I see myself on Twitter, with my decent attempt at a monologue—my first try of defending myself against two girls who were dead-set on ruining my trip to Korea.

It's an interesting perspective, really. First, I see myself next to Beomgyu, my shocked expression with an "O" mouth and eyes glued to the people capturing my every move. I see my fear slowly shift to courage, as I walk forward and grab the mic. My words are shaky as they begin, but I move forward. Slowly but surely, my words become firmer. I latch onto the tense energy in the air, looking the girls in their eyes with as much fire as I can muster.

So yes. I did come to Korea weak and heartbroken. I see fragments of that part of myself in the video. At that moment, I could've chosen to crack. I could've broken down in tears and allowed the girls to rip me apart with their harsh words of judgement.

But as I watch myself on Twitter, as the numbers go viral and I get thousands of mentions associated with TXT, I see a boy who became brave. And it was all thanks to one person that I could stand up for myself.

Beomgyu looked into my life, saw my broken soul, and chose to do everything he could to mend me. He didn't see someone to avoid, and he accepted me despite his society's stringent views on who I am and who I'm allowed to love. By allowing me to lean on him, he jump started my process of healing. I will be forever grateful.

I watch the video several times, as I'm alone in the dorm and waiting for Beomgyu to come back from the studio—he's still recording for their first full album—and I get a mix of emotions by watching myself stand up for my right to be Beomgyu's friend.

As the crowd cheers for me, right as the video ends, I wonder why Naomi and Joyce chose to post the video in full. Maybe they are continuing the narrative of me being an obsessed fan. But most of the comments of the video are in support of me. "Leave him alone" is a trending topic, copying Yeonjun's shout which sparked the ignition of cheers for me. Jayden! Jayden! Jayden! I listen to the chant more than a dozen times. I wonder if the crowd saw the brave part of me too—the one that would defend my five new friends with as much spark as I could muster.

I smile to myself, clutching the phone to my chest. It seemed only like hours ago where I feared for my life—my reputation as Naomi and Joyce attempted to rip me apart online.

Now, I have a different mentality. Let the haters come. Allow them to fill all the spaces they want online. I will listen to my five newest friends.

I'll let Soobin's leadership guide me, telling me to only care about what the people I love think about me. I'll be inspired by Taehyun's unbothered attitude, his ability to tackle one day at a time. From Huening Kai, I'll be inspired to not think too much about the future. I'll be present in every moment I'm alive and care for myself first. From Yeonjun, I'll learn to forgive myself from the many mistakes I've made throughout my life.

From Beomgyu, I've gained the ability to love myself again. I see myself as more than just an obsessed fan. I'm someone who deserves the attention from someone like Beomgyu—even though I feel like I'm not worthy enough to be his friend, I'll stay by his side for as long as possible and return him the love that I received through my stay in Seoul.

I watch the video until my eyes go heavy and I begin to fall into a deep sleep. I think I hear Beomgyu return in the middle of the night. He's humming a tune that must be in the newest album, and I feel like the luckiest person alive to hear those melodies for the first time.

He sings when he showers, coming out and filling the room with steam. He sings softly even as he brushes his teeth, and by the time his head hits his pillow, I think he's gone through the entire album.

"Goodnight, sleepyhead," he whispers.

I manage to catch the words right before I fall fully asleep. I'll hold those words close to my heart. I'll bring them all the way back to my home in Hawaii.