"Thou shalt not try me."

Mood 24:7

~~~~~~~~~

It's hard for me to hide my emotions. I'm used to raging or storming around or slamming things down to show my anger or disappointment

But I can't do that. Not now. I don't want the girls to ask what's wrong.

I don't want to tell them that Aimee's coming back in four days. Not yet.

"Movie night is officially declared," I say as I come back downstairs, where Eloise already has the eggrolls on the table.

"What did Mom say?" Eloise asks, biting her lip nervously.

I wave my hand around. "Just a bunch of sappy stuff about how great her kids are and how amazing they are in school and blah, blah, blah." I roll my eyes.

"What kind of movie?" Jemma asks, reaching for an eggroll, but being stopped with a slap on the hand from Eloise.

"Whatever you guys want!" I say, hoping I don't sound too strained.

"Another dolphin show?" Dusty yawns as she comes into the kitchen, her fine brown hair like a giant static ball framing her head.

"No, seriously, whatever you want."

After thirty minutes of back-and-forth, they finally decide on Evan Almighty, of all movies.

As I sit on the couch with Dusty curled up against my chest, Eloise and Jemma leaning into me on either side, I can't help the silent tears that gather in my eyes. I'm glad it's dark in here so they can't see.

What will I do without them around?

I still only have two days a week at Red Ribbon's, so I'll have to find another job. Will I see Barb and Janet? And what about Finn?

My heart sinks a little further. He's always so busy at school. I know he'd take the time to see me, but still. I liked being with him in the classroom. He was in his element there, so I felt like I belonged there, too.

And this house was actually starting to feel like a real home. What happens when the girls leave it behind? The thought makes me sniffle.

"What's wrong, Aunt Bev?" Dusty murmurs, turning her big hazel eyes up at me.

"It's just, um, it's sad that no one believes Evan when he tells them that the rain's coming," I said.

"I think they deserve to die," Dusty deadpans.

I sigh. "You're a psychopath."

When the movie ends, Jemma turns it off and immediately asks for dessert.

"Ice cream!" Dusty shouts.

"Uh, wait just a minute, girls," I say, trying to ignore the hollow pit in my stomach. I can't wait any longer.

"Are you and Mr. Watson getting married?" Dusty gasps, jumping off my lap to clap her hands.

"What? No!"

"Are you getting arrested for tax evasion?" Jemma suggests.

"Why would you even think that?"

"I dunno, I just learned about it in school. It seemed like something you would do."

"Shush guys, let her talk," Eloise scolds.

I sit up and take a deep breath. "Your mom...um, when she called, she had some really good news." It takes too much effort to say those last words. "She's coming home next Wednesday."

"No way!" Jemma gasps.

Dusty dances around, chaotically shaking her hips. "Mommy's coming! Mommy's coming!"

Their joy is like a small knife stabbing at my heart. Of course they're happy; their mom's coming back. I didn't expect otherwise. But I didn't expect it to hurt so much, either.

The only one who isn't all smiles is Eloise. Her expression immediately darkens and she excuses herself to her room.

"I'll be right back," I tell the merry partiers, and jog upstairs to follow Eloise.

Her door is cracked and I push it open with a knock.

Eloise immediately sits up and starts wiping at her eyes.

"Hey, what's going on?" I ask, taking a seat on her bed.

"It's my fault, isn't it?" she asks miserably. "That Mom's coming back? After what happened?"

I shake my head. "No, honey, it's not like that. Your mom just realized she wants to be...with her girls again. She wants to be a mom."

Eloise doesn't seem convinced. She looks me in the eyes and says, "Did she get you in trouble? Over what I did?"

I hesitate, and Eloise takes that as a yes.

Her eyes fill with tears again and her shoulders sag. "I knew it. I hate myself."

"Woah, hey," I say, sharply enough that Eloise looks up. "Don't ever say that again. Do you understand? What you did on Halloween was stupid, and, yeah, it has consequences. But you do not hate yourself, Eloise Stetson." I firm my chin. "I spent my entire life hating myself. I convinced myself that I didn't love anyone and it turns out it was because I never thought people could love me. It doesn't do anyone justice to put yourself down. It isn't heroic. Got it?"

She nods slowly.

"Now about your mom." I have to still the quaking I feel inside. "I wasn't in trouble. She was upset, sure. But we actually ended up having the best conversation we've ever had, I think. Besides that time when we both found out that George Holt was hoarding cats in his basement because he thought they'd be susceptible to the zombie apocalypse. That was a pretty good conversation. Anyway, the reason she's coming back is because she loves you more than anyone else in the entire world. I don't want you to forget that, either. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and look at the facts."

It takes everything in me to force that speech, but I mean it. And I don't regret it, which is a step in the right direction.

