I didn't fully understand or comprehend what we were searching for, what a victory meant until we were on the other side of the door, until I saw James' hand reaching for the handle, felt the hesitation in his mind, saw him flex his fingers to rid the shake. He was afraid, this was one of the rare times he didn't know what the reaction of the other party would be. James, my Pair, my leader, a Half, unsure. It put a cold feeling in my stomach.

I hadn't considered what we would do if Kael didn't react as we thought he would, hoped he would. What if he regretted leaving me the call, what if it had been a desperate last attempt at saving himself and Nevaeh, but now that he didn't have hunters at his heels, he had found his anger again, his disgust with what we were.

I had been so focused, so obsessed, with finding him, figuring out his message, that I had blocked the rest from my mind. I told myself it didn't matter how they reacted if we couldn't find them. But now that we were actually there, so close, now that I was sure this was where they were waiting, where I would see them, speak to them, for the first time in months, the fear was crippling.

We had spent more time apart than together, they had presumably hated me for longer than accepted me. That thought bit like the winter winds that had quickly faded with our travels south.

I touched James' arm, just lightly, just to remind him I was there too, to tell him that if I could forgive him, surely Kael could as well. In some ways I couldn't even imagine Kael angry with James, his brother, but then I'd realize how foolish that was. Kael wasn't some puppy, he was a darkling who had been tricked by his savior, his leader for their entire relationship. He was a Darkling who probably had more blood on his hands than any other of his kind I had met, besides my Pair. I bit down on my teeth, taking a deep breath as James made to push the door open.

» ✦ «

It took me longer than I cared to admit to decipher what Kael's message had meant, where, and more importantly when, he wished to meet us. We had gone back to our shabby motel to brainstorm, to research, to see if there was any Niabe, or Heaven-related places in the city, anywhere that their message could connect to. Within just a few hours we had exhausted every possible option. There was nothing, the city was as dull and ordinary as any. But still, Kael had left us the message, a plea for help. He had reached out to us and I couldn't accept that there was no way to answer him.

We searched for two days, following even the slimmest of leads, the most unlikely of associations, the most stretched, convoluted connections to what he could have meant, and we knew it, but we couldn't stop looking, couldn't face the possibility that maybe we wouldn't find them because someone else had found them first. Because they were already dead.

Sometimes I almost knew they were, knew they hadn't gotten away, knew we were too late, that they had been hunted down and killed, one and then the other. All because James and I had taken too long to care, because I had taken too long to forgive him. Sometimes I knew it was my stubbornness that had gotten them killed, but we still searched. We couldn't stop, that felt like giving up, like admitting there was no one to search for.

Sometimes I just walked around near their hotel, near where I thought they might be because I had seen them there, in James' vision. Sometimes my walks were more for me than for them, I knew they wouldn't be there but I couldn't idly wait in the hotel room, couldn't feel like I was doing nothing. It was on one of those walks that the answer found me, staring at me as I turned a corner, sitting on the stone steps of a pompous bank.

I knew it wasn't Kael, the build was all wrong, and the man was much too old, but the hair was long and dark, and he was smoking. I sat on the steps, the opposite side from the man, as far as I could be while sharing the same entrance, and closed my eyes.

I sat there remembering the first time Kael had said those words to me. For the millionth time I pictured the scene in my mind, replaying it over and over again.

I was leaving, going to the city, he thought I wouldn't return, how close his intuition had been to truth that night. I hadn't even understood his words for months, not until my connection to James started letting me understand the language that he knew fluently.

Return to Heaven or here.

Niabe on ire has.

Niabe. Has. Niabe.

My eyes flew open and I swore under my breath, how stupid of me to not see it. I had been so hung up on Heaven, we all were, that we ignored his actual message, ignored what the saying meant, what it was meant to convey.

James and Ailech were never far from me, we made it a point to be within a block of each other even when I went on my walks, even when James went off 'on his own' to take some time. We were always still close. I turned the corner of the building to see them leaning against the wall just a few meters away. James pretending to smoke again, which maybe constituted him actually being a smoker now, and Ailech watching the few cars rumble past.

"I know."

James' eyes shot to mine as he stepped on his barely-started cigarette, nodding for me to follow him. Ailech tried to look inconspicuous as he came close enough to hear our hushed conversation and James hailed a taxi.

"It's not the first half we should have been paying attention to, it's the second; return here. They'll meet us there, where we found it, where they were, they'll return. We just need to know when."

