Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Ramdam na ramdam ko pa rin ang yakap ni Sir Yves sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto na ang yakap niya. I'm just focusing on the feelings that he's giving me at this moment. I also can't believe that he's hugging me so tight now.

Humiwalay naman siya sa yakap pero hawak naman niya ang pisngi ko.

“Mamaya tayo mag-usap pag-uwi ko. Please wait for me..”

His fingers are like feathers while he's touching me softly. His voice, his touch and his eyes are hypnotizing my whole existence that's why I subconsciously nodded at him as I watch him leave me again. Ang nagpagulo lang lalo sa akin ay ang pagngiti niya nang kaunti. Kakaiba.

Para namang lumuwag ang paghinga ko nang umalis siya. Not because I don't like feeling his presence but because I feel like suffocating as my heart is beating so fast when he's so near.

Niyakap lang niya ako pero nakalimutan ko na kaagad na dapat ko pala siyang kalimutan.

I'm looking forward after our classes because of what Sir Yves told me that's why even we're already eating at the cafeteria — I'm not really listening to Erica and Milan. Nagulat na lang ako nang hawakan bigla ni Erica ang balikat ko.

"What the heck, Erica?!" She even shook my shoulders!

"Hindi ka nakikinig, gaga!" Nakakunot-noong sabi niya. "Tinatanong ka namin kung nagkausap na kayo ni Rachel!”

Tumaas naman ang kilay ko sa kaniya. I looked at Milan beside me. She's obviously waiting for my answer.

"Uh, no. I didn't receive any calls from her. At wala naman kaming pag-uusapan. Not unless she's mad at me for breaking up with his brother..”

"Last time kasi, she called me. According to her, she's so upset. Hindi mo naman daw kasi binigyan ng chance si Kuya Rylan to explain," Milan told me and sipped on her juice. She suddenly caught my attention.

“Really? She should've called me instead."

"Lagot ka ro'n." Tumataas pa ang kilay ni Erica habang kinakain ang sandwich niya. Inirapan ko naman siya. "Tawagan mo kaagad mamaya. Mag-away pa kayo niyan dahil sa gago niyang Kuya. Eh sabi sa amin, baka raw may bago ka na kaya nakipag-break ka kaagad. Totoo naman pero 'wag mo na lang sabihin!"

My forehead crinkled after she said that. I knew it!

I became bothered because of what they just told me. I'm not used that Rachel is upset at dahil pa sa Kuya niya. I really should call her later.

When the professor finally dismissed us — I hurriedly went outside the university. I didn't wait  my friends anymore dahil nagmamadali ako at may usapan pa kami ni Sir Yves. I just hope that he'll come home early.

I badly want to talk to him.

But before I went home, I saw him first with Miss George again in front of the music room. Malapit lang ako sa kaniya but because they're talking about something and some students are blocking me — he didn't notice me. Mukha ring seryoso siya sa pakikipag-usap sa babaeng professor.

I wonder what they're discussing. I think it's very important. If it's not, Sir Yves won't even bother to talk to her.

Really, Alindra? Really?

I just rode on a bus at hindi na inabalang tawagan pa ang driver para sunduin ako. While I'm waiting for Sir Yves to arrive, I decided to call Rachel first. My first attempt was failed and also the second attempt to call her. Naka-ilang request na rin ako for video calls but she didn't even answer it. Maybe she's just busy, right? Or probably, still sleeping.

I don't want to think another possible reason anymore.

I took a nap for few minutes after I changed my clothes. I also curled my hair and fix it a bit. Naglagay rin ako ng kaunting makeup. The moon is about to show up and yet, Sir Yves isn't still here. I took a deep breath and went to the balcony. Sinalubong naman ako ng hindi sariwa pero malamig na hangin.

I'm just wearing my robe 'cause I just came from the bathroom. Isa pa, wala pa naman si Sir Yves.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagtitiyaga akong hintayin siya kahit hindi naman talaga ako sigurado kung darating ba siya o hindi. He gave me false hopes once. It's possible for him to do that again especially that I'm very stupid when it comes to him. Madali lang niya akong napapaniwala.

Halos maiyak naman ako nang maramdaman ko siya sa likuran ko.

”You left the door open. It's inviting kaya pumasok na lang ako..”

Naramdaman kong tumabi siya sa akin at sumandal sa railings paharap sa akin. I'm not looking at him but I know that he's smiling a little.

