I had never felt so inadequate, and considering the life I had lived, that was a heavy statement. I had always been surrounded by magic and power far greater than my own. And I had always been treated like glass, not because of what I lacked, but because of what I had, what I was. Because I was needed, because I was prophesied, even though it was only as a secondary character, a sacrifice, if at least a willing one.

And now it was here, the time I had stayed alive for, the reason I stepped down from that ledge so many times, the reason I was worth something. But of course now, finally now, right when I was supposed to do my one duty, fulfill my one purpose...I no longer wanted to. I wanted to live, I wanted to grow old. Because I had people I wanted to experience life with. Jordan, Levi, Abby...Nevaeh. I had never felt how I did for her for anyone else. I even enjoyed being around Malachi in some strange way, even James. I enjoyed my life finally. Just in time to give it up. How appropriate.

I don't know why I made the joke with Malachi that he was responsible for my life, I knew he wasn't, I knew what would happen regardless of who had my back. Because, unlike the others, I knew how to interpret the prophecy, or at least, I thought I did. I had had decades with it, to decipher it, to follow every possible meaning until I found the only answer. And the answer was repeatedly made clear, especially by the final line - all must lay down their lives. And I was the start, the metaphorical finger in the dam. Or at least, that is what I had convinced myself of, but watching Jordan and James fail time and time again against the Collector, seeing them unable to beat him, the only time I ever witnessed them lose, it shook my hope, my plan. Then when that monster grabbed James, disappearing from Jordan's reach, I felt my heart sink further.

His soldiers formed a ring, as much of a wall around him and Jordan as they could, fighting off and slowing Kael and Nevaeh and Malachi as they tried to break through the circle to help, to save the closest thing to family any of them had ever had. Even if it was only a rival and long-lost, pseudo-brother for Malachi. Some part of me knew he loved James too, though I doubted he knew what those words meant, or could recognize the associated emotion.

I continued to pull from the Collector, but it was useless. Even if I could pull some amount of his power from afar, stop him from disappearing back to wherever he had come from, it seemed I still couldn't stop his Gift from flowing into his son when he had a hand on him. And now he did. So, I prayed. I bartered. I offered anything to have this work, even just to have this be the first domino in that bastard's demise. That would be enough for me.

» ✦ «

I couldn't understand what was happening before me. My mind couldn't fathom that we were losing, that we had actually already lost, that it was over. Some small logical part of my brain knew how this would play out, knew every option ended the same. But that knowledge couldn't seem to bleed through me, spread into the rest of my mind. I just couldn't believe it. It was wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

So I stood there, stuck in mind and body as his remaining soldiers surrounded me, executing every step like this was exactly how it had been planned. Then the devil spoke, his voice smooth and ancient and haunting. Equal measures beautiful and horrible.

"My dear child, you knew this would be the conclusion. I'm sure you saw it a hundred times in your mind, your dreams and visions - maybe multiple versions, variations, but we always end here, don't we? Your love's life for your loyalty, your submission.

Show me, little wing, show me how much you care for him and save him. No more practice - this is the last time I'll ask you to join me. But even now, as I hold all the leverage, all the power, I still offer you him as a gift. If you join me, you will both live on, together in my home. You will not receive a better offer, batnae."

My lungs felt frozen, filled with ice from either his cold power or my body going into shock. Every part of me, my mind to my bones, all of it was empty, cold, unable to do anything, to even decide what I wanted it to do. This was too close to my first prophecy, my first meeting with the Collector, in the secret place in my woods, my daydream when I couldn't move.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. My eyes were tied to James, but I saw his father's face hardened, a ledge far too similar to James' stood out as he bit down on his jaw in annoyance, breathing out through his nose like he was trying to keep calm.

"Further motivation, child? Or are you just too weak to make a decision without my son guiding you? Let's see which it is."

He threw James to the ground at his feet, still yards from me, too far from me. The way James' body hit hard and laid limp in the bloody grass made a sob claw its way up my dry throat. My legs gave out, or maybe I decided to kneel, I wasn't sure anymore, I wasn't sure of anything. I could only see James, wishing, willing him to lift his head, his eyes to mine, to let me know it was okay, that he forgave me for what I was about to do.

Then the Collector began. One hand reached out toward James as his body began to tremble once more, to shake, until his movements crescendoed and he let out a wretched yell that broke me, shattered whatever strength I was still clinging to. I found my forehead on the ground, sobbing and screaming as I beat at the half-thawed grass. My hands dug into the mud and gore of the battles that had stretched across the grounds. My entire body wracked by my own cries, my mind broken by the pain of hearing and seeing my Pair's suffering at his father's hand. And being powerless, being unable to do anything to stop it, to help him, to even get to him, near him.

