I woke up feeling electricity on my skin, and it took me a moment to realize it was James, that my Gift had opened at some point in the night and I could feel him next to me. I loved feeling the fire again like it was burning away all the hurt and anger and ice of the last months, like it was purifying all the hate. I peered one eye open and saw him laying on his back, arms behind his head, watching my ceiling like it was something extremely complex, like it held the answers to world peace and hunger all in one.

A moment later he glanced at me and upon seeing me awake sat up slightly, holding himself up by his elbows, though they sank deep into the mattress from his weight, however slight it may have been. The beds were much too soft at the Vault, or at least mine was, I hadn't actually tested any others.

When James spoke it was in a half-empty voice that made my skin prickle painfully, then I heard his words' meaning and the prickle turned to something worse, something sharper.

"I meant what I said last night, in my room, every word of it, but I can't be what you want, what you deserve or even need. I can't be there for you like I should. I can't show people that, I can't even be your friend or...or anything more. I can't do this."

He gestured at himself lying in my bed. A slight lift pulled at one side of his mouth at his last word, though I could tell it wasn't for me. It was like he was disgusted, no, disappointed with himself for being here with me, for sleeping by my side.

"I've been thinking on this a lot, and I know we won't win if I let myself be so...if I let myself get too...if I let myself have such a glaring weakness, such an easy target. People are weaknesses and showing weakness right now is reckless and stupid. Kael and Nevaeh are one thing, a Clan is one thing, but you...it would be a mistake to have a connection beyond being True Pairs.

I have to be a leader, and so much of being a leader means not being a man or not a good one at least. So much of what it will take to kill my father will be cruel and cold and you won't like who I become, who I am. But I have to be him. I need to be a Half. I need to have people fear me, to think I'm invincible and untouchable and soulless, to think I killed my humanity, carved it out along with my heart, to think my nature won. I can't have them thinking I have anything inside of me, love, or a conscience, or - anything else they can use against us."

He paused, staring at the covers for a moment before taking a deep breath and forging on.

"Jevin was right on one single point, if people knew these feelings, if they knew our connection and how much I need you, it would only be used to destroy me, us. Even when we're around allies, word can get out and I can't risk that. I'm supposed to be a demon, I'm supposed to be damned and heartless, a weapon, and caring about you just doesn't fit into that, it can't. The safest thing is for us to continue as we have, to be partners working for a common goal, but nothing more. Being what we are, acting like I wish I could would be foolish, and I can't make any mistakes against my father."

He paused once more, a drawn-out pause, but I knew he wasn't finished, I could see it in the set of his jaw, the tension of his profile as he stayed reclined next to me. When he spoke again it was in a sad voice, but there was determination underneath.

"I have to be the monster from the city, the Fallen, not who I was with you last fall, not who I was last night. I can't be the person I want to be, I have to be a Half instead."

His entire speech had sounded hesitant, and the way he sometimes paused or restarted was so unlike him. He had stared at the comforter for most of his monologue too, as if he was ashamed of what he was saying, as if he couldn't look me in my eyes. He looked like a boy breaking up with a girl for the first time. And maybe he was.

The sick feeling on my skin had already slunk away, but I still spoke cautiously, not yet sure of what I was missing. Of why my answer wouldn't work.

"Why not be both?"

He looked at me like I hadn't listened to a word he'd said, but actually, I had, every single one. At first with a blade running up and down my spine, just waiting for it to plunge in. Then with a sinking feeling in my chest. But by the end, the answer seemed so clear I was surprised he hadn't thought of it himself.

"Be both; be who you need to be and who you want, just don't ever let them meet."

I smiled as tentative understanding spread across his face.

"Be a monster, be a Half, be King and Ash, and this new Fallen James when anyone's around to see. I'll understand. Hell, I'll probably try to act the same, just as empty and cold. If you need to be seen as hard then I do too. But when we're alone, when you're with just me, be the real James, be my Pair, be exactly who you want to be, who you always have wanted to be. If you keep that alive, even just in private, then in a small way we've already won because you won't become what your father wants, not really at least.