"Bakit ngayon ka lang? I'm waiting for you,” namamaos kong sabi sa kaniya. Tumikhim naman ako.

“May inayos lang kami. We also had another meeting for the event. Isa pa, ayaw mo ring tanggapin ang offer ko sa ‘yo kaya naghanap kami ng iba---"

Lumingon naman kaagad ako sa kaniya. "I'm accepting your offer. I'll sing then you'll play the piano. 'Wag ka nang humanap ng iba..”

He smirked with what I said. He looks more attractive because of that. "Bakit biglang nagbago ang isip mo?”

"Bakit muna ako ang napili mong kumanta?”

Kumunot ang noo ko nang natahimik siya at hindi nakasagot. Mas lalo pa siyang sumandal sa railings. I noticed that he's still on his uniform. Halatang hindi pa talaga siya umuuwi at dumiretso pa kaagad dito.

I don't know what to feel about it.

I sighed. "Anyway, ano nga pala ang pag-uusapan natin? I believe it's important. You won't come here if it's not. Why would you even bother to go here and talk to me? Eh hindi mo naman ako gusto sabi mo?"

"Hindi ako pupunta rito kung hindi kita gusto. Hindi kita yayakapin at hahalikan kung wala akong nararamdaman para sa ‘yo," seryoso niyang sabi sa akin habang nakatingin nang diretso.

I froze for a moment after I heard that from him. It was like a bomb that exploded in front of me that I became numb and deaf.

"W-What did you say?”

“I'm sorry if I keep on avoiding you and I keep on denying that I don't like you," he sincerely told me. He's looking at my eyes directly. Parang kinakabisado niya ang mga 'yon. "Hindi lang ako makapaniwala na gusto mo ako at nag-aalangan din ako. I thought you weren't serious.. I'm wrong. I didn't mean to hurt you..”

Umawang nang kaunti ang bibig ko sa mga narinig ko sa kaniya. Gulat na gulat ako and I can't even properly process everything that he told me.

"At naniniwala rin akong mas kailangan kong iparamdam sa 'yo na gusto kita. Hindi ko na kailangan pang sabihin 'yon sa 'yo. But I realized that I still should admit my feelings for you.. para hindi ka na masaktan at hindi na rin ako mahirapan...”

Mas lalo pa akong naguluhan sa sinabi niya. And when he held my hand together with my cheeks — my heart seemed to stop from beating.

“Gusto kita, Alindra..”

Hindi ko namalayang tumulo na pala ang luha ko habang nakatingin sa kaniya. "Am I dreaming? Please tell me that this isn't a dream. If this is a dream, ayaw ko nang magising!”

“Hindi 'to panaginip. Hindi ka nananaginip. Totoong gusto kita," nakangiti niyang sabi. "Let's go inside. Baka nilalamig ka na..”

Inalalayan naman niya akong pumasok na dahil umiiyak na ako. I hate being this so dramatic especially when he's just so near but surprisingly, I'm not concerned about it anymore. Kalmado lang ako habang tumutulo pa rin ang mga luha sa mata ko.

These tears are most likely because of the joy that I feel right now.

"Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi sa akin 'to?” I kinda feel upset.

“Because I was scared. At iniisip kong katulad ka lang din ng ibang estudyanteng umamin sa akin," sabi niya habang paupo kami sa couch. "Hindi rin ako makapaniwalang magugustuhan mo ang tulad ko. I had doubts about your feelings at first but I realized that in love, there should be no fear.. no doubts. Kaya naniwala ako sa 'yo.”

"What if I tell you that I'm still doubting your feelings, too? Hindi na ba kita gusto kapag gano'n? I just can't believe that you also have feelings for me..”

Napahinga ako nang malalim. Parang may nagwala naman sa loob ko nang hawakan niya ang baywang ko at ilapit niya ako sa kaniya. I'm now leaning on his chest and I can hear his heartbeat. Just like mine, it's so fast, too.

I'm wondering.. what does he feel right now? Katulad ko ba, masaya rin siya? I hope so.

"Alindra, hindi ko pwedeng sabihin lang sa 'yo na gusto kita. I want to prove it to you. I want to show you how much I like you. Just have faith in me."

“A-Alright. I'll trust you, Sir.."

Matagal ang pagsagot ko. Nagulat naman ako nang bigla akong patinginin ni Sir Yves sa kaniya.

“Sir? Tatawagin mo pa rin ako niyan kahit may gusto ka na sa akin?” he said while smirking.

