JANUARY 6, 2013

The last two days had been hard, but that was no excuse for Pacifica to be as filthy as she was.

"This is unacceptable, Pacifica," she said to herself, and she forced herself to sit up. "Lincoln may hate you now because you didn't tell him about Stanford, but that doesn't mean you can lay around in bed and cry about it all day. Into the shower with you."

It was the morning after Lincoln had come back from the forest — and then left again to be with the Pines. He had at least had the decency to come see Pacifica before he abandoned her, but only for a moment. Then he had disappeared again to talk to Stanford, and Bill later appeared to tell Pacifica that Lincoln was staying the night at the Mystery Museum. She had been incredulous that Bill would let that happen — but the demon had only shrugged and said, "This night will get Lincoln the closure that he wants, and then he'll be back to helping me."

According to Bill, Lincoln would be back at about ten A.M., and Pacifica had to be there to meet him. So at eight A.M. she pulled herself out of bed, rinsed off the remnants of her tears in the shower, and got ready for the day. Both the night of terrifying gravitational anomalies and the night of fear over what the Pines would do to Lincoln were in the past: Now it was time to move on and face the new day. Lincoln was safe, from what Bill had said, and he would come back soon. Pacifica was determined to act mature when he did.

She dressed in her purple psychic outfit, since it helped her feel confident, and styled her hair in an elaborate updo. Then she grabbed a simple breakfast — oh, how she was looking forward to good cooking now that Lincoln was back — and ate it before heading back into the bathroom and doing her makeup. It had been a while since she'd dressed up, and she felt better already.

But even as she smiled at herself in the mirror, she couldn't banish the fearful thoughts that had been swirling around her mind since last night. What if Lincoln hated Pacifica now? What if Stanford convinced Lincoln to fight against Bill? What if Mabel had charmed Lincoln to like her more than he liked Pacifica?

"Don't think about that right now," Pacifica told herself. "You'll see him soon enough, and you can assess the damage for yourself."

"'Assess the damage'?" said another voice. "What do you think I've done to him, Pacifica?"

Pacifica paused, her mascara brush dangling from her fingers, and glared into the mirror. "I wasn't talking to you, Mabel."

Mabel's spirit grinned widely. "What do you think I've done?" she repeated. She stood in the back of the bathroom, leaning against the wall.

"Don't taunt me," Pacifica said. She forced herself to keep applying her mascara. "Bill told me that Lincoln was safe last night, and Bill can't lie. So whatever you tried to do to Lincoln must have failed."

"Are you sure Bill can't lie?" Spirit Mabel pushed herself off the wall and came closer to Pacifica, who did her best not to flinch. "What if I did hurt Lincoln? What then?"

"Bill can't lie," Pacifica repeated. "Unlike you. Now go away."

"You only know that because Bill told you so," Mabel said. "He could've been lying when he said it."

"It's part of his prison, Mabel — and you're trying to keep him captive. You know as well as I do that he can't lie."

"Then he must have been misinformed about Lincoln being safe," Mabel said in a low voice. "Do you want to know what I did to him, Pacifica? Do you want to know what I did to Lincoln?"

"You didn't do anything," Pacifica said through gritted teeth.

"I tortured him." Spirit Mabel smiled. "I tortured him, and I made Dipper watch. Stanford pinned Lincoln down, and I—"

"Shut up!" Pacifica turned on Mabel. "You're lying, so just shut up."

"What if I'm not lying?"

"Well, Lincoln will be back soon, so I'll find out then. Go away, Mabel."

"I never go away," Mabel said. "Even if you don't see me, I'm always there."

"Well, do me a favor and get your ugly face out of my sight," Pacifica said. She looked at herself in the mirror, checked that her makeup looked good, and clicked off the small electric lights around the mirror edges.

When the last electric light went out, Mabel was gone.

Pacifica sighed, half in relief and half in frustration, and took the firelit lantern from its hook across the bathroom. While Lincoln had been gone, a Northwest servant had come every morning to help Pacifica light the lanterns, but no one had shown up yet today. She only had the one lit lantern, which she carried around with her. It made the Order headquarters seem dreary and lonely.

