"Hey," Clarke smiled softly as she came over to me. "Fancy coming on a walk?"

I sighed in relief. I'd never heard much sweeter words. "Sure. Anything to get out of camp."

"Great. I'd advise packing some things. It's probably going to be a day trip."

I nodded. "I'll get my stuff and meet you in ten." Immediately, I headed back to my tent and grabbed my rucksack, piling in rations and other supplies I may need. On the way back to find Clarke, I walked past Jasper and Monty who were preparing the nuts that we'd found earlier.

Monty had just thrown one in Jasper's mouth. Jasper caught it and grinned triumphantly. "Hey, hey, hey."

The two of them hi-fived and I chuckled. "Nice catch."

"Hey, Billie," They chimed together cheerily.

I smiled. "Hey. You guys okay?"

"Fabulous," Jasper beamed, crunching another nut between his teeth.

"Here, have a nut." Monty tossed one to me and I caught it in my hand, popping it in my mouth.

"Hey, where are you going?" Jasper frowned, indicating to the rucksack on my shoulders.

I shrugged. "No idea. One of Clarke's mysterious missions."

"Be careful."

I shot him a wink, happy to know that he cared. "Always am." After grabbing some more rations and shoving them into my bag, I spotted Clarke, stood with Bellamy. I paused, attempting to backtrack, but she'd already seen me and I had no choice but to walk over to them. "Ready to go?" I beamed, ignoring Bellamy completely.

"Wait," Bellamy turned to Clarke, a frown on his face. "She's coming?"

I also turned to my best friend, confused as to why she'd invited him along too. "He's coming?"

"Guys, please," she exhaled, holding her hands up. "No arguing."

Bellamy huffed, eyes piercing mine. "Fine."

I narrowed my eyes at him, tilting my head to the side. "No promises."

~

"You know, the first dropship is gonna come down soon," Clarke said as she ducked through some trees. The trees were taller and skinnier than the ones we usually came across, with no leaves on their very spiky branches. "Pretty sure you can't avoid Jaha forever."

"I can try," Bellamy replied nonchalantly. I rolled my eyes.

The three of us reached a clearing that overlooked a demolished area. A dilapidated building had been completely run down. To think that people used to come here so many years ago was mind blowing. "The depot is supposed to be around here somewhere," Clarke informed with a focused look in her eyes.

"There's got to be a door," Bellamy looked over his shoulder, almost like he was expecting someone to take him away right at this moment. He was acting so paranoid.

"Maybe he'll be lenient," Clarke said, referring back to their conversation about the Chancellor. She must have noticed the way he was acting too.

"Look. I shot the man, Clarke. He's not just gonna forgive and forget," Bellamy said harshly. "Let's just split up, cover more ground. Stay within shouting distance."

Bellamy headed to the right side of the lake whilst Clarke and I walked down the hill and closer to the water. "You two really need to sort things out," Clarke said as I tried not to slip down the steep hill. "I cannot stand the tension anymore."

"It's his fault," I muttered. I knew I was being stubborn but I just couldn't forget everything he'd done the last few days.

"What happened to the forgiving Billie Raylee that I knew?"

"She lost hope," I mumbled.

Clarke sighed as we reached the bottom of the hill, her eyes glancing up at Bellamy, in the distance, and then back at me. "You two were getting along really well. I thought you were beginning to trust each other."

"Things change," I replied, gritting my teeth. "You know, especially when someone you'd started to care about doesn't give a damn about you and just wants to save his own ass."

"Bellamy does care about you."

I scoffed. "He has a funny way of showing it."

"He's not showing it because you won't let him!" Clarke exclaimed, the sudden rise in the volume of her voice making me pause. I ignored her statement though, and let a few moments of silence pass. "Please just talk to him. You two were a good team."

"Whatever," I kicked at the leaves and my foot connected with something hard. "Ow."

Clarke looked over and then glanced up at Bellamy. "Bellamy! Over here, we found a door!" I crouched down to my knees and started pulling the grass and leaves away. Eventually, a metal door revealed itself. Clarke pulled on the handle but it wouldn't budge. "I think it's rusted shut," She said as Bellamy crouched down beside us.

"Here," Bellamy said, holding an axe. "Clarke, watch your foot." She jumped slightly as he hacked away at the door hinges. "Here, give me a hand."

