Eventually, I let my mind wander beyond the prophecy, staring out the window, watching the world blur by, wishing I could be a smaller part of it. Someone like James holding our fates made sense, he was strong, prepared, created for this. I had basically been Human for all argument's sake just a few months ago, and I had been failing at even that. And though I had power, though I didn't doubt my resolve against the Collector, I didn't feel in any way the hero of my own story. I knew the prophecy, but I still didn't know my next steps, my path. I still knew nothing.

I tried to move my thoughts to something more productive, but each memory my mind jumped to brought with it more guilt, more pain, until I simply skipped from thought to thought, unable to stay too long on any threshold. I thought of what I would say to Chi, how I would convince her to join me at the Vault, beg on my knees for forgiveness if I had to. But then I only saw Syn's eyes, his open throat, my hands in his blood on the floor. I fled further back, thinking of my city, but then I only saw the targets I had killed under Jevin, his teeth flashing as they sunk into me, the fogged nothingness when I was under his drug or his cold skin when I was under his covers.

The memories of my withdrawals still made me cringe and hold my breath against the pain I thought might find me at any moment. Which then brought my mind back to Chi and Syn, when I had begged my silent guard to kill me. The memories of Juda and what he had done to Syn as a child. Then remembering him in the cemetery, the things he had said, the threats he had made, the terror in my Pair's eyes, the desperation to not be returned to his father. If James feared the Collector like that, then shouldn't it be answer enough that we were doomed?

No. He had been afraid because his father had spent years breaking him, grooming him, stripping him of hope. He had been afraid because he had thought we would hate him, abandon him, and he would be alone again with his father. But he wasn't alone now, he never would be again, he had his family, he had me. And though I knew that would give him new fears of having something worth losing, it also gave him something worth fighting for.

I felt his eyes on me a moment later, a dark feather, warmed by his fire and our connection gliding across my skin. I closed my eyes to savor the feeling before finding his. He raised an eyebrow, smirking at my reaction and I rolled my eyes. I knew Nevaeh was watching, she had somehow not missed a single time James and I communicated. Even if it was simply a look, a feeling, she always caught it. Her perceptiveness, or maybe intuition, had grown considerably in our time apart.

She flicked her eyes to the door when I caught her look, and I gave a small smile in acknowledgment, appreciating her silent suggestion.

"I'm going to stretch my legs, check the train."

James was on his feet before I finished, already walking to the sliding doors.

"I'll join, better in pairs."

Ailech chuckled.

"Yeah, smart to use the buddy system on this extremely dangerous railcar chock full of enemies. You know there isn't a 'mile high' equivalent for trains, yeah? That's just trashy."

My look of warning was lost on Ailech as James looked momentarily confused, then uncomfortable, though he covered it so quickly I wondered if only I could catch it, knowing his tells so well. Ailech's humor never seemed to quite land with James, crude humor had always been something he didn't appreciate, just like any and all physical touch that wasn't violent. I pushed away the heavy feeling of why that was. Pitying his past or falling into sadness from what he had been through would do nothing for him now.

I wondered how he overcame his discomfort, his aversion to being touched, or touching others without their death being the goal. I assumed he had, he must have. He couldn't possibly have stayed abstinent all these years. The memory of my bedroom at the Vault, feeling like I was going to kill him, like I wanted to, flashed through my mind. Maybe that's what he felt every time he had sought out physical companionship. Maybe it wasn't just because of our nature or pairing, maybe that was his constant urge. Maybe he had never even tried.

James was still waiting by the door, his head turned slightly to the side in his canine way as I passed, leading him into the corridor. Once we were a few cabins away he spoke.

"What was that thought in there? I've been getting better at knowing, no - feeling your mind, and you were spiraling, then you pulled yourself out of it. That's when I tried to get your attention. I wanted you to know I felt it, that you found hope, and that I felt that hope. But then, then something turned your mind down again, you thought of something that hurt, someone you need to protect, someone that needs saving. What was that, or who? Is it Chi? We'll get there in time. I can feel it."

I considered all the answers I could give, all the deflections, but I didn't want to. I wanted to be honest with James, now and always. I loved him and I didn't want to slide backward because we couldn't talk openly.

"When was the last time you chose to sleep with someone?"

I picked my words carefully. But, deciding on careful honesty or not, my cheeks still burned like an embarrassed teenager. I felt better a moment later when James choked on his very breath, violently coughing like he had swallowed water wrong.

"Excuse me?" He finally managed, looking at me like I had sprouted a second head.

"You heard me," I mumbled.

James stared at me but I met his eyes, holding his gaze evenly until he looked away, clearly uncomfortable.

"I've been busy with slightly more pressing matters, wouldn't you agree?"

"So, does that mean never? You've never...not since you left your father's house?"

"I'm not used to being close to people."

I stared, still not fully believing him, my eyebrows raised incredulously.

