PRESENT DAY, JUST BEFORE SUNSET

Ford awoke to a gentle swaying and bouncing. Like. . . like he was being carried.

His eyes snapped open, and he thrashed wildly in his carrier's arms as he remembered everything that had happened at Crash Site Omega. No — no, he couldn't be taken back to the Order —

"Woah, Stanford, it's okay," said a deep, gravelly voice. "I've got you. You're safe."

His panicked vision focused. It wasn't a human holding him, like he'd originally thought.

He was in the arms of a minotaur.

He breathed a sigh of relief and settled back into the minotaur's arms. Then his face flushed, and he tried to get up again. "Put me down," he said. It was humiliating being carried.

"I don't know," another minotaur said, one that Ford couldn't see at this angle. "You took a pretty nasty fall down that hill."

"And you were pegged with your own knockout patch," added a third.

"I'm fine," Ford said tersely. "Put me down."

He couldn't see anything but the sky and the tawny beard of the minotaur holding him, but he imagined the minotaurs all sharing looks.

"Okay, if you say so," the one holding him finally said. He gently lowered Ford to his feet and stepped back.

The Author's knees buckled.

The tawny minotaur quickly came to Ford's rescue, scooping him up again. "Yep," he said, "you're being carried."

Ford protested weakly — and ineffectively, because the minotaur didn't put him down. He didn't really want him to, but he still argued. On principle.

"Grunkle Ford!" came a shout. "You're awake!"

Dipper came running through the minotaurs, bringing Ford's attention to his surroundings. Nine minotaurs were hooked up to the sledge, carrying all eight barrels over the snow. Ford's heart lifted. They'd done it?

"What happened?" he asked. He was looking at Dipper when he said it, but the question was open for anyone to answer.

Of course, Dipper answered before anyone else could.

"We won!" he said, bouncing happily in the snow. He, Ford, and the tawny minotaur were a few feet to the side of the sledge. "Andrew and I stayed down there, so I didn't see most of this, but another minotaur found your stun gun and used it on the Order members and the others went all Pow! Bam! Boom! and fought off the rest of the Order and kept you safe and once everybody was unconscious the minotaurs came back down to carry up the barrels — we ended up filling seven of them. When I saw you I kinda freaked out, but we took the patch off you as soon as possible so it wouldn't keep giving you its nasty juices. And now we're headed back to the Museum!"

"He's been a good guide," Andrew added from the lead of the sledge's harness.

"I've been trying to remember the way we came," Dipper said. "I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. But now that you're awake, you can help!"

Ford looked around the forest, shadowy in the light of the setting sun. "Yes, this is the right direction."

"Sweet!"

The walk back to the Museum was mostly quiet — though could anything be truly quiet with Dipper around? The boy walked next to Andrew, talking with the minotaurs. They were moving at a good pace, to Ford's satisfaction. At first, he burned in humiliation at being carried, but he gradually relaxed into it and appreciated the relief from his injuries. Melody had her work cut out for her once he got home, he thought wryly.

They reached the tree line behind the Museum as the sun brushed the top of the mountains. "We're home!" Dipper yelled excitedly. Whether it was to alert Mabel and Melody or just to shout, Ford wasn't sure. No one came out of the Museum, though, so the girls must be down in the basement, out of earshot.

"Take the sledge over to that totem pole," Ford instructed the minotaurs. "Dipper, go get Mabel and Melody."

"Yessir!" Dipper scrambled off to the porch and started banging on the door. "Mabel! Melody! Mabes, we're back! We got the fuel!"

The door opened too soon for them to have been in the basement. "Dip, you scared us!" Mabel admonished. "We thought you were the Order!"

"Nope, we took them down!" said Dipper with a grin.

As Dipper led Mabel and Melody from the house, the minotaurs brought the sledge up to the totem pole. "Right there," Ford said, pointing. "Pull that lever, you see it?"

Andrew unhooked himself from the harness and found the lever to which Ford was referring. It was well-disguised, painted to blend in with the rest of the totem pole. When Andrew pulled it, the entire pole started to rumble.

A portion of the pole slid upwards, revealing a metal shaft.

"That leads down to the fuel tank," Ford explained. "That's where you empty the barrels. Go ahead and empty all seven — the portal only needs three hundred gallons, but the tank can hold about five hundred."

"You heard the man," Andrew said. "Let's get this done!"

The minotaurs shrugged off the harness and grabbed a barrel to empty. The tawny minotaur kept holding Ford, much to his chagrin. Melody looked concerned as soon as she saw him, and he didn't want to look like this in front of Mabel. Dipper was bad enough, but he wanted to keep up his image in Mabel's eyes. Being carried like a ragdoll did not help that image.

