Chapter 32

I'm busy looking for an instant noodles in a Chinese town when I bumped into someone. He looks like mid 50s or almost close to my father's age. Nakasuot siya ng dark blue polo shirt and slacks. He doesn't look Chinese though. Only a businessman.

“I'm sorry, Miss..”

Nagulat ako nang makita ang kabuoan ng mukha niya. He looks very familiar. He looks almost the same with Dad! Maputi nga lang siya!

Hanggang sa pag-alis niya sa harapan ko ay nililingon ko pa rin siya. Almost everyone around me is now looking at me weirdly because of that. That's why I stopped myself from looking at the man already. Is he our relatives? Rivera din kaya siya?

But if ever, he should know me. Right?

“Uy! Kanina ka pa namin hinahanap!” I almost jumped when Erica and Milan showed up beside me. Naalala kong kasama ko nga pala sila. “Sino tinitingnan mo ro'n?”

“Uh, may nakita lang akong kamukha ni Dad. Let's go? I didn't find noodles here..”

Milan smiled and showed me the paper bag that she's holding. “Don't worry, we found noodles na sa kabila! And we also bought some Chinese foods!”

Naghanap pa sila ng mabibili habang tumitingin lang ako ng lucky charms. We decided to watch a movie later at night since we don't have classes tomorrow. I also want to be with them tonight. I don't want to be alone. Baka mabaliw ako at pasukin ko na naman ang unit ni Sir Yves.

Speaking of him, we haven't seen each other for few days now. Although our university isn't that really big — I couldn't see him around. Or maybe he was just avoiding me. But I'm hoping for what he said last time.

Tandang-tanda ko pa rin 'yon.

“Lindra, alam na ba ni Rachel that you and Kuya Ry---”

“I don't think so. Kung alam niya na, tatawag kaagad 'yon," I cut her off.

“Baka hindi pa sinasabi ng baliw niyang Kuya," tumatawang sabi ni Erica pagkatapos makipagtawaran sa nagtitinda ng Chinese street foods.

Umirap naman ako. "Oh come on. Let's not talk about him anymore. I hate cheaters.”

They just laughed at me after that. Maya-maya, may napansin naman akong Catholic church just almost in front of us.

“Wait. I'm just gonna check something..”

I stared at the church and decided to go there. Magulo ang city pero hindi sa loob ng simbahan since it's not Sunday. It's so peaceful inside and quiet. I looked up to Him as I closed my eyes tightly. I want Him to help me to decide. I want Him to give me answers to all of the questions inside my mind. I want Him to give me signs.. if I should continue this feeling or not.

Magulong-magulo ang isip ko dahil kay Sir Yves pero hindi ang nararamdaman ko sa kaniya. I have never been this certain in my whole life. I can't believe that I'm sure about what I feel towards my professor. Ang hindi lang ako sigurado — kung dapat bang ituloy o hindi ang nararamdaman ko.

I'm kneeling in front of Him — hoping that He'll really give what I'm asking even if I'm only praying when I badly need for His help. Tatayo na sana ako pagkatapos magdasal nang biglang sumakit ang ulo ko kasabay ng pagdapo ng paruparo sa balikat ko. I stopped for a moment not because of my headache but because of the butterfly that is flying freely around me. It's a combination of yellow and black.

I followed it when it flew away from me. Tumigil na lang ako nang dumapo 'yon sa katabi ng simbahan — ang school. I looked up at the sky and I realized that this is maybe the sign that I prayed for Him just a while ago.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit biglang gusto ko na lang maiyak habang tinitingnan ang paruparong malaya na uling lumilipad. Oh God! I'm not normally emotional!

Naisip ko ulit si Sir Yves. Should I really pursue him? God gave me a sign already. I guess I really should.

Even if I have to risk for him — I'll still fight for this feeling that I used to deny before.

“Let's go. Tapos na kayo?” tanong ko kina Milan nang makalapit sa kanila.

“Yup! Where did you go pala?” Milan said while eating her ice cream. She offered me one but I don't like it.

“Church..”

“Oh? Buti 'di ka nasunog?”

I rolled my eyes at Erica when she even laughed after she said that. "Just shut the fuck up, Erica..”

“Oh my, Lindra! You just went inside the church but you said bad word na kaagad!” Sabay tumawa sina Milan at Erica.

Hanggang sa pag-uwi namin sa building ay inaasar pa rin nila ako. We're currently at the hallway almost near my unit when I saw Sir Yves and I realized that my friends will see him here! Malalaman nilang halos magkalapit lang kami ni Sir! Iba ang iisipin nila lalo ni Erica!

She'll just tease me again!

“Oh freak. Apparently, my cousin from States just came and he'll be staying in my condo tonight. Hindi kayo pwedeng mag-sleep over---”

“But I already told Mommy na mag-s-sleep over ako sa inyo!" Milan pouted.

