Chapter 44

"Minerva, bitiwan mo ang anak natin!"

Hinila ako ni Mom paalis doon. We went inside an empty hall while I'm crying. I don't care about they might think about me anymore. Nililingon ko si Yves pero hindi ko siya makita sa dami ng taong nakiki-usyoso.

I'm shocked when Mom immediately slapped me when she faced me.

"Pinahiya mo kami sa harap ng maraming tao dahil lang sa lalaking 'yon?! What's happening to you, Alindra? Sinabi ba 'to ng lalaking 'yon sa 'yo? Para makaganti siya---"

"Minerva!" Dad stopped her from coming closer to me. Ako na mismo ang lumapit sa kaniya.

"He didn't tell me to do this! Hindi ko hahayaang ipamigay niyo ako nina Lola sa lalaking hindi ko naman gusto!" I told her, still crying. "Honestly, I don't know why you're doing this! Dad! If this is for our business, I will help you with everything.. 'wag lang ganito. 'Wag lang akong ipakasal sa iba!"

Malungkot na tumingin sa akin si Dad. "Hija, sa totoo lang.. hindi ko alam ang tungkol dito. Your Lola didn't tell me about this.. even your Mom."

I immediately looked at Mom after that. "Did you all plan this, Mom? I don't care about this freaking surprise party for my birthday anymore because of what you did to me! At first, you didn't like Yves for me! Ngayon naman, talagang ipapakasal mo ako sa ibang lalaki? Na hindi ko man lang kilala? Really, Mom? Really?!"

"Minerva, ano ba 'tong sinasabi ni Alindra?" galit na tanong ni Dad. He's also confused right now.

Hindi naman siya sinagot ni Mom. She just answered me, "I don't like that guy for you! Hindi siya makakabuti para sa 'yo!"

"Then that guy will be good for me huh? Gano'n ba 'yon?" umiiyak pa ring tanong ko sa kaniya. "I honestly don't know why you don't like Yves! Wala naman siyang ginagawang masama sa inyo! Mahal niya ako! Mahal ko siya! Mahal na mahal ko siya! Bakit hindi mo maintindihan 'yon, Mom?"

Napaupo na ako sa sahig dahil sa panghihina. I'm sobbing in front of my parents. I'm crying. I'm hurting. I feel like something inside me is tearing apart while tears are falling down from my eyes. Masakit na masakit ang nararamdaman ko. This is the first time that I feel this kind of feeling. I feel like I will explode anytime in so much sadness and hatred.

Hindi ko maintindihan! Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kailangang mangyari 'to!

Why do I feel like everything is stopping us from being together?

We don't deserve this!

"Hiwalayan mo ang lalaking 'yon, Alindra!"

I didn't mind Mom when she said that. I'm just holding my chest while crying. Naramdaman ko namang lumapit sa akin si Dad.

"Alesso, 'wag mong kampihan ang batang 'yan! She disobeyed us!"

"I'm sorry for what they did to you, anak. Habang nasasaktan ka, nasasaktan din ako. Naiintindihan kita.."

Mas lalo akong naiyak nang hindi pakinggan ni Dad si Mom at yakapin niya ako. I hugged him back.

"Hi-Hindi ko.. maintindihan kung bakit ayaw niyo sa kaniya, Dad. Lalo na si Mom. I really don't understand." Umiling-iling pa ako nang kumawala sa yakap ni Dad. "Payagan niyo na lang akong mahalin siya, Dad. Please. Payagan niyo akong makasama siya. I'm begging you.."

"If he really loves you, where is he now? Bakit hinahayaan ka lang niyang umiyak ngayon sa harapan namin? Bakit hindi ka niya maipaglaban sa amin ng Daddy mo?"

I quickly stood up and faced Mom after she said that. Kitang-kita ko ang galit sa mata niya. Pero hindi no'n mapapantayan ang galit ko.

"He's not here because of you! He's not here beside me because you don't like him! Kahit wala naman siyang ginagawang masama sa 'yo!"

I stopped crying for a moment when I suddenly noticed Yves. Nakikita kong palabas na siya ng hall.

"Yves? Yves!"

I called him out but he didn't even hear me. Kaagad naman akong tumakbo para habulin siya.

"Alindra! Come back here! If you follow that man, don't you ever come back to us anymore!"

Tumigil ako sandali para harapin si Mom. "I'll follow him. At pagbalik ko.. sisiguraduhin ko na haharap siya sa inyo at ipaglalaban niya ako."

