The moment I woke up, I was immediately filled with regret from drinking as much as I did the night before. My head was throbbing, and I still felt nauseous. 

I sluggishly walked to my kitchen to get a cup of water and pain pills to cure the headache. As I grabbed the pain pills from the cupboard, I saw Hana was passed out on the couch, and Anko wasn't anywhere to be seen.

I vaguely remember Anko trying to take care of both of us after returning from the bar. She must've gone home after putting us both to bed. 

Hana stirred awake when she heard me moving around. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. I could tell by her expression that she felt the same way I did, so I poured more pain pills out into my hand and walked over to give them to her and a bottle of water.

"Thanks," She said as she took a drink of water.

"I regret drinking that much," I said as I sat down on the couch with her.

"Same,"

"Oh, can I ask you something?" She suddenly said, now turning her full attention to me.

I raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Are you okay?"

I gave her a look of confusion, "I'm not following,"

"Well, last night, you told Anko and me that Kurenai was causing you stress by talking about Asuma. Then I asked what you meant by that, and you told us that you and Asuma are not on speaking terms."

"Oh..."

"Then you started crying after that,"

I put my a hand to my face with both, embarrassment and frustration. 

Now I remember what happened.

I ranted about Asuma the whole night and ended up crying. That's why Anko decided it was time for us to go to bed, and I remember her going into mom mode on me and trying to get me to stay in bed, but I was being difficult and had to throw up.

Damn, there was no taking that one back.

I really didn't want them to know any of that because I had to keep the real reason why we had an argument. 

"It's okay, Kasumi, you know you can tell me anything, right?" Hana said, breaking the silence.

Well, maybe I could give her an altered version of the story.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied, keeping my cool. "My brother and I are not on speaking terms and I just decided it was best for me to cut ties after he crossed some lines. It's just a family issue, so I didn't mean to start crying over it; I was just drunk,"

She looked surprised. "Cutting ties? That's a little much for your  brother, considering how close you two used to be,"

I didn't say anything, but the guilt of the real reason was gnawing at me. Itachi was an Akatsuki and they were already causing trouble and were actively hunting Naruto for the Nine-Tails. But he wasn't like them, something was different about him. 

She realized I wasn't going to say anything and just changed the subject. "I understand if you're not ready to talk about it. But I'll be here to listen when you are ready, and I'm sure things will be fine. I realized I forgot my mom wanted me to help her clean the dog kennels, so I gotta head out,"

God, I hope things will be fine.

I walked her out the door and waved at her as she left.

"Bye, Hana! See you later!"

I shut my door after that and sighed, the guilt still eating away at me. Guilty for the way I felt about Itachi, guilty for cutting ties with Asuma, and guilty for convincing myself that I didn't care. 

Asuma and I used to be close. Before our older brother passed away, we all had each other's backs. When we were children, they would make sure that bullies left me alone, and I would stand up for them if they needed it. 

I supported Asuma when he wanted to leave with the Twelve Guardians, so why couldn't he support me?

Well, I guess they're two different situations, but still. 

I pulled myself out of my thoughts and decided to go take a shower since I felt gross from drinking heavily the night before. I needed to somehow distract myself from all the thoughts haunting my mind. 

The water was hot but not unbearably, so it felt comforting. As I stood under the spray, the memories of Itachi and Asuma wouldn't stop rushing through my head. I couldn't stop thinking about the way Itachi's hand felt on my back, the warmth in his eyes, and the way he would caress my hair when he thought I was asleep. 

And then there was Asuma, his face contorted in fury, his words echoing in my mind – 'He doesn't love you, Kasumi. He's using you.'

I understand why he thinks that, but why can't he see that Itachi wasn't like that?

As the water ran, I tried to drown out the thoughts, the guilt, the fear. I wanted to scream or run away just to stop feeling this pressure. But where would I go? I have friends and family I care about here, and Itachi wouldn't come for me since he's the one who left me. 

The water began to turn cold, reminding me that I'd been standing there for too long. I stepped out of the shower, wrapped the towel around myself, and stared at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were still puffy from crying the night before, and I looked rough from being hungover. 

I had to somehow make sense of this mess of a life that I caused. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi guys! I'm sorry about the long hiatus on this chapter. I had a lot of stress going on in 2022 and a break up from a four-year relationship lol, so I wasn't exactly in the writing mindset. I'm back now, though, and I should hopefully be updating more frequently now. I'm also rewatching Naruto with a friend to help me figure out where I want this story to go. I missed all your comments and writing this story.