Powerless except for one option, one end I swore I would never choose.

I somehow got my shaking hands under me, propping myself up on all fours to look to James. He was on his knees as well now, but sitting up, his head thrown back, his body arched as his father's current ran through him. His eyes were squeezed shut and his mouth set into a grimace, and though I knew I couldn't stop it, couldn't save him, my body crawled forward of its own volition, inching closer to him. I just needed to be closer to him.

"Stop your groveling and prostration, and make your choice, girl. You truly are a disgrace to Irin, the Earth has weakened you even with our blood filling your veins. Either kill your beloved or save him and join me. I am tired of your delays, your interference, and disruptions. Choose, now."

I opened my mouth again, despair and fear and pain, so much pain, clouding my mind. I didn't understand what he meant, what he was saying. I didn't even know what my lips were trying to form or what I was trying to speak. But it didn't matter. Nothing would matter if James died. Nothing would matter if we lost - and we already had. But I couldn't lose him too.

My eyes rose to the Collector's, and I was met by the same midnight blue I dreamed of and adored. But instead of seeing those eyes and thinking of how similar James looked to his father - I only saw James there in the blue that they shared. James didn't look like his father, his father looked like him. That blue belonged to James and James alone, my James. The blue I met with a glare didn't bring me fear like seeing a Fallen should, it steeled me because those were the eyes of my Pair and I knew what he would have me do, what I should and would do.

"Go to Hell."

I tried to spit the words out, but I couldn't muster the breath. They left me barely a cracked whisper, but they were enough to be heard. The Collector's face twisted into something wicked, and for a flash, I saw the demon he was, the dark creature that hid behind his faultless face.

"Have it your way, you pathetic, failed experiment."

Unlike my own voice, his listened to him as each word slithered out, bitter like poison. I felt panic rising as I understood what I had just done, what I had just put into motion, the fate my words had sealed. My momentary calm came crashed down around me and my chest seized. I clutched at it, trying to get air in, but I knew this wasn't the Collector's doing, this was my own body revolting, knowing what was coming.

The Earth stilled its turning, time freezing along with my body, my mind, everything within me as I bore witness to a sight so horrendous it came in snapshots, so wrong my mind couldn't comprehend it smoothly. I saw eyes blacken. I saw a hand raise. I saw a bolt of blue and white light up the open grounds around me, sending jagged shadows across Darkling bodies, broken Skia, the surrounding trees, and the black expanse of sky. I tried to form a shield, to move his power, to block it. But I knew it was too late and he was too strong. He was right, I was weak. Pathetic.

And then I saw the Collector behind James where he knelt, through James, through the gaping, charred hole in his chest, larger than my fist, exactly over where his heart should have been. James' lips parted in shock and his eyes flew open, midnight blue trapping mine, holding me captive like the very first time they locked onto mine and I drowned in them in my grungy shop. And then there was nothing there, no light, no spark, just a vacant gaze. He fell, slumping to the side, his eyes staring out emptily, spearing me through my own chest, piercing my heart just as his had been.

A scream, blood-curdling and wretched filled the empty air. It hurt my ears, it hurt my throat, and chest, and head. But I couldn't stop it. This was a pain I had never felt. Anguish burned through my veins, my brain, and bones, and every atom of my being. Though I couldn't feel air pulling into my locked lungs, somehow I was still screaming, and though I couldn't see the world around me, I could still see James' eyes, his white face flecked with blood, streaked with black, with mud and mire. I could still see the steam rising from the empty space in his chest as his blood soaked into the earth of our home.

The grass around me began to sizzle, the blood and dirt bubbling and steaming as waves of heat and walls of packed air pulsed out from me with each piercing shriek, each beat of my hands, break of my heart, and splintering of my soul.

The Collector took a few long strides back that somehow didn't seem like a retreat as he looked on unimpressed at the concussions, indifferent as my anguish rolled out over the grounds. The blasts burned through some of the Darklings and Skia surrounding us, knocking others back, cleaving some in half. But the world was closing in, darkening as shadows grew all around me. And I welcomed them. I wanted to die. I knew I would without James. Just being apart had almost killed him last time, withered him away. But now this final break in our connection would take me too, I knew it, I could feel it. And I wanted it. The black and cold, the empty. I called to it, ran to it, chasing the eternal nothingness I could feel nearing in unconsciousness...

