Stan was perusing the grocery store and walked into the milk aisle. He grabbed a carton of milk and put it in the bag without stopping. Suddenly Stan sniffed and took a look at the milk. "Wait a minute."

He focused on the label and saw it said goat milk. "What kind of garbage is this?" He tossed the carton away and began looking through the milk. "Goatmilk... goatmilk... goatmilk. What's happened here? Where's the real milk?"

Theme Song

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Dipper and Mabel were outside watching Soos try to chase a raccoon out of under the house. Soos was struggling to try and get the raccoon out without getting scratched.

"Guys I'm really not sure about this!" Soos said.

"You'll be fine Soos, just grab him and get him out of here!" Dipper encouraged.

"Kids!" Stan screamed, speeding down the road to the Mystery Shack. "It's horrible!"

Dipper and Mabel shot up and ran to meet their great uncle as he got out of the car.

"What's wrong?" Mabel asked.

"Is somebody dead?" Dipper questioned.

Stan put his hand over his forehead. "Worse! All the milk in the grocery store was replaced with this garbage!" He reached into his car and pulled out a carton of goat milk.

Dipper and Mabel sighed in unison. "Are you kidding me? You had us worried for THAT!" Mabel complained.

"Do you not understand? There's no real milk left, all that's left is this garbage!" Stan told her.

Dipper began scratching his chin. "That's definitely weird. I think we might finally have a new mystery to solve."

"Normally I disapprove of all these mystery shenanigans but do whatever it takes to bring back real milk. Milk is one of the few joys left in my life Dipper." Stan told him. "When you get old, you learn to appreciate cereal."

"Ooookayyy." Dipper slowly backed away from Stan and took out his phone. "I know just who to call."

Mabel walked up to Dipper as he was navigating his phone menu. "So bro bro, you ready for another adventure?"

Dipper winced and took a deep breath. "Mabel, would it be alright if you... stayed home for this one?"

Mabel's face fell. "What? Why?"

Dipper began fiddling with his hands. "Well I-I want to ask Pacifica if she wants to solve this one with me since it's been a while since I said I would start inviting here to these sorts of adventures. A-and I kind of wanted to do it with just her and I?"

Mabel looked down at the ground and walked off. "Oh yeah, that's fine."

"Wow, what'd you say to her?" Soos asked, appearing behind Dipper.

"Agh!" Dipper squeaked as he jumped. "Oh I just, I want to try and get some time alone with Pacifica and Mabel didn't take it too well."

"Alone time? Why?" Soos raised his eyebrows.

Dipper realized what Soos was insinuating and shook his head furiously as he started to blush. "It's nothing like that! I just want to make sure she can handle a real adventure before I start bringing her along on this sort of stuff."

Soos rolled his eyes. "If you say so."

Dipper grumbled something to himself and went back to fumbling with his phone.

Mabel sat down on a rock and pouted. Wendy noticed and went up to her. "Hey kid, what's wrong?"

"Dipper's going off on an adventure with Pacifica instead of me!" Mabel explained. "We're supposed to be the Mystery Twins."

"Aw I wouldn't take it personally," Wendy said. "Sounds like he just likes her."

"Ew! No way Dipper would-" Mabel looked over to see her brother blushing as he talked on the phone. "Oh no. He likes HER?"

Wendy chuckled as Mabel pretended to gag. "What's the problem? From what I hear she's way nicer now."

Mabel thought it over. "I guess. I don't know though, it just feels weird that my brother is going out on a date."

"You know what I think?" Wendy asked. "I think you might be a bit jealous." She said with a smirk.

"What? No!" Mabel shook her head. "Well... maybe a little. It's just I've had two summers of unsuccessful romance in a row and ugh!" She threw her arms into the air as Dipper hung up the phone and began running down the dirt road.

Wendy put her hands on her hips. "Here, come with me." She said and she walked into the woods.

Mabel seemed confused but hurried after Wendy into the woods.

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Dipper arrived in town and looked around. His eyes focused on Pacifica waiting outside of the town hall and he ran over to her.

Pacifica noticed Dipper running towards her and her face lit up. "Heya Dipper!"

