Chapter 13

My exhausted state, is what's preventing me from getting out of bed. My muscles feel weak, like all my energy has been drained. It feels like depression has sucked the life out of me, just as how Leeches suck all the blood out of you. I want to wake up, but my body is telling me no. I could be asleep for days, and still the results wouldn't change. As my mind stirs, I remember the reason I'm up in the first place, my exam.

I flip over onto my back, which sadly takes so much effort in doing. I restlessly sit up, stretching my arms to get ready for the day. The day that has just begun, I already want to end.

I get up, walking to the wooden circular mirror hung up on the wall. I turn my face side to side, as I try to get a better view of my untrimmed beard. I can't remember the last time I've had it groomed. I don't have the heart to just shave it off. I feel like if I were too cut it off, I would lose a piece of myself. It makes me who I am.

I turn to Chris. "Are you going to the charity event today?"

"Probably not." He answers. "I have so much work to get caught up on."

"Shouldn't classes be easy the first month?"

"Well if it is, I'm already struggling." he says with a laugh. "I'm not even sure about this fraternity thing anymore."

I raise my eyebrows up in confusion, "What do you mean?"

He sits up on his bed before giving me a glare. "We should be doing fun things."

"Like what?" I ask, confused by what he meant. What other fun things? Is not being in the house with these guys...enough?

"I remember my uncle use to tell me stories about his experiences in fraternities," Chris says, "The way he described things, it wasn't even close to this place."

"How so?"

"Their companionship was real. They were there for each other, during lows. They had cool pledge assignments. Unlike here, all we do is clean. I'm telling you Holden, this isn't what brotherhood is suppose to feel like."

I take a moment to imagine a household that did cool things. Fun pledge assignments? Maybe even eating pizza with the guys.

At the sound of a footstep near our door. I whip my head up, as I notice Brett walk by. Almost as if he was standing there listening in the whole time. Chris widens his eyes, most likely regretting everything he's just said. He was preaching about the relationship for one another in this house. We were strangers, hoping for everything that wasn't going to happen.

***

The final bell rings as Chris and I hurry into class. I slip into one of the seats at the very back of the classroom. Chris and I had agreed that we should sit far from one another, it would just cause more distractions for both of us if we hadn't.

As I sit there, more anxious than I've ever been in my life. I can't help but let my mind whirl. I'm extremely worried about this exam, but it seems Mindy is more important. It drives me insane knowing something happened and I still don't know what. It's bad enough, I let my imagination take over. What if someone hurt her? What if one of the guys at the house took things too far? Without knowing what had actually happened, I couldn't let my thoughts make such accusations.

My eyes wander the room, before landing on Mindy. As attentive as she is, I didn't expect to see her in class today. Last night was emotional for her. I thought she would need to take a few days off to recover.

She sat there, quietly staring at Mr.Jefferson. Most likely waiting for him to start class. I don't know what Mason was talking about when he said those things about Mindy. Sure, she's quirky and a little clumsy. But she has a good heart. Most guys would take interest in a girl who's not so self absorbed, and looking in the mirror all the time.

I see Mr. Jefferson passing on bundles of papers up the row. I couldn't help but sink into my seat once I saw how thick those papers were.

A guy above me raises his arm, which holds a big booklet labeled Exam. Taking it from him, I place it on the flat surface in front of me, turning to the second page of the booklet. I feel my eyebrows arch up in confusion, the second page is empty. Rapidly, I begin flipping through all the pages in the booklet. The same image of the blank empty white sheet remained the same throughout the booklet.

Hearing hysterical laughter, I look up to see Mr.Jefferson holding his stomach with both of his hands. I look down the rows, noticing everyone else's booklets are empty as well.

"I bet you're all wondering why I gave you a booklet full of blank pages?" He says with a laugh. "There is no exam."

A wave of relief washes over me, as soon as those very words come out. I feel my heart settle back into its original spot, and let go of the pencil that once use to be suffocating in my hands.

"You see," he continues, "there was never an exam. This was all just a test. It showed me who was taking this class seriously, and those who weren't. Did you really think I would hand out an exam so early in the semester?"

Mr. Jefferson goes on about the priceless reaction's on some people's faces. He then goes on about facts during the prehistoric times. I zone out, unfazed by his discussion.

After what's felt like a long time, the bell rings, and everyone flies out. Walking outside through the pack of students, I use my hands to help shield some of the sunlight that was blinding my vision. Couple feet away, I spot Jamie, who looks pretty caught up on her phone.

As I'm about to greet her, some guy beats me to it. His face doesn't register, but it didn't have too. Whether she accepted it or not, Jamie is a beautiful girl, and all pretty girls catch the attention of other guys.

"Hey Jamie," he smiles. "What's up?"

Startled by his presence, Jamie looks up from her phone. "Hi, do I know you?"

Smirking at her response, he chuckles. "I found this on the ground in Mr.Jeffersons classroom. I'm pretty sure it's yours." He pulls out a pen from his pocket.