I felt myself lift, float. The acrid scent of burnt flesh stung my nostrils, the drum of a thrashing heartbeat, and the sizzle of skin filled my ears. I tried to scream and strike out, but it didn't matter, I was already too far gone, too far under. I would die before he could use me for his side. The sounds of the world were already muffled, far away and small, fading. This was it. This was death. As it should be. Just as I wanted. Silence.

» ✦ «

This was it. I had chosen a side, that side had lost, and I couldn't fucking care less. Letting myself hate my master, my tormentor, truly hate him and feel it, revel in it, had opened decades of wounds, and now I could hardly stand knowing he would live another day. But we had to be smart, I couldn't let my emotions get the better of me, that was a strength of mine. Patient, enduring, self-preserving control. And that meant, this time, we had to run to fight another day.

I was by Ailech's side before James' body hit the ground, though I could still hear his yells echoing in my mind, playing horrible memories behind my eyelids, nightmares that made me flinch even now when I was awake. Then Jordan's screams joined the cacophony in my head and I had to physically steady myself with a hand on the mage's shoulder just to stay upright. The agony in her screams had a physical effect on me, on the world, as every movement became labored and the whole clearing dropped into a burning, blustering tornado of fire and smoke and chaos.

Ailech's gem eyes were wide with fear, panic like an animal caught in a trap. I tried to muster up calm to share with him, but I had reached my limits too, every limit. My body ached from a hundred small injuries, my mind and heart and soul, whatever it was that made me up inside, all of it hurt, all of it was spent and weary and heavy, cracking under the pressure. Even my Shift was trying to retreat into me, something I had never felt before. It screeched and clawed at me as I pulled it back out, but I needed it now, for what I was about to do, I needed the deception it gave me, its lies and power. I needed the black to hide the hatred in my eyes, the bloodlust to cover the stench of my fear.

Ailech opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out, and we didn't have time anyway.

"Do you trust me?"

I barked the question over the whipping wind, cutting off whatever he was trying to say. He hesitated only a second before giving a short nod. It made something both sink and soar in my chest all at once. I gulped in a breath, bracing myself for what I would ask next.

"Then die for me."

Ailech's eyes somehow fluttered wider, but only for a flash, then his jaw set and I thought he would refuse. But he didn't, he squared his shoulders to me and nodded again. But I had to do this right, and that wasn't good enough.

"Say it."

It took him two tries, a hard swallow, but I heard the words rasped out, rushed.

"I'll die for you."

I dipped my head in a quick acknowledgment, looking him straight in his eyes and locking the moment away, his words away, before I barreled through the weakened ring of the Collector's army, dragging him in tow, directly into the eye of Jordan's storm.

My master tracked me immediately as I broke into the rough circle, pulling Ailech behind me like an anchor. We arrived just as Jordan collapsed onto her side, a mirror to her Pair even now. I felt the draw of his attention, his power calling to a soul he owned, and my hand tightened around Ailech's arm involuntarily. He spoke in his commanding tone, the silk and honey voice I knew all too well, that made my skin prickle. I felt my body fight to obey the weight of his words.

"My loyal general, and now, my heir-"

He swept his arm wide in a show over James' lifeless body implying that my only competition was forfeit. As if he so easily would forgive me butchering so many of his army.

"-I see you've come to your senses. Bring the mage to me, the girl as well. We're going home."

I forced my lips to curve into a smile, to show my teeth and look mildly pleased as I glanced to James' corpse, pretending to be glad at my master's words, at his seeming forgiveness for my mistakes the past weeks at the Vault. I took the needed steps to get to Jordan's body, checking as casually as I could that she still breathed. I knelt, letting Ailech go, and lifted Jordan into my arms, cradling her light body into my chest.

Before I stood, I gathered all the strength I could spare, all the anger and courage and determination, and pushed it on Ailech. Still knelt next to where he stood, I looked up at him, willing him to see the plan in my eyes. And whether he knew or not, whether he could see what I was about to do or not, he trusted me, I saw it in the way he held my gaze. He stepped in front of me and faced his family's murderer head on and alone.

I swiftly stood and began making in the opposite direction, feeling the pull to stop, to turn, to obey. Every fiber of my being was screaming at me to obey, so much so that my body tensed, my muscles trying to lock. I gritted my teeth and kept dragging my feet forward, pulling my body along, ignoring the searing pain in my mind, the screaming of all that was in me, the tearing inside from whatever my master had a hold of. I continued toward the back gate as quickly as my traitorous body would allow, continued toward Jordan's escape. Nevaeh and Kael soon flanked me, fighting me through the chaos as my master's flagging army focused everything they had left on me and the body in my arms. Familiar faces flashed past me before meeting their ends at the hands of James' Clan as I trudged on.

