Saturday, October 6th 

"Did you know I've always wanted an animal that's attached to me by the hip?" I randomly ask my brother as I sit on his bed, petting my cat who has sauntered in and made himself comfy on my lap.

"Er...no?" he replies, not looking away from my laptop he's currently using. 'Wanted to try all the routes on Undertale and wouldn't stop pleading until I gave in...'

"Well, I always have... and now I got one!" For emphasis, I scratch under Chat Noir's chin, making his purrs increase.

"Must be nice..." I barely hear the teen's mumble over my pet's rumbling.

"What's wrong?"

Dipper turns and looks at me. "Nothing, it's just that you have Chat and Mabel has Waddles... I got...books..." Sighing, he goes back to his game.

"Now hold on!" My mind goes blank. "Oh, right, at the very beginning of Gravity Falls, we see Mabel playing with a black cat? Where's that cat? I actually haven't seen it the entire time here. Is that weird? Am I going crazy or did Mabel not actually have a cat?"

The brunette chuckles, nodding, "No, no, we do have another cat. Her name's Blair. I asked about her the day we got back but Mom said someone was taking care of her for the month for some sort of volunteer work or something? I'm not sure."

"Convenient..." I say to myself and then speak up, "So then what's the prob? Mabel got her pig and you and I got cats!"

"The 'prob' is that Blair hates me." I gasp.

"No way! I haven't met her but there's no way she hates you!" His face falters with a disinterested look. "Oh come on!" I try, "How could anyone hate you?"

"Macie. I can give you... about three people who hate me. And Blair's number one on that list." Standing up, disrupting Chat's nap, I march over to my brother and, not really, slam my laptop lid down, shocking and startling him.

He gives me an abashed look, "Mace, what the heck?!"

"I'm gonna help you bond with Blair so that you have a pet for yourself like I have mine and Mabel has hers."

He sighs, taking off his hat and running a hand though his messy brown mop, "I really don't think that'd work. It's a nice gesture- really- I just don't think it's necessary."

"Too late. Already formed a plan." I grin and run out of the room, then, turning around, I swiftly run back into the room, grab my laptop, and then exit for good.

From inside my room, I can hear the groans and moans of despair by Dipper Pines himself.

~~Time Skip brought to you by: Writing chapters in reverse!~~

"Mom?" I wander the house in search for any parental figure. 

"Out here!" I hear her voice call from outside. The back door's open.

I walk up to her working in her garden yet again. 'It's October, aren't plants supposed to not be able to grow? What the heck did I just think?'

"Hey, where's Blair and where can I get her and when?"

"Well the next door neighbor, Alise? Yeah she took Blair at the beginning of September for some work she needed. She's been cat-sitting the entire month and is supposed to bring her back this month... that girl," Mom chuckles, sitting up and wiping dirt off her gloved hands, "always losing track of time."

"Heh...yeah..." 'I mean, do I know this neighbor on a personal level?' 

"Do you want to go over and see if you can take her back?"

"O-oh! No, no, that's okay!" I refuse, backing up. "Bye!" 

I sprint into the family room, where Mabel is watching some Dream Boy High. "Mabel, what do you know about uh...uh...Alise?"

She only blinks, probably taking in my question, then pauses her movie and sits up so she's not on her stomach while her legs kick behind her back. "Alise? Not much except she pretends to be nice to Mom and Dad to get things done for herself. Sometimes she babysits us but," she shrugs, "I guess she's not that bad. She has her nice days."

"Well she took Blair at the beginning of September and was supposed to bring her sometime early October but uh, no Blair. You see," I lean in with a hand to my mouth, "Dipper is a little upsetti that he doesn't have an animal close to him sooo..." As I tell Mabel my entire plan, her eyes only get wider and her grin shows more and more teeth.

"That sounds AMAZING! I'm so in!" Her giddiness dies down in an instant as she makes a point, "But wait... isn't Bill coming over today?"

"Oh shoot!" I make a stance like I'm ready for battle. "That's right. I gotta go talk to Dipper!"

