**** I hope you guys enjoy! It's a little bit of a relief after the feels of last chapter I hope ****

*Ryker*

I still hadn't left the couch since I sat down after getting back from talking to Ronnie. It was what, 2 pm then? Now it was 6 pm. I had to pee like a motherfucker, but I didn't want to move.

I was replaying those perfect moments before I fucked it up with my bitterness. He looked so different from before all this happened.

His hair was shaved on one side, left more straight rather than poofed out a bit, and he just looked older altogether.

I didn't know what to think. I mean, we had been having a semi decent conversation, or at least, we weren't yelling at each other. And then I got all pissy and ruined everything.

That's not to say he didn't help further the conversation....

'I don't love you'

He doesn't love me.

He doesn't love me.

He. Doesn't. Love. Me.

How had I not known it before? I had, but there was a part of me, minuscule, microscopic, teeny tiny, but still present, that dared to hope, dream, wish, hold on to the thought that he may still love me. I thought that there was hope for me. For us.

It was stupid.

I couldn't think about it, it made me sick, it made me fucking sick to even think about it.

So then, what should I do? It's hard to not think about it, it was only the worst thing that's happened today.

I was interrupted, finally, by someone grabbing me and I found myself promptly pulled onto Ashley's lap.

I tried to give him a patronizing look, but he just smiled and I groaned, smiling back.

Truthfully, I was beyond relieved.

Trust Ashley to always pick me up when I get too down. Literally.

I grinned at him and leaned back, laying my head on his shoulder and resting against his neck.

He turned on the TV and then we were watching some football game, except it kept zooming in on the cheerleaders, but of course.

Ashley was fine with it, so hell if I cared. As long as he was comfortable I was fine. I closed my eyes and pressed myself farther into Ashley's back, trying to make it so his warmth chased away the cold bitterness that had taken over my body.

It seemed to work, and soon I was dozing off with his arms comfortably around my waist.

I heard someone come in, and there was muffled whispers, but I just ignored it, sighing softly and shifting to sit sideways in Ashley's lap, moving to cuddle farther into his neck.

"I can see why people ship it," someone was whispering.

I nearly choked, and I looked up at Ashley in surprise before snorting and laughing out of control.

It was unattractive as hell, but what was Ashley gonna do, tell me? I didn't care if he thought I was unattractive, and he didn't care either. It's not something that's particularly important, or important at all.

I shook my head out after I managed to calm myself from the laughing attack, and I curled back into Ashley's lap and yawned.

Sure, it was only 7 oclock, but it had been a long day, and I had been up since 2 am.

I was training with Lester, and I had exhausted myself talking to Ronnie. I just couldn't handle it anymore.

It was physically and mentally exhausting to talk to him now. I longed to be close to him constantly, but every time I am, it just caused me such anguish, such torturous pain.

Why is it that although being away from him causes me pain, being with him causes me pain too?

I can't win. It's beyond not fair, it's like life just loves to fuck me over. Bitch.

I don't think I can handle this for much longer.... I may just have to give up on Ronnie, because this thing between us, whatever it is, hopeless wishing, is obviously not working.

But how could I even handle that? I couldn't fathom surviving without some sort of interaction with Ronnie. At least seeing him, maybe not talking to him. But I'm scared....

God damn baby, come on, pick your chin up, you're being an over-emotional twit. And what are you gonna do about it?

I'm gonna stop before I start sniffling like a baby, for one.

I rubbed my face before I did anything stupid like cry, and then I sat up, stretching and going to the kitchen.

I got a Mikes Hard Lemonade from the drawer before grabbing a Jack and walking back to the couch.

I sat next to Ashley this time, resting my feet on the coffee table and leaning back.

I cracked off the cap of both of them before holding the Jack out. I smirked slightly when Ashley took it from me, and then I put the Mikes bottle to my lips, taking a tentative sip.

"Long day, man" I said, feeling kind of like on old grandpa that sits on his porch drinking whisky and complaining to the kids that passed by about how hard life is. Maybe the kind who tell war stories.