"Let her go, Minerva! Let her be happy! Ano ba?!" rinig kong sabi ni Dad kay Mom nang subukan niya pa akong pigilan.

Hindi ko na pinansin pa si Mom at hirap na hirap akong tumakbo palayo. Napaatras naman ako nang mapansing umuulan pa rin pala. I'm about to go back when I saw Yves again. He's a bit far away from me now.

"Yves! Wait for me!"

He's holding an umbrella when I'm finally close to him. I'm now soaking wet because of the rain but I don't really care.

Humarap naman siyang nakakunot ang noo sa akin. "What are you doing? Bakit ka nagpapaulan?"

"Let's go inside. Kausapin natin sina Mom. I'm sure they'll eventually understand---"

"Bakit mo ginawa 'yon?" he asked, brows are furrowed.

"Ang alin?" I asked him back and looked at the direction of the hall. "Please, Yves. Let's just go back inside.."

"Sinabi mo sa kanilang lahat ang tungkol sa atin. Pinahiya mo ang sarili mo sa harap ng maraming tao at sa mismong birthday mo pa? This is not our plan, Alindra! You should've told me about this first! Tingnan mo ang nangyari!"

Natigilan naman ako. Wala na akong pakialam kung nababasa ako ng ulan. "I-I thought.. it's just fine for you---"

"Alindra, you just made our situation worse! I told you, kakausapin ko ang parents mo! Hindi ganito!"

I didn't know what's inside my mind when I slapped him after that. I cried while looking at him. It's a good thing that he won't notice my falling tears.

"You saw what happened! I ruined my party just for you! For us! Para lang maipaglaban kita sa kanilang lahat! And yet, you'll say that to me huh?!" I forcefully wiped my tears even if it's useless. "It took me a lot of courage to do that! Alam mong hinding-hindi ko ipapahiya ang sarili ko sa harap ng maraming tao pero ginawa ko para lang sa 'yo! I didn't even care about their surprise party for me 'cause I was busy looking for you! I was hoping that this time, you will finally fight for me! But I was wrong!"

Sinubukan niya akong isilong pero umiwas lang ako sa kaniya.

"Mahirap ang sitwasyon natin, Alindra. You know that and you also know that your parents don't like me---"

"Yes, I know that! That's why I'm asking you to tell them about us! Baka sakaling magbago pa ang isip nila! Sabihin mo sa kanila na mahal mo ako at ipaglalaban mo ako!" I looked at him, wearily after my voice cracked. I weakly wiped my tears with my thumb. "Please, Yves. Ipaglaban mo naman ako.."

Napaupo ako sa gutter at yumuko para hindi na niya makita ang mga luha kong sumasabay sa pag-agos ng tubig-ulan. I'm weak. I'm just so weak in front of him at hiyang-hiya ako! I wish I was strong but I'm freaking weak!

I felt that he held my hand tightly after few seconds. His hands are now cold, too just like mine. Nanginginig din nang bahagya katulad ng akin. He, then hugged me while I'm still in tears.

"I'm sorry. 'Yong ginawa mo.. hindi lang kasi 'yon ang pinlano ko. I'm really sorry.. please give me another chance. Give me time to prove myself to them. Lalo na ngayong gusto nilang ipakasal ka sa iba."

"You're so coward, Yves! You're just so coward!"

He looked at my eyes directly. I saw hint of sadness in his eyes. "Talagang duwag ako. Iniisip ko pa lang na pwede kang mawala sa akin, naduduwag na ako, Alindra.."

Hindi ako nagsalita. Hinayaan ko lang yakapin niya ako habang tumutulo ang luha ko. I'm now shivering but I don't really care about it. I also don't care anymore if Mom will find us here.

"Alindra, hindi ko kakayanin kung ikakasal ka sa iba.."

For the last time, my tears fell and stood up. Hinayaan kong maiwan ang kamay niya sa ere na yumakap sa akin kanina.

I looked at him with my tired eyes. "I think.. we should end this for the mean time."

Nakita ko namang kumunot ang noo niya. "Anong sinasabi mo?"

"You said you love me but you're not even making a way to make me stay," I told him. "Please, if you really love me.. just let me go."

Malungkot siyang tumingin sa mga mata ko sa sinabi ko. I didn't wait for his response anymore and I just left him there – standing and calling me. I didn't look at him anymore. Kung titingin pa ako sa kaniya, baka hindi ko kayanin at bumalik ako sa kaniya.

