like your drowning when you're standing in the line at a grocery store and you have a panic attack. Maybe break down and cry.

Then you feel as if everyone thinks you are attention seeking. How do you explain you finally felt something after months of grey? How do you explain to a stranger that you couldn't breathe, couldn't think? You just tell them you're sorry. You're just being stupid. It's really not that bad. That's only if they ask. Otherwise you stand there quietly working up the will to face the people around you.

After you come out of your breakdown it's all grey again. You see the colors, yellow is still yellow but it feels grey. You go back to pretending your happy, upset or whatever emotions are needed that day. You slip and let the grey feeling show for a second and tell them it's just you spacing out. They don't understand it and if you hear another person telling you to "Get over it." Or to "Just be happier." You might consider murder, just to see if you can feel it.