“Sa amin na lang!” Erica suggested while moving her brows up and down. She also has a smirk on her lips. “Umalis naman sina Kuya eh. Doon na lang! May pool pa!"

I rolled my eyes. "May trauma na ako sa pool..”

Biglang pumasok sa isip ko ang nangyari last time sa pool ng condo. It was kind of traumatizing for me because of course, I was under the water when it happened. I almost got drowned kung hindi lang ako tinulungan nina Rachel.

We hurriedly went inside the car because we're excited to go home to watch movies. We're now also tired kaya nang makauwi sa mansion nina Erica — kaagad kaming humiga bago kumain. And because we're too exhausted, we just slept for the whole time and we forgot that we supposed to watch a movie.

Nagising naman akong nagugutom so I immediately prepared our dinner just in case they'll also wake up later. I'm currently eating the noodles that I cooked when my phone suddenly rang. Mom is calling.

"Hey, Mom. You're still awake. May work pa?”

"Wala na. I just got home." May naririnig akong ibang boses sa background. “Where are you? Wala ka raw sa condo sabi ng pinsan mo..”

“I'm at Erica's house. Sleep over with my friends..”

"Is there someone who bothered you last time? Or these past few days? May sumusunod ba sa 'yo or something?”

Kumunot naman ang noo ko. "Wala naman, Mom. But I saw someone earlier at the Chinese town.. he looks almost exactly like Dad! I think he's also a Rivera..”

I quickly stood up and went to their veranda when I finished my food. Lumipas na ang ilang minuto pero hindi pa rin sumasagot si Mom. I'm waiting for her to answer when I suddenly received a message from an unknown number.

+639*********

This is Yves. I got your number from your friend. She gave it to me. Erica daw ang pangalan. Gusto sana kitang makausap kanina. Pupunta sana ako sa unit mo pero wala ka pala.

My jaw dropped after I read Sir Yves' message to me. And that woman, Erica! She really gave my number huh?! Oh my God!

I reread his message as I slowly smiled while staring at it. He said he wants to talk to me. He wants to talk to me!

Babasahin ko pa sana 'yon nang biglang magsalita si Mom.

“Marami lang talagang kamukha ang Daddy mo, anak. Just don't entertain them lalo na kapag may sinabi na sa 'yo. Don't believe them. Alright?”

Mas lalo akong naguluhan kay Mom pero hinayaan ko na lang siya. I can't focus! Lumulutang ang isip ko dahil sa professor na 'yon!

“Alindra! Are you listening?” Mom already sounded mad.

“Yes, Mom..”

Hanggang sa ibaba ko na ang tawag — kung ano-ano pa rin ang sinasabi ni Mom. I just let her. She's just having a paranoia attack although I noticed that she's acting weird lately. She always asks me if I have a stalker or whatsoever. Hindi ko na lang masyadong pinapansin.

Nagulat naman ako nang mapansing tumatawag si Sir Yves. Oh freak! He's calling me!

I'm battling with myself if I should answer it or not but in the end, I accepted his call after I cleared my throat. I also fixed my hair — pretending that he's seeing me through the phone call.

“Sir," bungad ko sa kaniya. "Why did you call?”

"Nag-text ako sa 'yo, Alindra. Did you receive it? You didn't reply. Where are you?" His voice was hoarse that I think he just woke up.

I automatically smiled after I heard those words from him. Oh, Sir! I didn't know that you're waiting for my reply! Edi sana kanina pa ako sumagot sa 'yo!

Lumingon naman ako sa paligid. Baka gising na sina Erica at nasa likod ko lang. “I'm at my friend's house. Si Erica.. the one who gave you my number.”

He didn't answer for few seconds but when he did, my smile became more wide as he said, "I want us to talk. Should I pick you up there?"

“N-No! Pupunta na lang ako diyan!” sabi ko sa kaniya at nagmamadaling mag-ayos.

"Hindi na. Just stay there. Susunduin kita. Text mo na lang ang exact address...”

I have no choice anymore especially when he decided already. Hindi na ako nakapagsalita nang pinatay na niya ang call. I immediately sent him Erica's address after a few minutes. I'm quite nervous because Erica and Milan might see him here when he arrives. I didn't wake them up anymore when I took my things with me.

Maybe I'll just call them later or tomorrow.

After a few minutes of waiting for Sir Yves — he finally showed up with his motorcycle. I saw that he's already wearing his sleepwear. Looks like he's about to sleep but he still called me and went here.

"Did I disturb you? May ginagawa ba kayo ng kaibigan mo?" tanong niya nang hindi bumababa sa kaniyang motor.

Umiling naman ako kaagad. "No. Actually, we're just sleeping. Nagising lang ako para kumain.” I smiled a bit. "Where are we going? Iuuwi mo na ba ako, Sir?”

