Chapter 8

“Minerva, bakit dinala mo pa rito ang anak mo?” rinig kong sabi ni Lola kay Mom.

I'm confused on what's going on. Ang alam ko lang, sinama ako ni Mom dahil may engagement party ang mga Santiago.

“Wala hong kasama si Alindra sa mansion, Mama. Alesso left early---”

“Kahit pa! Nakakahiya sa mga amiga ko! You and your daughter brought disgrace to my family! You shouldn't be here!”

Naramdaman ko namang humigpit ang paghawak ni Mom sa kamay ko. A lot of people are disgustingly looking at us. I don't know why!

Lola looked at me with her furrowed brows. “I will never accept you. You're the reason why Sandra and my granddaughters died!”

Tumulo kaagad ang luha ko sa sinabi ni Lola. Nakatingin pa sa akin ang isa kong pinsan na babae. Yelena yata ang pangalan niya.

“You have no rights to say that to my daughter, Mama! Inosente ang anak ko! Don't blame her!” rinig kong sagot naman ni Mom. She's trying to make me calm but I keep on crying.

Umalis si Lola. Hindi na niya pinakinggan si Mom pero lumapit sa amin ang mga Tita ko.

“Just go home, Minerva. Hindi makakabuti sa kalagayan ni Mama kung magagalit pa siya. Please..”

“Hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang araw na ‘to, Amelia! Alesso will surely hear about this!”

Hinila na ako ni Mom palabas ng venue. Iyak pa rin ako nang iyak. I keep on asking her about what happened but she didn't answer me. She's just quiet but I know that she's hurt too.

“M-Mom.. bakit po gano'n si Lola? Why is she mad at me?”

“Stop crying, alright?! Hindi ka dapat magpadala sa nararamdaman mo! Don't let anyone see how weak you are! You must be strong!” Mom told me. She even shook my shoulders.

Tumango na lang ako kahit hindi ko pa talaga siya naiintindihan.

I forcefully wiped my tears after I reminisced about what happened before when I was still young. It happened many years ago but I can still remember it clearly.

Ayaw ko nang maalala pa iyon! I want to just forget about it! I don't want to go back to the past but the past itself keeps on coming back! My grandmother got me hurt emotionally and as a child, it was very traumatizing!

She humiliated us in front of her friends! In front of our relatives!

Dahil sa nangyari noon, pinilit kong huwag umiyak sa harapan ng ibang tao. I don't want to be vulnerable especially when people are seeing me! Ayon din ang gusto ni Mom dahil gusto rin iyon ni Lola!

I hate dramas. I really hate dramas. Kung pwede lang, gusto kong hindi na malungkot despite of everything that has happened to me. I already built a very huge and strong wall around me to protect me. Para hindi ako mahina! Para hindi magalit sa akin si Mom!

But look at me now! Look at how weak I am right now!

“Anong.. nangyari, Miss Alindra?”

My eyes became wide when I realized that Yves is still in front of me. Pinunasan ko kaagad ang mga luha ko saka umiling.

“N-Nothing. I just needed to get some air. Okay na pala ako,” I said and assured him with a forced smile. “Uuwi na ulit ako, Yves..”

Ngumiti ulit ako nang pilit bago siya tinalikuran. Argh! I want this night to be over in an instant! Ang dami-daming nangyayari!

“Hindi pa kita kilala nang sobra. Pero nararamdaman ko, kailangan mo ng kausap. Hinahanap mo raw ako.” Nagulat ako nang biglang magsalita si Yves sa likuran ko.

I heavily sighed before looking at him. “I changed my mind. It's a problem that I can't share with you or sa kahit sino. Hindi ko na pala kailangan ng kausap---”

“'Wag mo na siyang pilitin, Yves. Magpahinga na kayo ni Lola..”

Regina suddenly came up in front of us. She's standing beside Yves' grandmother. Nagulat naman ako saka tumingin kay Yves na nakatingin din sa akin.

“Ah, hija! Ikaw ‘yong kanina sa tindahan namin ng apo ko! Bibili ka ba ng lantern?” The old woman said, excitedly.

Ngumiti lang ako saka umiling.

“'La, Ihahatid ko lang ulit si Miss Alindra sa mansion nila,” sabi ni Yves sa kaniyang Lola bago ibaling ang tingin kay Regina. “Paki-uwi na lang si Lola, Reg. Salamat..”

I shook my head at Yves. “No, please. Don't bother...”