~~~~~~~~

I walk into Percival on Monday with a stomach full of butterflies. The thought makes me wonder if butterflies get humans in their stomachs when they're nervous.

We spent all of yesterday trying to get the girls packed up. It's amazing the crap they've accumulated in just three months (including a pair of scissors with googly eyes named Spanks).

I make my way into the lobby, where some of the office ladies are taking down the Halloween decorations and replacing them with fall junk.

At least it's better than the witch that shrieks "HAPPY HALLOWEEN!" every time someone walks by.

I notice that something's off immediately when I enter the PTO's meeting room.

Maybe it's because the early-morning Bath and Body Works scent extravaganza isn't as strong-smelling as it usually is, but the room feels distinctly icy.

The second thing I notice is that Kristen and her gang of crones look up and smile at me, where Barb and Janet and all of them don't meet my gaze.

I go over to my usual spot and drop my bag on the floor as I sit down. "Did I accidentally wear pantyhose as a headband again or something?"

Barb visibly bristles and clenches her fist on the table. As she casually flips through one of her kid's picture books, she says, "We know why you took your nieces in."

I scrunch my eyebrows together and look to Janet for clarification. "What?"

"The money," Janet says in a low tone.

Realization dawns on me. The money. I haven't thought about it in weeks.

I sigh. "Look, guys--"

"We heard that your sister had to beg on her knees for you to take the girls!" Barb hisses, taking an angry swig of her piping hot coffee like it's water on a summer day.

Is that what they heard?

"And that all of this--" Barb waves her hand around--"is just a facade that's part of the bribe! That you were paid to be friends with us."

"Has that been what it's about the entire time?" Janet asks.

"No!" I whisper-shout. "I mean, part of it is true, but--"

"I knew it," Hayden mutters.

"Attention! The meeting will now come to order," Kristen sings.

I gulp and lean next to Barb. "Does Kristen know?"

"She's the one who told everybody," Barb says.

My stomach twists into a sickening knot. "How did she find out?"

I hadn't told anyone about the money. Not even Sacha.

But then my blood runs cold.

Judy Hemingway.

I'd boasted about being rich on the day Aimee came. That must've been where Kristen heard it from.

So that gargoyle finally decided to crawl out of the River Styx just to ruin my life, I thought, slightly impressed by her level of pettiness, but dread seized the muscles in my body.

Did Finn hear the same thing?

Kristen starts her normal spiel about whatever the next national day is dedicated to. Something about plankton.

"And unlike some of us, we want our children to be happy for the sake of their wellbeing, which is why we're taking a trip to the zoo..."

Everyone on Kristen's side of the room titters, but everyone next to me looks down at the table.

I can't take it anymore.

I grab my bag and stand up. "Listen, people," I growl. "Yes, the reason I took in my nieces was because of the money my sister offered. But maybe if you little snitches actually listened to something other than the desolate echoes in your brain, you'd know that I've changed. And I wasn't bribed to be friends with these losers over here." I gesture to my side of the room. "Because these losers are really cool. Way cooler than all of you chickpea-eating, kale crunching, lemon water detox phonies over there! These people are my friends. They're weird and sometimes delusional and have a few addictions that may or may not need to be addressed by a medical professional, but they're good people. And they're good parents." I lift my chin, "And I'm not taking the money. Not anymore."

My words shock even myself. I immediately start backtracking. Not take the money? Sure, it's not for the money anymore...but I do need it. I've only been working at Red Ribbon's one day a week, which is barely enough to buy groceries every month.

But then again, if the money destroys the relationships I've built, I don't want it.

I clench my jaw and glare at Kristen right in the eye. "And maybe next time you try to fabricate a lie about me, don't ever forget that one time I dressed as a chicken outside of a restaurant for all to see and I am not ashamed. It'll take a lot more than someone like you to destroy me and my reputation, because right now, I have literally nowhere to go but up, baby."

I turn on my heel and march out of the meeting room, heading straight for the one place I don't want to go. I'm on a roll, so I don't stop. I have to face him one way or another.