"Symbols to the nation. Heroes to the world. The story of Captain America and the Siren is one of honour, bravery, sacrifice and love."

Nellie wandered through the exhibit entrance, her head low, her hands clasped together in front of her as she nervously twisted and grasped at her own fingers, continuously counting them in an effort to keep herself in control. She needed to see his face, to hear his voice, to feel like she was in his presence once again.

She felt like she was going crazy, with each minute that passed another agonizing image painted itself on the inside of her eyelids... but it always went back to her brother, she felt that was her greatest loss, only second to the life that had been stolen from herself and Steve during their time in the ice. Knowing Bucky did not get to live a long and happy life, or marry and have children, knowing that if she pushed herself maybe she could have saved him. What hurt her the most was that she knew in her heart she was now more than capable of saving him...

Eleanor moved away from the crowds and pressed herself into a corner right at the entrance of the exhibit, the faint 1940s music trilling in her ears as she locked eyes with a painting of herself and Steve, her old brown locks twisted away from her face in an old-fashioned up do... one that her mother had taught her how to do. The pain was back again, squeezing her heart to the point where she had to gasp for breath.

"Symbols to the nation. Heroes to the world. The story of Captain America and the Siren is one of honour, bravery, sacrifice and love."

The narrator's voice repeated, shocking Nellie back into reality once again. She had come here for a reason, to see Bucky and to remember him. Back at their apartment, both in Washington and New York, Steve and Nellie had selected photos of Bucky to be on display, but most of the albums were with Arty, with a few personal items donated to the Smithsonian when the exhibit had first been created on the fiftieth anniversary of their 'death'. Nellie had heard there was footage here from their time together working for the SSR, now seemed like the best time to see it.

She regulated her breathing, adjusted the baseball cap on her head to shadow her face a little more, and ensured her blonde bangs hid her face as well. The change in hair colour was fairly new still, and spending most of their nights inside hadn't really given the public a chance to realise that she was no longer a brunette. She hoped that it would aid her in her personal mission.

Nellie looked back at the portrait of herself and Steve, the words: 'The living legends and symbols of courage' printed above their heads. She needed that courage now, just for a moment, she needed to be that woman again. She glanced at the image of Steve; how handsome he looked in his old uniform, and despite everything it brought a small smile to her face. Maybe I should tell him where I am...

As Nellie stepped away from the wall, ready to begin, a body pushed through the crowds to her left, almost a head taller than all of those around him and it drew her attention immediately. His warm blue eyes settled on her, the relief of finding her instantly relaxing his features, his shoulders dropped as a weight lifted off of them as he walked a little faster to reach her.

Eleanor smiled softly as Steve approached her, her arms already opening up to him as he pulled her into his own, holding her so tightly she was sure he never wanted to let go again. Almost instantly her heart relaxed, the grip squeezing it loosened and it was as if she could breathe again. They backed up into the corner once again, her head resting against his chest as Steve placed a sweet kiss against the side of her head.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly against his chest, the cotton of his white t-shirt soft against her cheek as she refrained from moving away. His hands rubbed over her back through her leather jacket, his touch soothing her shallow breaths.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He murmured, leaning back slightly to look upon her face. With one of his hands, he reached between them and lifted her chin gently using his thumb and forefinger. Her sweet face was tear-stained, her eyes red and tired, the remnants of unfallen tears still present. He cursed Nick inside his own head... he had no goddamn right.

"How did you know where I was?" Nellie asked, her voice quiet and wobbly. She reached up quickly to wipe her own tears, thankful that he had found her, she didn't realise how much she needed him by her side for this until he was here.

Steve smiled back at her, catching her hand before bringing it to his lips to place gentle kisses against the backs of her fingers. "I tracked your phone." He said meekly, the lopsided smile deepening the small dimples in his cheeks. Nellie couldn't help the flutter in her heart. "You need to see him?" Steve didn't need to reference who 'him' was.

