**** Hey guys, thanks for the comments on the A/N, it really helped me :) I love to know everything you guys feel when reading this :) It makes me feel like this story is important to people, like hell, I could be helping people with this.

I'd also like to thank all you amazing readers for being understanding with my hiatus problems, it means a lot to have you lovelies so thank you very much. Arigato. Danke. Merci. Thank you. 

I hope you enjoy **** 

When I woke up with arms wrapped around me, my mind quickly drifted off, imagining elaborate scenarios of Ronnie and I tangled together. 

I imagined a world where we woke up so wrapped up in each other that we could just lay there all day staring into each others eyes and not having to say anything because we could feel with every cell of our body how the other felt. 

I imagined a world where we could make frenzied love and be so intimately in love all at the same time, on fire and yet so calm. A place where we could say anything to each other and know that no matter what we would be together every night, whether it be in love making, cuddling, or simply laying next to each other, not touching.  

If only that world was this world...

 I imagined that it was Ronnie, but the arms were too thin, the body too tall, and I knew it was Andy. But still, I let myself dream on a bit, fancying my delusions before opening my eyes to see Andy's feet hanging off the couch armrest, his head rested on my chest and his arms around my waist. 

I can't even imagine how crazy we looked, but I also thought it was kind of cute. Two hurting hearts finding comfort in each other. I looked down and noticed his eyes open, and then I was staring into his vibrant blue eyes and it was mesmerizing. We both attempted a grin and I gave his cheek a soft stroke with my thumb and then we were struggling to get untangled, and, me being me, I ended up falling off the couch, Andy falling on top of me. 

I grunted and he quickly shoved off me, standing up and offering me a hand up. I took it gladly and he tugged me up, a little too hard, and I headbutted his lower chest and for whatever reason, we both laughed. It sounded kind of stiff, but it was a start. 

I heard voices in the kitchen, so I assumed Ryan had stayed over; Leah, you naughty girl you. 

So when I stumbled my way into the small kitchen with Mr. Giraffe next to me, I was surprised to see it crowded with dyed hair and loud voices, boots and tattoos. I saw Ashley across the island and he grinned.

Andy said nothing, he just sat down next to Ashley and grabbed pancakes off the island.

Pancakes......... I still hate you, you cockblocking assho-.....

No, stop. Who are you? Where are you? You're not Ronnie's girl anymore.....

And why not? Because you fucked it all up with your drug addiction and your alcohol problem and your tendency to destroy anything good in your fucking life, you fucking good for nothing, bitchy, fucking horrible twat, you-

I felt a cold hand on my arm and I noticed my fists were clenched and everyone was looking at me.  

Leah was looking up at me, her hand on my arm and I shook my head to clear any thoughts before leaning against the counter and looking at everyone. The guys were gentle with Andy, knowing he was taking it pretty hard, but of course. 

I just watched everyone for a while, feeling like an ominous spirit watching over the living, like I wasn't a part of this world anymore. It was strange, but not an unfamiliar feeling. I felt like my world was breaking a part, pieces of me flaking off and disappearing into the nothingness that was becoming me, that I was becoming. 

I felt like crying, but although I felt the sting in my eyes, no tears fell. 

When I refocused on the world outside my mind, I saw Ashley and CC were still in the kitchen, Leah was on the phone in the corner, talking to someone, probably Ryan, and Jake and Jinxx were playing around with the guitar by the TV.

I saw Andy sitting on the couch staring blankly at the TV, and I slowly walked over to him, sitting beside him. I reached for his hand and squeezed it softly, but I didn't tell him to stop, I didn't try to talk to him. 

Instead, I just sat there next to him holding his hand as we both stared at the TV, not really seeing, instead deep inside our heads reliving moments that we would never have again because we had lost our supposed one and only. 

We sat there, our hands resting in between us, both of us lost in our minds. I sat there thinking of everything that had happened since I met Ronnie; all the pain I caused him, all the troubles I gave him, all of the bad that came because of me. I hadn't felt so disgusted with myself since He got put away. 

Like always, my mind drifted to when we made love, when I saw his naked body standing in front of him, when I was on top of him, staring down at his flushed face, when I was pinned underneath him and I could feel every part of him on every part of me, when I felt his lips against mine, his hands all over me, my hands all over him- 

If I could go back to that night and relive it every day, I would. Never had I ever felt so loved, so close to someone, so intimate, as I did in that night. 

And if I hadn't been such a stupid twat, then I could have been doing that every night, and I would still have Ronnie, and he would still say he loved me, and maybe we could live happily ever after, no ring needed, just his intoxicating touch and the feel of his body against mine, his lips pressed to mine, his hands on my hips, his-

I sighed and leaned against Andy, not wanting to drift off into my mind anymore because it was reminding me of all that I couldn't have since I had lost Ronnie. 

I vaguely heard the doorbell, but it felt like a distant memory rather than something actually happening, so I ignored it easily. 

I couldn't, however, easily ignore it when I heard clicking of nails and then something was scrambling at me and launched into my lap and I was thrown back onto Andy and my face was wet and my vision cleared and there was Lester, my beloved Lester, and he was here, and he was standing on me, his left back paw digging into my stomach, his front paws painfully pressing into my boobs, but I didn't care because he was licking me and he was here. I looked up to see Andy staring down surprised and I couldn't help but grin. 

"Andy, meet Lester. He was my therapy dog!" I said, and then I realized, he was my therapy dog...so why was he here? 

"What is he doing here?" I asked, looking to see Ryan and Leah grinning at me, and I couldn't help but mentally aww as I saw how close they stood, their sides pressed against each other. 

"Well, apparently after you left he sort of went a bit nuts, and they couldn't use him as a therapy dog because he would freak out and run around the room whimpering, as if he was looking for someone, you. And hardly anybody wants to own a pit bull because of their reputation so they were going to put him down. But your doctor called me and told me, so I said we would take care of him. So, he's ours now" she explained, grinning at me, blushing when Ryan nudged her. 

"He's ours? He's ours! Oh, fucking hell yes, Lester baby, you're here to stay" I said excitedly, rolling off the couch and onto the floor, where Lester followed me whining happily, his tail wagging furiously. 

I saw a hint of an smile on Andy's face and I grinned, hopping up next to him, where, of course, Lester followed me. I gently pulled Lester on my lap and leaned my head close to Andy's so when Lester went to lick me, he licked Andy and then Andy let the smile slip and I grinned, nudging his shoulder. 

"I know you like cats, but look at Lester, he's a darling, you can't possibly hate him" I said, grinning and kissing Lester's head. 

Andy shrugged but I could see the smile still on his face, so I smiled back and then everyone went back to doing their own thing. I laid on the floor cuddling with Lester and talked to Andy about what Batman movie was the best. 

Things were hard, but I know we could both make it. Lester was telling me so with his tail thumps and loving kisses, and I could see a small glint in Andy's eyes. We would make it.