~~Time Skip brought to you by: *Ding dong* 

*Answers door*

"Bill scout cookies! How many can I write yuh down for?"

(Please help me)~~

"I told him to go home and we'll talk about it on Monday! Not for you to have invited him over the very next day!"

"Dipper- oh come on, you're being absurd! Bill's not used to...well everything! Plus he looks  really cute when he pouts," I make a face that only makes my brother groan. "Besides," I put my hands up in a whatever manner, "we're not doing anything today anyway."

"Heya!"

"Gosh diddly darn what in the world-!" I jump back, my legs comically going in the air from surprise as Bill appears smack dab in the middle of Dipper's room.

Said boy growls and glares, "Bill, you can't just show up here at any given time!"

Genuinely confused, Bill asks, "Wait, what? Why not?" 'Ladies and gentleman, I give you Bill Cipher, a being made of pure energy with no weaknesses and who brought upon the apocalypse.'

"Bill- ugh- seriously?" Dipper groans and pinches the bridge of his nose, shaking his noggin.

"You, uh," chortling, I try to keep my posture, "you can't just appear out of nowhere. You have to knock on the front door and be invited in. What do you think we'd tell our parents if a kid just randomly showed up in their home?"

Bill seems to ponder this for a moment. "I don't really see the problem here." The demon obviously didn't get it...

"No! Just- poof outside and knock like a normal person and we'll invite you in!" 

"Alright alright, sheesh Pine Tree, are you always this rude?" I laugh as Dipper doesn't get a chance to retort by the time Bill has already 'poofed' out of the room.

Almost instantaneously, the door bell rings.

"I got it!" Mabel's voice bounces against the walls. By the time we get down stairs, Mabel has already let Bill in. 'What does he-?' I squint my eyes to try and decipher what on earth he could possibly be holding when, 'Oh my gosh is that a cat!?'

"Guys! Some lady came up to me and asked if I lived here and so I said no but I'm going inside so she said here take this and give it back to the Pines and so now I have this cat!"

My brother and I stand there, not sure what to do. Mabel gushes and picks the cat up, tossing it in the air and cooing. "How's Blair? Oh I hope you were a good girl!"

Pointing to the cat, I ask, "Wait, that's Blair?" 

"Yeah..." Dipper sighs, putting his hands in his face.

Bill puts his hands on his hips and puffs his chest out. "Anyway, how was that for being normal?" 

"Great," I speak with boredom, which does not go over well with the demon, as he looks completely dejected from the lack of praise. "Uh, Bill, I forgot you were coming and I already made plans with the twins about doing something with that cat..." I trail off, ending with me petting the blackish-purple cat.

"Uh...so? I don't know what plan it is- I'm in!" the kid declares, throwing his arms up with a smile.

Before I can say anything, Dipper cuts in front of me, "No no no! That's okay, just stay home!"

"No way! Those people are so annoying! Bossy, too." He crosses his arms with a pout. "Just being here is funner! So what are the plans?"

I elbow Dipper, causing him to reflexively cower into himself. "It's fine. Maybe you can help. Can you summon some... catnip? No no, wait, maybe that'll be better to use later." 'Think! How can I get Blair to like Dipper? Wait I got it!'

"Mace?" Mabel brings me back to reality.

"Sorry, uh- anyway! First, we should see why Blair doesn't like you, Dipper." The boy only groans while rolling his eyes.

Bill pushes in front of my brother and me, generating a growl from the former. "Wait. What are we doing?" 

"I have my cat. Mabel has Waddles. Dipper should have someone, too, you know?" I explain, which only seems to add a mischievous glint into the triangle's...eyes.

"I can be that someone!"

"No."

"No!"

"NO!!"

~~Time Skip brought to you by:  No, I don't ship them. Yes, my editor does...*Le sigh*(Editor- *Giggity*)~~

"Okay, first test. Can you pet her? Heck, can you get near her?" We start off by placing Blair on the living room floor as we sit around her in a circle.

"Yeah..? Come on, Macie, it's not like she attacks me for looking at her."

"Hey, I'm just asking! S'not like I would know..."