Nellie dropped her head against Steve's chest again, resting her ear against him to listen to his beating heart. She nodded slowly, waiting for the anxiety to bubble up once again... only it didn't. Steve continued to hold her tightly, only willing to move when Nellie was ready.

"Symbols to the nation. Heroes to the world. The story of Captain America and the Siren is one of honour, bravery, sacrifice and love."

The narrator's voice looped again, telling Nellie it was time to press on. She pulled herself out of his arms and intertwined her fingers with his, feeling wholeheartedly secure in Steve's presence. "Let's go." She said with a controlled smile, letting Steve lead the way further into the exhibit.

Together they rounded a short corridor and were faced with another extravagant mural of both Nellie and Steve saluting, both clad in full uniform, the American flag billowing proudly behind them. Before the couple, children were saluting back to the painting as they passed, the gestures bringing endearing smiles to both Nellie and Steve's faces. Nellie couldn't help wondering that if those children turned around and took a long look at the couple behind them, dressed in their mediocre disguises, would they be recognised?

The first portion of the exhibit was dedicated to their early lives; displays of their belongings, family photos and their work were on show in glass cases around the room. The Smithsonian's narrator brought it all to life.

"Friends since childhood, Steven Rogers and Eleanor Barnes watched one another grow into adulthood, and as they grew, so did their feelings for one another. Eleanor was advanced in her studies, soon becoming one of the leading female scientists of her time, assisting Howard Stark in his work. Steven became an artist for a local newspaper, having a gift for drawing."

"Steve look, your bike!" Nellie whispered as they approached the display, her heart leaping as she was instantly transported back to a different time, one where Steve would frequently walk her home, rolling the bike along beside them rather than riding it.

"Where in the hell did they find that old thing?" He mused, the smile etching across his face as he thought about how clumsy he used to be, he lost count of the number of times he had fallen off of the bike or crashed into things with it.

"I suppose Mom, Dad, Arty or even Maria held onto everything... they didn't want to let us go." Nellie said quietly, her eyes drifting towards the pinned drawings behind the bike, some of them being very familiar. She turned to look up at Steve. "Those are really good."

"You think?" Steve quipped, taking in the drawings he had not laid eyes upon for over seventy years. He couldn't remember the last time he had actually drawn anything... the hobby, well what was once his job, had been long forgotten.

Nellie hummed in agreement. "I think you've captured my likeness perfectly."

Steve smiled again. "You were my muse, sweetheart."

"As war broke out, Barnes joined Stark in the war effort to beat our enemies with new technological advancements and Rogers, along with Eleanor Barnes' older brother, took every opportunity to enlist to fight for their country."

Nellie led Steve towards her own work display, her lab coat was pinned to a mannequin, and she smiled at the thought of trying to put that on now, it would be as if she was wearing a child's Halloween costume. She smiled at photos of herself and Howard, her favourite being one of the two laughing over God knows what... she missed him dearly and again the pain was back.

The family display was the hardest one to view, childhood photos of all of her siblings and her parents, Steve with them as a sickly young boy, the house, their street... Bucky's moodiness at refusing to smile for a photo as a child. She thought of how her mother loathed that - despite everything it made her smile.

"As one of the lead scientists on the super solider programme, Eleanor Barnes fought for women's justice and was selected to be the first female super solider in the world. She then went on to become the first female Sergeant and helped the SSR with finding their male candidate.

"Denied enlistment due to poor health, Steven Rogers was chosen for the program by Dr. Abraham Erskine and with the influence of Eleanor Barnes he became the world's first male super soldier."

There was a section showcasing their before and after physiques, and again both Nellie and Steve found comfort in the amusement the displays brought to children as they compared themselves to Nellie and Steve's old and new heights. As the couple stopped to watch, they found that they were being watched too. 

