At Bible study on Saturday, I nod along to Codi's update about his week. "So I was successful in resisting the cookies. Big win, right? Well, my mom came home with a peach apple pie that I couldn't help but devour. I feel horrible...."

Nolan jumps in. "Hey man! It's okay. We all slip up, and this is a weight loss journey, not just to be defined by one mistake."

I'm supposed to be leading the group, but I can't help but think about Terry Mao, how his offer to dance again has been haunting me this past week. Through reading my Bible, through doing homework assignments, and through my volunteering at the various youth groups. Including the young adults group that I attend every Friday. Yesterday, all I could think about was Terry while I helped serve some gnarly looking pasta to the college kids.

"Martin?" Nolan says. "Earth to Martin?"

"Sorry!" I say. The group was staring at me. For maybe five seconds? Sammy and Cynthia nurse various levels of concern. "I was just thinking of someone. Something! Shows how we can get distracted sometimes. Anyway, what were you saying?"

"I was just mentioning how my boyfriend left three days ago," Sammy says. "It's been hard. Very rough, actually. I miss him, but maybe I shouldn't have gotten so attached. I should've prayed more about jumping into the relationship with him. Although he is also a Christian...."

I hum. Cynthia begins to share about her trial run with translation—Mandarin for the Saturday night service. Again, my mind wanders.

Sammy's been in a relationship for as long as she's been in the Bible study. Me on the other hand? I've tried my best to ignore my desires and to focus on my faith and church instead. For a long time, it didn't bother me. But now?

Eventually, it's my turn to share. "Me? Ugh.... I went to this dance practice!"

"I didn't know you were interested in dance, Martin," Cynthia says. She's probably the one to catch everything and read between the lines. I have to be careful.

"Yeah. It was with a friend. You guys know him! He was the one who did a contemporary dance before the message last weekend!"

"Oh he was spectacular!" Sammy says, sighing. "If I wasn't heartbroken, I think I would approach him."

The idea of Terry being desirable was already processed in my mind, but I can't help but stutter. What would I even say? He's mine?

"Go on," Nolan says. "Why are you blushing?"

"Ha! Me? I'm not blushing. I think it might be the exertion from the first dance practice. Did you know that you have to use every single muscle in your body? It's quite a lot. Especially when I could barely do ten pushups. It was fun though, very fun. Anyway, Nolan, why don't you go?"

Nolan looks alarmed, his eyes darting from me to his drink. He's not as good at reading people as Cynthia, but he'll know something's up for sure. "Me? Um. Same deal, with the loneliness of being a lone wolf. Sorry to be a broken record."

I feel a pang for him. Don't I feel the same things sometimes? "It's hard. But the right person will show up for you. I've been praying for you. A lot."

He gives me a little smile. "Thanks, Martin."

I glance backward at the same time the door chime rings. Walking through the doors with baggy jeans cut at the knees, a fitted black t-shirt, and sunglasses that look designer, is Terry Mao. My mouth hangs far down, probably touching the table if I moved an inch. What is he doing here?

He spots me immediately and makes a beeline for my table. "Hey! Good to see you here, Martin. I didn't know you came here. I just stopped by because my usual caramel macchiato place is closed."

Sammy and Cynthia eye him, the former with heart eyes. But Cynthia looks starstruck herself. She says, "Maybe you can join us sometime...."

Nolan scowls at the idea. He's usually agreeable with everyone, but when it comes to Cynthia.... "Hey, we're in Bible study right now. Could you talk to Martin later? When he's not leading? The Bible study, I mean."

Terry gives a polite smile. "Sure. I'll go order my drink."

Sammy whispers while leaning in. "Sorry to upend the Bible study, but that's a huge cutie alert."

I would protest if I didn't agree myself. "Anyway, our passage today is Psalm 37. Why don't we each take two verses? We'll go around. Starting from Nolan!"

Nolan breathes in deep, probably calming himself from the unwelcome surprise that someone caught Cynthia's attention. "Okay. I'll start."

We finish reading. We're in the middle of talking about the idea of deliverance when Terry creeps up to our table. "Mind if I just sit in?" he says. "I'm not religious, but I thought I'd give it a go. Especially since Martin took a chance on dance class."

