The bus swerves past the inclines of city, descending into the suburbs and soon drifting out to the countryside. The entirety of the summer program students have been stuffed into the vehicle, maybe fifty of us peering out the windows as Seoul leaves us behind. And in an equal amount, we stare at the five members of TOMORROW X TOGETHER. They seem deeply out of place among the rest of us, but if they notice our staring, they act oblivious. They seem just as intrigued to admire the outdoors as it speeds us by—the plains and mountains rolling past.

"Are you comfortable?" Beomgyu asks me, maybe ten minutes into the ride.

"Yeah!" I say, a squeak coming out from my voice. I've still not grown accustomed to having Beomgyu next to me, despite sharing a room with him for a week. For some reason, his stare always breaks the wall of composure within me.

Yeonjun, from the seat in front of us, peers back at me with a cheshire grin. "Someone sounds nervous."

I shake my head. "No. Not at all."

Beside him, Taehyun turns back as well and offers me his best discerning face. "Yup. You like our Beomgyu."

From behind me, Soobin and Huening Kai erupt in bubbling giggles. They have obviously been eavesdropping along with the rest of TXT. I can't believe my fate right now, being teased for my obvious attraction for someone who will never fall for me. All done by the hands of four other guys that could kill with their looks and talent.

"Ignore them," Beomgyu says, scowling. "This is just the start of how annoying they can get."

"Beomgyu is more annoying than all of us combined," Huening Kai mutters.

Beomgyu turns in a state of mock fury, slapping Huening Kai on the side of his head. Beomgyu receives a dolphin shriek in return, along with the three onlooking members erupting in laughter at the spectacle.

I can tell how attached they are.

Growing up, I've never had a best friend. I was always on the sidelines, looking for someone who could save me. It was mostly my fault, due to me not taking initiative and being too scared to respond to those reaching out to me. One time, a boy in my class invited me to go to the gym with him during the summer. That was during my junior year, and even though I desperately wanted to say yes, my nervous instinct told me to stay silent and decline. I have a million other instances like this, when I was just too scared to say yes. To jump into foreign waters.

Coming to Korea, staying here by myself, was a jump that I took in desperation. I'm still trying to heal, and the thought of my ex boyfriend still haunts me, but I took this chance for a reason. Finding someone like Beomgyu and his group members was something I never expected. A mixture of emotions runs through me when I think about his relationship with his members—jealousy, joy, hope.

Because I've never known what it's like to belong with a close group of friends, I spend a long time just admiring how their group works. I'm intrigued by the gears they start within each other, the knobs that they turn and the nerves that are pressed whenever they make jokes or tease each other.

"What's on your mind?" Beomgyu asks, twenty minutes into the ride. Seoul is leaving us behind, and we are well on our way to the city of Boryeong.

I'm thinking about my jealousy of you having four best friends you can call your own.

But of course I can't say that. I press my lips together. "I'm thinking about the mud festival." I'm not completely lying, at least, as the field trip has been lingering in the back of my mind. "It's going to be so much fun. With you and the members."

"We'll stay out late and party together," Beomgyu says, smiling. "I heard there's supposed to be dancing and a whole EDM concert past midnight. It'll be a blast."

I want to cry at him including me with the four boys that are practically his brothers by now. "You'd really want to spend all that time with me?"

He gives me a light scowl. "I thought you'd know by now that I like you, Jayden. Spending time with you is like a refreshing dip in the pool."

"What a lame metaphor," Soobin groans from behind us.

Beomgyu reaches behind to smack him as well, but his blow is deftly avoided. "Soobin is getting on my nerves. I guess I should just stop helping you with putting on and taking off your contact lenses."

"No, I need you!" Soobin's desperation is comical, and he even garners a few laughs from the students around us.

Yeonjun joins in with his own snickering. "Guys, don't be nervous around us," he announces to the other students in the bus. "We came to have a good time with normal international students. Let's all enjoy the festival together! Fighting!"

"Fighting!" We all cheer back to him. It's like a concert without the singing, how we're all here enjoying the presence and infectious energy of TXT.

Thirty minutes into the ride, Beomgyu puts in his headphones. Five minutes later, he shifts in his seat, drowsiness taking over his features. Soon, his head is resting on my shoulder. I freeze in combined shock and giddiness.

Yeonjun turns around, smirking, capturing the moment through his phone. Taehyun looks back and rolls his eyes.

The warmth of Beomgyu's head spreads from my shoulder throughout my whole body.

Once, back in a classroom at my old Christian school, I admitted to my whole class that my love language is touch. My answer caused a ripple of uncomfortable giggles throughout the class. I sighed, wondering why my Bible teacher chose such a strange topic for that day.

Now, nothing is funny about my answer. Beomgyu's mouth is slightly parted as he breaks out into light snores. He mumbles in his sleep again, and if I can make out some of the Korean correctly, he's referring to something about dancing and shoes.

If I could have any superpower in existence, I'd choose the ability to freeze time. I'd stay in this moment, surrounded by the members of TXT, as near as I'll ever get to Choi Beomgyu. I'll never get tired of the way his body fits next to mine. And even with the knowledge that we will never be together—we're too different, aligned in separate directions—I could live well just by being exactly this close.