"What happened?" Melody asked. The tawny minotaur carefully set Ford down, and Melody immediately moved into a support carry, with Ford's arm draped over her shoulders.

"I just got roughed up by the Order, that's all," Ford said. "I'm fine."

Melody gave him that look that he hated, the one that told him she believed him as much as she'd believe Bill Cipher. "We just have to send off the minotaurs, and then I can go inside," he said begrudgingly. "And for heaven's sake, I don't want anyone holding me up when I thank them."

"Can you stand on your own?" she asked.

He just shrugged.

"He fell over last time he tried," Dipper piped up.

Ford winced. Thank you, Dipper, Melody definitely needed to know that. "I'll be fine," he said.

The minotaurs were emptying the fourth barrel into the tank when Mabel approached Ford. "That's so cool, I never would've guessed that the totem pole was anything more than a totem pole! But I guess I should've known better." She flashed him a smile, and that's when Ford knew something was wrong. The smile was too forced.

"What's wrong, Mabel?" he asked.

The smile dropped immediately. She looked down at the snow. "The Order attacked Melody and me too," she said quietly. "There are seven Order members in the gift shop. We knocked them out and tied them up and. . ." She stopped, raising her eyes to Ford. They were wet. "Are we the bad guys, Grunkle Ford?"

Ford knew he should pat her shoulder or give her a hug or something, but he was currently too reliant on Melody to move on his own. "No, sweetie," he said. He reached out a hand, and Mabel moved forward so he could tussle her hair. "We're just doing what's necessary. You didn't injure them?"

Mabel shook her head.

"Then you're not the bad guys." Ford gave her a smile. At the same time, his mind returned to the Order members back at Crash Site Omega. Did the minotaurs leave them there in the cold? He'd have to ask them to go back and check on them. After everything the minotaurs had done for the Pines today, Ford knew they'd owe them a big debt. But they could worry about that later. "Are they awake now?" he asked instead.

"They woke up a few hours ago," Melody said. "We just knocked them out again."

"I recognized a lot of their faces," Mabel whispered.

Ford gave his niece a sympathetic look. He could guess what she was going through: She had realized that these were normal people doing bad things. She also seemed to be painfully realizing that "good" and "bad" were not black and white labels.

"That's the last one!" Andrew said. The minotaurs cheered.

Ford tried to extricate himself from Melody's grip, but she was having none of that. "Swallow your pride and deliver your speech from here," she whispered.

Ford shot her a glare before turning back to the minotaurs.

"Thank you all," he said. "Really. Now that we have the fuel, we can get my brother back in less than a day. Thank you." And he meant it, too. Gratitude, relief, and excitement ran through his worn-out body. "You were amazing. I don't know how we can ever repay you."

"Like the elders said," Andrew replied. "Find all the Symbols. Activate the Cipher Wheel. Fulfill the prophecy."

Ford gave him a tired nod. "We will," he promised. "We want Bill defeated."

Mabel and Dipper shared a significant look. Ford could almost see the mantle of responsibility settling on their young shoulders, and it sent a pang through his heart.

"Now I have one last thing to ask," he said to the minotaurs, "if it's not too much. What happened to the Order members at the UFO? Are they still in the snow?"

The minotaurs glanced amongst themselves, then nodded. "You woke up fairly quickly," Andrew said. "An hour or two. They'll probably be okay."

"Yes, but you took the knockout patch off me," Ford said. "Their patches are still on them. And I know the knockout patches weren't the only method used to initiate unconsciousness. Could you, by any chance, go check on them? Make sure they're okay? Help them get home, perhaps?" He doubted the Order members would ever let a supernatural creature near their homes, but they should at least offer.

The minotaurs were all silent. "I don't understand," Andrew said. "These are your enemies. Why would you care about their well-being?"

"They're people," Mabel and Dipper said at the same time.

Ford nodded. "Please," he said. "I know they hurt you too." He could see a few bruises and limps. But none of the minotaurs were in nearly as bad a shape as he was, and they could all pull the sledge. "But we're trying to be as humane as we can." He looked to Mabel. "To remind ourselves that we're the good guys."

She beamed at him, and he felt a thrill race through his chest.

"All right," Andrew agreed. "We'll go check on them. Their beef is with you, and they're generally polite to the supernatural. If they refuse our help, though, we're out of there."

Dipper grinned. "'Their beef is with you,'" he whispered loudly to Mabel. "Think that pun was on purpose?"

Andrew grinned back like it was definitely on purpose.

Ford shot Dipper a look. "Thank you," he said to the minotaurs. "For everything."

"You're welcome," Andrew said. "We wish you the good fortune. Don't forget us when you tell your brother how you saved him," he added with a grin.

