9. Her Dark Sins
Title: 5/5
The title gives off a nice vibe and its unique too. I still haven't deciphered the meaning behind the title, but that might be because I have read only five chapters. I have only read five chapters. However, I hope you remember to make sure that you depict the reason for the title in the book.
Cover: 4.5/5
The cover you have there is mindblowing. The fog and illumination helps the readers to see the title clearly. The purple hues of the house and around the edges of Hira's hair complete the look you were trying to achieve. The metal weapon does not miss my eyes, which is very mesmerizing. However, I think it could be improved. The format of the letter 's' in the word "sins" is different. The first 's' is correct while last 's' is inverted and ruins the readability of the word.
I recommend you consult your graphic designer and correct the issue soon.
Summary: 4/5
Your summary is amazing, but it needs some polishing. Seeing from the traditional point of view, your summary is incomplete. A traditional summary introduces the character, the setting of the story, a vague depiction of the crisis, and the stakes.
While your summary has all the former three aspects, the latter one seems to be missing. There are no stakes mentioned whatsoever. Readers should always know what's at the stake before taking your book.
We've been told that the crisis is the demons producing currents of Apathy in humans, and we've also been told that it is Hira's task to save the world. But we haven't been told what will happen if Hira fails in her task? What drastic turn might it take for humanity? Can everyone die if there is failure?
Give us the stakes so we can salvage the buts of information, form clues, solve riddles as we read your book.
Also, I suggest removing the first line of the summary as it is quite unnecessary and ruins the feel of the unique summary you've set up.
Grammar: 5/5
Your grammar is right on point, and you deserve an applause for that. I was so glad to read a book and enjoy rather than being nit-picky on grammar issues. You're doing a great job by far.
You know your basics, and you play with your words with an ease. The sentence structures deliver a sense and meaning.
I spotted a few misplaced commas when I was reading your book, but you edited the chapters later, so I'm sure there are no more issues.
Character Building: 5/5
Your main character, Hira, appeals to my taste. She is just how I wanted her to be. She's smart, curious, empathetic and does her job well. I find it interesting that once she gets the superpowers, she uses them for the good of humanity. There isn't a flick of evil intention in her head. "Power tends to corrupt," Lord Anton says. I'm happy to see Hira hasn't been corrupted. This is a solid trait and hints at how good she is.
Furthermore, I find bits of loyalty in her too. Even after six months of her boyfriend going in coma, she does not give hope. She does not make a new boyfriend. Human nature is hard to understand, and people often leave others behind. Hira did not do that to Alessander.
Alessander, on the other hand, also seemed to be madly in love with Hira. He had a nice touch of kindness and etiquette to him. Personally, I enjoyed reading about him and was blown away by the conclusion of the first chapter.
Hira's dad sounds wise, and from the description, we can see how much Hira misses her father. Hira's mother and brother haven't made that much presence in the first few chapters, but I'm satisfied with their characters. Her brother is humorous and takes good care of Hira. While her mother also cares for Hira.
Now, onto Hira's uncle. He seems like a nice man till now, but I've always had trust issues with characters. Let's hope he does not betray Hira. As for the female doctor that was giving bad vibes to Hira, it is safe for me to say that I have my suspicions for that woman too. The way she talked about Hira irked me.
I must say, all your characters appear realistic and believable.
Writing Style: 5/5
Your writing is smooth and flows with ease. The pace is neither too fast not too slow. The paragraphs have been peppered with the right amount of details and descriptions. Your prose is not too plain nor too blue, which is just how it should be. I found no major problems in your writing style. I was fairly invested in your story due to the writing style.
Plot + Uniqueness: 5/5
Did I ever say I loved the whole concept of your book? No? Well, I will say it now. By far, I haven't read a story portraying the unique concept of Apathy. Since ages, the idea of demons has been going on, and by this time, it has become fairly boring.
However, you take the plain old demons and twist them into something far more complex and creative. You give them a physique, mannerisms of thinking, combat skills. Trust me, this all makes the story way unique. By far, I didn't encounter any cliches in your story. Great job!
Overall: 33.5/35
This story is a unique combination of real life themes such as Apathy and Fantasy themes such as demons. You're off to fine start, and I wish you the best of luck with writing. I hope to see the series in the bookstores soon.
Author's Note
I'm sorry if this review was short, but my reviews mostly focus on grammar issues. Since your book had none, the review wasn't lengthy at all.
-Queue-
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