Chapter 4

After an hour of cleaning, I feel exhausted and disgustingly filthy.

"I'll be in the shower," I say to Chris who is sprawled out on the couch, worn out from cleaning.

I always love showers because it was my escape. Nobody to bother me, no music, just my thoughts. It was a time where nobody's words could consume how I thought, the only time I really felt true to myself.

The hot steaming water is beaming off my back, relaxing my muscle tension. My head under the spray getting lost.

I just want to get lost and forget. Erase everything I have ever known until this very moment, to stay here in the water and the warmth, enjoying the feeling of nothingness and complete relaxation.

Suddenly what felt like peace has been disturbed by constant banging on the door.

"Hurry up in there!" a voice yells. Most likely one of my frat brothers.

I haven't got the time to personally acknowledge everyone in the house. The only guys I feel comfortable with are Chris and Rubin. Sometimes at night they just talk to me, and at night is when I feel the most vulnerable to sink into my dark and negative thoughts.

As I leave the bathroom, it all comes back again, the heavy weight on my chest, but in reality nothing was there, so why do I always feel like this?

Walking into the living room what looked more like a lodge, was the messiest thing I have ever seen.

The black leather couch cushions areflipped, one even missing from the three seater. All the books that were once placed so neatly on the wooden shelf to the left of me are now scattered on the ground. What the hell happened within the past hour?

I sit down on one of the lounge chairs staring at the ceiling. I have no idea where everyone is, they probably made plans already like normal social beings. I just sat there starring at the ceiling.

"Why so glum, chum?" a familiar voice calls. Whipping my head back, I see Sarah leaning on the wall with a smile on her face.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, smiling at her presence.

"Well, I didn't see you at the party so I thought I'd stop by."

"Yeah, I left early."

"It looks somewhat clean in here," she says sounding impressed, her eyes scanning the room.

"Yeah, we cleaned up earlier.'' Is this clean to her? I can't imagine what the house usually looks like.

"So listen... I was thinking about going to a club tonight off campus with a few of my friends."

"Have fun."

"Holden," she says, staring at me with a blank expression.

"Yeah?"

"I'm trying to invite you."

"Oh..." I shift on the couch awkwardly.

"It will be fun, I promise."

I have no idea why Sarah is trying so hard to get me to go out, although it did feel nice to be invited somewhere. I use to reject so many offers from my friends, after a while they stopped all together. It's not that I didn't want to go out, I couldn't find the energy to do it. It was like I was stapled down to my bed.

"A club? " I reply late, due to being lost in my thoughts.

"Yes, a club. A place to let go and have a good time," she explains as if I need the definition.

"A place to grind on girls and get drunk." Rubin walks in, butting into our conversation. I swear Rubin is everywhere in this house.

Sarah rolls her eyes at the presence of Rubin, do these two have history?

"We'll gladly accept your invitation," he says, smiling.

"Wait, how are we going to drink? We're underage." I remind them.

"You don't have a fake ID?" Rubin asks, looking at me like I'm an alien who just came to planet Earth.

"I know someone who can hook you up," Sarah smirks.

***

"We don't have to do this. I mean we could always just go to the club for dancing and not drinking," I say, trying to squeeze myself out of this illegal mess.

"Nope. You're doing this." Sarah pushes me into a door. From what I gather, we entered Walmart's portrait studio. It's a simple tiny little addition store added inside of Walmart. A marble counter top filled with pamphlets of the type of cameras they use.

Reaching over the counter, Sarah did all the talking. "Rocky, my friend here needs some passport photos," Sarah says, emphasizing passport.

Rocky looks as if he's at least in his 40's with slicked black greasy hair and has a scent of cigarettes on him. What a nice fragrance.

"Passport passports?" he asks with his eyebrows arched.

"Yes, Rocky, that's what I said." Sarah rolls her eyes in frustration. I'm guessing they made some secret code for fake IDs.

"I thought we came here to get Holden a fake ID?" Rubin asks, confused.

"Keep it down, will ya?" Rocky yells in a low tone to Rubin.

"How do you know this guy again?" I whisper to Sarah.

"He's my mom's boyfriend," she answers.

"Ah, connections from the inside, I see," I laugh.

"Who's this?" Rocky says, referring to me.

"He's a good guy don't worry, he just has bad jokes," Sarah says, looking at me afterwards to see if my feelings were hurt. I keep a straight face while thinking are my jokes really that bad?

"Stand over here, kid." Rocky points to a yellow outlined box for me to stand in.

I stood in front of a blue cloth that was used for the background in a photo. To my left was a photo studio reflective umbrella, an HD DSLR camera, and some lights.

"Say cheese!" Rubin shouts. I flash a weak smile as Rocky captured numerous shots.

"Just got to type in some stuff... and done," Rocky commentates, typing really fast onto his monitor.

After a few moments of silence, I hear the printer start up. It sounded like a nuke going off, quiet at first and then a burst of noise. He hands my ID card to me after printing it.

"Thank you," I say after receiving my ID. "Uh... Will Smith?"

"Let me see that." Sarah grabs it from my hand to see for herself. "Will Smith? Are you kidding me, Rocky?"

"Great actor," Rubin comments.

"Thank you! Someone appreciates it!" Rocky yells, throwing his hands in the air.

"Whatever," she groans. "Thanks... I guess."

"I have Men In Black on Blu Ray," Rubin brags. How is that even relevant? And why does he feel the need to brag about that?

Rocky blankly stares at Rubin for a moment before saying, "Why the hell are you still here?"

We walk back to Sarah's red Ford Fiesta. It's a nice car; I can't say anything bad about it considering I don't own one. "That took longer then I anticipated," Sarah says, starting up the engine.

"How do you know he won't tell your mom?" I question.

"I have baggage on him, things my mother wouldn't be too pleased about," she explains.

I would ask what she has on Rocky, but after meeting the guy, I'm not sure I want to find out. Half an hour later, we arrive at a club, Sarah parks her car in the back entrance. "Alright,we're here," Sarah says stepping outside of the car, Rubin and I following her lead.

Standing north of me is a club lit up with neon purple and green strobe lights. The sign reads, 'Cyberus night club'.

I can hear the music blaring as I stand in line. It's chilly outside and I'm close to the front of the line. I shove my hands into the pocket of my jeans, in hope it would make me look comfortable. In reality, comfortable is the last thing I'm feeling. I'm scared the bouncer will notice it's a fake, and call the cops. We start to get close and that's when my heart starts beating really fast. I could feel my palms were getting moist from my sweat.

"Don't say anything extra; just give them your ID, then smile," Rubin tells me and I nod in response.

"What? No. You have to compliment his shirt and tell him you like his hair," Sarah argues.

"I'm pretty sure Holden is straight, he can't use your flirty tricks," Rubin remarks, "And that bouncer doesn't even have hair." I try my best not to laugh. Rubin is right, her plan is ridiculous.

"You are straight... right?" Rubin asks, to confirm his points are valid.

"Yes, I'm into girls," I reply, getting embarrassed he would ask that. Do I not seem like it? I would ask but I really don't want to know the answer with my self esteem is low as it is.

Seconds pass by, I watch as Rubin gets in smoothly with the advice he had told me. Watching Sarah be flirtatious to get inside just made my lips curve into a smile. I contain myself so I won't laugh.

"Next!" the bouncer yells.

This is it, don't blow it.