But not for long. Lincoln would be back. He would help her light the other lanterns.

"I wish he'd told me how to turn on the overhead lights before he left," she muttered to herself as she walked through the dark Order halls. "I know he prefers the firelight, but it's terrible for people's eyes." At least the Northwest servants had given her electric mirror lights to help her get ready for the day. Putting on makeup by firelight would have been awful.

Eventually, Pacifica made it to the Order entrance, and she replaced the dun lantern at the base of the stairs with her lit lantern. Then she looked up the stairs, down at her bare arms, and back up at the stairs.

"Let's go outside," she decided aloud.

She pulled her long black gloves further up her arms, adjusted her shawl around her shoulders, and started up the stairs. Yes, it was surely freezing outside; and yes, she didn't have a coat; but Pacifica needed a bit of sunlight. Even she, who preferred to stay indoors, felt starved for fresh air down here.

The freezing winter air nipped at the exposed skin on her arms as Pacifica pushed open the door. The morning sun gave its light but retained its warmth, and Pacifica found herself shivering. She didn't step out of the doorway, since she didn't want to walk in the snow; but she enjoyed the fresh air, cold as it was.

She didn't see Lincoln quite yet. She wanted to wait for him by the door, but it was too cold. So she closed the door, went back down the stairs, and waited there.

It felt like forever before the door finally opened again. Pacifica's heart lifted as she saw Lincoln's grey hair, glinting in the winter sunlight from outside. Lincoln closed the door and came down the stairs. "Pacifica?" he called.

"Right here," she said.

He jumped a bit as he saw her — he was probably expecting her to be back in her room — but quickly recovered. "Good morning," he said.

"Good morning," she replied. He looked unhurt, just as Bill had promised. She wanted to run forward and hug him tightly, but she refrained. She would act mature. She would show him that it didn't bother her that he had run off to be with the Pines.

Even though it did bother her. A lot.

"Why are you in that outfit?" Lincoln asked. "Is there a special occasion?"

"You're back. I think that's special," Pacifica said with a smile. "How did it go?" She tried her best to ignore Spirit Mabel, who had reappeared behind Lincoln and was currently smirking at her.

"It. . . went well," Lincoln said.

"They didn't hurt you?"

Lincoln frowned. "No, of course not," he said. "They'd never hurt me."

Spirit Mabel's grin widened, and Pacifica shoved down a sudden feeling of panic. That was exactly what Dipper said, every time Pacifica had tried to convince him of Mabel's evil. Mabel must have brainwashed Lincoln, too. Why? Pacifica silently asked Spirit Mabel. Why do you have to hurt everyone I love?

"Pacifica, are you okay?" Lincoln asked.

She shook her head to clear it. "Of course," she said. "I'm just glad to have you back. How. . . how's Dipper?"

Lincoln smiled. "He was very sweet," he said.

"He's not hurt?"

"No, although he was sad to see me go. So was Mabel."

Pacifica scoffed. "I'm sure she was sad to see you go. She and Stanford want to do everything they can to keep you from me."

Lincoln gave her a long look. "They wanted me to stay with them," he said, "so I guess that's partly right."

"Well, it's a good thing for all of us that you escaped them," Pacifica said.

A pained look came to his face, but Lincoln didn't say anything. Instead, he took the lit lantern off the hook, hung the dun lantern back up, and started walking down the hall. Pacifica followed him. Maybe she shouldn't have said that last part — but it was true. If Lincoln couldn't see that, then he was being deceived.

After a few minutes of silence, Lincoln spoke up again. "Stanford told me about my past," he said.

"Did he?" replied Pacifica, feigning interest. Inside, she worried all the more that Lincoln would choose Stanford over her.

"Yes. I still don't remember anything, but. . . I know now. And everything he told me feels right. I'm just relieved. . ." He trailed off, then swallowed and tried again. "I'm just relieved that he accepts me, even with my amnesia."

Pacifica came to a stop before she realized what she was doing. Lincoln stopped, too, and turned back to her. "Pacifica?"