"Nieve," James muttered under his breath, letting out an incensed chuckle. "It's dawn, there's nothing else he could be trying to tie it to. He used to mix those two up, because they sound similar to him. God, how did I not realize?"

"You mean they've been up there, at sunrise these last two days, just waiting for you guys in case you showed up?" Ailech sounded unconvinced, but there was no other answer. It had been so simple the entire time.

"Just like the first time he said it to me, he wasn't telling me to go to Heaven then either, he was telling me to return. That's what it means after all, yet we looked at it the opposite way, the wrong way, we wasted two days."

"So, let's go now, wait there until morning for them." Ailech sounded more eager after hearing my reasoning, his voice rising slightly with excitement.

"No, they won't be there now and the less time we spend there, the less attention it will draw. We will go home now, sleep, prepare for tomorrow. We'll be there when the sun comes up. We'll be there in case they are."

» ✦ «

The door swung open like industrial metal doors do, showing us the roof before us, just as it had been three days earlier, except now it was cast in shadows, the sun not yet peaking over the hills to the East. Soon everything would be on fire with the yellows and oranges of the new sun, burning away the transparent fog of the night, but for now all was silent and still, cold even, or as cold as our new city ever got.

James stiffened and I wondered if he felt them, felt that his brother was close, his sister. His shoulders rose and fell once as he took a deep breath, before stepping onto the loose stones.

"Kael. Nevaeh." He spoke their names so simply, so easily, just barely louder than his normal voice, not loud enough to draw attention from the floors below, from anyone really. "If you're here, show yourselves. Jordan is here, and another, someone you can trust."

His voice was gentle. I could almost hear his unsaid plea, that he wanted them to be there so badly, that he needed them to be there.

"Please, if you're here, come out. You don't have to hide from me, brother."

That's when I knew they were there, they must be, James must have been able to sense it, despite whatever Kael had done to shield them from prying minds or senses or eyes. But James wanted it to be their choice to step out, to come to him. He wanted Kael to have that power, to make the decision to mend what had been broken for far too long. He wanted there to be no doubt in his mind or his brother's mind that he had been the one to choose to forgive James, that he hadn't been coerced because of danger or threat.

I walked past James then, to the edge of the building, looking down with a healthy amount of caution, before sitting, my feet dangling, swinging in the morning breeze. I patted the concrete on either side of me, and listened to the crunching of rocks behind me as James sat on one side, and a slightly more reluctant Ailech sat carefully on my other.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the sun rise, the city become dipped in flames, reflecting the new light off of the glass buildings, the windows, the cars far below. We watched as the night evaporated away, as the grays and darkness turned to something light and warm and alive. As the occasional sound of an impatient driver's horn wafted up to us where previously we could only hear the wind groaning between the buildings.

It was a strange feeling to see a city come alive from such a detached platform, from such a high perch, almost like it wasn't the city we were staying in, the one we would eventually descend back down to and rejoin.

Soon, I felt their presence too, Kael and Nevaeh. Kael must have released whatever spell he'd used to hide them at some point, as even Ailech seemed anxious and could sense that someone was behind us in our precarious position, which was exactly why I'd done as I had. As much as I wished Kael would trust us, know us, to not think of us any differently, I knew that was impossible, for the time being at least. Even if he tried, even if he made every conscious effort to be as he had been, to see us as he had, there would be the knowledge of what we were, of how much more deadly we were, hanging between us, separating us and making him wary. As much as I wanted us to be a family again, I knew he would view us as different creatures, because we were.

I couldn't think of a more vulnerable position than the one we were currently in, but I wanted to be as unintimidating as a Half could be. Just like James had done, I wanted them to have all the power, to know we were not here to trick them, to capture them, fight or kill them, or whatever other terrible thoughts might have gone through their minds as they stood on this rooftop the last two mornings, wondering if they had made a mistake by calling on us, by giving us a way to find them.

It hurt to think that maybe they were afraid of us, afraid of the reaction we would have to them, just like we feared their reaction. But whereas we feared their anger because it would hurt us, because their rejection would be an injury I wasn't sure we could bear, because we so desperately wanted to mend our family, maybe they feared our anger because they knew that it could kill them easily, and maybe they thought we would. Maybe they were worried they had invited a new kind of hunter to them, a worse kind. Maybe they thought we were angry they had left us, angry enough to search them out, find them, and kill them.

I almost didn't recognize Kael's voice when he spoke, it sounded flat, but not like James when he put on his act, this was something tired, weary down to its core, defeated. This was the color gray in a sound, something dull where previously there had been a brightness. A clear picture of who Kael was in his voice was replaced by a dirty window you couldn't see anything through.