A little boy dressed in a a blue t-shirt, printed with an image of Steve's shield, had locked his gaze onto them, his expression wondrous but also confused as if he couldn't quite believe who he was looking at. He seemed to be frozen in shock as the realisation suddenly dawned on him. As Nellie smiled charmingly, Steve put his finger to his lips, gesturing for the boy to keep it a secret. Stunned, the little boy nodded, earning a small salute from Steve before Nellie pulled him away.

"After their transformations they chose to lead different paths."

The narrator's announcement caused Nellie to scoff. "It's not like we actually chose." She commented, remembering the heart wrenching goodbye she had with Steve before being shipped off to London. She then recalled the words, or better phrased, lyrics Steve spoke to her on that night, the melody spilling into her mind.

"Barnes became a skilled solider, fighting behind enemy lines in secret earning the name The Siren. Rogers became a household name, he was everyone's favourite war hero, Captain America! He toured the country..."

The narrators voice faded out as it became replaced with a recording of one of Steve's performances. Nellie watched Steve's face as the girls danced around him and he delivered his lines, finishing with a a dramatic display of his strength as he lifted a motorcycle and two women above his head. She really could not hide her toothy grin then.

"You know, I've never seen this show before." She chuckled, letting go of Steve's hand to wrap her arm around his torso instead, allowing herself to lean against his body, the side of her head resting against his strong chest.

Steve swung his arm over her shoulders and pulled her even closer. "Really?" He mused as the show looped around again, the chorus girls had begun their opening song and dance once again. 

Nellie watched Steve, the reflection from the screen sparkling against his blue eyes. "Yeah... I only ever saw posters." She admitted, giving him a half smile as his eyes darted away from the screen and down to her. She still felt a small amount of guilt about hiding her new role with the SSR from him at the beginning, though Steve didn't seem to mind now. "Didn't you fancy any of these girls?" She asked, gesturing to the screen.

Steve rolled his eyes playfully, thankful that Nellie had relaxed somewhat since he had first found her at the entrance. He leant down towards her face and pressed a quick kiss against her nose. "I only had eyes for you, sweetheart." Steve cooed, laughing as Nellie scrunched her nose up, the kiss tickling her.

"You're such a goofball... but thank you." She gushed, patting him on the chest with her free hand before allowing him to lead them through the crowds and towards the next section. Much to Nellie's dismay, it seemed to be all about her...

The room was decorated in a timeline of each of her solo missions, each date had photos, descriptions of the mission, of how many men she saved. It allowed her to reminisce for a brief moment until they reached October 1943.

"Captured by Hydra, tortured and experimented on, Eleanor Barnes-"

Nellie squeezed her eyes shut, freezing as she tried to block of the voice of the narrator. "I don't want to listen to this part." She said quickly, blinking her eyes open again as she stepped away from Steve and strode out of the room without looking back.

Her head was beginning to hurt, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come here, she thought. The whole museum had been an emotional rollercoaster. She rounded the last corner of the room devoted to her, all the while Steve was right behind her, his footsteps keeping up with her pace. She could feel the tears building again, her breaths coming out in short sharp pants. Her eyes frantically darted about her, trying to find the exit... but then her eyes met his and her heart stopped.

It was only another mural, but the life in it had her holding her breath as her bottom lip trembled and her eyes released the built-up tears. He looked so life like, so real that she had to bite her cheek to stop the sob from bursting from her chest. She stalked forward, her eyes focusing on the display of herself, Steve's and the rest of the Howling Commandos's uniforms.

"Battle tested, Captain America, The Siren and their Howling Commandos quickly earned their stripes. Their mission: taking down Hydra, the Nazi rogue science division."

"Honey, hey, are you okay?" Steve asked wearily, stopping behind Eleanor, placing both of his hands on her shoulders. His eyes lifted up to the display in front of her, mannequins adorned in each of their old team's uniforms, the one underneath Bucky's face being a replica of the same coat he wore on the day he died. Steve let out a shaky breath, the emotion hitting him like a punch to the gut. Nellie wasn't the only one that needed to see Bucky again...

