They say you won't know how much you love them until they're gone.

They say no one knows the worth of someone or something until you lose it.

You know what?

They're right.

I never learned to appreciate your presence. To me, you're just an annoyance. A cute one, I must admit.

You always irritate me, whether intentionally or not. Sometimes, you caused so much anger in me until I dreamt of strangling you.

But I would never try to hurt you.

You were an unexpected gift that I never thought I would receive.

I still remembered how we first met. Among your countless brothers and sisters, you alone caught my eyes. Both of us were still young but somehow, it's like I've known you for ages.

You were chosen to be a part of my life.

Time had passed and both of us grew up. I still remembered how I sulked when my mom favoured you instead of me and you liked her more than you like me. But I never hated you for that. Because I know you love me too. Just as much as you loved my family.

You were spoilt rotten by my family members so much that I had to be stern and a bit cruel to you just to make sure you won't be over-pampered.

You were a bit selfish, demanding, and a troublemaker but I still love you. With a bit of irritation of course.

Since you're my mom's favourite, I've never spent long hours with you. But you always come to me, seeking attention and affection from me. You don't know how happy I was when you came looking for me. Although, I have a feeling you did know.

I remembered how worried I was when you got hurt from a fight. I know you're strong but that doesn't mean you're invincible. You never really care much about your injuries -which infuriates me and my family- but you always show your thanks to us for nursing you by being all cuddly and cute.

You're also the most mischievious in the house. I remembered my dad scolding you for trying to mess up the tv wires just because you wanted something. I remembered my mom sighed in defeat when you knocked off some picture frames again. I remembered my brother trying to hold in his temper when he found out you damaged his books and I remembered holding you back just so you won't go stealing some food from the table.

You always wreck havoc wherever you go, but you're also there when I needed you the most.

I remembered you coming into my room and trying to comfort me when I lost someone I had thought as family. I remembered you being all cute just to cheer me up and bring me out of my depression. I remembered you just sitting beside me as I cried, thinking the whole world is against me and I remembered you showing how much you actually love me when I thought you didn't.

You gave me so many memories. Memories that I will laugh at, memories that I will cry at, memories that I will get mad at, memories that I will smile at, everything.

When my dad told me the news, I... I didn't feel anything to be honest. I knew dad wasn't joking when he told me that but a part of me wanted to believe that it was not true. That my dad was making a mistake. But a larger part of me knew it was not. I guess... I've accepted that fact in that moment.

All the way home, I never really felt anything. I just did what I always do. Get on the train, get off the train, wait for the bus, get on it, stare at the people and sceneries passing by, get off, walk home.

But, the moment I came face to face with the door of my home, that's when it finally hit me. That's when I finally realised, I won't be able to see you anymore. I won't be able to hold you anymore. I won't be able to hug you anymore and I won't be able to play with you anymore.

And I cried. I silently cried in my room, just... crying with the knowledge that I won't ever be seeing you again. Not anymore.

...........

Tell me, on that day, when you suddenly became all cute and cuddly, demanding attention from me, did you know? Did you know that it will be the last memory I will ever have about you?

Did you know that it will be the last time that you will be spending with me? Did you know that it will be the last thing I'll remember about you?

Did you?

I regret not saying how much I love you before I walked out of the house. I regret not hugging you enough. I regret not cuddling with you enough. I regret not spending enough time with you. I regret everything.

But, the biggest regret I have right now, is not being able to say goodbye to you. And to say thank you for everything.

That's why, I'll write it here. For everyone to see. For everyone to know. For everyone to remember, just how much I appreciate you.

Thank you, for giving me memories, for being my family, for wrecking havoc, for bringing the fun and chaos in my life. Thank you, for everything.

And... goodbye.
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One of my cats died today. I wasn't able to say goodbye since my dad had buried him. I was at school. So yeah... I had to write or else I'd be too sad.

Thanks for reading this. And I'm okay now. I guess, this is like a closure to me. But I won't lie and say I'm 100% okay. Don't worry, I promise I won't go all depressed and cut myself. It's no fun cutting myself anyways.

Besides, my religion says it's a sin for suicide. So yeah, I'm gonna stick around for a long time. I promise. Till then.