𝙂𝙊𝙊𝘿 𝙂𝙄𝙍𝙇𝙎! 𝙣𝙘𝙩 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢

renjun
jaemin

renjun
you know yuns leaving

jaemin
i know

jaemin
i saw the groupchat

renjun
why didnt you say anything

jaemin
because im pretty sure im the last
person she wants to hear from

renjun
well you better get your feelings
and apologies out now because
you wont see her for four months

renjun
she leaves tomorrow

jaemin
ive been texting her like crazy and
she wont answer

jaemin
theres quite literally nothing else
i can do

jaemin
i tried

renjun
are you serious

renjun
you did not try at all

renjun
go to her dorm

jaemin
she doesnt want anything to do with
me right now renjun im not gonna
make her more mad by showing up
to her dorm unannounced

renjun
what part of you will not see her
for four months do you not
understand

renjun
would you rather let her leave with nothing or would you rather at least
try to directly apologize. even if i
feel like you deserved to get that
drink dumped over you

jaemin
i did

jaemin
but it doesnt matter theres nothing
to say that will make it better

renjun
so youre not gonna do anything

jaemin
theres no point

renjun
this is why she deserves better than
you or haechan

renjun
you both suck

jaemin
wow thats really nice of you thanks

renjun
just telling it how it is

renjun
you claim to love her but dont do
shit about it unless its convenient
for you

renjun
relationships arent supposed to be
easy

renjun
she deserves someone who will
actually put in effort for her

jaemin
you dont know what youre talking
about

jaemin
i would give her everything but
shes not ready for that and who
knows if ill be ready whenever
she is

renjun
then you dont love her

jaemin
i do love her. what was the point
in texting me renjun

jaemin
this whole thing is hard enough as
it is i dont need you on my ass too
for no particular reason

renjun
theres a reason

renjun
not gonna tell you the reason but
there is

jaemin
okay well you have fun with your
secrets

renjun
okay and you have fun with not
making an effort with the girl you
"love"

jaemin
whatever

the thought of showing up to yuns dorm hadn't crossed jaemins mind, he wanted badly to spill every single thing he'd been feeling to her but the pressure was already too immense to throw more onto her plate. he had been texting her, and she had been receiving them, but there was nothing she had to say to him.

he certainly wasn't planning on seeing her face to face, more so giving her the space she wanted before they talked. that was until she dropped the bomb in the groupchat notifying them she'd be gone for four months, then the idea of seeing her face to face didn't sound so sudden.

if it weren't for renjun, jaemin may not have been walking up to the girls dorm building. he was afraid if they didn't talk then, it would have been useless later on.

his hands were almost trembling when he pulled one out of his pocket and lifted it to knock on yuns door. he was always nervous to see her but this time for a very different reason. his hand subconsciously ran through his hair as he waited, and a few seconds later the door swung open.

there stood a very confused danbi. both wondering why someone was at their door and why it was jaemin specifically. "hi?"

"hi, is yun here?" his eyes flickered from hers to behind her, but she didn't leave much space to see past her.

but yun could hear his voice from the other side, and she was almost ashamed at how quickly she'd recognized it. she listened for what danbi were to say next.

"hang on," the girl excused, turning and shutting the door and leaving a small crack to signal she'd be back before bringing her attention to her roommate.

"jaemins out there," she spoke as quietly as possible to ensure he wouldn't hear.

yuns eyebrows perked up in fake surprise, as if she didn't hear his voice already. her heart began to pound in her chest because she knew he likely wanted to talk about what happened, but she tried to avoid it as much as possible. "should i tell him to go home?"

"no, i'll go talk to him," the brunette decided, standing from her spot, "i can't ignore him forever."

danbi smiled sadly at her friend as she watched her open the door to their place, making quick eye contact with jaemin while she stepped out fully and shut the door for privacy. the air grew awkward and thick and all yun could do was clear her throat and cross her arms.

"you're actually leaving?"

yun nodded, "yeah. tomorrow." her voice was much hoarser than she intended it to be.

"okay," the boy began, thinking hard on what to say, "i know you probably hate my guts right now, but it felt wrong letting you leave without saying anything, so... i'm sorry. that was really, really shitty of me—"

"you don't have to explain yourself jaem, we're not together and i don't want you to feel held back because of me."

"i want to explain myself, because i really do care about you more than anything. just tell me how you're feeling. please."

she swore she had absolutely nothing to say to him but the desperation in his voice made her heart clench, but she couldn't give in. "i don't really know. i mean—i thought i was okay with seeing you with someone else, but... but, kyong? of all people? i genuinely don't understand that, jaemin. why her?"

the tallers eyes became glossy as they flickered between her right and left ones. "i wish i could give you an answer, but i... i don't know why. she was just there and i was still hurting. i could've said no but i thought it'd help me get over you."

"for some reason it hurts more the fact that it was her," she muttered, swallowing back a sob, "i guess we're even."

"i don't want to be even, yun," he replied, exasperated, "i never wanted to be even. i wasn't trying to hurt you, or get back at you, or whatever that petty shit was, she was just there. that was fucking stupid of me, and i'm sorry. it doesn't matter to me that we weren't together, or never were, because hurt is hurt and it wouldn't make a difference being together or not. i hurt you and i'm so sorry."

yun forced another sob down but was beginning to fail, shaking and lowering her head because it was getting harder to look him in the eye.

jaemin continued. "i was lying to you about not wanting to wait for you. i don't know if i'll be ready whenever you're ready, but god, i know there will never be anyone else like you. it kills me that haechan is in the picture, it always has, and i'm trying to keep my cool but i'm so fucking in love with you."

tears were finally spilling from yuns eyes by the end of jaemins passionate confession. their hearts were beating in sync and neither of them knew what to do or say next, but the air was no longer awkward. it was full of desperation and pain and love and they wished it would've been easier than this.

"i'm sorry." were the only words she was able to get out. she didn't know why she was sorry, but she was. perhaps it was because she couldn't give them the relationship he wanted.

he didn't expect her to say anything back, and he didn't want to dump all of that on her so suddenly but once the words flowed out he couldn't stop. he shook his head, silently telling her she has nothing to be sorry for before pulling her into his arms.

yun was yet again crying into the arms of a boy she cared about so much, but this time she didn't stop herself. she cried like a baby until it wasn't even about that specific situation anymore. there was much bottled in her that came spilling out all at once, but jaemin didn't mind. he'd hold her all day if she wanted to.