The next day, Mrs. Jo and the other chaperones lead us to a seafood restaurant that overlooks the coast. The place smells like sea salt and spice, and the fifty students of Hankuk fill the place to the brim. I sit next to Beomgyu. And naturally, the other four members of TXT surround our table. I feel like I'm stuck in one of my delusions.

When I was seventeen, I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I was hospitalized for several months in the mental health ward, and for a long while I wondered whether I would ever fully be healed. I still take medication for my condition, and although Beomgyu has never asked me about the orange bottles next to my desk in the dorm, I'd like to tell him someday. About how I used to imagine celebrities talking to me through telepathy and how I was a slave to mixed signals read through the birds and walls.

Facing my symptoms for the first time was scary. Actually being in Korea and living out what once was a delusion for me? It's invigorating.

Beomgyu and the other members gasp in wonder at the fresh rack of clams given to us by the waiter. As she turns on our grill, Yeonjun licks his lips and moves deftly to grill the clams. The chatter in the restaurant turns deafening, along with the sizzling of seafood which fills the place with even more aroma of the sea.

"This is the best," Taehyun says, after dipping his first clam into a spicy sauce and gobbling it up. "Nothing beats fresh clams."

"I don't like seafood," Beomgyu admits. "But I guess I'll give it a try today."

"It's pretty amazing," I tell him. "You're making a good decision in stepping outside your comfort zone."

"His comfort zone is pizza and ramyeon," Huening Kai says. "Him eating clams is a miracle."

"A miracle," Soobin repeats. "I can't believe how much you're changing him, Jayden."

After lunch, the chaperones give us the option to go back to the mud festival. The other option is exploring the coast and the shops alongside the beach walk. Beomgyu and I take the latter option, while the four other members return to the festival.

Soon, I'm walking alongside Beomgyu with colored flags waving above my head, hung from lines splayed across the blue sky.

"This place is beautiful," I say. "I've never been somewhere so pretty. And I live in Hawaii."

"I would love to go to Hawaii someday," Beomgyu says.

I imagine picking up Beomgyu in the airport, introducing him to my favorite spots on the island—like the bubble tea place near my house and my church's cafe. I allow myself to sink into the delusion that Beomgyu and I will remain close friends after this summer session. Even though I may be hurting myself with this false faith, I can at least hold onto these fleeting moments with Beomgyu.

"You should come," I say. "You have lots of fans there. You could perform in the Blaisdell Arena."

"I would love to meet my Hawaii fans," he says.

"You've already met one," I say.

He smiles, punching me lightly on the arm. "You're my friend now too, not just a fan."

I wish Beomgyu could hit me with a dose of reality, letting me know that he'll move on once I'm gone from Korea. He'll be fully immersed into his life as an idol, and I'll be long forgotten. I'll just be a figment in his mind, from that one summer he was able to escape idol life and enjoy a few weeks at a local college. I'll be happy if I remain a part of his distant memory.

But Beomgyu acts like these weeks will stretch on forever. "I can't believe my luck," he says. "I never thought we'd be able to have the opportunity—all of the members going to college together. It's insane."

"I'm glad you all took that chance together," I say. "You'll remember it for a lifetime." Hopefully, I want to add. His career is just beginning, and I'd be a fool for thinking that his time with me in a dorm will be one of the highlights of his youth.

Beomgyu and I walk past the flutter of floating paper flags. We end up sitting on the beach, digging out feet into the warm sand and watching the rolling gray waves creep up the coast and fall back. It's a sight I'm used to, living on an island, but this city seems to infuse the picture with a bit more magic. I close my eyes, listening to the Korean conversations that I still don't understand, imagining that this field trip could last a whole lifetime.

"Are you having a good trip so far?" Beomgyu asks me.

I recognize his soft tone. I know he's asking more than just my enjoyment coming to the mud festival. "Yes. I mean, I still feel heartbroken about that boy, but I'm having the time of my life. You're making this trip really special, Beomgyu. I'm glad to have met you. You're even more amazing than what I imagined you'd be like."

"What did you imagine?" Beomgyu asks.

I glance at his side profile, admiring the sharpness of his jaw. "I have to admit, I thought you'd be a bit stuck up."

Beomgyu makes a sour face. "Just because I'm an idol? Jayden, I thought you were better than that." He jokes in a sing-song tone, punching my arm lightly again.

"Well, you have every right to believe you're better than most," I say. "You can sing, you can dance, you're handsome and you have a great personality."

"Woah there," Beomgyu says, mid laughter. "You're speaking too highly of me now."

I laugh with him. "Beomgyu, you make every other guy I've liked back home seem dim and boring."

Beomgyu places an arm around my shoulder. "Jayden, in these next three weeks I want you to be the guy that you can rely on. Like I said before, you're going to totally forget about that guy who broke your heart."

"You really think so?" I ask.

He nods in earnest. "You're going to find a part of yourself that you were looking for all along. A part that says you're good and fulfilled all on your own."

A nerve in my brain prompts me to ask, "Do you believe in God, Beomgyu?"

Beomgyu hums. "I grew up believing in God and Jesus. I went to church and once tithed more because I thought He'd be mad at me for skipping studies and going to the PC cafe."

I laugh. "You really did that?"

"Yup," he says, digging his feet into the warm sand. "Now, why do you ask?"

"I don't know," I say. "I guess I was going to ask about your opinion on whether God would accept me for who I am."

"Is that something you've doubted for your whole life?" Beomgyu prompts.

For some reason, a tide of emotion hits me in the chest. I begin to tear up. "It's something I think about whenever I have doubts about my identity."

"He accepts you," Beomgyu says. His voice is quiet, but completely sure of itself. I've never felt so affirmed just by a few simple strung words.

I lean into Beomgyu. The moment feels right, so I rest my head against his shoulder. "Did you really mean it when I said I could treat you like a boyfriend?"

Beomgyu nods against my head. "Of course. I want you to heal. If I can be the person you rely on for a short month, I want to do that for you. You're a special person, Jayden. And you deserve the world."

A single tear falls and rolls down my cheek. "Thank you, Beomgyu."

He nods again, bringing up a finger to wipe the tear off my face. "You're very welcome. Like I keep saying, these next three weeks will be a blast. You'll forget about your broken heart and when you go back home, you'll have a whole new one without any damage from your ex."

The rolling gray waves and the blue sky above us meet as one in the horizon. I imagine Beomgyu as the sky and me as the ocean. I realize that we will never fully come together, but we're a good combination. I can only trust what he says about the next few weeks being a healing time. He'll be my potion, a vibrant blue color to paint my soul anew.