The three of us grabbed the handle and heaved the door open. The pale light from the sky clouded into it, making stairs become visible. Clarke went down first and I followed her, carefully watching my step. I flicked a torch on and handed it to Bellamy. "Here."

He took it from my hand, his fingers brushing mine briefly. My eyes flickered to his for a moment before I looked down again. He looked surprised that I'd finally spoken to him. I switched my own torch on, shaking away any thoughts I had of Bellamy.

"Really think this place hasn't been touched since the war?" Bellamy asked, turning his head to look at everything.

Clarke shone her torch around. "A girl can dream. Come on." The three of us headed further down the tunnel, to another staircase. It got darker and darker the further we went and the air became cold and stale.

On the way, we came across a decaying skeleton, with ragged clothing hanging from it's bones. "Hell of a place to die." Bellamy commented. A chill ran down my spine at that thought.

"So much for living down here. This place is disgusting," Clarke said as we reached the bottom of the staircase. "Damn it."

"Anything left down here is ruined," Bellamy muttered.

"They must have distributed most of the supplies before the last bombs went off," Clarke said.

I opened a crate, shining my light. There was an orange cloth inside and I ran my finger over the soft material. "Hey, I found blankets!" I exclaimed cheerfully. It wasn't what we were hoping for but it was still something.

"Excited about a couple of blankets?" Bellamy scoffed, shaking his head at me.

I turned around, rolling my eyes at him. "Well, it's something."

"How about a canteen or a med kit. Or a decent fricking tent?" He shouted as he stormed further down the tunnel, in search of 'useful' supplies. He slammed his hand down on a barrel and opened the lid, dipping his fingers in. I heard him yell in annoyance and kick the barrel, which toppled over.

"Oh, nice one," I commented, watching as some sort of liquid spilled out onto the floor.

Bellamy ignored me, bending down. "Oh my god."

"What?" Clarke asked, concern on her face. The two of us stepped forwards and Bellamy looked up at us with a genuine grin on his face. I looked down.

He was holding a gun.

~

Bellamy had hung up a piece of red fabric and drawn a giant X on it. Three guns were lay on the table beside us.

"This changes everything," He said, seeming a lot more pleased now that we'd found the rifles. I frowned, watching him whilst I ate my nuts. "No more running from spears. Ready to be badasses?" He took the bag of nuts from my hand and popped a few into his mouth before handing them back, earning a glare from me.

"Look. I'm not gonna fight you on bringing guns back to camp," Clarke started with a sigh. "I know we need them, but don't expect me to like it."

"We're lucky the rifles were packed in grease. The fact that they survived means we're not sitting ducks anymore," Bellamy said before turning to us with a stern expression on his face. "You two need to learn how to do this."

Clarke slowly aimed her rifle. "So, I just hold it on my shoulder?" She asked.

"Yeah, just a little higher now," Then he looked at me. "Wanna maybe stop eating and actually learn some useful skills?"

I rolled my eyes, setting the bag of nuts back down on the table. "Sorry boss." I picked up the rifle and held it on my shoulder like Clarke had. Bellamy stepped behind me and I was aware of his warm breath on my neck. "Do you mind?"

"Sorry it's just-" he placed one hand on my back and the other on the rifle, lifting it up slightly. "Uh," he paused. "That's good. Yeah. That's good."

"Watch and learn," He then walked over and stood between us, aiming his rifle before pulling the trigger. It merely clicked.

I raised my eyebrows in amusement. "You're so good at this."

"My bullets are duds," He defended as he loaded his gun. "Try yours."

Clarke stepped forwards, aiming the gun the way Bellamy had shown her. She fired at the red fabric and the bullet hit just below the X.

"That. Was. Amazing," She breathed out. Then she turned around to Bellamy. "Am I horrible for feeling that?"

Bellamy shook his head with a smile. "Okay, Billie, your turn."

I stepped forwards, positioning the rifle on my shoulder. When I was sure I had a clear target, I brushed my fingers along the trigger and then fired. The bullet ripped a hole in the fabric a couple of inches from the centre of the X.

Clarke blinked turning to me in astonishment. "Wow."

I really hope that wasn't a fluke.

Bellamy raised his eyebrows, crossing his arms. He actually looked quite impressed. "Try again."

"No," Clarke cut in. "We shouldn't waste the ammunition."

"You need to practice," Bellamy argued.

"No. We need to talk about how we're gonna keep guns around camp, where are we gonna keep them, and who has access," Bellamy ignored her and fired at the X, his bullet ripping a hole to the right of the centre. "You left Miller in charge of the Grounder," Clarke pointed out, obviously changing the subject. "You must trust him."