"You look terrible, brother."

I saw James' cheek curve from the corner of my eye at Kael's words, at that one word, brother.

"You sound worse, brother."

There was a lengthy pause, and his lack of disagreement wasn't lost on James as the slight smile on his lips died.

"Why don't you turn around, let me see the damage you've done these past few months."

James' back tensed, ever so slightly next to me at the request, he released the tension in increments.

"I would, but I don't think I can see you look at me like you did the last time we were face to face, like you don't know me, like knowing what I am changes who I am. I quite like talking to you like this, but that'll end as soon as I turn around and see you looking at me like I'm a stranger, a monster. Even if you try to hide it, I'll see it in your eyes. So no, I prefer this."

"And how long will we be staying on this roof then?"

The words that answered weren't Kael's, and I felt the hair on my neck rise. I hardly recognized Nevaeh's voice as her own either. Though the sound was the same, there was no bite, no mocking, not even anger in it.

"As long as it takes for you to trust us enough to come with us, to come back with us."

"Trust might be a slow growth. Years of teaching is hard to unravel. I believe you were the one who taught me of your kind's tricks actually. I distinctly remember you being the main advocate of me reading those terrible history books you keep, saying you wanted me to know why we fight who we fight. Seems a bit ironic now, doesn't it?" Kael's flat voice answered again.

"I read those books too, brother, more times than I care to recount. And I wanted you to read them so you would be disgusted with Halflings, so you would justly hate them like I do. Maybe partially because I did want you to hate me, or at least hate what I was. I didn't want you to misunderstand what Halflings are. Maybe because it would somehow satisfy me to know you would hate me if you knew, to give me a reason to hide it, an excuse to not tell you, a way to ease my mind about the lies I fed you. Then I could tell myself I had to, had to hide myself. Maybe I wanted you to hate what I am even just a fraction of how much I hate what I am.

I don't want you to change your views on my kind, or change why or what you fight against, I just want you to remember who I've always been to you."

James paused, and the silence was heavy. At some point during his words I turned to watch his face, watch as he sat on the ledge, gripping the rough concrete until his fingers were white, until the sweat of his palms bled out from where they were pressed. His honesty hurt, opening up and speaking freely did not come easily to him. It was clear we were hearing him say words he had thought to himself many times over but never felt he could speak out loud.

"I don't know if I'm different or not, but I know I am trying. I know I have one purpose, which is good, on the right side of the sky, and I intend to see it to completion. The place Jordan and I and our friend, Ailech here, are going back to will help us. I hope you will come too."

"It does not give me much confidence to know that even you are unsure of your own goodness, if you truly are different from the rest of your kind or not. Where is this place you wish for us to go back to?"

I had never heard Kael speak so formally, or speak for so long without a joke or jab, it put me oddly on edge, like I no longer knew him. I had tried to avoid thinking of how much he must have changed in his time as leader, and whenever I did think of it, I assumed it would be undone if forgiveness was given. But I was beginning to see just how deep the transformation might have spread in him, how pervasive the damage done over so many months really was.

"I would expect true trust to take a very long time, but hopefully the trust to come with us to a place where you will be safe, with people who have the same goals as us, as you both have shown by hunting the Skia, will come quicker. It's called the Vault. I can answer any questions you have about it, about me, about anything. I won't keep things from you anymore, if you choose to come back to Jordan and me, it will be with you full knowing all the horrors I previously hid from you. If you choose to come, it will not be because you have been tricked, never again, and though my word may not mean much to you now, I promise this to you both. "

"Was it you in the city? The 'Fallen', the one who had lost his mind?" Kael's question came immediately, as if he had been waiting to ask it for a long time.

"The first hunter was Jordan, the one with control, she was being directed by Jevin...though she can tell you her story. The second hunter was me. I didn't handle the situation well, or at least, not as well as my Pair did once she had a choice, but I'm...I'm better now."

"I heard the city whispering of the terrible ways you killed, of the things you did to your victims when they were still alive, the things you did after death...but what most didn't tell, what most forgot to mention, was who you did those things to. I did some research of my own, and I must confess I hope you aren't completely reformed. I am not as easily squeamish as the whisperers of the city, and I'm not so soft that I feel any pity for the things you killed, regardless of how you did it, or how they suffered."