"ANYWAY!" Mabel throws herself between the tension and puts us back on track. "Dipper can pet her and sit next to her- though she usually just moves- but he can't pick her up. She'll either hiss or scratch. Dunno why..."

"Thank you, Mabel." I smile at my sister and then glare at my brother for being annoying. And in the middle, I can see Bill sitting stiff and awkward, looking like he doesn't know what to do. 

'Heh, that's funny..'

"'Kay, Bill," said boy stiffens at his name, "can you summon a cat toy?"

"What kind? Wait, what do they look like?" The three of us groan and face palm simultaneously.

~~Time Jump~~

"Well that only took two hours..." I silently agree with Mabel as she flops backwards onto the ground.

In just that amount of time, we got Blair to be comfortable with Dipper holding her. What the heck do we do if we want her to be attached to him?!

"Why can't we just shower Pine Tree in that- that cat drug you were talking about earlier?"

"Dude," I laugh then stop and stare, "Actually..."

"No! Macie, no!" Dipper stands up and starts to back away.

I wink at Mabel and she stands up as well, sneaking behind Dipper as he's too distracted keeping his eyes on me. "Bill?" He hums in response. "Mind summoning a rope?" One maniac laugh later and I've got a rope in my hand.

"Ack! Mabel let me go!" Dipper struggles against our sister's strength.

Not even seconds later, Dipper is completely tied up and looking angry. Not to mention doused in catnip.

Blair seems to like it, though. "Yay! She's rubbing up on you!" I giddily clap my hands. "Mabel, let's go get some victory lemonade!"

"Yeah! Victory-ade! Victor-ade?"

"So, how'd you think this plan turned out?" I ask, taking out the pitcher of juice while Mabel fetches glasses.

"Shamazing!" 

"I'll pretend that's a word," I laugh.

"Oh it's a word, my dear sister...it's a word." We share another laugh together while rejoining the three in the next room over. 

The glasses I were holding kerplunk to the ground.

There. On the ground. Dipper's still tied, yeah, but what in the ever-flying, ever-loving crap is Bill doing?!

"Macie..." Dipper hoarsely groans. "Please get him off!"

"What the hey now?" Mabel asks.

Bill is rubbing against Dipper along with Blair, acting just like a cat himself.

He looks up innocently. "What? This is what he wanted...right?"

"Not from you! You triangular freak!" I throw myself at the sexual harassing, once demon child, knocking him on his back and restraining him. "What the frick, Bill!?"

"I-I-I thought that's what we were trying to do!? Plus, that green stuff smells really good..."

"Don't tell me Bill's affected by catnip!" Mabel slaps her knee, laughing haughtily.

"Freakin' get this rope off-a me!" The brunette male directs all of our attention from off of Bill, to him, who is currently struggling against the ropes.

Sighing, I untie the boy, letting him up as he stretches. "Uh...so...?" My hand reaches the back of my next and rubs the nape of it as I sheepishly try to avoid eye contact.

"I'm," Dipper picks Blair up into his arms, "going to bed."

"Nighty-night, Pine Tree!" 'I swear he's high on this stuff or something!'

"Come on Mabel, let's get this high child home."

"He-heh, intervention!"

Blair is from Soul Eater!

Tbh, I felt like this entire chapter was on crack. Lmao, I laughed so hard writing this.

Obviously, nothing serious is happening. Buuuut, I will take suggestions if you want to see something specific!

What? No, this is NOT a BillDip fanfic.

I would also like to leave a friendly reminder here:  This is the way I want to write Bill. This is the way I write myself. If you prefer something different or want me to change, sorry, I won't do that. I love and respect everyone's opinions and criticisms, just not outright condemnation. This story is not a deep and dark one. It is not day by day (some are but most won't be). But it does have continuity. This is a story about the everyday life of Macie Pines. If the story gets stale, or you just happen to not like the direction it's going in, I encourage you to give it a chance as you may find some chapters more interesting than others and you never know what'll happen! Plus, not every chapter is going to be serious, like this one for example, pure crack. But it IS canon (to my story), everything here is.

I'm taking suggestions for those who would like to see something special, so consider that!