Nellie sniffled, wiping her eyes quickly as she turned in Steve's arms, hiding her face in his chest as she tried to control her breathing. "I miss him so much." She whimpered, the tears now freely rolling down her cheeks.

"Me too." Steve consoled, rubbing her back slowly, helping to soothe her.

As they held one another, the narrator's voice rang out again, and it immediately caught their attention. In unison their head's turned towards the voice, the breath knocked out of them once again as the exhibit opened out into a small area dedicated to Bucky.

"The oldest brother to Eleanor Barnes and Steven Rogers' best friend since childhood, James Buchanan Barnes was third in command of the Howling Commandos team. Eleanor Barnes was the spark that created the friendship between her brother and Rogers, and soon the two became inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield. Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service of his country."

Nellie leaned out of Steve's arms and instead took his hand securely in her own, with determination she led him into the small world of Bucky. Her heart had begun to race, but the photos, videos and displays had her feeling close to him once again. The walls were lined in videos of Bucky completing target practice, talking with Steve, practicing fighting moves with Nellie, the whole team reviewing maps...

Nellie stopped before a monitor displaying the three of them joking about together, there was no sound to it, but she could see Bucky talking... just imagining the sound of his voice had her heart skipping a beat.

"Do you think that he would have made? Still be around now, I mean, if he hadn't..." Nellie asked, despite the pain she was feeling, Bucky's smile was infectious.

"Maybe, Arty has been able to." Steve pondered, his mind then drifting to what could have been for himself and Nellie. He was sure they would still be around, all old and wrinkled but together.

She nodded at his words, her eyes drifting from the screen to the display a few metres away, the photograph of the dramatic cliffs and icy railway did not need a caption, the location had been burned into her skull. The feeling of the weightlessness his smile brought was stripped away from her as his marked death location had been pictured and stamped on the display across the room. 

Immense highs brought the catastrophic lows.

Steve's eyes moved away from the smiling faces of the trio and down to his girlfriend's face again, the grief was hitting her once again. "Hey." Steve said gently as the tears returned with vengeance. With his free hand he tenderly captured the side of her jaw with his fingers and turned her face to meet his. Her lips were trembling again, her tears rolling down her cheeks as she blinked. She needed help, that had been evident for a while, but Fury had her diving deeper into the darkness. "I know a place that could help."

* * *

Numbly Nellie went along with Steve's plan, following his motorbike in her Corvette, confusion springing to the forefront of her mind as he pulled into the VA visitor's parking lot. She had calmed herself down, the crying had stopped, but the empty void was back and usually, as the weeks pushed on, it retracted until something reminded her of the loss all over again.

The sun was now hanging low in the sky, the early evening twilight drawing the horrific day to a close. Streetlights and car headlights began to brighten the darkening streets, the orange glow of the sun rebounding off of the windows of the pristine buildings. The blonde could feel the heat of the sun through her windows, and she basked in it for a moment, wanting to shut her eyes and just feel... though, needing to still park her car interrupted that.

As Steve shut off his bike, Nellie parked up. She watched as men and women filtered in and out of the building, some in uniform, some in regular clothes. She wondered what had made Steve think of this place, wondered what they had to offer to help her, to maybe help him as well.

He took her hand after she had exited her car, only stopping to place a lasting kiss to her forehead before they made their way towards the entrance. Steve followed the signs that led the way towards the recreational centre, having looked up where the meetings were held before he had gone to find Nellie at the museum.

The building seemed a little outdated, the magnolia walls, dim lighting and hardwood floors propelled both Nellie and Steve back in time. The only clue that they were in fact in the 21st Century was the security locks on the doors and the flat screen televisions fixed to walls playing reels of thanking the men and women for their service and with adverts for rehabilitation programmes and group meetings.