I quickly got up and nodded at him. "What do you want me to call you, then? Love? Sweetheart? You're not even my boyfriend yet. Are you my boyfriend already? Do you still need to court me?"

Hindi siya nakaimik kaagad. He's just staring at me weirdly while he's wiping his eyeglasses. He looks sexy while doing that.

"Magpalit ka muna ng damit mo..”

I'm a bit confused with what he said but my eyes immediately widened when I realized that I'm only wearing a robe right now! Kaya pala parang nahihiya pa siyang tingnan ako!

Hindi ko na siya hinintay pang may sabihin pa ulit at dumiretso na ako sa room. Freak! It's so embarrassing!

. . .

Sir Yves — I mean, Yves was right when he told me that instead of just saying that he likes me — he'll prove it to me so I won't doubt him anymore. Until now, I still can't believe that after all of those disappointments and his hurtful words that he said to me — he actually likes me back. Hindi talaga ako makapaniwala kahit ngayong nasa likuran kami ng university habang kumakain ng lunch.

He called me earlier when I was in the comfort room. Sinabi niyang magkita kami rito. I'm happy that he's with me even if we're hiding from everyone. I feel so calm while getting some fresh air from the tall Narra trees around us.

Nakaupo lang kami sa isang wooden bench. We're already done eating. Niligpit na rin niya ang pinagkainan namin. Nagulat naman ako nang hilahin niya ako palapit sa kaniya. Napasandal tuloy ako sa balikat niya.

I didn't speak yet. I just want to cherish every second that I'm with him. Pinakiramdaman ko rin ang paghinga niya at ang huni ng mga ibon at pagbagsak ng mga dahon sa paligid namin.

My life has been so chaotic these past few years but why do I feel calm at this moment? It's like I have no problems to think at all.

Probably because of Yves.

"I don't really understand why we still need to hide like this but as you said, I should trust you. So I'm trusting your decision," I told him and smiled a bit.

Naramdaman ko naman ang paghinga niya nang malalim. "Hindi lahat ng tao bukas ang isipan para sa sitwasyon nating dalawa. They will surely judge us. Only few will understand and support us. I'm still your professor, Alindra no matter how much we love each other."

I want to suggest that he should leave the university for good so there will be no hindrance for us anymore because I know that his job is the only thing that's stopping us from being together. But I also understand that he needs this job. I shouldn't be insensitive and selfish.

"I want this to work out so please just believe in me..”

I didn't answer him anymore and just nodded my head. Ngumiti naman ako nang kaunti nang umalis kami ro'n nang magkahawak ang kamay.

Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala. I feel like this is just a dream. It feels so surreal.

I didn't expect that he would be like this — sweet, caring and loving. But sometimes he's just very cold especially when we're in front of many people. I understand it though.. i'm just missing him.

Friday when I feel that there's something wrong. Hindi naman ako nagkamali dahil nakita ko si Rachel sa cafeteria kasama sina Erica at Milan.

They're obviously waiting for me.

"R-Rachel, when did you arrive?" kaagad kong sabi nang makaupo sa harapan niya. Her appearance didn't change. Except for her skin — it's fairer now.

“Kararating ko pa lang. Dumiretso na kaagad ako rito." There's something in her smile. “How are you? How's life?”

Kumunot naman ang noo ko nang may sinabi sina Milan sa kaniya. I can't hear it though. They look like stopping Rachel from what she'll going to do.

“Obviously, I'm fine. I'm doing great,” I smiled as I answered her. I'm trying my best to stay calm kahit alam kong anytime — pwede siyang may sabihin tungkol kay Rylan.

“Ikaw ayos lang. Habang si Kuya, na-de-depress dahil sa ’yo. He's not even sleeping nor eating because of what you did to him!”

Tinitigan ko naman siya nang maayos dahil sa narinig. This is what I'm talking about. Napansin ko namang kinakabahan na ang dalawa sa tabi namin ni Rachel.

“You came here just for that huh?” I smirked and shook my head. Pinandilatan naman ako ng mata ni Erica. I just ignored her. “Well, to tell you honestly.. I didn't do anything wrong. Siya pa nga ang may ginawang mali sa akin. He cheated on me and he got someone else pregnant so I broke up with him. Mali ba ako sa ginawa ko?”

"You should've at least let him explain!”

Nanlaki naman ang mata ko nang tumaas ang boses niya. Few students looked at us because of that.

“Don't shout please. You're making a scene here," mariin kong sabi sa kaniya.