I can really sense something between Regina and Yves. I don't want to mess up with them. Marami na nga akong problema, dadagdag pa ba sila?

Hell no!

Umiling lang sa akin si Yves. Napatili pa ako nang hilahin niya ako bigla. I just let him do that to me kahit ang daming nakatingin. Niligtas niya ako. Dapat magpakabait ako sa kaniya. Well, at least just for now. Right?

Yves isn't talking so am I. I wonder if he's mad or upset. Maybe he's mad because I disturbed him? Sa bagay, kung hindi ako pumunta, baka magkasama na sila ni Regina ngayon. Probably dating or even making out.

Ayaw ko nang isipin.

Napatingin naman ako kay Yves nang bigla kaming tumigil. Binitawan niya rin ang paghawak sa kamay ko.

“Now, tell me. What happened?”

I blinked many times while staring at him. I'm stunned. Why is it so big deal when he's speaking in English? O baka hindi lang ako sanay na marinig siyang gano'n?

“Miss Alindra,” he called me out when I didn't answer him yet.

“Miss Alindra? You're too formal,” I chuckled and shook my head. Kunwari ay hindi ako namangha sa sinabi niya kanina. “Nickname basis ka kay Regina. You call her Reg then just call me Alindra..”

Kumunot naman ang noo niya. “Hindi mo ba talaga sasabihin sa akin kung bakit ka umiyak kanina at kung bakit mo ako hinahanap?”

Napangisi ako. “May bar ba sa islang ‘to?”

“Malayo,” he answered while his brows are still creased. “Hintayin mo ako rito sandali..”

Hindi na ako naka-hindi nang mabilis siyang umalis. I took a deep breath as I looked at the sea that is now pure black because of the darkness. Ang tanging nakikita ko lang ay ang puting buhangin saka ang kaunting ilaw na galing sa buwan.

I don't know if I can open up to Yves. I don't know if I can share my problems with him. Dahil kahit kina Rachel, hindi ko iyon magawa. I don't usually share things that are stressing me out. As much as possible, I don't want to share what I'm thinking. All of my opinions, beliefs and even my feelings — all of that should be kept to myself.

Sa akin lang.

Gusto rin kasi ni Mom na ganoon ako. She wants me to be strong enough to handle problems that I'll surely face eventually. Pero ako naman itong nahihirapan! How am I supposed to hide all of these fucked up feelings of mine?!

This is so exhausting but I have no choice! I want this to be over! Ayaw ko ng drama!

I tried to calm myself as I sat down and took a glance at the starlit sky. Pinunasan ko naman kaagad ang mga luha ko nang may marinig akong naglalakad papalapit sa akin.

“Umiiyak ka na naman..”

Imbis na magulat nang may makitang hawak na beer in can si Yves, ngumisi ako saka kinuha ang isa.

“Wow! Hard,” I said to myself and drank the beer quickly.

“Hinay-hinay lang,” sabi naman ni Yves at umupo sa tabi ko. “Pwede ka na bang uminom niyan?”

“I'm already 18. Come on..”

He didn't speak anymore after I said that. Nakita ko namang uminom siya sa beer. Halatang hindi siya sanay. I chuckled to myself as I shook my head.

Malamig sa kinauupuan namin. I'm just wearing a sleeveless dress and it's so cold in here. I'm not expecting Yves to offer me a jacket or even a cover up because first of all, he doesn't have that and second, he isn't a gentleman enough to do that. No.

“Bakit ka tumatawa?”

I chuckled again. “It's just so funny, Yves. ‘Yong taong pinagkatiwalaan ko, niloko ako. Akala ko hindi siya magloloko kasi alam kong mahal na mahal niya ako. But I was wrong! How stupid of me!”

I smiled bitterly and drank the beer again. I saw how he looked at me with full of concern in his eyes.

Concern? Really, Yves? Really?

“I thought I'm enough.. I thought...”

I trailed off as I'm still hesitating. I don't know if I can tell our problems to him. Ayaw kong kumalat iyon sa ibang tao. We'll be ruined!

“Alam mo, Alindra.” I looked at him in amusement when he called me by my first name. “May mga bagay kasi sa mundo na hindi mo pa alam. Nasubukan mo na bang alamin ang dahilan niya kung bakit niya ‘yon ginawa?”

Kumunot naman kaagad ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. “There's no need to know the real reason behind it. Kung nagloko, nagloko. That's it. Wait, don't tell me you're blaming me kung bakit niya nagawa ‘yon? Huh?”