Then I heard his voice, again, more powerful this time, and my body stilled despite my best efforts.

"Stop! What are you doing? You are mine, you cannot disobey me. Come to me, now."

His direct commands cemented my feet to the ground, locking my body and muscles. But I couldn't stay frozen there, I had to keep going, I had to get her out of here. I ripped at whatever I had in me, shredding my soul or spirit the best that I could, hoping to cut my master's hold on me as well. I gasped at the sharp feeling, like I was peeling skin, and took a stumbling, labored step forward again, my eyes on my goal, those gates at the back of the dark expanse of yard.

Each limped step felt like I pulled the world behind me as I clutched Jordan tighter and tighter to my chest, as her pain bled out into her power and burned me. I could smell my own flesh blistering, smoldering, as she was alight in my arms. Her anguish emanated fire even in unconsciousness. But the physical pain helped, it cleared my mind as my whole being strained to keep walking, to disobey the one who owned me, who controlled me. My burning skin gave me something else to focus on, instead of the torment my soul was in. My breath came too quickly, my heart slamming, and my head felt like it was about to explode, but I continued to fight for each jerked step. Soon, every movement drew a groan from my throat, past a sandpaper tongue and gritted teeth.

I heard a roar of rage reverberate through the ground, and the world shook from it. But though it hurt, I smiled. This was my defiance, this was a betrayal all of my own doing, and he knew it, he was watching it happen, realizing that finally, one thing hadn't gone according to his intricate plan. That finally, one time, he had been tricked. He had lost, at least in this.

Just as I reached the edge of the cemetery, I turned. I still had more to do, one last promise to keep. The anger in my master's eyes seized my body, but Ailech was holding him with his draining power. Each time he tried to fold the world around himself to disappear and reappear, Ailech held him to this plane. Each time he lashed out with his lightning, slicing into the mage with whips of his power, Ailech healed himself. And each time the enraged Angel tried to step forward, Ailech pulled from him harder. It wasn't sustainable, as just a few seconds already had Ailech clearly spent, but it was a masterpiece to behold, to watch a man go up against a god, and, at least for a moment, win.

My master's chest was heaving from the exertion, his face a twist of rage as we met eyes before his predatory gaze fell back on Ailech and he smiled a smile I knew too well. One that took pleasure in the pain of others. One that chilled even my cold heart. He called out to me, his voice rising over the wailing wind.

"I see you have chosen your flesh over victory, over power. I should have known you would share the same weakness as your sister. Pathetic. But no matter, I've already won. My son is gone and I have the mage. I only need one, and now you've given him to me. He's mine."

My suspicions confirmed about the unconscious weight in my arms, I forced my smile wider, even as I worked to dig my heels into the hard-packed dirt so I wouldn't run to my master's side like the fucking pet I was. Instead, I raised my chin in defiance, middle fingers following as I snaked my tongue out.

I felt the help and power I had continued to funnel to Ailech sputter out and die, my Gift and Shift faltering in exhaustion. But it didn't matter anymore, I didn't need my nature or the push of emotions and energies now. Only my Sign, just the smallest of sparks, the little bit of myself I had reserved just for this. So let him see my eyes as the black bled away, let him see the color he found so beautiful, so desirable. Let him etch this image into his mind. Let him see only my Human half as his victory slipped away.

"No, the mage is mine," I spoke the words and sealed his fate to mine.

With the last of my strength, the dregs of my remaining power, I sent two quiet flames to Ailech, to the base of his neck and his heart, paralyzing and killing him in such quick succession, his power didn't have time to respond. Or maybe he knew it was coming, that I was coming, maybe he halted his healing and truly had seen my plan as I looked up into his eyes before he stepped in front of me, of Jordan, and payed for our escape with his life.

He fell in a heap and I heard a roar as the Collector realized I had stolen the mage from him, but I was already turning, the gate to the Vault already materializing. Kael and Nevaeh were by my side, though Nevaeh's face turned to a mask of confusion, melting into frenzied shock and horror as she realized Ailech wasn't with us, as she saw his body just yards from James'. My words slowly sunk in and what I had done broke across her face, but it was too late. Kael grabbed her around the middle when she made to dash back out into the open expanse, dragging her toward the portal as she kicked and screamed and clawed at him like she had gone mad.

I took one last step backward and my heel hit the plane dividing here from there, death from life. And with my sister burning in my arms, we disappeared. The last thing I saw was my old master, his face distorted in a fury that could level cities and bring down empires as I winked.

THATS ALL FOLKS!
[Until book four]