Jamie stares at him for awhile, looking completely unfazed by his attempt to talk to her. "Thanks..." she says taking it from him.

"No problem."

Something about seeing a guy try and flirt with Jamie makes me cringe. Even though I know she wouldn't fall for this guys charm because of Brett, something about witnessing it made me feel uncomfortable.

After awhile, I start to get the feeling that he's going to start up a conversation. Giving up, I continue walking until I see Mindy, who catches my eye. I jolt up to her. She looks distracted by her notebook. She's brings it everywhere she goes.

"Hey," I say to her, catching her attention.

"Hey." She smiles, somewhat it feels contagious when I smile back.

"You still going to the event tonight?" I ask.

"Of course!" She answers. "What kind of event planner would I be, if I didn't show up?" She laughs.

The way she's acting surprises me. She's acting as if last night never happened. I play along, for now. "You want to hang out for awhile?"

"Sure," she smiles. "Um... right now?"

"Yeah," I say. "We can walk to the park and hang out for awhile. At least before the fundraiser begins."

"Sounds good." She says. "Do you think we could stop by my place? I forgot my phone this morning."

I pause before answering, "Uh, sure." I wait and see if her expression changes at the mention of her apartment, hoping some bells inside her head would ring.

As we begin walking, Mindy tells me about the high hopes she has for the ALS charity fundraiser later on tonight. She goes on rambling, unaware that I've already tuned out of the conversation.

How can she just pretend like she didn't have an emotional breakdown last night? I try my best to nod time to time, so she thinks I'm still listening. But all I want to do is get to the million dollar question.

What happened?

I'm trying my best to respect her way of dealing with things. But shaking it off, and running away from her problems isn't going to help.

"We're here." She announces, walking towards the door.

I walk towards her slowly, as I gazed at the tall structure of the building. It's unsettling to look at, mainly because it just made me recounter everything all over again.

She pulls the door open, before turning around to look at me. "You coming?" she asks. I nod, following her inside.

I start to pay more attention to details, now that it's the second time I've been here. My hands slide across the smooth wallpaper as we walk up the creaky wooden steps. Suddenly a old lady passes us, lightly smiling at Mindy on the way down.

"Oh, Mindy! Your mother was asking me if I've seen you. She said you didn't bring your phone with you after you ran off last night, she was really worried about you." The old lady says, making Mindy freeze at her very words.

"Is she here?" Mindy asks.

"She came in not too long ago. You should check in so she knows you're okay."

"I will. Thank you Ms.Mildred." Mindy says. We wait in the middle of the stairs, before Ms.Mildred steps out of the building.

Mindy turns and starts walking down the stairs. I lightly grab her arm before she can go any further. "Where are you going? I thought you needed your phone?"

"I don't need it anymore, let's just go to the park." She says wiggling out of my grip.

"Mindy, what happened last night?" I ask.

She reaches for the exit. I run up to her quickly. I can't play these games anymore, I need to know. I grab her arm again before she can open the door, causing her to face my direction.

My eyes lock onto hers, and I'm hoping she sees how sincere they are. "Please...I need to know." I beg.

She stops resisting, and goes past me to sit on the wooden steps. I follow her lead, slowly sitting next to her. I give her a moment to process her thoughts. Whatever it is, I can tell it's not easy to just come out and say.

"I got into an argument with my mom. I think this was the worst fight we've ever been in. I forgot how it started, probably over something stupid. Things got heated pretty quick. Sometimes she just gets angry, and lashes out on me for no reason. I couldn't take it anymore I just broke down... I couldn't stop crying."

"What happened afterwards?"

"She just started laughing," Mindy whispers, "like my pain was something to laugh about."

She stops, and I look over at her realizing it's because she's trying to hold back the tears.

"I looked up at her in disbelief. How could a mother find her child's pain funny? It made me feel like I meant nothing to her," she continues, "like I was some kind of joke..."

I can't find the right words to say, I don't think I could even if I did. I want to comfort Mindy and tell her that I understand her frustration and pain. I want to tell her that my parents were just the same. That my dad told me the most despicable things when he was intoxicated, sometimes he even said them when he wasn't. But I can't... If I told her these things, I would break. But then again, you can't break something that's already broken. So I don't say anything. Instead, I let my secret eat away at me, and remain to keeping all this to myself.

"I'm sorry Holden," Mindy says wiping the tears, that have finally fallen.

"Don't be sorry Mindy. You're human, it's okay to cry." I tell her. I wish my dad told me that when I was younger. I was always afraid of crying because he always judged me. I can't remember the last time I've cried, and just let everything that I was feeling inside, out.

"I tried to avoid the waterworks. I tried to avoid all of this."

I place my hand on her lap for support. "I'm glad you didn't." I say, smiling at her.

She's quiet for a moment, then looks up at me. My heart aches a little from seeing the expired tears dry up on her face. "I never said thank you,"

"For what?"

She tries her best to smile. "For being there for me, when nobody else was."

Sorry for the long wait guys! I was so busy with school and had the worst writers block. There was also a moth in my room...