You can be strong and hard and cold and a Half, all the things you'll need to be on the outside, as far as the world's concerned, but not destroy the rest of you, not destroy your heart. You can keep it from everyone else, keep it safe, keep it hidden. We can keep it secret."

At that, he smiled, a rare flash of brilliant white teeth. His eyes lit up like a thousand twinkling stars in a clear midnight sky as he leaned in and kissed my temple.

I didn't have time to even be shocked before he let out a quiet, irritated half-groan a second before a knock sounded at my door. James was on his feet and standing against the far wall before I even felt him leave my side, he pressed a finger to his lips as they pulled into a sly smirk, mischief and amusement lining its curve. He winked and then was gone, or rather, invisible. I wiped the silly smile from my face before calling that it was unlocked and sliding to the edge of my bed.

Abby walked in and seated himself in the sole chair in my room as I sat on the edge of my mattress, running my fingers through my bed head with a fair amount of difficulty and more than a few cringes.

"Sleep well, child?"

He spoke with a funny smile on his grandfatherly face.

"I had another nightmare last night, but I'm fine now," I replied as casually as I could, though his smile made me feel uneasy, like he knew something I didn't.

"Hm, a nightmare, you say. Well, I'm very sorry. The company helps though?"

His eyes were smiling now more than his lips and I couldn't quite decide what he was actually asking.

"Yeah...you being here...helps?" I said skeptically, wondering if there was some sign that James had spent the night in my bed. I glanced at the covers, but they were just as messy as they always were, and there wasn't any indent in the passenger pillow even, since it was halfway under mine.

"Child, I can see him standing over in the corner like he's in a timeout. Come on James, show yourself. I can sense you enough to know the devilish expression on your very face."

Abby smiled openly now as he looked directly at the corner James had disappeared in. A moment later he blinked back into existence.

"You aren't getting dull yet I guess, old man."

James' voice didn't sound friendly, but it wasn't hostile either, which I counted as a win.

Abby's smile widened at his old student's slight compliment, ignoring his tone completely, before turning back to me.

"This isn't a monastery, you may share a room if you like. I'm just glad there is peace between Pairs. You had me worried for a bit, prophecy fulfillment and all, but I'm sure many will be pleased by this happy and long, long, long-awaited reunion."

"We aren't telling anyone, or showing anyone. No one can know, do I make myself clear, Zed? No one."

James' voice was like steel, not angry, just firm, leaving no doubt that his words were to be followed. He sounded like a Clan's leader, something I hadn't heard enough the past few months. It was nice to hear his voice slip back into authority, something that truly suited him. I almost expected Abby to disagree, but then he closed his mouth, gave James a quick nod and looked back to me.

"Secret or not, I am proud of you for your decision. I believe the mere strength of your connection will help heal James' ailments, yes?"

James nodded, the muscle in his jaw standing out, but only slightly.

"I think she's already helping me. I haven't felt...I don't feel sick right now. I actually feel..."

James paused as if trying to think of the most accurate word, his eyes scanning the ceiling again like it held the key. When he looked back to Abby and me, he had a look of amusement dancing in his eyes, a look I had missed like air, like water. Amusement suited him, too.

"Hungry. I feel hungry. And I didn't have nightmares last night, at least, not after I joined Jordan."

Abby nodded again, a knowing smile still on his face.

"Let's hope these trends continue."

By the time I would have usually been getting ready to meet with Zodiac, James and I were in Abby's office, discussing the next steps in our plan. I had done most of the talking, though I was surprised by how cordial my Pair was being with his old tutor, a detached politeness, but still polite. He hadn't bared his teeth at the bothersome, meddling, old wizard even once. I counted that as a win as well.

"So you plan to find your Clan, to mend what your father broke?"

"To mend what I broke by not trusting them with the truth, yes."

James had corrected Abby a few times like that, taking responsibility when Abby's words seemed to place it elsewhere, stating things in a more realistic, albeit less forgiving light, or even just outright admitting a fault of his own where Abby would skip over it. It only served to remind me more of what Abby had told me weeks ago, that he would always see the light in James, always believe in him and take his side whenever possible. Abby was good, just like Levi had said. James was good too, just in a very different way.