"I won't," Ford said.

Dipper, of course, had to go say goodbye to every single minotaur. He'd probably learned all their names, too, and not just Andrew's. Ford shook his head and smiled softly as he watched his nephew give the bull-men fist bumps and high fives. As the minotaurs left, he shouted more goodbyes after them, waving so fast Ford was sure his arm would fall off.

"Let's go inside," Melody said. "Do we need to bring any of that in?" She nodded to the sledge and the barrels.

"Later," Ford said. "First, we're going to turn the portal on."

"For real this time!" Dipper cheered. Ford blinked in surprise. Where had he come from? Wasn't he just waving to the minotaurs?

"And you're going to tell me everything!" Mabel yelled after him as he ran up the porch steps.

"Yeah!"

Melody helped Ford inside. "If you just sit on the couch, I'll go get your—"

"No," Ford said with a firm shake of his head. "The portal first. We're so close, Melody."

She pursed her lips, but thankfully didn't argue.

They went out to the gift shop, where the twins were waiting for them. Sure enough, seven unconscious Order members lay on the floor. They'd have to do something about that. But not right now. Right now, they were going to initiate the portal.

"Grunkle Ford," Mabel said as soon as she saw him, "Grunkle Ford, I forgot to mention — they knew the passcode to the vending machine. Bill must've told them."

Ford thought this over for a second. "All right," he said. "I'll change the password and keep it to myself. He won't know it then."

"That's what I was thinking," Mabel said. She looked a little proud of herself for coming to the same conclusion.

Ford wanted to go turn the portal on right away, but they were in danger as long as they kept the current password. "Melody, you'll have to let go of me. Everybody go stand on the other side of the room to be sure."

Melody hesitated.

"I'll use the vending machine to support myself," Ford said. "It'll be okay."

So she reluctantly let go of him. He eased his weight onto the side of the vending machine and got to work on the passcode. "All right," he said after a few minutes. He typed the new code in, and the vending machine opened.

Sending Ford to the floor.

Melody ran over to catch him as he fell. "Right," he said ruefully. "I wasn't thinking. Let's go."

The Pines went down to the portal. Now, even before Ford turned the light on, the room was awash in the pink glow of the fuel. When he flipped the switch, the florescent lights mixed calmly with the fuel's radiance.

The hum of the portal seemed to be higher in pitch. As if the machine itself knew what was coming and was excited for it.

Melody helped Ford over to the control station and into the chair, and he began the initialization process. His fingers moved quickly, as if he'd last done this just yesterday instead of thirty years ago. He pushed a lever to maximum, and the fuel bubbled as the tank heated up.

A buzzer sounded. Everyone jumped.

A screen above the control panel flickered to life. Green words appeared on its surface: EVENT INTIALIZED.

The words disappeared, and a countdown replaced it. 18:00:00. 17:59:59. 17:59:58.

Ford opened a hatch on the side of the control station and pressed the button underneath. The portal's hum deepened, and the area inside the circle turned bright white.

Dipper shook Mabel back and forth. "This is it! This is happening!"

Ford would have punched his twin if he had done that, but Mabel shook her twin back, just as violently as he had her. "Eighteen hours!" she crowed.

"Eighteen hours! Eighteen hours!" The twins danced around the room, laughing and cheering and singing. Ford couldn't resist a tired smile. At least they still had the energy to show their excitement.

Then gravity turned off.

Ford felt it before anything else. The aches and pains in his body suddenly lessened, freed from gravity's pull. The twins stomped on the ground as they danced, and the force of their footfalls sent them flying through the air.

"Woah," Melody said next to Ford. She hadn't moved, because nothing had pushed her, but Ford knew she could feel it. "That feels so weird."

The twins flailed in the air, clinging to each other. Eventually, they ran into the observation window. Ford ducked his head to avoid them, and the force of even that small movement sent him and his chair drifting upward.

Melody pulled him back down, careful with how much strength she used. When gravity was gone, the consequences of one's physical actions were greatly magnified. Even with caution, though, she miscalculated, and now Melody was floating with Ford.

"Lesson one," Ford said, "don't use yourself as an anchor."

Melody just gave him a flat look.

It was only a few minutes before gravity returned. Once everybody was back on the ground, Mabel and Dipper looked at the adults with wide eyes.

"That's so cool!" Dipper said.

"I hope Robbie warned everyone," Mabel said. "That was scary, and I knew it was coming."

"He did," Ford confirmed.

Melody looked between Ford and the timer above the control station. "Eighteen hours of this?" she asked.

Ford glanced to the portal, its center swirling white.

"Eighteen hours," he said.