**** sorry for the wait guys. I have a question. Do you guys like when I describe Ryker getting emotional or do you want me to stop?  ****

I took the shower quickly, shaking from my newfound realization. Why was Diablo here? Was he looking for Leah and I? Did he follow us here?!! How did he find us?

And there's the one fact that I hadn't told anyone yet.

Diablo knew Him.

So then, was it all an elaborate set-up? Was I meant to go to Diablo, so he could continue His work since He was no longer able to? Then was my original Dealer in on it too, or what?

Everything was banging around in my head like toddlers banging on pots and pans.

How the hell was I supposed to understand all of this, make sense of this jumbled mess? It was driving me insane!

Should I tell anyone? No, I didn't feel like worrying Leah, not after she had just finally calmed down and started to enjoy her life and everything. I couldn't do that to her.

Oh god, if this turned into another Him I don't think I would survive this time.

No, Ronnie wouldn't let that happen- I mean, I-I wouldn't let that happen.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! Still depending on Ronnie even after you lost him!

He didn't stop Diablo, now did he? No! That was all Ashley and Andy, and you and Leah. You took care of yourself. And you can do it again.

Now, pull your damn self together!

I slapped my cheek hard in an attempt to snap myself like I'd seen in movies. It didn't do anything but make a large smacking sound that echoed on the tile walls and left me with a harsh stinging sensation on my cheek.

Damn...I don't know what I was expecting really... this is real life, not some made up alternate universe...

I turned the water off and nimbly grabbed a towel, trying to yell encouragement in my head, yay girl power and all that shit. But really, I was terrified, terrified beyond belief.

How could I never seem to catch a break? Diablo just had to come back, what the hell was he doing here, checking out the damn scenery?!! Like hell he was. Who was watching the club if he was here?

My thoughts floated to Glimmer for the first time in a while. Annie, was it? I wonder if she's safe now......

I got dressed in a state of catatonia, staring blankly in the mirror as I pulled the clothes over my gross nakedness.

I didn't even think it was possible for someone to hate themselves so much, but lo and behold, here I am.

And what am I to do? Pretend I'm not scared shitless, pretend I'm not terrified out of my wits, pretend I'm not horrified that at any moment someone will reach out and poke me, and I'll fall apart and disappear forever?

It's like I'm a ghost now, transparent and unnoticeable, sort of just there, not vital to anyone or anything.

I sigh and groan loudly, smacking my head on the sink and then whimpering when I feel the pounding pain.

Well what did you think was gonna happen stupid?

I don't knos, okay? I don't know. I don't know anything!! I don't know what to do, what to say, what to feel. I don't know.

I groaned to myself and unlocked the door to see Ashley and Leah fall to the floor when I opened the door.

I quirked an eyebrow at them, and licked my lips, waiting for them to explain.

"We heard you groaning-" Leah said, and she punched Ashley's arm when he started laughing at his dirty interpretation of what she had said.

"We just wanted to know if you're okay" Ashley said.

No. No I'm not. "I'm fine" I lied.

"And you could have asked rather than perving at the door" I called over my shoulder as I pushed past them to feed Lester.

"Seriously", "come on", Leah and Ashley had pinned me between them, knowing my words were bullshit.

I tried to ignore them but groaned when I admitted to myself that they wouldn't leave me be until I told them.

I groaned loudly to let them know I wasn't happy about this, and they just gave me a deadpan look, until I rolled my eyes and they knew I'd given in.

"I may have .....possibly... potentially... seen....maybe... Diablo..." I said, stating it more as a question than a statement.

I had zero confidence in my voice, because for all I knew I could've made the whole thing up. That's how bad it had gotten. I couldn't even tell real from fake anymore.

Maybe this is all a bad dream, and I'll wake up in Ronnie's arms in a world where none of this happened, where I didn't leave him, didn't lose him...

Leah gasped and Ashley looked confused, trying to work out who Diablo was.

"Wh-what? Why is he here? Is he after you?" Leah asked, and I shrugged. "He's probably after you. I don't call you Beauty for nothing Beauty" I said.

Leah ignored my compliment, instead pacing back and forth in the kitchen.

"Diablo runs the club we worked at" I filled Ashley in to the conversation, and he nodded, remembering the night he'd come to the club.

"Leah, Leah, come here" I said, grabbing her shoulders and holding her still until she looked in my eyes. I saw the blind fear in them, and I winced, knowing it was my fault.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it" I said, ruffling her hair affectionately.

"No, Ryker, you don't always have to be the knight in shining armor, you don't have to be my hero, I don't need you to be" Leah said to me.

I shrugged.

Maybe I need to be the knight, the hero, because it was the only thing keeping me from collapsing in terror.

If I had to be strong for Leah then I wouldn't break down.