Sumakay naman kaagad ako sa motor. Natigilan naman ako nang siya mismo ang nagsuot ng helmet sa akin.

“May pupuntahan tayo..”

I still haven't processed what he just told me a while ago when he suddenly started to drive his motorcycle. Mabagal lang siya magpatakbo pero hindi ganoon ang epekto sa puso ko. I don't know if I should ever hold his shoulders for support or his waist but it will just appear that I'm hugging him. I just went closer to him instead as I held his shoulders so I won't fall.

Maya-maya lang, tumigil siya. Bumaba rin ako nang bumaba siya. The cold wind touched my skin immediately after I got closer to the bay. This place is, I think, just near from our condo.

“Sandali lang. Just wait there..”

Sinundan ko ng tingin si Sir Yves hanggang sa mawala siya sa paningin ko. I just looked at the bay in front of me as I felt the evening breeze. I didn't know that there's a place like this just close to our building. Kung hindi ako dinala rito ni Sir Yves, hindi ko malalaman 'to.

After a few minutes, bumalik siyang may dalang fries at sundae from a popular fast food chain. He offered the foods to me. Kinuha ko lang ang fries.

“Why did you bring me here?” tanong ko kaagad sa kaniya dahil tahimik lang siyang nakasandal sa motor niya — paharap sa bay.

“Bakit mo ako gusto?”

Gusto kong matawa sa tanong niya but when I looked at him — he looks very serious while looking at me.

“I mean.. aside from the fact that I'm your professor — it's just so impossible na magkakagusto ka sa akin. Ngayon lang tayo nagkakilala, Alindra..”

Umiwas naman ako ng tingin. "Ngayon lang ba talaga? I remembered that you called my name when we met at the bar and you even followed me. Bakit gano'n, Sir?”

"Talaga? Ginawa ko 'yon?” I looked at him and I saw that he has a smirk on his lips. "I don't remember that I did it.."

I rolled my eyes as I turned my back at him. "Ewan ko sa ‘yo.."

Nagulat naman ako nang kaunti nang tumawa siya.

"Hey.."

I panicked when I felt that he'll walk close to me. Lumayo na lang ako kaagad pero humarap din sa kaniya.

“Ikaw? Why do you like me?" matapang kong tanong sa kaniya. Kinailangan ko pang tumingala para matingnan siya nang diretso sa mata.

Kumunot naman ang noo niya sa akin saka lumapit. “Wala akong sinabing gusto kita, Alindra..”

“Then why the fuck are you doing this huh? Bakit mo ako hinahayaan lang na gustuhin ka? You even told me that we'll try to work this out then you'll say that to me now? Na hindi mo ako gusto? Eh ano 'to?” I insanely told him. It's so messed up!

He tried to hold me but I just shoved his hands away. “Marami pang gumugulo sa isip ko---”

“Bakit ka nga nandito?! Ano? You'll just give me false hopes? Huh?”

"It's not like that. Magulo lang, Alindra. Estudyante kita. Hindi pwedeng basta-basta na lang tayong pumasok sa relasyon na 'to dahil lang sa gusto mo ako." Nakatingin siya sa akin nang diretso. "I don't want to hurt you if ever. Please, try to understand me..”

Umiling ako. "You should've told me earlier. Ang gulo mo, Sir. Ang gulo-gulo mo...”

"I know. I'm sorry," malungkot na sabi niya. I noticed that he wants to touch my face. I'm just avoiding his hands. "Maiintindihan mo rin ako eventually."

"Ayaw kong intindihin ka kung sasaktan mo lang ako..”

I looked away when my voice broke. Nakakainis!

"Please don't be upset," sabi niya habang sinisilip ang mukha ko. Mas lalo akong umiwas ng tingin.

"Uuwi na ako..”

I walked away from him after that but I stopped when I heard that he started the engine of his motorcycle already.

“Ihahatid na kita. It's getting late...”

Wala na akong nagawa kundi sumakay ulit sa motor niya kahit ayaw ko. Masama ang loob ko lalo na nang hindi na siya nagsalita ulit. He's back to being cold again. I'm really really upset that's why when we finally arrived at our condominium — I didn't bother to say anything anymore. Hindi na rin naman siya nagsasalita. He should've said anything just to make me happy!

Ngayon tuloy, inis na inis ako sa kaniya! Ang gulo ng lalaking 'yon!

My tears started to fall when I saw that he just really went straight inside his unit at hindi man lang nag-abalang sundan ako para suyuin! And why would he do that, anyway? Kasasabi lang niya, Alindra! Hindi ka gusto! Loud and clear!

Stop assuming!

I don't know why I'm really emotional when it comes to him! I'm so sensitive! Hindi naman talaga ako ganito! Damn! That man really has this effect on me!

Nakakainis ka, Yves Marcus Antonio!

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