“Hindi. Wala kang kasalanan. Hayaan mo lang siyang mag-explain sa ‘yo---”

“You know nothing, Yves,” I smirked and shook my head.

“Hindi mo sinasabi lahat..”

Umiwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya pero binalingan ko uli siya. “And why would I?”

He looked at me, too, coldly. “Hindi pa ba tayo magkaibigan?”

I didn't answer him, I stood up instead and walked few meters away from him — closer to the sea that embraced me with its waves. Hinayaan ko lang ang sarili kong mabasa ng mga alon. I just drank the remaining beer as I sighed.

“Kaibigan? Friends should trust each other. In my case, hindi pa kita pinagkakatiwalaan. There's just some things that I can't tell you or even to anyone. Same goes to you. Alam kong may mga bagay na hindi mo masabi sa akin,” I said, still not looking at him. “In short, we're not friends..”

Siya naman ang hindi sumagot ngayon. I looked at him. He's looking at the sea while drinking. Napangisi naman ako bago siya lapitan.

I took a deep breath. “Pero lahat naman, nadadaan sa process. And if you want, if it's fine.. I want to spend the rest of the night here with you...”

I didn't know what happened to myself and I said that to him. It was half-hearted. I want to take my words back but he heard it already.

There's no point anymore.

Nakita ko namang napatingin siya sa akin. He stood up and walked past me. I waited for several minutes and when he came back, he's already carrying four beers in can!

“Tama na. Hindi ka na iinom,” he said when I was about to get one beer from his hands.

“Oh, come on! What's the point of buying if we don't drink them all?”

Wala na akong pakialam sa iisipin ni Yves at kinuha ko na ang beer. I want to be wasted for tonight! I want to forget everything even for a while!

“Si Regina..”

I looked at him when he suddenly spoke after a moment. “What about her?”

“Talaga bang parang girlfriend ko siya? Napagkamalan mong girlfriend ko siya noon,” sagot naman niya nang hindi tumitingin sa akin.

“Well..” I looked away and sighed. Nangangapa ako kung anong sasabihin. “She said that she likes you. I thought you like her, too and you have a relationship. At hinahatid mo pa palagi. Your friends were talking about that last time..”

“Wala kaming relasyon ni Regina. Magkaibigan lang kami---”

I cut him off. “I'm not stupid, Yves. Hindi na ako bata. Sinasabi mo lang ‘yan. I know, sooner o later, malalaman ko na lang na ikakasal na kayo ng Regina na ‘yon. You should invite me.”

I drank the last can of beer straight. I started to became dizzy again.

“Malabo. Hindi ko priority ‘yan sa ngayon. Gusto ko lang makatulong kay Lola. Aalagaan ko siya hanggang mamatay ako..”

“Oh, really? Hindi ako naniniwala. It's either you already like someone else or maybe the way you see love is kinda distorted, too,” I told him and chuckled. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pa namin ’to napag-uusapan.

I admit it, I still feel a bit of hatred towards him and I don't know the reason why. But somehow, I feel lighter and comfortable now.

Napalingon naman siya sa akin. He's very serious.

“Love is just a blur for me. I don't understand why people keep on falling in love when eventually, they will just fall apart. That's one of the reasons why I don't have any serious boyfriend yet. Magsasayang lang ako ng oras..”

“Mahirap hindi mahulog, Alindra.” He's looking at me intently. “Lalo na kung matagal mo nang kilala at kabisado mo na. Mahirap. Hindi mo namamalayan, nahuhulog ka na pala..”

Nakakabaliw siyang kausap. Hindi ko masyadong maintindihan ang pinagsasabi niya. But is he talking about Regina?

I just stared at him. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa labi niya. It's kind of wet because of the alcohol and I must admit, it attracts me.

One second and I'm tempted. I kissed him passionately without thinking rationally.

I tasted the beer when I moved my lips to kiss him deeper. He isn't moving. His lips aren't even moving!

Nainis naman ako nang makita kong parang hindi niya nagustuhan ang ginawa ko.

“Aren't you satisfied? I'm a good kisser!” I said as I stopped kissing him.

“That's wrong, Alindra,” sabi niya nang nakakunot ang noo.

“Wrong pero hinalikan mo rin naman ako kanina?”

“Ginawa ko lang ‘yon para makahinga ka pa rin—”

I trailed him off and walked away. “Just shut the freak up! I don't freaking need your explanation!”

I really hate this guy so much! I was the one who kissed him! The Alindra Lerinn Rivera! And yet he's not satisfied? He's even unhappy!