"You should keep him close," He replied. "The others listen to him."

Clarke frowned. "We should keep him close? Bellamy, what's going on? You've been acting weird all day." Bellamy didn't respond, causing Clarke's eyes to wander to his bag. "All the rations you took. You're gonna run. That's why you agreed to come with me. You were gonna load up on supplies and just disappear."

"I don't have a choice," He defended. "The Ark will be here soon."

"So you're just gonna leave Octavia?" I asked, completely confused. Bellamy came here to protect Octavia. I've never seen him care about someone so much. He loves her. Why would he just leave her like that? Why would he leave us?

"Octavia hates me. She'll be fine."

"You don't know-" Clarke started.

"I shot the Chancellor!" Bellamy yelled. "They're gonna kill me. Best-case scenario, they lock me up with the Grounder for the rest of my life, and there's no way in hell I'm giving Jaha the satisfaction." He set the rifle down in exasperation. "Keep practicing. I need some air." He stormed off, swiping the red fabric aside to get through.

I sighed and Clarke looked over at me. I raised my eyebrows. "What?"

"Go after him."

"Me?" I asked in disbelief. "Why?"

"Because he might run off."

"Well, why can't you go?" I asked. I didn't exactly want to spend any time with Bellamy alone.

Clarke shrugged. "Because."

"Because?" I prompted.

"He listens to you."

"No, he doesn't. He hates me," I replied, placing my rifle back on the table.

"Billie," Clarke said firmly. "He doesn't hate you. Please, go after him."

I groaned. "Fine, I'll go." I ducked underneath the X and walked up the stairs two by two. I strangely lost my balance slightly on the last step but managed to exit into the fresh air safely. My vision swirled again and I put my hand to my head as a sudden dizziness overcame me. "Bellamy?" I called out, stumbling further out of the door. I turned around in a circle, which made the dizziness even worse. My head felt like it was swimming and my stomach twisted. "Bellamy!"

"Billie."

I froze. The voice that replied wasn't Bellamy's. "Dad?" My father looked exactly the same. The same dark black hair, the same soft blue eyes.

"It's not what you imagined, is it?"

I pointed a shaking finger at the man in front of me. "Y-you're not real."

"I wish I were."

I ran, flinging my arms around him. Maybe it wasn't real but it seemed real. If this was a dream, I never wanted to wake up from it. "How? Why?" I asked, hot tears pooling in my eyes. I thought my heart was going to burst it was beating so fast.

"Shh. The important thing right now is you."

"Dad, I don't know what to do," A tear slipped from my eye and I sniffed, wiping it away. "People keep dying. I watched someone get tortured yesterday and did nothing to stop it. I keep losing hope and giving up. I'm such a bad person. I mean, I'm trying. I'm doing the best that I can."

"It's not good enough though."

It felt like my heart had been twisted out, right then and there. Was he not proud of me? "What?"

"You can do better. If you'd just move on from things and focus on what's most important."

"I don't know what the most important thing is," I defended.

"Forgiveness!" He exclaimed, like it was so obvious that I was stupid for not realising. Like I should have already figured that out by now.

"You want me to forgive Abby when she comes down here, right? You want me to forgive her for getting you floated?"

"Your mom did."

I blinked, realisation setting over me. "Mom knew?" Of course she knew. In the back of my mind, I'd truly known that fact all along. I guess it just took me until now to accept it.

"Forgiveness, Billie. Forgive and forget," He smiled, placing a kiss on my forehead. "I love you."

"Please don't go," I begged, watching as he started to head to the woods nearby. Immediately, I started running after him. "Dad! Don't go!"

He blended into the trees. I cried out, my chest rising and falling heavily as I pressed my hands against my head.

It's not good enough though.

You can do better.

My hands flew to my face, slapping it to try and get rid of the voices. Why were all the negative things stuck in my head? I started walking, trying to avoid all the horrible words. Trying to avoid the fact that I realised my mom had known all along that Abby Griffin sentenced my father to death.

"Shut up!" I snapped. "Just shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!" The voices got louder as I stumbled through the woods, disoriented. I screamed above the noise, trying to make it end once and for all. "Stop!" I took a step backwards, crashing into someone. My eyes adjusted and I realised the person I knocked into had been holding a gun at Bellamy. I was knocked off balance and fell to the floor, momentarily stunned as I adjusted back to reality. I felt a hard blow to the face and I fell into the dirt beside Bellamy. The boy held his gun up to the two of us.

