Chapter 4

I don't know how long I stood up while staring blankly at the sea. The only thing that I know now is that I feel dejected. At least a bit because of what happened.

I'm still overthinking about it.

Kailan man, hindi ako nagawang tanggihan nino man. Most of the people are fond of me especially in the city. I just don't feel it here in the province. I don't really belong here. Pero sana naman kahit papaano, maging bukas ang loob sa akin ng mga tao rito, 'di ba?

For the past few days, I thought I would really be having friends but none of them were interested about befriending me. Kahit ang paglapit sa akin, ayaw nila at para bang napapaso. Only Leandro had the urge to approach me at least when I'm at the resort, roaming around the area.

I suddenly don't want to be a Rivera anymore despite of our affluence. Sa nakikita at nararanasan ko ngayon, sa pagiging anak ko sa labas ni Dad ay inaayawan ako ng mga tao rito.

I just need to know the real reason behind it.

I set my things down on the table as I sat down. I watched how Leandro walked beside me, holding a tray on his left hand.

"Lunch niyo po, ma'am." Isa-isa niyang nilagay ang mga platong laman ang rice, steak at steamed vegetables sa harapan ko. "And pineapple as you requested.."

Tumaas ang dalawa niyang kilay nang tiningnan ko lang siya kahit tapos na sa pag-aayos sa lamesa.

"Oh, nandito na pala sa Puricia Grittonia ang anak ni Minerva. Buti't hinahayaan lang ito ng mga Lope de Vega?"

My forehead crinkled after I heard that from an old woman. Hindi ako kumibo lalo na nang tumawa pa ang kasama niyang medyo mas bata sa kaniya, siguro ng ilang taon.

"Adelaida must be out of her mind, then. Kawawa si Sandra sa langit kung nakikita man niya ito. Hanggang doon ay naghihirap siya.."

Mas lalong nangunot ang noo ko sa mga narinig. The names that they mentioned aren't familiar to me but they mentioned Mom! It's obvious that they were talking about me!

I tried to stand up but Leandro's hands were fast to stop me from doing so. Gusto ko silang sugurin at tanungin. But at the second thought, I would be rude if I do that since they're older than me. People would think that I'm really showing an attitude of an illegitimate child.

I don't want that to happen. Kaya kahit naiirita at naiiyak na ako sa inis, umupo na lang ako hanggang sa mawala na ang usapan.

I just let out a heavy sigh to somehow make myself calm before I face Leandro.

"Leandro.."

Nakita kong palingon-lingon siya sa paligid bago bumaling sa akin.

"Gaano ka na katagal dito?" I asked him.

"Maglilimang taon na ho, ma'am. Matagal na rin ako rito sa resort ninyo..”

Tumango-tango naman ako. "You're a local here in Grittonia, right? So alam mo kung anong history nito? At kung bakit galit sa akin ang iilang mga tao?"

I saw how his brows furrowed with what I said. Nagkibit ako ng balikat saka nagsimulang kumain.

"Hindi ko po.. alam ang sinasabi ninyo.."

"Come on, Leandro. You just heard what they said. Matagal ka na rito. For sure you know what they were talking about!"

I even chuckled to show him that I'm not affected at all.

Or am I?

I nodded to myself. "Yeah.. for sure, you know that."

"Sa tingin ko, wala ako sa posisyon para sabihin sa 'yo ang tungkol diyan, ma'am. You should ask your parents instead.."

Napakurap-kurap ako at hindi na sumagot sa kaniya. Kinuha niya na rin ang tray saka umalis.

I sighed again as I looked at the old women's direction but they're gone now. I'm wondering.. where did they get the guts to talk like that when I'm around? At nandito pa sila sa aming resort!

So what if I'm here? If I were to choose, I also don't want to be here! I just don't have a choice!

Binilisan ko na lang ang pagkain para pumunta na sa aming bungalow. I think it's more calm there than here. So many guests.. many commotions.

For the first time in my life, I want to be alone. I want everything to be silent and calm even just for a moment.

As soon as I entered my room, my iPad rang and it showed that Milan's requesting for a video call. Sinagot ko naman iyon habang nag-aayos ng buhok.

"I just had my lunch. What's up? Bakit ka napatawag?"

"Wala lang. I'm missing you.. Erica's kind of busy eh. I couldn't even invite her dito sa house! Mag-s-swimming sana kami!"

I chuckled as I lay down on my bed. Nakita kong nakadapa si Milan at kumakain ng chips sa kaniyang kama.