"I. . ." Pacifica felt tears coming to her eyes; she tried to force them back down, but they refused to comply. "I accept you, too," she said. "With your amnesia."

Lincoln was quiet. Then he placed the lantern on the floor, stepped forward, and put his arms around Pacifica. "Of course you do," he whispered, holding her close. "Of course you do."

He was going to smudge her makeup. These tears were going to smudge her makeup. But Pacifica couldn't stop the tears, and she certainly wasn't going to push Lincoln away. She buried her head in his chest.

"But you hid all this from me," Lincoln said quietly. "That really hurts."

He didn't push her away, and Pacifica didn't pull away. Of course I hid it from you, she answered silently. Bill told me to hide it from you — and aren't we supposed to follow Bill? Wasn't it better before Stanford found you — back when it was just you and me? Don't make me compete with the Pines, Lincoln. Mabel always wins, somehow, and I'll be left all alone, just like last night.

That thought was terrifying, and Pacifica clung to Lincoln and cried all the harder.

"Stay with me," she said through her tears. "Don't leave me again. Please."

She didn't know if Lincoln could understand her muffled words, but he held her tighter. "I'm back now," he said. "I'm here."

"Mabel and Stanford can't take you from me," Pacifica said. "I can't lose you."

Lincoln sighed. "I'm not going anywhere. Cipher won't let me." He pulled back from the hug. "Speaking of which. . . I think he's going to take over soon."

"He told me he'd wait until you got to the library," Pacifica said. "So that I could talk to you first."

Lincoln looked mildly surprised. "Well, that's good," he said.

"Lincoln, you don't—" Pacifica stopped. She couldn't ask this next question. Could she? She'd already lost her composure, despite her determination to act mature. She might as well get an answer to her other question. Even if it scared her.

She took a deep breath. "You don't hate me now, do you?"

Spirit Mabel — who had been following a few yards behind — let out a derisive laugh. "Of course he does," she said. Pacifica looked into Lincoln's eyes and did her best to ignore the spirit.

"No, Pacifica, I don't hate you," Lincoln said. His expression was pained, but it wasn't angry. It wasn't hateful. "I'm. . . I'm sad, and I think it's going to hurt for a while that you and everyone else hid Stanford from me. But I don't hate you."

"I didn't want to hurt you," Pacifica said. "I was just doing what Bill told me."

The pain in Lincoln's eyes increased. "I've found that doing what Bill wants usually hurts other people," he said.

"Bill helps us." Pacifica was glad that Lincoln didn't hate her, but the way he was talking about Bill was worrying. "Following him only helps us. This is all going to work out, and you and I can still be together."

Lincoln gave her a long, sad look. "Pacifica," he said, "do you know what happened to your parents?"

She frowned. "You shot them with the memory gun and made them forget about me. Bill told me. Why?" What did that have to do with anything?

"Do you miss them?"

"Not really," Pacifica said. "I have you now."

Lincoln stared at her with that same sad look. "I'm sorry," he finally said. "I'm sorry I made them forget. I shouldn't have."

"What are you talking about?" Pacifica asked, her eyes widening. "You were doing what Bill told you to do. Don't apologize for that."

Lincoln shook his head. "I shouldn't have done it. It wasn't right."

Pacifica stared at him. What was he going on about? Her parents were as happy as ever without her, from what Bill had said. Sure, maybe she missed them a little, but Bill had ordered that they forget about her, so that's what had to happen. Bill knew more than they did; he knew that it was better for Pacifica's parents to forget their daughter. Was Lincoln doubting that?

Lincoln sighed and picked up the lantern. "Let's get to the library before Bill gets too impatient," he said. "Some Northwest servants should meet us there, and more Order members will come soon."

"And Bill is going to possess you?"

Lincoln grimaced. "Yes."

"Don't worry," Pacifica said. "I think I'll still be able to see you when you're a spirit."

Lincoln glanced down at her. "Really?"

"Yeah, I can see spirits sometimes. Not very well, but that's probably because they've been without a body for so long. I bet I'll be able to see you pretty clearly."

