**** I'm sorry guys. You know me, I'm too mean to have it be better just like that. Ronnie holds good grudges when he feels they're justified, so it's gonna take some time. But hey that means the tension and feelings will build up. So we'll see what happens ;)

I'm sorry though, gahh. But hey, you get a little bit of Ronnie's thoughts in this chapter, I hope you enjoy even if you hate-love it.

The song is Stupid and Anxious by, again, the spectacular Joel Faviere. I love him, he's amazing gahh. I'm in love with all of his songs.

I feel like the song fits Ryker well, but some parts, to me, seem like they could be in Ronnie's point of view too, especially the part of the chorus that says 'Im so god damn sick of my heart getting messed with, I can't see shit through your broken intentions', and the beginning. So I think it works for both of them. But yeah, amazing song. ****

*Ryker*

"Ronnie" I breathed, looking up at him.

Thoughts and feelings shot through me, millions of them per second, many of them opposing, contradicting, zipping around and overwhelming me.

I felt like I could fly, and I felt like I wanted nothing more than to sink into the floor and become nothing.

I felt like crying, and I felt like yelling for joy. This was the first time in months that I had seen him. It was amazing and horrible, invigorating and terrifying.

He was okay. He was gorgeous. He was here, fucking hell, he was here!

I couldn't see his eyes, but his lips got tight and I knew he wasn't happy to see me. But then, that wasn't surprising. He meant what he said...

I felt my heart rip apart, tearing slowly, agonizingly, painfully, torturously.

It hurt like hell, like thousands of daggers, thorns, knives, sticking into my skin, covering me, dragging me down and draining me, leaving me sad and empty.

"What is she doing here? What, were you gonna try to lock us in a room and not let us out until we made up?" he scoffed, looking over at the girls, turning away from me. His voice was thick with anger and disdain.

He couldn't even stand to look at me.... That hurt, that really hurt. But I deserved it, I know.

Leah shifted uncomfortably, and no one said anything, and Ronnie scoffed.

"Well, we would've been in there for a while. I'd probably break down the door without saying a word to her" he said, and my heart clenched and squeezed, my chest feeling tight.

He was really, I mean really, mad. And he was saving no time in showing the vicious bitterness.

I hurt him really bad....... I must have.

Echo had to hold Leah back and Luna was nudging Max to take care of it, but they were all silent, staring at the two of us.

The room was tense around us, waiting for something to go down, waiting to see who would speak first.

I spoke before anyone else.

I knew Ronnie wouldn't speak first. He would rather go his whole life never talking to me, or of me, ever again. It made my heart twinge and pound painfully.

"Ronnie. I know I've done bad things, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left that night, I was scared but that's not an excuse. I was wrong and I am sorry" I said, staring at him.

I couldn't gauge his reaction, the sunglasses covered his eyes so I couldn't read them and see what he was thinking, relatively.

I was terrified. I just wanted nothing more than to have him in my life, even if it was just as a friend, not a love. I just needed him in any way, every way.

I wanted so badly to have him back in my life.

His lips were as pursed as ever, but I didn't know exactly what anger was it, hot anger, bitter anger, sad anger, fake anger. I had no idea.

*Ronnie*

She was standing there staring up at me with those eyes, those wet, shimmery eyes, but I wasn't gonna fall. I wouldn't give in just because she was giving me the pretty, pleading eyes.

"Thanks," I snorted, crossing my arms and glaring at her through my sunglasses.

"That makes me feel a whole lot better now. We're all good now, you said sorry. That fixes everything, doesn't it" I scoffed, shaking my head.

Like a simple sorry would make anything change. Oh, you're sorry, well that just saves me from the months and months of feeling like I was worthless, like I was nothing to you. They don't matter anymore. Ha, right. Sorry doesn't do fucking shit.

She took a step back and looked at me with teary eyes, but I wouldn't fall. I wouldn't break.

I wouldn't fall for another girl, ever again. It never worked for me. And I didn't need it. I had a world to conquer, I didn't need some bitch to wear me down and hurt me.

I was grateful that I had worn sunglasses, so no one could see my eyes. I know if she saw my eyes she would come closer to me.

She was too scared to now, but if she saw my eyes she would know, and she would come to me and grab my arms and then I'd melt, I always melted when she held me. I would melt, and I would hold her back, and probably kiss her, and things would happen and I'd give in to her, and I couldn't, not this time.

She looked like I had injured her, but I couldn't just go and hold her, because what I was doing to her, she had done ten times worse to me, doing drugs and then leaving me. How was I supposed to feel about that? She had left me willingly, willingly.

"Ronnie, I know it doesn't help, but it does mean something! I know I shouldn't have-" she started to say, but I interrupted her with a bitter laugh.

"Maybe to you. It doesn't mean shit to me. So save it, shove your fake apologies and excuses up someone else's ass, I'm done with you" I said, turning away and walking to the door.

"Ronnie" I heard her say softly, and there was a thud, like the sound of someone falling to their knees.

I paused by the door for a second, but I didn't turn back. I breathed deeply, and then I opened it and walked out, slamming it shut behind me.

I got in my car and started it, sitting there for a minute. I rubbed my eyes furiously, breathing deeply through my nose and coughing.

I was fine, I wasn't gonna cry, I wasn't gonna cry, I wouldn't. I wouldn't cry now, not for her.

I gathered myself together and then I honked the horn, telling Max that I would leave him if he didn't come soon.

And then he was running down and hopping in, and I was driving, speeding away from her and all the would-beens, had-beens, and could-have-beens.