Chapter 39

I don't really remember that I have already loved someone like how I love Yves now. I also don't remember if someone already loved me for who I am before – aside from my family, of course.

I haven't really experienced entering a serious relationship like this. Serious but complicated though. Despite of that, I'm somehow happy with Yves. Ang pagmamahal na hindi ko naramdaman noon ay nararamdaman ko sa kaniya ngayon.

I know that he likes me.. even more than that. I can feel it. Pero nang marinig ko mismo sa bibig niya ang salitang 'yon – nagulat ako at halos hindi ako makapaniwala. Para akong naging bingi nang bigla dahil doon.

It's already 8 in the evening and we just had our dinner in front of the sea. It was very romantic because of the lights and some red roses around us. I know that he made this prepared. Talagang bumabawi siya sa akin. Ang lahat ng ginagawa niya ngayon ay binubura lahat ng lungkot at inis ko sa kaniya noong mga nakaraang araw.

I appreciate his efforts a lot.

“Dito ka lang. 'Wag ka masyadong lumayo..”

Napangiti naman ako kaunti dahil sa sinabi niya. I was supposed to walk nearer to the shore to touch the waves but he stopped me from doing so. I didn't know that he's this clingy. Kanina pa siya nakahawak sa kamay ko. I'm not complaining though. I'm just surprised a little.

I expected him to be just cold all the time. 'Yon pala, hindi naman.

"Have you been in a beach before?” he asked all of a sudden. Nakaupo na kami ngayon sa buhangin habang tinatanaw ang buwan. Nakasandal ang ulo ko sa balikat niya.

“Not yet," I answered as I closed my eyes. I'm just so comfortable with him na parang matagal ko na siyang kilala.

He didn't answer for a moment. Malalim lang ang paghinga niya. When I opened my eyes, the moonlight immediately caught my attention. The moon reminds me of Yves. It's cold not unlike the sun. Kalmado lang ang buwan. Minsan hindi buo pero nakukumpleto pa rin ako katulad ni Yves.

He completed me.

“I've been in Maldives and also some beaches in Thailand but I've never been to beaches here in the Philippines," dagdag ko pa. “Ngayon lang ako nakapunta rito at maganda rin pala.

Naramdaman ko naman ang pagtango niya. “Sa susunod kung gusto mo.. pupunta tayo sa probinsya namin. I'll take you there. I'm sure you'll like it there, too..”

“Really? Where's your province?" I suddenly became excited. Inangat ko pa ang tingin para lang makita siya.

“Puricia Grittonia..”

My smile faded with what I heard. Kumunot din ang noo ko. I felt something when I heard that place again.

“I.. haven't heard that province before. It's not familiar," pagsisinungaling ko kahit matagal na akong ginugulo ng lugar na 'yon kahit talagang hindi pa naman ako nakapunta.

"Hindi ka pa nakapunta?” tanong niyang nakatitig nang diretso sa akin.

Umiling naman ako. “Hindi pa. Hindi pa talaga.”

I saw something in his eyes when I said that. Was it loneliness? And why?

"Wala ka bang.. naaalalang nakapunta ka na ro'n?” Umiling lang ako sa sinabi niya. He just sighed after that.

Pilit ko namang inalala ang tungkol sa lugar na 'yon. It's giving me a different feeling even if I really have no idea about that place. The only thing that I know is that we have properties there. Maybe I've been there when I was young but how come I didn't even have any single memory that I've been in that place already?

I shook my head. Maybe I was just maybe too young when I went there.

Natigilan naman ako nang sumakit ang ulo ko bigla. I'm wincing in pain now. Hindi naman malaman ni Yves ang gagawin nang mapansin niya akong halos umiyak na dahil sa sakit ng ulo ko.

“W-What's happening?”

Hindi ako makasagot sa kaniya dahil sa sakit ng ulo ko. I just tightly closed my eyes as I touched my head – hoping that it will ease the pain but it's not effective.

Naramdaman ko namang binuhat niya ako papunta sa room. Maraming tao naman ang tumingin sa amin nang makadaan kami sa lobby. I saw that Yves is really worried while he's carrying me.

"Dadalhin kita sa ospital, Alindra..”