Kael's voice sounded cold now, colder than I had ever heard it before. It sent a shiver up my back, hearing him agree with what James had done in the city. He hadn't seen him on that rooftop, he hadn't thought James really was a Fallen, really was the devil, not like I had. I can understand the desire to do what James had, I remember wishing I could, wishing I had, but I had thought that was because of what I was, but if Kael felt the same, either something had drastically changed in him, or maybe my desires weren't as evil as I had previously thought.

"I suppose I'm not completely rehabilitated."

James' words had their signature cocky drawl now, the one that meant he was smirking, and I snuck a glance at him again. The movement must have caught Kael's attention, as he addressed me next.

"I'm glad you found the call. I'm sorry this reunion isn't picture worthy, but how did you know to look here, in this city, on this roof?"

I took a deep breath, knowing these were the first words I had spoken to Kael since he had vowed to kill me if he ever saw us again, the first words in months to someone who used to be my best friend. An unwanted flash of Syn's gold flecked eyes appeared in my mind and I had to swallow back the bile that tried to crawl up my throat before answering.

"A wizard, a friend, at the Vault has been watching you. Once James came to me there, and once we...once I forgave him, that wizard told us where you were, though he didn't know where in the city, only that you hadn't left here yet. Then James had a vision of your jump, and he found the call too. I really did very little."

"You must have been the one to tell them what the message meant though, right?"

I nodded, staring out at the sky that was now almost completely light.

"Took you long enough."

Nevaeh's retort still had no bite, as if she simply knew she was supposed to speak in her usual manner, even though her heart wasn't in it.

"We were all over-thinking it quite a bit. If I turn around, are you going to push me off?"

I asked my request with a half note of joking in it, wanting nothing more than to see them, even if their eyes held mistrust. I had missed them so much, more than I had let myself be aware of. I could almost hear Kael and Nevaeh look at one another, seeing if either had an objection, their nod and shrug were practically audible to me too.

I carefully stood, watching the ground for caution and the needed time to steel myself for my first glimpse of them that wasn't a vision or prophecy or terrifying nightmare. And then there they were, standing before me, looking much better than James had upon our reunion.

Nevaeh stood in her full gear, a new whip, or a spare, wrapped around her wrist, gleaming menacingly. She looked just as stunning now as she always had, her hair shining like waves of oil, falling in sleek plates over one shoulder, her skin glowing like she had a light within her. I saw her Shift right away, saw the black pools for eyes, felt the power concussions rolling through the air, her chin held high. Though she looked very much the same, there was something distinctly different about her Shift, about her power, almost something more tangible, something I could feel within me. Or maybe it had just been a long time since I had experienced anyone's Shift but my pair's.

Kael stood next to her, looking less glowing, less shining, and less stunning, but he still looked better than I had feared, and just as menacing as his pair. He stood in casual clothes, though I knew he would have his weapons on him too, unlike James and I, who had left ours in our junky room for the first time since our arrival. Kael's size hadn't changed, his style, his piercings still gleamed from his lips and nose and ears, even his posture was the same, but his hair was longer, and he had the bulk of it pulled back into a rather poorly executed ponytail.

He looked tired, but not from lack of sleep. His face seemed tight, like he was controlling all of its movements with an iron scrutiny. He seemed older, more weathered, more a leader and yet more lost than I could ever remember. The strain, the conflictions, the paradox of everything that he had done, everything that had happened and everything that was currently happening seemed to be visible in every line and hard stillness of his expression.

He was Shifted as well, and for a moment it struck me as odd, I hadn't felt their power until I turned, and seeing their dark eyes made my own nature snap at its restraints, but I held it down, knowing their Shifts weren't an invitation to mine. At first I wondered if they were so afraid of us, so distrustful that they felt the need to be Shifted, but surely they knew their power against James' and mine was no true match, surely they knew if we wanted them dead then their Shifts couldn't save them. Even with their Shifts, even with Kael's control, I saw the tightening of lips, the setting of shoulders, the slight widening of their darkened eyes.

I knew what they must be thinking, I knew how I looked in comparison, how James and I both looked. Just as Nevaeh looked ever primped and poised for a magazine cover, and Kael looked solemn, calculating and controlled even through his chains and ink and spikes, like a leader but still himself, if a more responsible, stoic self, I knew I looked like I hadn't slept for the entirety of the winter. I knew the circles under my eyes were so shadowed they looked like the blue and purple of bruises, and worse yet, I knew my eyes themselves showed far more than I wanted them to of the hardships I had seen, the sorrow and horror and guilt and pain I had experienced, some brought on by my own choices, others not.

