I have to do it all, make the calls, fix the things, and do the chores. Why? Because when I ask for help I don't get it. I am drained, I am lost in a world of gray and I don't know how to get out. I don't get help because when I ask and it is acknowledged no one moves, no one offers to help without my asking, so it is easier to go on without asking for it. 

I am tired because all I ever hear is complaining and when I complain I am told to calm down. My grandfather was dying and my other grandmother ended up in the hospital and when I panicked and freaked out I was told I needed to calm down. When I am in a bad mood I need to calm down. But when anyone else is in a bad mood I don't do anything right. I . . . I just. 

I'll just shut up now.