"You should have a vacation here. You will surely like the sea.."

"Oh what happened na? Last time, you didn't like there sa province. Ano 'tong ni-re-recommend mo na diyan? I think you got yourself a boyfriend na! Again! Finally!"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm just super bored. I want at least a friend here. Hindi naman masama siguro kung pupunta ka rito.. just for a vacation. At wala akong boyfriend! Wala pa!"

Nagulat kami nang biglang mag-join sa aming video call si Erica. I immediately saw her inside a dark room. She's obviously in a bar right now because of the lights that I'm seeing.

"Hoy! Anong pinag-uusapan niyong dalawa?"

"We were just talking about killing you." I smirked and shook my head a bit. "It's still early. Bakit ka nasa bar?"

"Gaga naman, Lenn! Nasa kwarto lang ako! May disco lights lang! Bar amp!"

Napanganga ako nang biglang lumiwanag at nawala na ang makukulay na ilaw. I even heard how Milan laughed after that.

"Uh, sorry. I just thought.."

"Ganiyan ba kapag walang nakakalaplapan diyan?"

My eyes widened but I laughed after I heard that.

"My God, Erica! Your mouth!" Umirap pa si Milan.

I smirked. "Maybe, Erica. Maybe..."

Nanliit ang mata sa amin ni Milan at umiling na lang. Erica and I laughed because of that.

"Weak naman pala ang kaibigan natin, Milan!" Erica said and laughed contagiously.

"Wala bang pogi there?" tanong ni Milan.

"Oh! Shut up, Erica!" I rolled my eyes. "Maraming pogi rito. Some fishermen are hot, too. Actually, I found a hottie last time but I didn't get to talk to him. Nawala bigla! Hindi ko nalapitan!" I told her, referring to the guy that I saw last time on a gray shirt.

Tumawa uli si Erica. "Tanga mo! Hindi mo hinanap? Pa'no ka magkaka-boyfriend niyan diyan? Hey, deal natin ha!"

"Of course, I searched for him but I didn't see him anymore. Bigla na lang kasing nawala."

"Siguraduhin mo lang, Lenn," Erica smirked. "Kilala kita eh.. hindi mo kayang walang boyfriend kahit isa. Or kahit fling.."

"I agree," Milan said and chuckled.

Inikutan ko na lang sila ng mata. Seriously?

I feel somehow lighter because I got to talk to them even just for a couple of minutes. They already ended the call as they're busy enjoying their breaks. Wala si Rachel dahil nasa States. While here I am - still miserable and uncertain about my situation here.

I didn't tell them about my situation though - that I don't have friends or any acquaintances here. Hindi ko sinabing ayaw ako ng mga tao rito. I'm just pretending that I'm happy here.

I don't want them to pity me.

Kahit may nakausap na at gumaan naman ang loob, iniisip ko pa rin ang nangyari kanina at sa nagdaang araw. I feel so hated by everyone in this freaking place!

Ano naman ngayon kung anak ako sa labas?

They shouldn't care about that after all! They should just shut their mouth up! This is my life, anyway!

Dahil sa galit nila sa akin na hindi ko alam ang talagang dahilan, naaapektuhan ang pag-iisip at mga ginagawa ko. I really don't want to be affected. I don't want to overthink and overreact about it but everytime I go out and walk for a while, people are looking at me as if I'm a dirt in their eyes.

Para bang.. malaking problema sa kanilang anak ako sa labas ni Dad.

I'm also thinking about Leandro's suggestion that I should ask my parents about it. Kaya kinaumagahan, may unting pag-ambon habang nag-b-breakfast kami ni Mom sa seaside ay naglakas-loob na akong magtanong.

"Do people hate me here, Mom?"

"It's enough," sabi ni Mom sa isang serbidora na naglalagay ng juice sa kaniyang baso. She then looked at me after she wiped her mouth. "Paano mo naman nasabi 'yan, hija? There's nothing to hate about you. Isa kang Salvatierra-Rivera.."

"'Yon na nga po, that's the problem. I'm a Salvatierra. At hindi pa tanggap na kadugo ng mga Rivera---"

Nagulat ako nang padarag niyang bitawan ang kutsara. Though the calmness on her face is still there, I can see in her eyes that she's a bit irritated with what I said.

"You'll be acknowledged sooner or later! Just continue what you're doing! Make your Lola proud!"

I just nodded and agreed with her. Iyon naman ang lagi niyang sinasabi sa akin. Umiwas na lang ako ng tingin. Tiningnan ko na lang ang kurtinang hinihipan ng hangin.