"James, you can turn around too," I spoke cautiously, almost a note of question in my voice, asking Kael and Nevaeh if they were ready, when they didn't make any noticeable disagreement I continued. "They're Shifted, so you won't see anything you don't want to in their eyes. Thank you."

I spoke the last words to Kael and Nevaeh, knowing they were doing us a kindness, following James' wishes, being mindful of his feelings, which seemed strange on all fronts. They weren't Shifted for their protection, but to try to save us from seeing too many of their emotions on their faces, in their eyes.

I felt James next to me a moment later, his swiftness not deterred by our height in the least. I heard Ailech move from the ledge to the loose ground as well, though he didn't step forward to be in line with James and me.

"You look even worse from this side. Have you eaten anything since I saw you last? And have you slept at all? Have either of you? Fuck, you guys, were you both trying to slowly kill yourselves from neglect or something?"

Kael sounded genuinely worried with a touch of annoyance, as if we were being scolded by a parent who truly didn't expect their children to fair so poorly when left alone.

"He looked worse a week ago, trust me, this is a vast improvement."

"Well, you still both look like reheated shit, but James, you look - what the hell happened to you?"

"Like I said, I wasn't in a good place when I was in the city, I don't think I ate a single full meal during that time, and I fought help at the Vault for a good portion of my days there as well. But trust me, I'm getting better. I'm eating now, and contrary to how we look, both of us are sleeping some. And now that we...now that I'm seeing you, really seeing you, I think I'll sleep much more soundly. I-"

James paused and even without being in his mind I knew the battle with himself he was having. The battle to not say what he wanted to, the battle to keep his armor up, his mask that he had always worn, his show of being impenetrable, a leader through and through, a warrior with no weaknesses, no emotions.

He had always kept his heart to himself, never telling others, even his Clan, even Kael, how he felt, and now he was fighting to break that habit, fighting to get his family back, knowing the only way to do that was with honesty, with vulnerability, not strength and hardness.

I stretched two fingers out from where they hung by my side, just skimming their tips against the inside of his wrist, feeling his heat, the quick thrum of his pulse for a few rushed beats before I broke the contact. I felt him loosen slightly beside me, though he continued to clench and unclench his jaw a few more times before continuing.

"I missed you both, I missed my family and my Pair and though you two had each other, and Jordan had...more purpose, more self-control, maybe just more of a soul than I did, than I do...I had nothing, except my hatred, my anger, and emotions I didn't know how to handle. So I Shifted, I returned to what I had been before this Clan's time. It's easy for me to lose track of time when I'm like that, altered for days on end. I often forgot to eat, and I avoided sleep because my father used it against me, and Jordan, to try to break our minds. I thought I was being strong by doing the things I did, by killing my humanity, burying it. I thought I was burying my weaknesses too, but in reality I was only becoming what he wanted.

When I went to the Vault, I couldn't even keep food down anymore, and I couldn't be in my Human form for long, it was actually painful to pretend to be Human, to hold my Shift in. It was like withdrawals when I didn't have it over me. I still don't understand it all, but I know I was losing my mind.

But once Jordan and I repaired our connection, once she forgave me, things began to come together more, I began to be able to pull myself together more. I think our connection can share strength when we are together, can heal, but it can also destroy when it is broken. I was worried being without her Pair would weaken Jordan, kill her, but in reality it ruined me far worse than her. I isolated myself, I gave in to my nature and I neglected my humanity, and then with my father's attacks on my mind, with my guilt and anger tainting everything, with what I am and what I've done, with A-"

James' eyes were on Kael's when his words caught in his throat, when his explanation, all the truth spilling from him abruptly stopped.

"There is something else I need to tell you, brother, and I wish I could save you from it. I wish I could tell you on a different occasion, when you trusted me more, when we were closer, when I could maybe take some of this pain instead of being the one to give you more. I should have told you, just like I should have told you so many things a long time ago, but I am now, as promised. I will not lie to either of you anymore."

James stepped forward then, until he stood directly before his brother, until he was only an arm's length away. When he spoke it was in a clear but quiet voice, sadness reverberating in each word, each syllable.

"I'm so sorry for all of my deceptions, but possibly the worst secret I've kept from you is Ambriel. She was a Fourth, when I discovered it I didn't tell you because I wanted her to choose to be good, I wanted to see if she could, if she would try for you. I didn't believe she could, but then again I didn't believe I could be good either, but I was still trying. I confronted her about what she was the day she died. I was going to kill her, I saw her in a vision with my father, agreeing to be his, to work for him, to be owned by him...