"Hi, Pacifica!" Dipper said as he got to the building. "So I looked at the carton of this stuff and found the company who's making it and apparently they're producing the milk locally. So the town hall will probably have documents on where they're making this junk."

"What? This stuff is great." Pacifica said, oozing with sarcasm. "The smell alone makes me want to have some cookies with it."

"I wonder why somebody would decide to take all of our milk and replace it with this stuff?" Dipper mused.

Pacifica shrugged. "Could be some sort of marketing stunt."

Dipper smiled. "I don't know how many people will be banging down their doors for goat milk after they stole all the competition. Anyway let's head in, we've got a case to crack."

They walked into the building to find nobody sitting at the front desk.

Dipper placed his hands on his hips. "Well, guess this is going to be easier than I thought. I wonder if they keep their record room locked up?"

"Record room? Come on Dipper it's obviously all on the computer." Pacifica said, sitting down at the desk and turning to the computer. "What the heck?" Pacifica took a second look at the 'computer' only to find it was a cardboard box.

"You think they have the budget for a computer? This town can barely afford to keep the gnome infestation at bay." Dipper chuckled, he walked around to the desk and grabbed a key sitting on it. "We have to do things the old fashioned way!"

Wendy stopped in the woods in front of a giant tree that was covered in scratch marks.

"What's so special about this tree?" Mabel asked.

"Well," Wendy said, taking out her ax. "I use this as a great source of venting my frustrations. It's a sturdy tree so you should be able to hit it pretty hard. Give it a go." Wendy dropped her ax into Mabel's arms.

Mabel picked up the ax with both of her hands and swung it into the tree.

"Nice!" Wendy told her. "Give it a few more big swings!"

Mabel sighed. "I don't know... this isn't really helping me. I don't really like hitting stuff when I'm mad."

Wendy scratched her chin. "Hm. Maybe we could try something more your speed then."

"Oh! I know what we can do!" Mabel's eyes lit up.

"Oh no." Wendy winced.

Mabel grinned. "Ultimate glitter scrapbooking!"

"Ugh!" Pacifica moaned. "How are we supposed to find anything in here?" Dipper and Pacifica were searching the record room, which was more so a small room filled with hundreds of papers scattered all over the floor.

Dipper tossed a paper aside. "Well, this is the type of thing we have to do when we want to solve a mystery. It's not like we have any other leads."

Pacifica sighed and pulled out her phone. "Well, we might, hang on." She began typing on her phone and then sat up. "Ahah! I found their website!" She showed Dipper the webpage on her phone. "And it has their address. It's on the outskirts of town, come on." She stood up and ran out of the room with Dipper trailing close behind.

They arrived at the factory a little while later. There was a large ranch of goats placed right next to a river. A couple of goats went to go drink out of the river as the duo walked up to the factory's entrance.

"So this is it then? Let's go and find out who's behind all of this!" Dipper said and he started walking to the entrance.

"Dipper, wait!" Pacifica said, looking away from him as he stopped and turned around. "Look I have to tell you something."

Before she could continue a truck pulled up and stopped. The driver rolled the window down and his eyes widened when he saw Pacifica. "Miss Northwest? What are you doing here? Is it an inspection day already?"

"I have no idea who you are, get out of here!" Pacifica lied. The driver shrugged and drove into the factory.

"Hang on a second, what is he talking about?" Dipper crossed his arms.

"Well... I might've set this whole thing up using one of my dad's companies." Pacifica winced as she explained.

"You did all of this? Why?" Dipper demanded.

Pacifica looked at the ground. "Well I didn't want you to just forget about me for these adventures and I was worried that it had been too long and-"

Dipper cut her off. "Why would you think that? I told you I would!"

"Well, how was I supposed to know you were telling the truth?" Pacifica shouted. "I've tried to make better friends this year and people tell you they'll be your friend when they really want nothing to do with you!"

Dipper was about to say something when there was a loud explosion from the goat ranch. They both turned to see that the goats were being attacked by gnomes.

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Wendy soon found herself covered in glitter and totally lost in random photos of Waddles.

Mabel was completely engrossed in her scrapbooking process, creating glittery collages of her pig. "Boom! Edition number 30!"

"Mabel, don't you think this is a little extreme?" Wendy asked.