I just hid myself under the tree almost near the hotel. I let myself cry while covering my mouth – preventing myself from creating sound because of sobbing. Masamang-masama ang loob ko dahil sa nangyari. This is my special day and I supposed to celebrate it with Yves! With my family! Pero nasira lahat!

I ruined it! But Yves is the main reason why I did that! Mahal na mahal ko siya! Even if it was so hard for me to do that, I still did because of my love for him!

Ang sakit-sakit! Pero wala akong magawa kundi umiyak!

Fuck this day of mine! Fuck that arranged marriage thing! Just fuck everything!

. . .

I looked at myself in the mirror. I feel like I'll be losing my sanity anytime while slowly brushing my hair. Nakatulala lang ako sa salamin. It's been weeks since Yves and I broke up and up until now, it feels like it just happened a second ago. That incident is still fresh at nakatanim pa rin sa isip ko hanggang ngayon.

The past few weeks that have passed, I didn't message or call him. I remained firm with my decision even if I badly want to be with him again. Apparently, my pride is now greater than my longingness for him.

Kahit gustong-gusto kong bumalik sa condo at balikan siya – masyadong matayog ang pride ko. I just want him to go here and fight for us but he never did while I'm still staying here in our mansion.

It's already our semestral break and it's a good help because I won't get to see him. Hindi ko na kailangang mailang o umiwas sa kaniya. I'm not also using my phone. I'm not even communicating with my friends.

Ayaw ko.

My current role right now is to be an obedient daughter and granddaughter. I decided that I will go on a date with that Mohan guy dahil na rin sa sinabi ni Lola. Pero hindi pa rin ako pumapayag sa gusto nilang mangyari. Of course, I won't marry him not unless he's Yves. I just want to show them that I can still obey and follow them.

And also.. I'm thinking that Yves might see us together and he'll change his mind – that way he'll finally have a courage to face my parents. We can finally be together. Happy and free.

Right?

I stopped from thinking when someone suddenly knocked on the door. Nakita ko namang pumasok si Dad. He's already wearing his usual business attire.

"Tutuloy ka raw sabi ng Mommy mo?" Tumango naman ako. "If you're not okay with it, just tell me. Alright?"

"Yes, Dad." I smiled a bit. I'm somehow comfortable during my stay here because of him.

"Are you sure? Mohan is already downstairs. Kanina ka pa hinihintay."

Nagmadali akong bumaba pagkasabi no'n ni Dad. Not because I'm excited but because I just want this to be over that's why I'm half-running downstairs.

"Where's Mohan El Vierro?" I asked our maid when I saw her cleaning the sofa.

"Kinakausap ho ni Ma'am Minerva sa hapag," nakayukong sagot naman niya.

I just nodded and quickly went to our dining room. I entered the room with my red fitted tube dress and flats. I immediately caught Mom's and Mohan's attention when I walked closer to them.

"I'm sorry, natagalan ako," I said to Mohan as I faked my smile.

Gusto kong taasan ng kilay ang nakatinging si Mom. I still hate her but I want to show her that I'm not upset anymore that's why I'm slowly following them.. even if I don't really want to.

Tumayo naman kaagad siya at tumango. He politely smiled at me. "It's okay. Tita Minerva entertained me while you're preparing."

I looked at Mom again who's now standing and smiling while looking at us.

"Shall we go now?" aya ko sa kaniya. Baka kung mamaya pa kami umalis, magbago ang isip ko at tumakbo pabalik sa condo.. pabalik sa taong totoong mahal ko.

Tumango naman siya at nagpaalam kay Mom. Ganoon din ang ginawa ko. I hesitated at first if I should kiss her but I have no choice.

"Just make sure that you'll be nice to him, Alindra. Kilala kita," kunwaring nakangiting bulong sa akin ni Mom matapos ko siyang halikan sa pisngi.

"Don't worry, Mom. Mabait pa naman po ako. I won't do anything that will ruin our family name."

I forced to smile after that. Inalalayan naman ako ni Mohan sa pagsakay sa kaniyang kotse.

"Where are we going?"

"Sa park.."

I want to laugh on his response but I chose not to. I don't want to befriend him. I just needed to be with him now. As if I have a choice. Right?