"Stop looking at me like that. I just mean it's rare that anyone is even close to me, physically close to me. So that makes it pretty difficult to... look, usually if I'm that close to someone, touching someone, anyone, it's because I'm killing them. That doesn't exactly lend itself to romantic companionship. And no, I've never sought it out specifically either, that's not me."

I forcibly dropped my eyebrows and stayed silent, not wanting to bring any more discomfort to James than I already had, giving him time to talk if he wanted to, a break if he didn't. He surprised me by continuing after a few seconds of pause.

"I had some thin forms of twisted relationships in the far past, but I was young, broken, and we were both always more interested in power than lower desires. Besides, the only thing that brought me pleasure back then was others' pain, my hunting. And then, after I left Jevin and continued alone, if I came across anyone it was most likely because I had plans of killing them. I loathed myself, and deprived everything but the hunt. I mean it when I tell you that there were weeks, months even where I never spent time with anyone unless my blade was at their throat. Then I made my Clan, and they were my priority, their safety, our future. I had no time or desire for someone in my bed."

James had dutifully been looking anywhere but at me during his explanation. Scanning the cabins we passed, noting exits and the rare passengers, trying, in the most casual way, to avoid my eyes. I stayed silent longer, not fully sure why I had brought the subject up, where I thought the conversation would go, or wanted it to go.

"What about you? Seems you've been too busy for...that sort of thing lately too."

I smiled at his pause, his tone.

"You're cute when you're nervous."

James stood a little taller at this, raising his head to its arrogant resting place before leveling his eyes with my own.

"I'm not nervous. It just took me by surprise. I don't get nervous over silly conversations or subjects like this one."

"Really? Because I thought I would have to administer CPR when I first asked. I thought you were going to choke and die."

"I was mildly surprised. That is all."

Now it was my turn to smirk at him, enjoying how he seemed less uncomfortable and more simply off-balance. It really was quite cute.

"Before Jevin, Axel was my last, and not that long before the Clan. I was actually considering Kael when I first saw him because of his style, but then you walked in...not that that means I was considering you."

I said the last part a beat too quickly, giving myself away.

"Yes you were. You're cute when you're nervous."

I rolled my eyes, hearing the stupid grin all over his face so clearly I didn't even need to look over to confirm it was there.

"About that, my room, at the Vault-"

James stumbled into the wall, his hands going to his head as he slid down into a crouch in the hallway with a growl. I was by his side a moment later, my Shift already prickling under my skin.

"A vision...I need someplace...less visible."

He ground the words out between his ragged breaths. I sprang up and found the closest empty cabin, helping James in as he fought the vision back, his breath coming out in louder and louder pained bursts. I closed the door and turned back to him, seeing black eyes, the tension in his body lessened by his Shift's presence and power.

"Join me, see it with me. It's coming quickly, so it must be soon."

He reached his hand to me, and I held it as I sunk to my knees in front of him, letting my Shift and my Gift flow from me at once.

I saw the same scene that I had for hours, or similar. Kael and Nevaeh and Ailech sat in our large cabin, the men sprawled across their beds, Nevaeh watching the door as if she was waiting for our return. Then the train came to a screeching halt, rousing the boys and eliciting a hiss from Nevaeh as she caught herself.

There was a lull of silence, our Clan glancing to each other, wondering what was happening, then the room seemed to explode and a shower of bullets rained in from the exterior wall, riddling Nevaeh and Kael, who were closest. Ailech leapt up, and was at Kael's side not a second later, pulling two bullets out as he searched for the third, hardly a handful of moments later he was on to Nevaeh where she writhed on the floor.

Just as he extracted the first shard of metal from her, four shadows fell across the cabin as four figures outlined by the sunlight stepped through the tattered wall and into the cabin, a quad, an ambush.

I saw a dark metal gun, a strong hand gripping it, aiming it directly into Ailech's upturned face as he crouched over Nevaeh, shielding her. His eyes darkened, his normal green changing to a forest sunk into midnight shadows, his entire demeanor changing as he stared down the barrel, his teeth bared like an animal. He looked like a different man. The shot echoed in my mind as the vision blurred, whirling away.

I came out of it first, not having the entire weight of the vision, merely viewing it through its vessel, through James. But a moment later he was alert as well, his eyes still black like my own. I sent my Gift into his mind of my plan as I threw open the cabin doors, sprinting back up the hallway we had just casually strolled down minutes earlier. I felt him join behind me.

Each beat of my feet down the hallway seemed too slow, each stride too short. I felt the same pit in my stomach I had after seeing my vision of Syn, his death, as I had run through the streets to him, but I pushed away the thought. I wouldn't be too late this time, the train hadn't even stopped yet.

As if the thought gave permission, the train jolted to a halt, but I was already at our door. I slid them apart and flung all of my Sign out before me, hoping my shield was enough, large enough, strong enough, just as the far wall shredded apart in a hail of bullets.

Dun dun dun! Guesses of what will happen next? Are we losing Ailech too? Is this what the prophecy meant? Jordan doesn't exactly have a great track record with male-friend longevity.

What do you all think? Y'all are the experts, after all...