Nanlaki naman ang mata ko sa narinig. "'Wag na. I just need to take a rest for a while..”

"Are you sure?" nag-aalala pa ring tanong niya sa akin. Tumango naman ako.

Mabilis naman kaming nakarating sa room. Binaba niya rin ako dahan-dahan. But because of dizziness, I accidentally pushed something beside me. I just realized that it was a music box when a slow music played.

Napahinto naman ako nang may biglang pumasok na alaala sa isip ko.

"Please don't come near me! Ayaw ko sa strangers!” sabi ko sa isang lalaki na hindi makita ang mukha. His face is just so blurred in my eyes.

Napansin kong nasa harapan kami ng dagat at takot na takot ako habang nakatingin sa lalaki.

"'Wag kang matakot. Hindi ako masamang tao. Ikaw ang anak ni Mr. Alesso, hindi ba? Ilang taon ka na?” His voice was too familiar.

"E-Eight years old," sagot ko kahit natatakot pa rin ako.

Even if I can't clearly see his face, I know that he's smiling at me.

Namalayan ko na lang na sinamahan na pala niya ako umuwi pabalik sa aming mansion. I didn't even have a chance to know his name. He didn't say it and he immediately left me when we were in front of our mansion.

Mas lalo pang sumakit ang ulo ko nang may marinig na boses sa isip ko. Paulit-ulit ko 'yong naririnig.

"Mahirap hindi mahulog sa taong matagal mo nang kilala, Alindra..”

I screamed loudly after that because the voice started to became annoying. Why am I even remembering it right now? Hindi ko maalalang nangyari 'yon sa akin.

I can't even recognize that guy!

“Alindra, are you okay?"

I came back to my senses when Yves immediately asked me after I screamed. That's when I realized that my head doesn't hurt anymore and the music is still playing.

Hindi ko alam kung anong pumasok sa isip ko at bigla akong lumapit kay Yves. I hugged him and started to sway our bodies together – joining the slow beat of the music.

"Anong nangyari sa 'yo? Ayos ka lang ba?”

I just nodded at him as I leaned on his chest. Naging kalmado naman ako sa tabi niya. We stayed like that for few minutes until the music finally stopped.

Naguluhan naman ako nang makita ang mukha ni Yves. Hindi 'yon halos maipinta.

“Are we really gonna sleep.. in just one bed?

I laughed because of what he said. My mood immediately changed after that. Tumango naman ako. “Yes. Ayaw mo ba? If you want to, I can just---”

“No. Ayos lang sa akin. It's just..”

Hindi niya na naituloy ang sasabihin nang lapitan ko pa siya lalo. We're already near the queen size bed and I'm almost sitting next to it.

“I can feel that you don't want to sleep beside me," kunwaring nalulungkot na sabi ko.

I'm all fine now. Hindi halatang kanina lang ay sumakit nang sobra ang ulo ko.

“Alindra," nahihirapan naman niyang sabi. He even tried to remove my hands that are wrapped around his neck.

“Yes?”

I smirked and pulled him closer to me. I badly want to tease him. Gusto kong malaman kung hanggang saan ang kaya niyang pagpipigil 'cause I know that he's just really holding back his feelings. I know that deep inside, he also wants to touch me.. kiss me more and have it with me.

Tuluyan na akong napaupo sa kama nang hilahin ko pa ulit siya. Even in the dark, I'm still seeing hesitation in his eyes. Instead of being annoyed – I just smirked more.

“Kiss me. Please,” I whispered.

Napangiti naman ako nang mabilis niya akong tinugunan. Just like earlier – he kissed me slowly and softly. His lips are almost like a marshmallow that I'm gently biting right now.

I have kissed a lot of guys already but he's the only one that is giving me these so-called butterflies inside my stomach that I never thought I would feel.

"Y-Yves,” I moaned when he accidentally bit my lips.

I deepened the kiss more while he's still standing in front of me. My head is now almost crooked because of our kisses.

“I love you..”

Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla kong nasabi 'yon. That's what I truly feel. Yes. I love him already.

Napansin ko namang nagulat nang bahagya si Yves dahil doon kaya mas lalo ko pa siyang hinila palapit sa akin.

“Is this what you really want?" tanong niya dahil sa mabilis na paghalik ko. His voice was husky when he whispered to me.