I was going to kill her, I knew I would win, she didn't know who I was, what I was - am. But then there was the ambush, and I didn't do it, I didn't kill her. I never lied to you about that much, but I could have saved her. I saw the attack coming. I could have saved her and instead I did nothing, because I knew that would be my loophole, I could go home and tell you she had died in the attack and it would be true. I could save your feelings, save you from ever knowing what she really was, save you from knowing that I was going to kill the one you loved, the one you love. That she was already turned to a monster. I'm so sorry."

Kael stayed silent for a long time, staring at James with depthless, black eyes, nothing changing in his face or stance, not a muscle in his body moving. I wished I was in his head, felt a yearning to know his thoughts, but I couldn't invade his privacy now, I wouldn't steal whatever he was warring with inside his mind.

Then he opened his mouth and spoke, his voice betraying nothing. It reminded me of how much he could hide when he wanted to, how he wore even more of a mask than James, how he had no tells, how he was the best actor in our Clan.

"The vision of her with your father was in the past, you're sure of it?"

James nodded.

"And you've been seeing her now, she's another reason you were, or you thought you were losing your mind?"

James nodded again.

Suddenly Kael's Shift dropped, and his almond eyes were staring into James' deep navy.

"I want you to see me when I say this, see that I mean it, see that I'm giving you the same truth you're giving me." Kael paused, but only for a second, only long enough to take in a deep, filling breath.

"I forgive you, brother, for your lies, for not trusting me, for keeping Ambriel's truth from me all this time. But I do not forgive you for what you are. I do not forgive that because there is nothing to forgive, you cannot choose what you are, you can only choose your actions, and by your actions you are my leader, my friend, and my brother. We will come back to the Vault with you, we will fight your father with you, and we will win."

For the first time ever, I saw two things happen. First, James looked truly shocked, confused, stunned, the emotions on his face looked like they were so rarely used they didn't know exactly how they were supposed to lay. Second, Kael clasped his arms around James in an embrace, and after a few long seconds of stunned silence and immobility James wrapped his arms around Kael as well.

It felt strange to be witnessing, like I was prying into a private moment and I found my eyes trying to find anywhere else to look. My roving gaze found Nevaeh's and it looked like she attempted a sneer, one side of her lips moving up to show teeth, but her eyes, which were no longer black either, were glistening, and her snarl was as clearly posed as her insults had been earlier. We were pulled from our awkward eye contact as Kael and James released each other.

Kael was the first to speak.

"I understand slightly now how difficult it is to be the leader, how you have to show nothing, make a decision and never second guess it, even if you might be wrong, even if you are wrong, how you have to bear everything alone. I am sorry you had to do that for us, you won't have to anymore. I will follow you, but you will not be alone, you have your Pair, and you have your brother.

I hope you will see me as an equal, as a brother, not a subordinate. You shouldn't have to bear so much alone, not anymore. If your father wants you to harden yourself, to destroy your humanity, if he wants you to become isolated and break under the pressure, then we will do the opposite, we will work together, we will share the burdens. If we are going to go down, it will be together. I will never leave you again, brother."

Kael paused, looking up at the morning sky.

"I've seen Ambriel too, and I felt, I knew, that there was darkness in her. I've only seen glances, glimpses, and at first I thought it was just my imagination. I often used to see her, smell her, hear her and feel her, but those were memories, wonderful and an escape for me. But these have been the opposite, these visions have been a trap. Each time I'm left with darkness, with a sick feeling in me. I never suspected anything when she was alive, or even after she died, but lately, lately I was worried it was my humanity withering away, putting darkness in the place of someone I used to love, someone who used to be light to me.

I am glad that isn't the case, I am glad you told me. The truth isn't your fault, what she was isn't your fault, and what she was going to do, the path she decided to go down isn't your fault. Just like I'm judging you by your actions, by all the good you do and try to do and will do, I will judge her by the same, and I believe what you say, I believe she was dark, and still is. And I understand why you kept it from me, just like why you kept what you are from me.

I only have one request, and you've already agreed to it; never lie to me again."

My sweets are finally together again - and all is well! (For now) I mean, let's be real - when have I ever let a good thing continue on for long?

I think the last time things were good, well, then the cemetery happened at the end of Book I...am I going for another drop soon?

Is that my pattern? Incrementally better and better until the characters are in a good place and then drop them again into something horrid?

I guess we'll see!

Sleep well,

T