They approached a quiet section of the building, the hallway ending with doors that led out onto the grounds, the dying light from outside offering little assistance to the yellow lighting that bathed the corridor. A room to the couple's right had one of the oak doors open, a stopper exposing the conversation flowing from inside, the voices sombre and intense. Steve knew that they had arrived at their destination.

Nellie, who had been watching Steve carefully through the entirety of their short journey, tried to decipher the thoughts swirling around behind his deep blue eyes but she turned away from Steve and towards the open door as a woman's voice drifted out of the room. "The thing is, I think it's getting worse." She admitted, a real pain and embarrassment in her voice.

Together Nellie and Steve stopped in the doorway, the group of around twenty veterans were intently listening to the hunched over woman in the front row. Steve's eyes locked onto Sam standing in front of the group, he expected him to be there of course, he was the reason he had thought to bring Nellie here in the first place. Nellie followed his gaze and immediately recognised Sam too... now I understand.

"A cop pulled me over last week, he thought I was drunk." The woman continued bitterly; the unease still wrapped around her as she refused to look up from her hands. Steve leant himself against the doorway, settling into the discussion, whereas Nellie leant against him, feeling immensely safe in his arms. "I swerved to miss a plastic bag. I thought it was an IED."

"Some stuff you leave there. Other stuff you bring back." Sam attested, his voice exceedingly soothing. He leant against the wooden podium before him, his eyes never leaving those that needed his help. "It's our job to figure out how to carry it. Is it gonna be in a big suitcase or in a little man-purse? It's up to you."

Nellie let his words sink in, closing her eyes as she absorbed his sermon. The words were frighteningly connected to how she was feeling, what she was dealing with.

"We can't just let it weigh on us until it suffocates us... the bag needs to be unpacked, but you have to be ready to face what's inside." Sam continued, his eyes catching the eavesdroppers lingering in the doorway. Steve nodded at him, and then with his eyes he gestured towards the emotional and entranced Nellie in his arms, unbeknownst to him that she was taking his words in completely, her eyes still closed. "We can work on unpacking that bag next week, if you can't wait that long, you know to call me. I'll see you guys next week."

Nellie opened her eyes slowly, the group was slowly standing to their feet and moving towards Sam, ready to thank him and to say their goodbyes. She kept herself steady in Steve's arms for a moment, really thinking about Sam's words. They were brief but they had resonated with her, though she did not have a little man-purse worth of baggage, she had a U-Haul trailer... but Sam was right, it did need unpacking and dealing with.

Sam's conversation with the last woman who spoke lasted another five minutes, and Steve and Nellie waited patiently for it to end. As he and Nellie hovered in the hallway in silence, he could see the cogs turning behind Nellie's eyes, the small glimmer of light that sparked in them, he had been waiting all day to see that again. Steve felt as if a tensile cord inside his chest had snapped with forgiving release. Nellie needed Sam, or someone like Sam, to help her.

Sam and his group member said their goodbyes, and then he was turning towards the quiet couple waiting in the corner, a friendly smile on his face as he approached. "Look who it is." He began, his voice causing Nellie to turn in Steve's arms and face him. "The running man... and Mrs Running Man." Sam teased as he led the couple towards a small table where he began to gather up his things.

Nellie beamed at him. "It's nice to meet you officially, Sam."

Sam looked up from his papers, mirroring Nellie's smile. "You too."

"We caught the last few minutes. It's pretty intense." Steve lamented, placing a reassuring hand on the small of Nellie's back, his thumb creating small circles over the material of her blouse and through to her back. "We were hoping you could help us?"

Nellie gulped, her smile drooping slightly, her stance oozing nervousness. "This kind of thing didn't exist way back when..."

Sam smiled at her softly. "We always welcome those in need. We all got the same problems, some of us have different problems. Guilt, regret, nightmares." His voice lost some of its strength, as if there was suddenly a tightness catching on his vocal cords. 