“Yes!”

I felt his smile against my lips and he held my chin to deepened our kisses. Ang kaninang mabagal na paghalik niya, ngayon ay halos mabali na ang ulo ko sa sobrang diin at bilis niyon. It seems like we didn't see each other for a millennium because of our exchange of kisses.

Ihiniga niya na ako sa kama at nasa ibabaw ko na siya. I felt his thing on my stomach when he leaned on me. I tried to reach it but he just shoved my hand. Hinalikan lang niya ako at hindi tinigilan ang mga labi ko. I smiled when I successfully touched him. Napadaing naman siya dahil doon.

“Alindra, please," namamaos na sabi niya.

“What?" natatawa namang tanong ko sa kaniya.

He shook his head. "Please, don't...”

Natawa ako pero hindi ko pa rin siya sinunod. I pushed him to the bed as I positioned myself on top of him. His eyes widened when I slowly removed my top.

“Anong ginagawa mo? Stop it!”

I just smiled at him and continue what I'm doing. I want to tease him more. I know he's now tempted!

I'm half naked when I came closer to him. I licked his ears and gently bit them. Bumaba ang halik ko sa panga hanggang sa leeg niya. Naririnig ko namang dumadaing siya dahil doon.

Natigilan naman ako sa ginagawa nang bigla siyang umibabaw sa akin. I'm expecting that he'll do the same thing but he just covered my body with the comforter beside me.

"Why did we stop?" I confusedly asked him. "That's it?"

Umiling naman siya. "I'll marry you first..”

Bumagsak naman ang ulo ko sa unan sa narinig galing sa kaniya. Instead of getting upset and irritated – I smiled.

Tiningnan ko naman siya habang hinahalikan niya nang marahan ang noo ko. Ngumiti siya sa akin.

“I'll just take a shower..”

Tumango lang ako at ngumiti. I really have no plans of doing it with him now. I was just testing him. It's a good thing that he's really not that tempted. Well, at least I know that he definitely respects and loves me.

I smiled more upon that thought. If I'm with another guy right now, he'll surely fuck me without even respecting my decision.

Mabuti na lang at kaya pang magpigil ni Yves.

Ganito mo ba talaga ako kamahal, Yves?

. . .

I didn't know that I took a nap because of tiredness. Napagod din ako sa pag-iikot namin sa dalampasigan.

Madaling araw nang magising ako. I realized that I'm lying on Yves' chest. I didn't hesitate when I kissed him on the side of his head. Akala ko magigising siya dahil doon pero gumalaw lang siya nang kaunti. He's just breathing deeply.

I smiled as I gently traced his eyes, nose and also the curves of his lips. Ang mga mata niya ang nagpapalusaw sa akin kapag tinitingnan ako ng mga 'yon. Ang ilong niyang kumikiliti sa akin at sa labi niyang bumibigkas kung gaano niya ako kamahal – ang lahat ng 'yon ay hindi perpekto pero talagang kuhang-kuha ang loob ko.

Dahan-dahan akong bumangon para hindi siya magising. I decided to drink a milk while getting some fresh salty air on the balcony. Payapa lang ang simoy ng hangin sa gabi. Malamig. Niyakap ko naman ang sarili.

Napangiti ako nang kaunti habang dinadama ang hangin. This is the very first time that I've experienced this. Ito ang unang pagkakataon na nagmahal ako nang ganito at sa professor ko pa. I hesitated at first, yes 'cause I know very well the consequences of our forbidden relationship but I didn't expect it to be like this. Masyado palang mahirap na tinatago namin ang relasyon namin sa ibang tao. I guess, our love for each other isn't enough.. well, at least for now.

Anong magagawa ng pagmamahal namin sa isa't-isa kung hindi pa naman kami pwedeng dalawa?

To be honest, I really hate our situation right now. I hate that we still need to hide from everyone. I hate that we have to go far away just to be together. Pero pinipilit kong intindihin lahat 'yon dahil alam ko sa sarili ko na unti-unti ko na talagang minamahal si Yves.

This isn't me. If I'll have a chance to talk to my old self, I know that she'll scold me for being this sick in love. She'll probably disgust me for being crazy about a guy.