That's kind of sad, actually.

Ashley said nothing, just nudged me on the shoulder and then we drank in silence.

That is, until there was a loud ringing on the door, and Leah ran over, muttering something about how Ryan should've come over by now.

I chuckled at her eagerness and tilted my body so that I could see the door, watching what was happening.

I couldn't see past the door of course, but I was too lazy to stand up. It was probably some neighbor complaining about the noise again. I play music so quiet I can hardly hear it, and still I get complaints. It's fucking bogus.

I sent Ashley an amused look, but he was too busy staring at whatever hot thing was happening on the tv. Couldn't blame him, those girls were gorgeous, there was no doubt.

"Here's your pizza ma'am," a muffled voice said, and I caught sight of a Sarpinos Pizza hat through the crack of the door.

"You ordered pizza again? I thought tonight was Mexican!" Luna whined, and I looked over to see her huddled on Max's lap.

Jesus, had he been here the whole fucking time?

"I'm sorry, I didn't order a pizza..." Leah mumbled to the guy, but she couldn't resist reaching out and peeking under the box, where there was an increasingly tantalizing smell of cheesy pizza coming through.

At this point, I got curious, so I stood up and walked over, putting my Mikes bottle in the recycle and grabbing a beer.

When I got back to the door, all I heard was a squeal, and then the pizza was falling.

No, fuck that shit, I ain't letting a damn good pizza go to waste because the delivery guy has greasy hands.

I dived for that motherfucker, just barely managing to have the box land in my outstretched hands. My boobs hurt like hell, and my hips were burning, but I got fucking pizza so really, it's a win.

I put the pizza on the counter and opened it, at first captured by the cheese pizza with banana peppers as a topping - my favorite!

But then I saw the writing, and I looked closer to see:

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" Written on the inside of the box.

I laughed loudly, snorting and smacking my knee.

I saw it was Ryan at the door then, he had taken off his hat, or rather, his hat had fallen off after Leah rocketed herself into his arms.

That sly motherfucker. I grinned, and Ryan winked at me before Leah grabbed his face and smashed hers against it.

I walked away smirking, grabbing 3 slices of pizza and going back to the couch.

I held two out for Ashley and then I started eating mine.

Ryan sat by my feet and Leah curled up in his lap, nuzzling into his neck and humming happily.

I grinned at her, and she just blushed and turned away.

"Told you so," Ashley and I said, and we laughed, clinking our bottles together before taking a sip, or two, or three. Fine, we chugged that motherfucker.

"You guys are literally the same, what the hell," Luna teased, and I winked at her, shrugging.

"That's not a bad thing," I said, though then I crinkled my nose up. "Although I'd like to think we don't have the same dance moves" I said, and Ashley laughed, nodding his head.

Everyone was cuddling into their babe's, or in my case, platonic babe, arms.

Some old, horrible, completely shit horror movie came on, and everyone was too lazy and full of pizza to do anything about it or change the channel.

I didn't mind- bad Halloween movies are my guilty pleasure, it's hush hush.

"We should have a Halloween party!" I professed, and everyone looked at me like I was crazy, but Leah quickly nodded.

"Yes! Halloween, all the costumes, the candy," she said, and I grinned.

"And the horror, the haunted houses, the creepy makeup, the scaring people, the terrified screams, the gory decorations-" I continued, and Leah snorted at me.

"The two types of Halloween people," she teased, and I winked at her.

"Well, we're having a welcoming party for Esha soon anyways, so why not then?" Luna said, and I grinned.

"It's set then," I said, spazzing a bit before leaning back casually.

"You and Leah will have to do a show" Ashley said, and I grinned, winking at him.

"We'll see," I said, shrugging.

It was a good end to the bad day, seeing Leah and Ryan cuddling after he finally got the balls to ask her out, and Luna and Max quietly punching each other while trying to act casual.

Ashley and I shared a look, rolling our eyes but grinning.

I may not have the man, but I've got the friends.