He gave her a relieved look. "Well, that will make this a lot less boring, if that's the case," he said. He started down the hall, and Pacifica followed.

They walked until they could see the stairs down to the library. Lantern light shone from the door, which meant that people — Northwest servants, no doubt — were already down there.

Before they got to the stairs, Lincoln stopped again. "Pacifica," he said carefully, "what would you say if I asked you to join the Pines and me in activating the Cipher Wheel?"

The words slammed into Pacifica, and she stared at Lincoln. Everything clicked into place just then, but Pacifica didn't like the finished picture at all. "You're not just doubting him," she said. "You want to fight against him."

Lincoln closed his eyes briefly. "Yes, I do," he said. "He lied to me, Pacifica. He kept my family from me."

"Bill doesn't lie," Pacifica said.

"Then he convinced all the rest of you to lie for him! This isn't right, Pacifica. I should be with my family right now, not down here waiting to be kicked out of my own body."

Pacifica felt tears coming to her eyes again, and she didn't try to fight them this time. She stared up at Lincoln, but her view of him was blurry. "Am I not your family?" she whispered.

"Of course you are, but—" Lincoln ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "You shouldn't be here either. You should be outside in the sun. You should be with your parents."

The tears evaporated into anger. "My parents got rid of me!" Pacifica yelled. "Bill told me how my dad went to him after I lost my amulet and asked him to fix me to be the perfect daughter! They just wanted to control me; they didn't care about me!" Her voice was hysterical. "I'm supposed to be here with you, but now you want to get rid of me, too!"

"No, no, Pacifica, that's not what I meant," Lincoln said. He put up a calming hand. "I don't want to get rid of you. You don't have to go back to your parents. But you and I need to get out of here."

Pacifica took a sharp breath. "Well, you can't, because Bill's going to possess you if you don't get to the library soon. And I'm not leaving."

"Pacifica—"

"Don't. You can't turn me against Lord Cipher." Pacifica was horrified that Lincoln would even try.

"He's not helping you, Pacifica."

"Yes, he is!" Sure, Bill hadn't been around very much for the past two days, but that was just because he was busy.

"No! He's just using you, like he used me! Like he's still using me!" Lincoln's eyes were desperate.

Behind Lincoln, there was a flash of yellow, and Bill Cipher appeared. He reached towards Lincoln and made a tugging motion with his finger.

Lincoln stiffened. "He's coming. I — I have to get down there. Just — think about what I said."

Pacifica didn't say anything. Lincoln set down the lantern and went down the stairs to the library.

Bill watched Lincoln go, then floated toward Pacifica. "I'm sorry, Crescent Moon," he said. "I'm sorry he's acting like this. I'm going to go and get started on our research. Come join us when you can, okay?" He turned away, then looked back at her. "Oh, and I have something to tell you later," he said, "about your grandfather. Don't let me forget."

Pacifica managed a small smile. "You never forget."

"Then you'll have an easy job." With that, Bill flew after Lincoln. Pacifica was left alone.

Except for Spirit Mabel.

She sauntered up to Pacifica. "Well, Lincoln seems pretty different, doesn't he?" she asked.

Pacifica spun on her heel. "What did you do to him?" she demanded.

"I brought him over to my side," Spirit Mabel said triumphantly. "Now he wants to be with me, not you. I've tricked him, just like I've tricked Dipper."

Pacifica covered her ears. "Stop. Lincoln still loves me. You're wrong."

"Tell yourself whatever you want. That doesn't change the truth." Mabel came until she was only inches from Pacifica's face. "I was right all along. Bill was lying. Lincoln wasn't safe with the Pines at all."

"Bill can't lie," Pacifica whispered.

Mabel's smile only grew. "But Bill let him stay with me. Lincoln can never be safe around me."

Pacifica squeezed her eyes shut.

"Face it, Pacifica," said Spirit Mabel. "You've lost Lincoln. He might be here with you right now, but that will only last so long. Soon, I'll steal him from you. Just like I stole Gideon. Just like I stole Dipper."

Pacifica pressed her hands harder against her ears. But she could still hear Mabel's last taunt.

"Soon, you'll be all alone."