"Put it down, Dax." Dax turned around with his gun aimed. Clarke stood at a distance, her own rifle pointed at him.

"Should've stayed down there, Clarke," He threatened. "I tried not to kill you, but here you are, and Shumway said no witnesses."

Clarke looked over at Bellamy, very confused. "What is he talking about?"

"Shumway set it up," Bellamy replied.
"He gave me the gun to shoot the chancellor."

"Walk away now, and I won't kill you," Dax said.

"Put it down," Clarke ordered.

"Your choice."

Clarke pulled the trigger but bullet was a dud. Dax clicked his gun and it fired. Fortunately, Clarke dived behind a tree before the bullet could hit her. It didn't stop my heart from racing in fear, though.

"No!" Bellamy dived and tackled Dax.
The two of them fought until Dax punched Bellamy and sent him flying backwards. Dax leaned over him as they both struggled to reach for the gun. He punched Bellamy in the nose, causing blood to splatter. Dax took the gun and held it at Bellamy's throat.

"Get the hell off him!" Clarke yelled, charging at him. Dax hit her in the stomach and she fell to the ground.

Clarke's gun fell beside me and I picked it up and slammed it into Dax's jaw. He grabbed the gun from my hand and whacked it just underneath my chin, knocking my head back. He connected his elbow with my stomach and I gasped for breath as I fell down, dragging him with me. I rolled over, straddling him and sending a few punches to his face. He pushed me backwards and I fell to the side as desperate gasps escaped my lips.

My head was pounding. Blood was trickling down my face. My knuckles were slightly bloodied and sore. Pain was stabbing me. Dax leaned over me and I swung my leg up, kicking him in the stomach. He rolled to the other side and Bellamy quickly grabbed a bullet from beside him, jamming it into the side of Dax's neck. The boy let out a strangled gasp as blood oozed from him mouth. He fell to the ground, his body convulsing before eventually lying still.

I looked over at Bellamy, who's brown eyes were wide in shock, his breaths coming in short gasps. I groaned pulling myself up and heading to Clarke. I barely made it past Dax's body before I ended up having to crawl over to my best friend.

"You okay?" She asked. I couldn't even speak so I just gave her a small nod as I leant against the tree. Bellamy placed his hand beside mine as he sat down next to me. "You're okay," Clarke breathed out.

"No, I'm not," He replied, staring at Dax's body. "My mother, if she knew what I've done," His voice cracked. "Who I am. She raised me to be better, to be good."

"Bellamy-" Clarke whispered.

"All I do is hurt people," He sniffed. "I'm a monster." A tear ran down his blood stained face and my heart completely fell. I never thought I'd see Bellamy Blake cry.

"Hey. You saved our lives today," Clarke reminded. "You may be a total ass half the time, but I need you. We all need you. None of us would've survived this place if it wasn't for you." Bellamy looked down, avoiding her gaze. "You want forgiveness? Fine, I'll give it to you. You're forgiven, ok? But you can't run, Bellamy. You have to come back with me. You have to face it."

"Like you faced your mom?"
Bellamy asked weakly.

Clarke chuckled. "You're right. I don't want to face my mom. I don't want to face any of it. All I think about every day is how we're gonna keep everyone alive, but we don't have a choice."

Bellamy sniffed again. "Jaha will kill me when he comes down."

"We'll figure something out," I spoke up, finally finding my voice. "We always do." Bellamy stared up into the sky. He didn't seem to be looking at anything but the despondent look on his face worried me. I turned towards him, wincing at the pain from my jaw, where Dax had hit me. "Hey," I whispered, causing him to look over. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Being so stubborn," Silence lapsed between us. "You're forgiven, by the way," I placed my hand on top of his, running my fingers over his. He stiffened at first but then relaxed, moving closer so that our shoulders were touching. "I'm really sorry."

"You're forgiven," He replied. I couldn't read the look on his face. "I'm really sorry too."

I smiled slightly, keeping my eyes locked on his face, as silence passed between us yet again. "Bellamy?"

"Yeah?"

My voice came out in a whisper. "Please don't go."

He turned his palm over so that he could squeeze my hand. "Wouldn't dream of it."

~

A/N

Probably my fave chapter so far because so many feeeeeels and Billie is a badass