"Bakit, anak? Why did you say that? Is there something bad happened kaya ganiyan ang tinatanong mo sa akin ngayon? Did they threaten you? Ano? Tell me.."

Lumingon ako sa kaniya nang biglang magbago ang mood niya. Unlike a while ago, she's now calm.

Umiling naman ako kaagad kahit gusto kong sabihin ang totoong nangyari. If not only because of that guy who saved me from drowning, I will surely make the locals here suffer! Sa ginawa nila sa akin, kung sasabihin ko iyon kina Mom, siguradong may gagawin sila sa mga iyon!

Instead of hating me for whatever reason they have, they should just thank me for saving their asses!

"Nothing, Mom. I'm just wondering. Baka ayaw rin sa akin ng locals dahil ayaw sa akin nina Lola.."

I hope I didn't sound bitter or even sad though. Ayaw na ayaw kong nakikita ako ni Mom na nabibigo at nalulungkot.

She just stared at me for a moment while sipping on her juice. We, then both looked at Dad when he suddenly came and sat down in front of us.

Ngumiti naman ako nang halikan niya kami sa noo ni Mom.

"Alesso, mabuti't nandito ka na. Your daughter's asking me about something.."

Lumingon naman kaagad sa akin si Dad. "What is that?"

"I-It's nothing, Dad." Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanila. "Gusto ko lang.. dito na lang mag-aral. I mean, I don't want to go to university. Gusto ko dito lang sa mansion.”

Nagkatinginan sina Mom at Dad. “It's fine with me but what's the reason? Usually palalabas ka back when you were in Manila. Bakit ngayong nasa province tayo gusto mo mag-homeschool?”

I sighed. Pansin kong mariing nakatitig sa amin si Mom kahit kumakain ng kaniyang breakfast.

"W-Wala lang, Dad. Naisip ko kasi.. if I stay here sa mansion we will have more time to bond especially you're staying here for months,” I told him and forced to smile.

"You're so sweet, anak.” Ngumiti si Dad saka tumingin kay Mom. “Tingnan mo nga naman, Minerva. Tamang decsisyon ang pagsama natin dito sa kaniya. She loves it here already..”

“Oo naman! Puricia Grittonia is so beautiful! Sa sobrang ganda.. hindi mo na gugustuhing umuwi pa...”

I looked at Mom, she's still staring at me as if giving me a warning that I shouldn't disagree with her.

Pero hindi ko pa rin nakuha ang sagot kung bakit galit sa akin ang karamihan ng mga tao rito. If I could only know it in just one snap, without asking questions then it would be easier!

I just really don't want to ask people or even my parents about it. They might think that I'm affected just because of that.

"You're a Rivera. Hindi ka dapat nagpapaapekto sa kahit ano.. kahit pa sa sarili mong emosyon," alam kong sasabihin na naman ito ni Mom. So why would I even waste my effort and time, right?

Lunch when I decided to go out. Every day is just boring. Paulit-ulit akong nasa loob ng mansion. O hindi kaya, sa resort kasama si Leandro dahil siya lang naman din ang kumakausap sa akin nang matagal at ayaw ko rin sa tingin ng mga tao.

I stopped from walking when I finally reached the shore. Hindi naman ganoon kasakit sa balat ang sinag ng araw kahit tanghali. Natatanaw ko pa nang maayos ang iilang mga mangingisda na pauwi na siguro.

Tinitigan ko ang dagat. I just realized that there were lots of surfers around me. I watched how they conquer the waves of the sea. I wonder how they smoothly do it.

Kung subukan ko kayang mag-surf para kahit papaano hindi ako ma-bored?

"Oh! Iver's the winner again!"

May mga paparating na lalaki. Tatlo sila at inaayos ang mga surfboard. My eyes grew a bit wider when I noticed how hot they are. I suddenly remember my deal with Erica!

I was about to walk closer to them but someone already approached me. Hindi siya kasali sa grupong nasa harapan ko kanina.

"You're not familiar. Bago ka lang dito?"

I stared at his face. He also has a fair skin though slightly burned because of the sun. May ibang kulay ang mata niya kapag natatamaan ng araw. It's color brown but.. different. He has a pointed nose, too and his lips.. oh my God.

I smiled. "Uh-huh. Well.. I'm from Manila. I'm just here to unwind."

Tiningnan ko ang surfboard nang nilapag niya iyon. He's wearing a rash guard but I can still see how broad his shoulders are.

"Ako naman nagbabakasyon lang sa Manila. I'm a local here.. Vander Everson Lope de Vega."

