september 19th.

jungkook didn't know why he was here. not just at the graveyard, but here. what reason did he have? what was stopping him? he didn't know. he stopped communicating with the outside world. he didn't leave the house other than to go to the cemetery. he didn't even talk to his parents. he threw out his cell phone. he left the band, ignoring any form of communication with the members and the fans. he didn't have nara. there was no point to anything anymore.

it had been nearly two weeks since he had been to visit. each day, he tried again. fourteen attempts, fourteen failures. he had tried everything. guns, blades, kitchen knives, belts, ropes, medicine. he couldn't bring himself to bring the blade to his skin, bring himself to step off of the chair and into bliss. he had even gotten into the car in his garage with intentions to die by carbon monoxide poisoning, but he couldn't even turn the key. each time he failed, he was left even more confused than before.

each time, the girl in the yellow scarf's voice echoed in his ears. "don't." she had said. "yes, it would be a shame." she had said. "don't kill yourself, jungkook." she had said.

reminiscing, he realized that the part that shook him the most was not that she knew his name. he actually found that to be the only logical part of their encounter. of course she would know his name, he was jeon jungkook. people knew his name in dozens of other countries, it only made sense that someone from his hometown would, too.

the strangest part was the conviction in her voice. "yes, it would be a shame." she had said. who was she to tell him that? a stranger, a nobody? he had seen the leaves in her hair, the dirt on her clothes. was she homeless? a beggar? he didn't know. he didn't know, and that frustrated him more than anything. he didn't know this random girl, some random girl who snatched the cigarette out of his mouth and knew his name, and yet, her words had such an influence on him.

he wanted to die. he didn't want to be alive anymore. so why couldn't he get it over with already?

"why can't i do this?" he asked aloud, looking down at the headstone in front of him. he felt numb when he looked at it now, rather than like his heart was being ripped to shreds and like he was being pulled apart limb from limb. he couldn't decide which was worse.

"she's not going to talk back, you know."

jungkook jumped. he looked up, and there she was. she was wearing the same clothes as two weeks ago, the same yellow scarf wrapped around her neck.

"jesus christ, you scared me half to death." he breathed out. this time, it wasn't jungkook who realized the morbidity of what he said.

"you have a really dark sense of humor, you know that?" the girl asked, squinting at jungkook. he raised an eyebrow in question. she looked at him incredulously. "come on. the death hyperbole? in a field full of dead people?" she gestured to the surrounding headstones. jungkook hummed in realization before chuckling half heartedly at his own joke. there was a silence between them, him looking at the headstone and her looking at him. "who was she?"

"who are you?" he countered, not wanting to tell the random girl any personal information. the girl managed a small smile, her captivating eyes twinkling.

"a friend." she answered cryptically. he gave her a look.

"i don't have any friends." he deadpanned, glancing up from the headstone. the girl sighed, leaning against a tree.

"touche." she said. "well, i'm...friendly." she furthered, raising her eyebrows hopefully.

"i can see that." jungkook responded sarcastically. he looked down at the ground near his feet. he still saw a couple pills nestled into the grass.

"mhm. i'm also surprised." she said. jungkook sighed. why was she here?

"oh, is that so?" he said bitterly. the girl rolled her eyes, her fingers fidgeting with her scarf.

"oh, yeah."

"and why's that?"

"you're still alive."

at this, jungkook looked up. she wished she could see his eyes behind his dark sunglasses. he didn't expect her to be so blunt about it, but then again, why wouldn't she be? she hadn't exactly been subtle about tellinf him not to kill himself.

"i'm just as surprised as you." jungkook said honestly. she offered him a small, sad smile. the silence between them was palpable once more. "her name was nara." the girl in the yellow scarf glanced up at the broken boy once more. he didn't know why he had changed his mind about telling her, but he couldn't stop himself from telling her once the words were out of his mouth. "she was my girlfriend. it would have been two years in a couple weeks."

"mm." the girl answered. "what was her favorite song?" jungkook sent the girl a look at the random question. "well? are you gonna tell me, or are you gonna stare at me?"

"this is gonna sound...conceited. like, really facetious. but she always loved spring day. said it relaxed her." jungkook said. the girl felt a hint of pride when half of a smile came to rest on his chapped lips.

"i've never heard that song. who's it by?" she asked. jungkook pulled a face and looked over at her once more.

"you can drop the act. i know you know who i am." he said. the girl furrowed her eyebrows at him, laughing awkwardly.

"i do know who you are. how does that have anything to do with the song?" she asked. he looked at her analytically, trying to pick up on whether or not she was messing with him.

"because it's my song?" jungkook replied, waiting for realization to show on the girl's face. it didn't.

"your song?"

"i sing it. it's my song." he continued, looking at her skeptically.

"oh, you're in a band?" she asked. a chill ran down his spine at this. now it was getting creepy. "they didn't tell me that." she mumbled the last part. his ears barely picked up on it, but once they did, he was even more freaked out.

"they? who's they?" he asked. the girl's beautiful eyes widened, as if she realized she said something she shouldn't have.

"bye, jungkook. hang in there." she smiled, turning and walking behind the tree. when she didn't emerge from the other side back into his line of sight, he furrowed his eyebrows. jungkook walked around to the other side of the tree only more confused when she was nowhere to be found.

he took off his sunglasses and rubbed his tired eyes, feeling even more insane than usual.

"i need sleep."