"No prob!" says Sammy, at the same time Nolan says, "We'd rather—"

They stare each other down.

But the idea of Terry going to his first Bible study draws me in. "You can stay for a little while, if you'd like."

There's been a few times Nolan has wanted to kill me. This is one of them. Cynthia clears her throat, "Anyway, I'm hard-pressed to think of anyone who suffered as much as David. Who voiced all of his hardships as much as he did."

"Right!" I say. "And it's inspiring because it tells us to be honest with God. To give him all of that worry."

Nolan says, "Right, especially when someone has ruined your day, for example."

Codi slams his drink down on the table. Oblivious, he says, "I don't think that's happened for me in a long while! I mean, today's going great. Especially that we get to meet the famous Terry in the flesh."

Nolan refrains from growling in Terry's general direction.

"It makes me wonder," Sammy says, saving the day. "About suffering. We have so much of it. I especially feel it with the breakup. But then, God will be there to save us."

Terry listens with a neutral face about our discussion on Psalm 37, about David, about even our current problems. Nolan ends up ignoring the dancer and giving another tale about his lonely weekend. I feel... comfortable. I loosen up a bit, asking questions when needed and leaving the space open for judgment free zone. Some silence is necessary too. We're in the middle of a silent period when my alarm goes off.

"Time for prayer requests!"

Sammy and Cynthia say the same as last time—recovering from the breakup and the decision to join translation full-time. Codi talks about a recent diet program he wants to start. Nolan says, "Maybe for me, to be okay with being alone for now. But not really alone. How about you, Martin?"

Terry looks at me openly, and I study his half-finished caramel macchiato. "Me? Well, to get better at dancing."

Terry gives a little laugh, the first sound he's made since joining. "Hey! Why don't I give a request too? To be a good teacher for dance."

Nolan's eyes dart from me to Terry, then back again. "Sure...."

I pray to finish our study, and when I open my eyes I expect Terry to just be a mirage. He's still there though, smiling.

"What piqued your interest, Terry?" Nolan says. He speaks as if accusing him of dumping ice water in the middle of our table.

"It's just interesting," Terry says. "You guys are obviously very devout. Maybe I could learn a few things."

"Learn a few things? This isn't just a little thing to observe."

"Nolan," I warn. He's normally not this uptight. "It's great that Terry could join. And he was such a good observer."

"Why don't you two hold hands and walk off into the sunset then?" Nolan says. He tries to make his voice light.

Why do I not reject the idea? It sounds like a perfect Saturday afternoon. I shake my head. "Anyway, I better go get ready for church."

Before Terry leaves, he gives me a little fistbump. I feel the pressure of his knuckles long after he's gone. Liss has a graduation to attend today, so Nolan agreed to drive us to church.

"Hey," he says. "I noticed something very interesting in today's Bible study. Very. It's almost as if you only had eyes for the dancer. The lithe, sexy dancer."

"Hey!" I say back. "It's not my fault. He really is such a good... dancer."

"Sure," Nolan says. "But let me issue you a warning, M. He's definitely a player. I wouldn't be surprised if he had eyes for Cynthia. Hell, he could've flirted with three different girls just last night. I wouldn't put it past him."

"What are you talking about?" I say. I hold onto one of my sleeves, squeezing tight as the street light turns green. "You barely know the guy, Nolan. Actually, why don't you actually try to be nice instead of getting all defensive? Um. I don't think Cynthia had eyes for him anyway, so it wouldn't even matter."

"Guys like him will eat you up and spit you out," Nolan says. He scratches at his barely-there mustache. He's been trying to grow it out. "I don't think you will listen to me, but I don't think you should go to him for dance lessons."

"It's hardly...." But I can't think further. Hardly what? Nolan knows my conundrum, but I can't voice it aloud very often.

"Sure, he's hot and all," Nolan says, saving me from the silence. "But he's probably the type to take you on a date then try to make out with you after dessert. What happened to taking things slow? What happened to chivalry?"

"You're being ridiculous," I say.

That gets Nolan fuming more. He puts on his favorite Christian band's music. Metal—so I can hardly make out the lyrics. Eventually, he makes it to the church parking lot.

"I'm saying this as a friend!" Nolan says. "Terry is bad news. Bad news wrapped up in a hot body."