Despite the sadness that she could feel emanating from Sam, she almost felt a sense of relief in his words. She was not stupid, she knew she was not the only one to lose family, to lose friends, to feel crushing guilt, but everyone around her, those that were not close to her, always expected her to be at the top of her game and to never miss a step... to never let feelings get in the way but they did, and that was real life. 

Nellie looked up into Sam's dark eyes and it was as if she could see him replaying some old and painful memories inside his own head. "Did you lose someone?" She asked. 

Sam sighed. His jaw clenched and then unclenched. "My wingman, Riley." He said with an overcompensating nod of his head. "Flying a night mission. Standard PJ rescue op. Nothing we hadn't done a thousand times before. Until an RPG knocked Riley's dumb ass out of the sky. Nothing I could do. It's like I was up there just to watch."

Nellie felt her chest tighten, the words a little too close to home. She felt Steve's grip on her tighten minutely, knowing he was thinking of the exact same agonising memory as her. "I'm sorry." She got out, slowly counting to ten inside her head as she tried to remain in control of her emotions. It needs to be unpacked... one item at a time. 

"After that, I had really hard time finding a reason for being over there, you know?" Sam continued; the sorrow wound deeply into his words. 

With a bob of his head, Steve gestured to their surroundings. "But you're happy now, back in the world?" He asked, trying to see if there was some light at the end of the tunnel for people like them. 

Sam folded his arms across his chest, a small smile playing on his lips once again, an almost smugness to him. "Hey, the number of people giving me orders is down to about zero." He said, looking around himself. His smile widened slightly. "So, hell, yeah. You both thinking about getting out?"

Nellie sucked in a breath as Steve answered Sam, a deep frown forming on the taller man's face. "No." He said quickly but then faltered, as he looked down upon Nellie's sparkling green eyes. "I don't know. We don't know." The corner of Nellie's mouth twitched up into a half smile... he wasn't wrong. Steve shook his head. "For as long as I can remember I just wanted to do what was right. It's what we both wanted. I guess I'm not quite sure what that is anymore. We thought we could throw ourselves back in and follow orders, serve. It's just not the same."

"It's all that we know at the moment. All that we're used to." Nellie followed on, agreeing with Steve's words completely. Just that very morning she was thinking about taking a much-needed break, but after Fury's words this afternoon and the mess surrounding the mission, the motivation and trust to work with the Director was at an all-time low, but then again, what else could they do? "It would take a lot of reshaping to find out where we would fit into society."

"Ultimate fighting?" Sam offered with a teasing grin; his suggestion earnt light chuckles from the couple. "It's just a great idea off the top of my head. But seriously, you could both do whatever you want to do. What makes you happy?" Sam asked, the happiness in his voice dipping into a more serious tone once again. 

Nellie knew what made her happy and that was Steve, just being in his very presence brought her anxiety down tenfold. Her family were a need too, more so Arty and Tony... they were always there when you needed them. Her heart jumped as she thought of them, and she suddenly missed them desperately. Maybe a trip to New York was the answer?

"Being together." Steve answered simply, his own mind focused on the woman in his arms. Wherever she went, he would follow. His home was not a place, it was with her. 

"Cute." Sam mused, looking between the couple, seeing the evident need for each other, the love beaming off of them like a reddish pink aura as it buzzed around them. "Just remember, if you need anyone to talk to, I'm happy to help."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Update Day again!

First off, poor Nellie, right? Can't catch a break and it's only going to get worse from here with what's around the corner. 

Do you think she's dealing with it all okay, or is she close to a meltdown?... And we all know what happened last time (she hurt Steve!).

As always comments and votes are much appreciated, and if you have any questions, I'm always around to answer them.

Side note... I have started university again and I will try my best to keep the weekly updates going. I will also try and give fair warning if there are any delays. Hopefully I'll stay on track!

Anyway, love to you all.

Talia
💛💛💛