He didn't speak up anymore after our short conversation kaya tahimik lang din ako. Pinili kong tumingin na lang sa bintana habang nag-d-drive siya sa tabi ko.

His perfume is almost similar to Yves' that he usually wears. Because of that, I'm missing him more. I closed my eyes when he entered inside my mind again. Gusto kong umiyak pero ayaw ko nang dagdagan pa ang kahihiyan ko noong nakaraan.

Maybe, this guy thought that I'm weak and even fragile but the truth is.. I'm only really weak when it comes to Yves. Kung sa ibang bagay, inaamin kong hindi naman ako mahina.

I sighed.

Nagulat naman ako nang maya-maya lang, nag-park na siya sa gitna ng mga puno. I think we're now here at the park that he was saying a while ago.

I didn't wait for him to open the car's door for me. Kaagad akong lumabas at sinalubong ang medyo malakas na hangin kahit tanghali na. I suddenly regret that I chose to wear a tube dress today. This is not really appropriate for parks like this.

Hindi ko magawang magustuhan man lang ang park kahit maraming wooden benches at puno sa paligid. There's also a bridge and a mini pond almost near me but I don't really care about all these stuffs. I will only appreciate all of these things if Yves is the one who's with me right now.

Kakaunti lang ang tao sa paligid. This place looks so lonely.

Napansin ko namang maya-maya, tumabi si Mohan sa akin nang umupo ako sa isang wooden bench paharap sa pond.

"I'll go straight to the point, Alindra. I have a girlfriend and I don't want to marry you.."

Gulat akong napalingon sa kaniya. "W-What? If you have a girlfriend then why did you even agree---"

"Alam kong may boyfriend ka. I just want to be a good son that's why I agreed with this setup even if I have a girlfriend." Diretso siyang nakatingin sa akin. "When I found out that you have a boyfriend already, I had hopes. Baka nang dahil doon, hindi matuloy ang plano nila sa atin. Pero pagkatapos ng birthday mo, pumayag ka na raw na magpakasal sa akin."

I took a deep breath and stood up. Lumapit ako sa pond at tiningnan lang 'yon. I love how the water remains calm even if there are stones around it. I hope that just like the pond, I will still be calm even if there are a lot of hindrances and problems that I'm facing right now. Pero hindi. Hindi ako gano'n.

Hindi ako kalmado. Nagwawala ang nasa loob ko.

"Hindi ako pumayag na maikasal sa 'yo. I just told Mom that I'll date you. That's it. Gusto ko lang ipakita na kaya ko pa rin silang sundin.."

Hindi siya sumagot kaya hinarap ko siya. "Sabi mo may girlfriend ka na, right? Where is she, then?"

"Nasa hospital. She's in coma for five months now. She had a car accident.."

Hindi naman ako nakakibo sa sinabi niya. Umiwas ako ng tingin habang nakaupo pa rin siya sa likod ko. I don't really know what to say.

"'Wag kang mag-alala, gagawa ako ng paraan para hindi matuloy ang pagpapakasal nila sa atin..."

I don't know but somehow, his words became uplifting for me. Just like him, I suddenly had hopes.

. . .

It's Saturday morning when I had a dip on our pool. I'm drying my hair with towel when someone called me on my newly bought phone. I saw an unregistered number on the screen. Nagtaka naman ako dahil wala pang nakakaalam ng bago kong number except, of course from Dad.

I already gave my old phone to one of our maids  'cause I don't want anyone to contact me anymore but Dad offered me a new phone with a new number. I had no choice so I accepted it.

Hinayaan ko lang tumunog ang phone at binaba 'yon. I sighed. Mabuti at umalis na muna sina Lola at bumalik sa kanilang probinsya. I'm not really comfortable when they're here. My cousins are annoying not just my grandmother.

Ngayon, si Mom na lang ang kinaiinisan ko.

I suddenly remembered Mohan and the things that we have discussed last time. Hindi ko 'yon makalimutan at umaasa ako sa maaari niyang gawing paraan.

I'm about to stand up when my phone rang again. I sighed deeply and finally answered it.

"Hello, who's this? Kanina ka pa tumatawag.."

Kumunot ang noo ko nang hindi pa rin nagsasalita ang nasa kabilang linya. Ibababa ko na sana ang phone nang may biglang magsalita. My heartbeat became faster when I recognized the voice.

"Balikan mo ako kapag nakaka-alala ka na. Puntahan mo ako kung saan tayo unang nagkita..."

... ... ...