Alam ko sa sarili ko na nagbago ako. Binago ako ng pag-ibig ko para kay Yves.

Halos mapatalon naman ako sa gulat nang biglang mag-ring ang phone ko. I immediately grabbed it on the table dahil baka magising pa si Yves.

It's just 5 in the morning but my mom is already calling. Kumunot naman ang noo ko.

“Mom, maaga pa---”

“Where are you? Your Tita Lauren told me that you'll have a vacation with your friends but I saw Erica yesterday, hindi ka niya kasama. Hindi ka man lang nagpaalam sa akin, Alindra," she cut me off. She's calm but I know that deep inside her, she's not.

I sighed. “Hindi lang naman siya ang kaibigan ko, Mom. Uuwi rin po ako bukas. I promise. Don't worry about me. I'm safe..”

"Who's with you now? Where are you?"

“Alindra, it's still early. Matulog ka pa...”

Nanlaki naman ang mata ko nang magsalita bigla si Yves sa likuran ko. Umawang pa ang bibig ko at hindi ko alam kung sino ang sasagutin sa kanilang dalawa.

“Alindra, who's that?" tanong pa ulit ni Mom. Now I can sense that she's really mad. “Don't ever lie to me!"

Tumingin pa ulit ako kay Yves bago magsalita, "my boyfriend, Mom. I'm with my boyfriend..”

I didn't let her speak anymore. I just said goodbye and ended the call already as I faced Yves again. Nilapitan ko siyang nag-aalala.

“Sino 'yong kausap mo?" nakakunot-noong tanong niya sa akin.

“S-Si Mom---"

"And you told her that I'm your boyfriend at kasama mo ako?"

His forehead creased even more when I slowly nodded my head as an answer. Napaiwas naman ako ng tingin.

“Ayaw ko lang magsinungaling kay Mom. I don't want to hide from her 'cause eventually, I know that she'll know about us, too," nakayukong sabi ko sa kaniya. We're still on the balcony.

"Bakit mo naman ginawa 'yon? Your Mom might scold you! Hindi ka na niya papayagang makasama ako ulit!”

Nagulat naman ako nang tumaas ang boses niya bigla. He suddenly became mad because of what I did!

"Hey, what's your problem? I just told her the truth! Wala namang masama ro'n!” Sinundan ko naman siya nang pumasok sa loob. "At bakit parang alam mo na ang mangyayari? Do you even know my Mom kaya alam mo kung anong pwede niyang gawin?"

He looked at me like he's shocked when I said that. Matagal naman siyang hindi nakasagot.

"I don't know why you're making this a big deal," naiiling na sabi ko. I sighed heavily after that as I started to grab my things and pack them together.

"Ayaw ko lang magpadalos-dalos tayo. Paano nga kung ilayo ka talaga ng Mommy mo sa akin? Hindi na kita makikita, Alindra," mas kalmado niyang sabi sa akin. "Sandali.. what are you doing?"

I didn't answer him and I just continued to pack my things. Naiinis ako sa kaniya! He's overreacting! I don't know why he's so mad about it!

"Uuwi na ako," I informed him without looking at him.

Nagulat naman siya. "Ano? Hindi mo alam ang daan pauwi. Just wait me. Ihahanda ko lang ang mga gamit ko.”

Hindi ko siya pinakinggan at dala-dala ko na ang mga gamit ko. I'm ready to go outside when he blocked my way.

"Kasasabi mo pa lang na mahal mo ako pero iiwan mo na kaagad ako," malungkot na sabi niya.

I looked away from him. Baka matunaw na naman ako at magbago pa ang isip ko. Hindi pa nawawala ang inis ko sa kaniya!

"Alindra, please. Stay here. Masyado pang maaga para umalis ka," sabi niya habang hinahaplos nang marahan ang siko ko. "I'm sorry. Nasigawan pa kita. Nabigla lang ako. Gusto ko lang na nag-iingat tayo.."

"Please.. dito ka muna," he even added.

Napapikit ako dahil sa paglalambing niya. Parang hindi siya nagalit kanina. I just rolled my eyes when he tried to hug me.

Napangiti naman siya nang dahan-dahan akong tumango. He kissed me on my forehead after that.

... ... ...