"Siguro nagkulang ka kay Kuya kaya siya nag-cheat sa ‘yo! You didn't love him enough kaya naghanap siya ng iba!” sumisigaw pa ring sabi niya. She looks so mad while looking at me. She's not even paying attention to what I'm saying.

Nakita ko namang pinipigilan siya nina Erica pero kumakawala pa rin siya sa hawak nila.

“Are you really gonna blame me for your brother's mistake huh?” hindi makapaniwalang sabi ko sa kaniya.

I feel like talking to a person that I don't know! I don't want to believe that Rachel is shouting at me like this! No! I refuse to believe that she's freaking mad at me!

"Oo! I know that you only broke up with him because you like somebody else! Hindi ko lang alam kung sino 'yon.” Nagulat naman ako sa sinabi niya. “Don't you ever deny it 'cause I overheard it from Milan!"

Natahimik naman ako at tumingin kay Milan. I'm a bit shocked to see that she's already crying beside Erica and shaking her head at me. Nakatingin na rin sa amin ang iilang estudyante. I can't believe that we're creating a scandalous scene here.

"Mahal na mahal ka ni Kuya, Alindra. Pero siguro talagang hindi mo siya minahal. You didn't even give him a chance. Nakipag-break ka kaagad. You probably just used his mistake as an excuse to break up with him! Para maging kayo na kung sino man 'yang nagugustuhan mo!”

Nagulat naman kami nang biglang madulas si Rachel nang subukan niyang lumapit sa akin. But after that, I froze from where I'm standing when she suddenly threw a bucket of cold water on my body that made me shiver.

“Alindra!”

Kaagad naman akong dinaluhan ni Yves na nasa tabi ko lang pala. They worriedly looked at me especially him. I heard that Erica and Milan are now talking to Rachel. I know that she was embarrassed because of what happened that's why she did this to me.

I understand where she's coming from. She's just hurting me though and I can't accept it.

“D-Don't worry about me. I'm fine," nanginginig na sabi ko.

Someone offered me a jacket and Yves immediately wore it to me. I hugged myself because of so much coldness that I'm feeling right now.

“Let's go. Magpalit ka muna," Yves whispered to me.

Kaagad naman akong umiling. “No. Just stay here. Baka makahalata sila..”

“Please, just let me do this...”

I stared at him for a while and just nodded my head as an answer. Inalalayan naman niya ako nang makatayo. I feel so embarrassed, too when I realized that there are a lot of people looking around us. They're also gossiping. I haven't experienced this before! At ngayong naranasan ko.. dahil pa sa kaibigan ko!

Napatingin naman ako kay Rachel habang kinakausap pa rin siya nina Erica. She suddenly looked at me, too but when she saw Yves — she looks so surprised at halos lumapit pa sa amin.

“Lenn, magpalit ka na muna ng damit mo! Kakausapin muna namin 'tong gagang 'to!” sigaw naman sa akin ni Erica. She looks pissed in front of Rachel.

“Let's go," Yves told me when I still didn't move and just looking at Rachel.

Nang nasa office na kami ni Yves para magpalit ako ng damit na ipinahiram niya — doon ko na na-realize ang lahat. Rachel is obviously mad at me. She's not even accepting my reasons for breaking up with her brother. I think her mind is clouded by sadness because of Rylan's condition right now and her disappointment in me.

My tears fell after I realized everything that had happened. Actually, I don't care about the amount of people who were looking at us a while ago. I no longer care if I was embarrassed. Rachel is my only concern now.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sinabi sa kaniya ni Rylan para maging ganoon na lang ang galit niya sa akin. She looked at me earlier as if I killed her brother. As if I'm not her friend. Sobrang galit na galit siya sa akin.

Napatingin naman ako kay Yves nang makitang nakatingin din siya sa akin. I can feel that he's still worried about me.

“Don't mind me. Okay na ako. It's just a cold water," I told him and smiled a bit.

He handed me a glass of warm water. "It's not just about the cold water..”

Hindi naman ako nakasagot sa kaniya. Bumaba ang tingin ko nang maalalang nagdududa na rin si Rachel. I know that just like her brother — gagawa siya ng paraan para malaman kung sino ang taong gusto ko.

Kung sino si Yves.

I looked at him again. I'm getting more worried but it faded away when he smiled at me. Dahil sa ngiti niya, parang kaya ko na yatang harapin si Rachel at sabihin sa kaniya na si Yves ang gusto ko nang hindi ako kakabahan o mag-aalala.

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