Mabel shook her head. "Of course not! This is how I keep track of all my pictures of my favorite pig!"

"You know Mabel, I think it might help if you just talked about your problems. I'm not that much older than you, ya know?" Wendy said, pushing photos out of her way.

"Nah I don't want to get into all that," Mabel told her.

Wendy sat down next to her. "Why not?"

"I just don't want to bother you with all that. I usually can just talk to Dipper but now he's off on his date." Mabel sighed.

"Dude come on, just say what's on your mind," Wendy told her.

Mabel took a deep breath. "Alright. I'm just worried Dipper is going to leave me behind. We're starting high school in three weeks and he's already so different from me. He's joining the debate team and all these nerd classes and I don't even think we'll have classes together next year."

Wendy ruffles Mabel's hair. "That's it? Dude, you know Dipper will always be there for you. Like my friends and I are all doing totally different things and we're still tight, and we're just friends. He's your brother. I think you guys will be just fine."

Mabel smiled. "You really think so?"

"Yeah, dude. Now let's go anywhere but here, I can't think with all this glitter glue." Wendy said.

"What is happening here?" Pacifica cried, watching the scene unfold.

Gnomes were running around trying to get control over the panicking goats. "Guys just throw the ropes! No, you're freaking them out!" Jeff commanded.

"Ugh, just what we needed. Gnomes." Dipper groaned. "Do you have any leaf blowers here?"

Pacifica looked mortified by the question. "Why on earth would you need a leaf blower? These little weirdos are going to ruin everything! We can't go broke again!"

Dipper sighed. "Well if you don't have any leaf blowers the only other way to stop them is with high pitched noise, like a dog whistle."

"Wait a minute you beat them with leaf blowers? How do you do this stuff daily?" Pacifica asked.

Dipper shrugged. "It's better than doing nothing. Speaking of doing nothing we really need to stop these guys."

Pacifica looked down at Dipper's arm. "Maybe your robot cast thing has a leaf blower."

"No definitely not." Dipper snapped his fingers. "But that does give me an idea! They don't know what it has or not. Play along, alright?" Dipper and Pacifica ran into the chaotic scene.

"Hey gnomes! Listen up!" Dipper shouted, getting their attention. "I'm going to give you all to the count of three to get out of here or I'm going to make the worst sound you've ever heard!"

Jeff laughed. "You think we believe you? You're outnumbered, boy. These goats will be ours and we'll finally have a cavalry for our army!"

"Oh, you don't believe me? Well, let me show you an example. When I snap my fingers I'll create a sound only humans can hear to show you I mean business." Dipper snapped his fingers and Pacifica threw her hands over her ears.

"Agh! Oh my gosh, it hurts!" Pacifica was less than convincing.

Jeff began to laugh. "This is hilarious! Alright, boys, we're taking these too kids in too, I'm sure the boss would love to have them for leverage."

All the gnomes began to converge on Dipper and Pacifica and he thrust out his robot hand, firing out air like a leaf blower and blowing them all away. Before long the gnomes all retreated from Dipper's leaf blower hand.

"Wait a minute, I thought you said you didn't have a leaf blower?" Pacifica said, in partial shock that the army of gnomes had been defeated by controlled wind.

Dipper grinned. "Well I did but I wanted to get them close first."

"Well, thanks... for everything. And I'm sorry about the whole fake mystery thing." Pacifica said.

Dipper waved it away. "It's fine. I had a lot of fun, I'll be sure to call you next time. Just don't make up any more cases, alright?"

Pacifica nodded and Dipper began walking home.

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End Credits

Dipper arrived back at the Mystery Shack as the sun was setting. Mabel and Wendy were waiting on the porch for him.

"So Dipper, how was your date?" Mabel asked.

Dipper's face flushed red. "It wasn't a date!"

"Aw it's alright Dip, we aren't judging you." Wendy teased.

Stan walked up to them drinking regular milk from the carton. "Hey kid, great job! You did it! I can finally experience happiness again!"

"You need a hobby," Dipper told him.

"So who was behind this who thing?" Stan asked.

Dipper shrugged. "I don't know. I was too distracted fighting gnomes."

Stan sighed and just walked off drinking his milk. "Whatever."