"Do you know where to begin looking for your family?"

The question was directed at James, but he stayed silent, looking at his hands in his lap as if thinking.

"No. I didn't keep track of them. I was...busy."

I focused on his mind, seeing if he was open to let me speak to him in private, something I hadn't done for months, but it was still just as natural as ever. He looked up at me, his eyes rising from his hands.

I never said thank you. So, thank you.

I smiled slightly at my own words, and to my surprise James returned the smile, though in a lesser capacity than my own, dropping his eyes back to his hands.

I never thought I'd get to hear you say that to me. It sounds nice.

Then I'll say it again. Thank you for saving me from Jevin, thank you for placing me with Chi...thank you for protecting me even when I hated you.

You never really hated me, did you?

His mischievous smile was back in his eyes as they met mine again and I knew he was joking. I raised my eyebrows in response.

"Ouch," he said in feigned-hurt.

"Ahem," Abby interjected a moment later, looking just as fake-annoyed as James looked fake-injured.

"Oh I forgot, Jordan, he can't do what we can. We should speak out loud around him."

James' smile climbed higher at the words that so closely mirrored Levi's from just days earlier. The similarity wasn't missed on Abby, as he smiled and leaned back in his office chair.

"I thought you'd like that instruction. Peppy little kid, isn't he?"

That was when my dream came rushing back to me, and I felt the blood drain from my face and neck as cold, clammy dread washed over my skin. I had to swallow back the feelings of nausea.

"You need to watch him more closely. I had a dream. It was just a dream, not a vision or anything. But the bad ma-the Collector got in, got in here, he killed him and I couldn't do anything. I couldn't save him."

Abby's face looked offended at the mere thought that one of his tenants could be in danger within his walls, but I held his gaze, letting him know just how serious I was.

"Child, nothing living can enter here without my knowledge, and without my authorization. I promise you there is no way he can come here, no way he can hurt you or James or Levi. No life can even step foot on the grass above our heads at the surface without my explicit permission. I could name and number the insects above us, that is how deep my warding goes. He may be powerful, but even he is limited by a certain set of rules. He is no God."

I paused as I tried to think of a way to make Abby listen to me, to have him take me seriously. Something in my mind was sure that my dream had meant something, even if it wasn't a vision, it was still something, some danger I should be aware of.

"Ambriel can get in."

James' voice was quiet and I knew he didn't want to tell Abby about her, but he was for me. And he was right. If she could get in, and if she was real enough to hurt James, to be able to stab him, to be able to speak to him, then she could hurt Levi as well. She could get in, she already had. Cold cords wrapped around my heart at the realization that she could have killed anyone easily at any point since James' arrival.

"Ambriel? Your old partner?"

Abby looked completely baffled now, his wiry eyebrows tangling with his mildly tamed hair.

"She is...dead," he said the last word with a note of understanding in his voice.

"So your father finally learned how to bring them back. He owns their souls and he is forcing them to exist even after death. That's how he plans to get in, not with the living but with something else entirely..."

Abby was muttering to himself as he rustled papers on his desk, moving them back and forth and peering under some while stacking others on the floor by his feet until he stood with an exasperated breath and scanned the bookcase against the wall instead. He grabbed a book from halfway across a shoulder-height shelf and placed it on his messy desk as if it would crumble if not treated with the utmost care.

"Blasted devil is trying to sneak in, to beat me with syntax. I don't think so, sir, not today, no-no. Grammar and silly vocabulary changes is all it is, damn sneaking cheater."

He continued to mutter to himself under his breath as he thumbed through the book, pausing on three different pages and holding a finger to a specific line before looking further for others to add.

"If he's planning on coming in with his second-life army then he'll have a sore welcome. Ambriel was a fool for coming here, for giving away their plan. Oh, she won't be alive long, or half-alive, not once he learns what she's been up to. Not a smart girl, that one, not smart at all."

Abby's words still sounded like they were more to himself, and James glanced over to me, but I was just as surprised as he was. I cleared my throat and Abby seemed to snap back into the present.