What the freaking hell?!

This is getting nonsense so I decided to leave him there. Wala na akong pakialam!

“Iuuwi na kita..”

Hindi ko pinapansin si Yves na sumusunod sa likuran ko. I don't care kung saan man ako dalhin ng paa ko. I just want to get rid of him because I hate him so freaking much especially right now!

Hindi talaga yata lilipas ang araw na hindi ako naiinis sa lalaking ‘yan!

“Halika na, iuuwi na kita. It's getting late..”

Until now, I'm still amazed when he's speaking in English but I have no time for that right now! Argh!

“Ayaw kong umuwi!” I shouted at him.

“‘Wag ka nang makulit. Gusto mo bang halikan pa kita para umuwi ka na?”

“Magagawa mo ba?”

I turned around to look at him but I didn't know that he's already in front of me! Sobrang lapit na niya sa akin! His nose is touching mine!

“Umuwi na tayo,” seryosong sabi niya.

“Sige. Iuwi mo na ako...”

. . .

Nagising ako sa matinding sikat ng araw. I rubbed my eyes as I can't see clearly. The place is unfamiliar but it feels like I've already visited here before.

My head is throbbing and it hurts so bad. As I hold my head to massage it, I suddenly remembered what happened yesterday night.

Yves and I drank beer. I became wasted. I kissed him right on his lips! We freaking kissed!

Kaagad akong naghanap ng mouthwash pero wala akong makita! The freak! I'm disgusted with the thought that I was the one who initiated the kiss! Ako pa talaga ha?!

“Argh!” I screamed.

“Oh hija, bakit ka nasigaw? May masakit ba sa ‘yo?”

To my surprise, I saw Yves' grandmother behind me! What the? Does it mean that I slept in their house?!

“Bahay niyo po ba 'to ni Yves?” kinakabahang tanong ko sa matanda. She's holding a very small jar and a cup.

My eyes widened when she nodded her head. “Oo, hija. Dito ka natulog. Masama raw ang pakiramdam mo sabi ni Marcus at gabi na---”

“E-Excuse me!”

I ran away from her to look for Yves. Tinatawag pa niya ako pero hindi na ako lumingon. Freak! Nakakainis talaga ang Yves na iyon!

“Hija! Umalis sina Marcus! Kumain ka muna ng almusal!”

I only turned around when I heard that from the old woman. I still looked around the place, trying to search for Yves but he's not here yet! Kailangan ko siyang makausap! I want to know what happened yesterday!

I feel like anytime, I'll be out of my freaking mind because of what I'm thinking!

What if something happened between the two of us? What if he took advantage of me while I was drunk? Did he steal something from me? Freak! I'm overthinking!

I only remember that we kissed! After that, hindi ko na maalala!

“Pasok ka na muna sa loob. Sabi ni Marcus ipaghanda raw kita ng agahan mo..”

Lumingon pa uli ako sa paligid at baka pauwi na rin si Yves pero wala pa rin. I just sighed and nodded at his grandmother. I didn't notice that she's already close to me.

Pumasok kami sa loob ng bahay nila. It's built out of stone. Their house isn't big nor very small. The space is just enough for them.

I'm just wondering.. dito na kaya nakatira ang Regina na ‘yon?

“Umupo ka muna diyan, anak. Maghahanda lang ako,” nakangiting sabi ng matanda. I immediately followed what she told me and smiled a bit.

Naghihintay lang akong nakaupo sa tapat ng lamesa. I can see from here that somehow, they have a lot of stuffs especially in the living room. Maraming pictures doon ni Yves. Pati certificates at medal.

I want to look at it closer but I realized that I shouldn't as I don't want to be interested in him.

What the freak am I thinking?

“Ito na ang pritong itlog, sinangag at tinapa!”

Nagulat ako nang biglang lumapit sa akin ang Lola ni Yves matapos ang ilang minuto. She had put a lot of foods on the table as she smiled at me. I'm starting to like how bubbly she is despite of her age. She's also strong.

Is she even Yves' grandmother? Dapat nagmana na lang ang lalaking iyon sa Lola niya! His grandmother is kind! While him is rude, not gentleman and cold!

“Hindi ko alam kung anong mayroon sa inyo ng apo ko. Pero ramdam kong espesyal ka para sa kaniya,” sabi ng matanda na halos magpaluwa sa mata ko.

I just faked a smile and started to eat the foods that she cooked for me.

What the freak? Ako? Special to that freaking guy?

Never!

... ... ...