I smirked when he offered his hand. His last name is somewhat familiar to me. Nakalimutan ko lang kung saan ko narinig at kailan.

I shook his hand. "Alindra.."

We both smiled at each other after that. Nagulat naman ako nang may biglang lumapit sa kaniya at tinapik ang balikat niya. Iyon ang kaninang mga lalaking nakita ko.

"Hay, Van! It's still early! Aga mo naman mang-chics, pare!

The tall guy chuckled together with his friends. I smiled a bit when they looked at me.

"Mga siraulo." Vander grinned and shook his head. "Her name's Alindra. According to her, she's just here for vacation.."

Naglahad sa akin ng kamay iyong pinaka-matangkad at moreno. "I'm Rocco from Fuego.."

Tinanggap ko ang kamay niya. Sumunod namang nag-offer ng kamay iyong lalaking maputi at may kulot na buhok. I think he has a foreign blood because of his eyes.

"Tobias Ashley.."

My mouth formed an o. Ngumiti ako nang tanggapin ang kamay niya. Maybe they're older than me for two to three years? Well, I don't care even.

But finally, a human being!

First time kong may nakasalamuhang locals na hindi galit sa akin or kilala ako bilang anak sa labas ni Dad. Bukod din kay Leandro. Well, Leandro's kindness to me is somehow reasonable because I'm the daughter of his boss. He might be fired if he mistreated me.

"You wanna join us?" alok ni Tobias at pinakita ang kaniyang surfboard.

Umiling naman ako kaagad. "I want to pero hindi ako marunong. Maybe next time.."

"Sayang. Mas magandang mag-surf sa tanghali. I always prefer noon time," sabi pa niya saka ngumiti nang kaunti kaya ngumiti rin ako.

"By the way, Alindra. Kumain ka na ba?"

Lumingon ako kay Vander nang magtanong siya. I temporarily forgot about him because of the two guys in front of me.

"I haven't yet. Actually---"

"Come with us, then!" Rocco enthusiastically offered.

Bumuka ang bibig ko para sana tumanggi pa pero nanguna na sila sa paglalakad. I looked at Vander while he's carrying his surfboard. I'm a bit hesitant.

"Kakain kami ng lunch malapit sa sentro. Gusto mong sumama? But if you don't want to, it's fine. You can refuse,” Vander told me and smiled.

I nodded. "Okay lang, sige.. sasama ako.."

He smiled again and nodded his head. I followed him when he started to walk. I'm somewhat uncomfortable but I think he is kind though. Kung may gagawin naman silang masama sa akin, I'll immediately call my parents, driver or even Leandro.

Tiningnan ko ang likod ni Vander. I wonder why he is kind to me. Or maybe he is just naturally kind?

I don't know.

Mas mabuti na rin sigurong maglibang-libang ako para makalimutan ko ang nangyari last time. That's kind of traumatic!

"May mga kasama rin tayong kumain,” sabi pa ni Vander.

"It's fine. Mas maganda nga ang may kasama.."

Nang makarating kami sa sentro kung saan malapit ang tinatawag nilang mercado, nakita ko kaagad ang sinasabi ni Vander.

May maliit na lamesa sa ilalim ng puno. Napansin kong may mga tao na nandoon nakaupo sa punong halatang natumba na. I think they're all five. I'm silently hoping that they don't mind my presence here. I hope they don't humiliate me.

Sinalubong kaagad kami ng tawanan nila at ingay. Some of them are singing while playing a guitar. Nakaramdam ako bigla ng inggit kahit hindi naman dapat.

I envy them because I don't feel that I'm belong here.. or maybe even to any other places.

"Vander, may kasama ka? Sino iyan? Turista?"

Sumilip ang iilan sa akin habang nasa likuran ako ni Vander.

"Mestiza!" komento ng iilan. I smiled with that.

"She's Alindra, I met her earlier. Pwede ba siyang sumabay sa atin sa pagkain?" rinig kong tanong ni Vander.

"Sure!" A petite girl answered and smiled.

"Maupo ka, Alindra.."

I smiled when they all agreed. I saw Rocco and Tobias at the other side of the wooden table. I smiled and waved my hand when they saw me. Nasa lamesa naman ang mga pagkain. I saw grilled fishes and some sauces and also fresh fruits. Nang pinasahadahan ko ng tingin kung sinong mga nandoon, nagulat ako nang makita ko uli siya.

I stopped when he suddenly looked at me.

"Miss Alindra.."

... ... ...