"He can't get in because he is alive, and though Ambriel is clearly not dead, she is not alive either, not conventionally speaking, so he is using that to recreate her outside the bounds of my spells, of the Vault's protections. But I can change that. I can allow nothing, not a speck of dust, not a tendril of air in here without my explicit permission. Let's see him worm around that! I knew something was off, felt it deep in my bones I did, but I couldn't find her, thought it was the weather. Thank you, James, thank you, thank you, you have solved the riddle which has been irking me since your arrival. The eggshell in my omelette."

Abby plopped a new book down as he continued speaking, writing out words on the back of one page while running his fingers over words on the opposite, apparently no longer feeling the need to treat his ancient texts gently.

"I believe she must have come in on you, in you somehow, latched onto some part of you, then she could come and go as she pleased. She grew stronger as you fed her with your distress and deterioration and now she is physical enough to deal damage, but she won't be able to get back in, oh no, she is shut out now. He has her soul and can bring her back in some way, like his Skia and Shafes, but none will enter here. Not while I have the tail-end of a breath in me."

Abby closed the book with a snap and sat back, looking thoroughly pleased with himself.

"I will gather a few others and change the wards by this evening. Once you have left for your Clan."

At that, my eyes widened.

"Tonight? We're leaving tonight? We don't even know where they are?"

"Alderich, they've been there for months, hunting Skia as confirmed to me weeks ago. I've been watching them, always watching."

Abby waved a hand as if their whereabouts were hardly of note, but I saw James stiffen next to me.

"You've known where they were."

His voice sounded not entirely calm.

"Of course. The only one I wasn't able to locate was you. Kael leaves quite an impression on those he comes across, not at all an easily-forgotten character, that one."

Abby was looking down at his papers again as he scribbled a note, then arrowed it over to another note.

"Everything will be ready by tonight. It's warm there, you'll like it. It'll do you both good."

James' face looked as if it couldn't decide what expression it wished to wear: anger or shock or relief that he finally knew where his Clan was, instead he stared at the wizard. Finally, Abby looked up and let out a long, deep breath.

"Jordan has seen them, in dreams and visions. They have been un-branding the Human souls your father has been taking. He is creating Skia in a few locations but they are stamping them out in Alderich quite quickly. But if your father is taking the souls of his Darkling followers as well, then they must turn much different after death. Skia turn to Shafes without their souls, while Darklings must turn to what Ambriel is, phantoms who grow more corporeal the more they take from others, the more they feed from them, so to speak, or maybe just the longer they exist. I don't know much about taking a Darkling's soul, owning them like can be done with Humans, but if she is back then he must have found a way. I pray this is a trick, but we shall plan for the worst. I'll research it. One should never underestimate their enemy.

She won't be able to pull from you anymore, not now that you have Jordan strengthening you, and I'll ward you as well, and her, just in case. Though I imagine she must feed off weakness and doubt and mental anguish, anger and sadness and all the horrid parts that live within each of us. If you thought your mind was breaking, I'm sure it was only her taking strength from it, syphoning your strength. But no more. You will not be lost, not while I can do something about it, my boy. I will not let you down a second time. We will starve her on your journey to your family if she tries to come into you again, and when they return with you, I will protect them as well."

The end of Abby's speech sounded like an apology, with so much more laced beneath his words and I suddenly felt out of place, as if I should leave the men to discuss their past.

"It's a little late to make up for the past...but if you can protect my family, perhaps we can come to an understanding, Abby."

My heart soared at James' words, and Abby's light blue eyes instantly took on their watery look I had come to know so well since my arrival at the Vault.

"Yes, perhaps an understanding could be reached, Master Darke."

And there we have it, another chapter in the books! And during the school year + as I housesit for my parents + still working full time. Scheduling is a beautiful thing, no? (& writing at midnight)...

I hope you enjoy! I'll try to keep up on some semblance of regular writing sessions. I know we're all itching for the Clan to meet - or maybe they never will, maybe it's just too late. Or maybe we don't want them to meet at all? Maybe the rejection will be too much for my readers' wee hearts to take.

Guess we'll find out!

And down to hell we go.

T