I know Nolan's wrong. But I head to the coffee shop to distract myself. "Sorry," Kaylee says, looking a little sheepish. "I broke the espresso machine. Again."

"Seriously?" I say. "Why are you so heavy handed with it? And we really need to talk about the poop thing. That was embarrassing."

She leans close, hands splayed across the counter. "I'll make you my specialty. An iced chocolate."

"Chocolate milk?" I say.

"Yes, but better." She begins her rapid succession of hand movement, pumping chocolate sauce and vanilla syrup into a plastic cup. "Anyway, your parents wanted to see you. You forgot about them?"

Oh no. My dad always likes to talk to me before he gives a message. I totally forgot. It's our little thing. And I forgot. Because of what... Terry? A rush of guilt goes through me.

I run through the auditorium, finding my dad in the front row. Bending with hands on my knees, I sputter, "I'm so sorry, dad. I completely forgot. We were supposed to talk about your message. But you'll do great—I know you will."

My mom steadies me with one arm on my elbow. My dad's shocked face turns soft. I guess no one has ever dashed up to him before service started. "No, Martin. I really did want to talk and pray with you. But it's totally okay. This is a busy and maybe even confusing time for you."

I give him a little hug before dashing back outside to retrieve my chocolate milk.

"I'm guessing you caught him?" Kaylee says. "Hm. Don't tell me that this is because you're dating or something. That would be the only plausible explanation. Besides constipation."

I try to give her a neutral expression. "Seriously, Kaylee? Maybe you're the one who clogged a toilet recently."

Eventually, she melts down into giggles. I can't help but laugh for half a second before heading into worship.

But the whole time, even through my dad's message, I can't help but think about one thing.

Is Terry making me forget about what matters to me? I've never done something so horrible, missing out on encouraging my dad before he gives a sermon. And I've certainly been a bit distracted. Yesterday, I sped through my devotions to practice the list of exercises that Terry gave me. Sure, my muscles ache in a good way. I feel myself gaining strength. But that can all be good only when it's not a distraction, right?

I begin to shake away the thoughts, focusing on my dad as he quotes Psalm 23. I love when my dad talks about the Good Shepherd, simply because he models that all the time in his real life.

Deep breath, Martin.

As my dad closes with a prayer, I think about canceling my session at the dance studio with Terry tomorrow night. I bring it up with my parents in the car.

"So. I feel really bad. Very. I wanted to say that I'm really sorry, and I may be thinking about quitting dance. It's a fun thing, but it definitely distracted me."

My mom looks back with a shocked expression through her brown mascara and feathery eyebrows. "Martin? You love dancing now! I never saw you so passionate about something new. Don't feel guilty. You may be stumbling upon a passion that God can use."

"Really?" I say, my voice squeaky. Outside, sunset has painted Atlanta in my favorite shades of orange and navy.

My dad turns down his radio, where he loves to play oldies worship music. "Martin, you are coming home with a smile on your face. You should keep doing it. You have my full support."

He glances at me through the rear view window. I nod back.

On the rest of the way home, I think about something my dad said in his sermon. About a healthy relationship, leading to a healthy marriage. Dad and Mom are the perfect example of a marriage gone right, with priorities set straight. Sure, their marriage isn't perfect, but it's the healthiest I've ever seen.

On the contrary... I haven't even had a first crush that would lead to a relationship like that. Not counting Terry. Honestly, I have tried to envision myself with someone like Liss. Each time, a resounding ache of disconnect echoes through my chest. Is something wrong with me?

There have been moments. A little spark through my chest. When I looked at John Hara in the locker room, a brief view of his body making me look twice—without even knowing why. And of course, there was the hearthrob Mic Ramirez. Everyone couldn't get enough of him, especially watching him score three pointers as easily as breathing.

I always thought those were desires that I needed to snuff out. Now? I can't help but envision me and Terry in an embrace. Holding hands while driving back home, after a long day at church.

I want to bring it up with my parents. At the same time, I stifle myself. It seems like too deep a secret.

Hey! How are you doing, reader? Do you relate to Martin in any way? I know I do! 

Do you think that Terry will ever join a BIble study? Let me know your thoughts about him, or about any character so far. 

Have a lovely week!